A/N: Please vote, guys.

Touya POV:

The moon was high in the sky by the time I looked up at it again.

It wasn't like that before, only leaving me to assume I've been dying as slow as possible for the last few hours.

I don't know when I got the energy to move again. The last thing I remember, I had collapsed in a rotten alleyway, burning alive like a damn candle wick and recalling my past like a pathetic loser.

But, at some point, I'd gotten up apparently. Not that it meant much. My body was on autopilot and moving at a sloth's pace. The smoke suffocated my organs and traveled to my brain, leaving me unable to think properly or even process what the hell I was doing.

And yet, I walked anyways. Not knowing where I was going or when I'd arrive, but letting my newly returned soul guide me to the final destination.

If we're lucky, maybe it's hell. Stay tuned and find out.

The streets were empty, which is probably for the best. Now, I wouldn't shed tears if my flammable body ran into some unknowing pedestrian on the street. But, I don't wanna be bothered, and accidentally incinerating someone would probably bother people. Then they'd bother me about it.

Look, I'm still an ass, so don't expect much from whatever the hell you were expecting. You still annoy the fuck out of me-actually why are you still here? Quit snooping around in my life and go fix yours for fuck's sake...

Visions of the past haunted me as I walked up a pair of stone steps, hearing some desk person protest weakly when I entered through the door I could barely see in front of me.

I couldn't understand why I was making such a damn effort to survive. It seems to be my worst trait, always making myself suffer when death presents itself at the perfect opportunity.

I'm a fighter and I wish I wasn't. The first reason is because I got it from dad, and while it used to be my dream to be like him, any similar traits we have now, I simply despise.

Secondly, being a fighter hasn't done anything good for me. It made me train myself until I nearly died. Then, when I should have died, I fought death, too. Then Dabi fought Touya. And Touya fought his feelings. Blah, blah, blah, you know the rest.

Maybe the moral of the story is that I should stop fighting. I'm fucking tired of constantly being at war with myself.

It wasn't until my hand landed on the knob of a door did I realize-actually, remember-where I'd gone and what my plan was, suddenly having the epiphany that this wasn't about me at all.

Yeah, I'm fighting all over again. But, for the first time, I'm not fighting myself.

It's for something this time. Someone.

Her.

The whole reason why I walked two miles with my body on fire, battling through the same boiling of my leg muscles that debilitated me ten years ago.

Groaning blankly, I forced myself to throw the door of my hotel room open, practically falling inside.

He better be here. It's the only reason I came back. Literally, he's the only one I can think to help me.

Through the blinding smoke in my eyes, I looked around the room in a wild panic, swaying back and forth on my melting feet as I tried to spot that specific fucker anywhere in the room.

When I spotted him on his side of the room, holding his broken laptop in hand, I realized I've never been so happy in my damn life to see such a pestering roach.

He had his back turned to me as he inspected the state of his items, barely glancing in my direction with all the noise I made while dying.

"Ah, you're back." Akio said nonchalant, not batting me an eye as he gestured to the demolished area. "Love what you've done with the place. Chaotic. Demon. Hobo. It's all very...you."

This fucking moron thinks I'm the one who destroyed everything in the room and not Violet.

I mean, I would. But, still...

I opened my mouth to speak, grimacing and choking silently when the smoke made it's way into my lungs now.

And the fucker doesn't even notice because he hasn't turned around to look at me since I've been here. He has no idea I'm burning right now.

With a wheeze, I attempted to grab his shoulder-yet, he walked out of my reach at the same time, letting out a clueless, cheeky whistle as he picked up his shredded jacket from the floor.

"I've gotta say, I'm impressed. Breaking my shit. Ruining my clothes. Trying to get my attention. Honestly, this is obsessive fan behavior more than anything, Dabi. You know that, right?"

Fuck it. Now I'm regretting coming back here to deal with his shit.

I tried to speak again, coughing up a black cloud of smoke and falling back against the wall as I continued to die.

And my last moments are gonna be with him? Damn, maybe I really am in hell.

"But, humor me anyways. What were you expecting to gain from this exactly?" He stood over the shattered picture frame with crossed arms. "I thought we'd gotten over cheap shots like this. You know I'm always down to kick your ass, so next time, how about you-"

"H..Help..." I finally croaked out, never sounding so pathetic in my life.

If I had the awareness to care, I'd be fucking embarrassed.

I've asked for help more in these last two days than I have in ten years. The ironic thing is that I wasn't asking him to help me. I'd just finally given out, unable to finish the rest of my sentence.

I wanted him to help her. Violet. I wanted him to leave me here and go find her because I physically couldn't. But, I couldn't get the rest of the words out.

Roach's teases instantly cut off after hearing the tone of my voice, turning around to face me for the first time since I've been here.

His eyes widened when the blue flames consumed my lower half now, with history repeating itself and finally causing my legs to give out.

I'd lost the will to look at him any longer, not knowing what he was saying or doing anymore. He had the perfect opportunity to get the last laugh when my muscles collapsed.

I didn't expect him to help me. Hell, my pride especially doesn't want it. That's not why I came back here. He had the right to leave me to die in a heap of flames on the ground. Even if he didn't know it, he had the perfect chance to get revenge, getting rid of the asshole who bullied him for so long.

If the roles were reversed, I would leave him. I'd let him burn and walk out of here, even spitting on his corpse for good measure along the way.

But, we're not the same. And, while that always used to piss me off for reasons I couldn't understand, I understand now that my anger wasn't ever actually 'anger' at all.

It was always jealousy.

Because while I'd leave him here to die, he's not me.

He's better.

"Dabi! Hey!" He ran over to me in a panic, grabbing the blanket off his bed along the way.

I remained flat on my stomach as I felt the blanket hitting my back repeatedly to get the flames out. Consciousness started to fade with Roach's next grunt of frustration.

"What the hell are you doing?! Turn the flames off! Are you trying to die!?"

I'd gotten too weak to respond as the flames traveled higher. But, even so, all I could think about was why he was trying to help me.

The last time we were in this room, he was trying to kill me-actually, I was trying to kill him. He hesitated on killing me.

But, even so, he's always been out to get me. He only became a hero to throw it in my face, I know it.

At least, that's what I always convinced myself. Because hating hurts less than honesty.

The blanket he was using to try and put me out incinerated to ash a few moments later, causing him to curse and toss it aside.

He looked around quickly, gasping with epiphany to the bathroom. "Water! We need to get you in some water!"

Memories of the past flashed in my vision. Traumatic memories that made my boiling heart race with fear.

"The river, Touya! We need to get to the river!"

Violet's little voice in my ears only made everything hurt more, pulling a pained groan from my charred throat as I clawed the floor.

Last time, the river was too far away. Violet wasn't strong enough to carry me there, and I wasn't strong enough to drag myself. That's how I 'died.'

History's going to continue repeating until I've finally broken and learned my lesson.

Or, so I thought.

I guess the difference is that this time, there's a hero around. How ironic.

Ignoring the flames that licked up his skin, Akio hoisted his hands underneath my arm pits and yanked my frame up in one fell swoop. My legs had turned to paralyzed jelly, already wanting to collapse back on the floor, yet he had a firm grip, starting to drag my burning body to the bathroom.

Don't save me. It's embarrassing. Humiliating to always have you being better than me.

But, I physically couldn't do a thing as Roach easily carried my weight.

"Fuck!" He hissed as the blue from my body latched onto his own now, kicking the shower faucet on with his foot.

He practically threw me into the tub face first, quickly adjusting the temperature of the shower water so it wouldn't shock me.

That proved to be useless though. The water was only lukewarm, but to my overheated body, it sizzled loudly. It felt freezing, causing a loud, suffocating gasp of shock to seize my lungs.

My whole frame coiled up from the sudden addition of water, even my throat constricted and cut off the air to my windpipe, causing Roach to panic further

"Oh, come on, Dabi! You're so god damn irritating!!" He reprimanded as if I had any control, looking around the bathroom wildly for something else to use.

He settled for two of the complimentary hotel water cups that rested unused at the bathroom sink, bringing them over and letting the shower water fill them rapidly.

His hands burned further as he gripped my shoulders and flipped me onto my back in the bathtub, lifting my drenched shirt and starting to douse my skin with water repeatedly.

Unlike the very first time this happened, I wasn't alone in the most crucial moments. The water was strong and overpowering to my body, causing the violent sizzle of my skin to slowly fade away with each splash of water.

"There you go." Akio rasped out, seeming breathless and triggered all on his own. "Breathe, Dabi. Just breathe. Come on."

For once, I followed his advice, gripping the side of the tub with my dripping hand as I tried to force air back into my lungs.

The sizzle sound stopped altogether a few minutes later, before the water was no longer painfully cold. My muscles had melted as I fell back into the tub and let the water run over me, unable to open my eyes from the exhaustion and overheat.

The adrenaline made Roach sloppy with his shots, unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) sending a large splash of water straight into my face.

The newly found air in my lungs instantly left me as I sputtered and hacked, waving my hand around blindly for him to stop.

"O..Okay." I croaked out, getting another mouthful of water. "Fuc-agh-fuckin...stop..."

It was the first time I'd spoken since uttering the word 'help.' Even if I sounded spent, there was no denying my voice sounded a hell of a lot better than a few minutes ago.

Akio let out a loud sigh of relief, continuing to let the shower water run over me as he leaned his upper half over the tub to recover.

The two of us sat there in silence, panting heavily and trying to catch our breaths from the moment.

He was also soaked from having his entire upper half under the shower water for the last few minutes.

"Man, you're a lot of work..." He sighed tiredly, letting the cups clatter into the bathtub before he fell over on the tiles in fatigue.

I rested my head back against the tub at the same time, thinking about the repeat situation I just had.

Burning alive killed me the first time. Deep down, I was always terrified it would happen again. I contoured my entire existence around that day to avoid it.

But, it did happen again. And I'm still alive.

Looks like I made it to the river this time.

Akio saved my life. He put out the flames.

I barely creaked my eyes open to watch the soft shower water rain down on me, feeling my consciousness fading with thoughts I'd never admit out loud.

Deep down, I knew he wouldn't let me die. He's Roach.

I know him, and I have for a long time.

****

I felt sick to my stomach when I woke up again. Part of me was afraid to open my eyes for fear I'd be right back in that asylum, with another two years having gone by.

But, the cold wetness on my chest gave me some sort of ease, causing my eyes to slowly creak open and brace myself for the worst.

A shaky breath of relief escaped me when I saw I was still in the bathtub.

The water was no longer running. Instead, my shirt was off with two drenched, cold towels draped over my torso.

My ashen bones creaked as I slowly forced myself up to sitting, gripping onto the side of the tub and grimacing at the pounding headache that consumed me.

Feels like I have heatstroke.

Roach wasn't on the floor like how I left him. The sky wasn't midnight black anymore when I looked out the window, but dark purple, letting me know it must be early morning now.

The last time I saw Violet was yesterday evening before the sun went down. What the hell did she do last night...?

I need to find out. This is why I came back here. Why I fucking survived. Again.

My entire body screamed as I sat up in the bathtub, gripping onto the side before practically rolling my weak state out of the tub.

Lethargically getting to my feet, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My skin was still glistening with water, but it also had new burns on it from my almost encounter with death.

I sighed tiredly as I ran my fingers over the newly charred skin on my torso, feeling numb to the sight of my new burns at this stage in my life.

Not even bothering to put on a shirt, I walked out of the bathroom, seeing the hotel room was dark and quiet.

Maybe Roach went to bed. Or left.

Since we've been assigned as partners, we've still avoided each other at all costs. Definitely haven't spent a night here together.

But, upon looking over to his side of the room, I saw the soft glow of a lamp at the desk near the window. The desk Violet used to love working at.

Her chair space was now replaced by Akio.

I didn't try to hide myself as I walked over to him, noticing he was writing something on a page.

Actually, the closer I got, I was surprised to see he wasn't writing anything at all...

He was drawing.

His tired eyes barely glanced up at me once I'd approached the desk, not bothering to greet me as he returned to sketching lazily.

My brows couldn't help but raise at the drawing on the hotel's cheap paper.

It was really fucking good.

Realistic eyes on the page smiled up at me, their shading so detailed and structured, the bitch might as well come to life. She had short hair and glasses, with a little beauty mark underneath her eye.

It was a self portrait of someone. Someone I'd never seen before, but clearly a person extremely specific in his life. He ran his charcoal smudged finger underneath the line of the woman's glasses, looking down at her with a glance I couldn't decipher.

I never knew he drew-and definitely not like this. To be honest, I don't think Violet knew either.

I don't think anyone did. He never brought it up.

My half pack of cigarettes rested next to him on the desk. He puffed on one of them while he worked. Normally, I'd have something to say about that, but after all the shit that just happened, figured I'd let him have this one.

I pulled out the seat next to him with a loud ruckus, flipping it around before straddling it backwards.

"Not awful. But, not great." I gestured to his drawing raspily, resting my elbows on the table.

It was a lie, and from how detailed the art was, a clear lie at that.

Whatever. I didn't know what else to say, alright? Guess I was just trying to break the ice somehow. I'd rather not talk about the shit that just happened in the bathroom.

No one's really saved me before. Usually, I'm the one people try to save others from.

Akio hummed unbothered and took another hit of the cigarette, keeping his eyes on the woman in the portrait. "Could say the same thing about your new hair. That shade of white really brings out the devil in your eyes. Didn't know villains had so much time to primp at the hair salon."

I snorted softly at his usual antics, looking around the dimly lit room lazily.

Everything was still a damn mess. Roach didn't bother to clean, and when I caught sight of something ripped up near my feet, I was glad for that.

Leaning down in my chair, I carefully grabbed one of the shreds of paper, sighing when I saw it was part of the note that Violet wrote me all those years ago.

The note I always kept with me, because I promised her I would. She tore it up a little while ago cause she was so angry.

Still. A promise is a promise.

With an ached groan of my muscles, I gathered up the bits of paper in one hand, carefully resting them on the desk to count the pieces.

Roach barely glanced up from his drawing when he saw me lazily puzzling the shreds back together, turning his attention to his art again a few moments later.

"What's that?"

I reached for the small roll of tape on the desk and a pair of scissors. "Somethin' important."

Cutting small pieces of tape, I carefully began piecing the note back together. Every scribble of Violet's handwriting on the page hurt like a bitch.

Roach let his curiosities go as quickly as they came, adjusting in his chair with a wince. He trailed a hand to his shirtless torso, assessing the damage to his body.

Apart from a shit ton of scars, cuts, and bruises he probably gets from the hero shit, he had a new addition of a few fresh burn marks. Even the upper part of his shoulder was bandaged, making me wonder just how bad the burns were.

Courtesy of me. For once, not intentionally.

I didn't apologize as I continued to tape my note. He didn't expect me to as he continued to sketch.

For the first time since we've known each other, we sat with each other in comfortable silence, coping with our troubles apart, but also together at the same time.

I don't know what was on his mind, but he's a lot more quiet than he normally is. Not as snarky. Not as annoyingly chipper.

Sad. Blank. Withdrawn from everything. Just like he has been for the last few weeks he disappeared from Violet's life.

The old me would be thrilled to see him so broken.

Countless heartbeats of time passed when I was the one to speak first. It surprised me that I cared enough to bring it up...

"Didn't know you drew."

His face turned to dark stone at my words, pausing his sketching as if it reminded him of the harsh truth only he knew.

Slowly putting down the mechanical pencil, he gripped the detailed drawing in hand, crumpling it up into a tight, unsalvageable ball before tossing it in the trash.

"I don't draw. I hate art."

"If you're gonna lie, at least make it believable."

He leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms over his head, changing the subject away from his art abnormally quick.

"Anyways, the asshole lives. Unfortunately." He gestured to my charred, overheated frame, causing me to groan in annoyance for bringing up the exact thing I didn't want to talk about.

Suddenly, I was thankful for having the task of taping my note back together. My hands needed something to do. Something to keep myself relaxed.

But, regardless, even if I knew deep down that Roach would save me, I didn't expect him to actually care so much.

He was fucking panicked when I was dying. Sure surprised the hell out of me.

"Please. You were practically shitting yourself at the thought of me kicking the bucket a little while ago."

"Well-yeah. Cause of Violet, obviously-"

"Last time I checked, you didn't give a damn if I stuck around for her either."

Roach ran a tired hand through his hair at the memories-the memories of his own words to me at that bar over a month ago now...

"Cut ties with Violet completely and never speak to her again, or tell her you love her and treat her right."

I used to blame him for all of it. Giving me the ultimatum to tell her I loved her, or leave? God, the answer at the time seemed so damn easy, and I can't tell you how much I fucking regret it now.

How stupid I was.

For the entirety of that month, I had it in my head that his words that day were the reason everything became so convoluted and fucked up. I stopped talking to Violet after that because I refused to tell her the truth she deserved to know. I never gave her a reason for leaving, and the entire world turned to shit because of it.

I didn't take Roach's advice, because I never do. Now that I saw what happened without it, I realize I can't blame him as much as I'd like to.

His words were just the catalyst to something that was already doomed to come.

He was just looking out for her. Something I failed at doing.

Cause of that, I thought he'd agree with me when I said he didn't want me around Violet. He was never hesitant to say it in the past.

And, yet...

"It's complicated." He said passively, looking up at the ceiling as he puffed a cloud of smoke.

I paused the taping of my note in slight surprise, unsure of what game he was playing with my head this time-

Actually, you know what...?

Maybe...there's no game at all.

Maybe it's not so manipulative like I always paint it out to be.

Rather than accuse him of something and start a fight like my instincts tempted me to, I breathed deeply and thought about my words first, continuing to calmly tape my note back together.

"Didn't used to be complicated for you. Seems like you changed your mind."

"I've had a lot of time to think, I guess."

The one time I'm looking for more from him, he gives me nothing. He's more closed off than usual and I don't know why.

Another bout of silence came and went, with Akio sitting at the desk and watching me tape a random piece of paper back together.

"Where the hell have you been anyways?" I murmured, causing him to scoff a bit dryly.

"Why? Miss me?"

"It's been almost a month since you saw her."

"Not like you wanted me to stick around either-"

"Guess that's also complicated, isn't it?"

It is complicated, because I've always convinced myself I despise Akio. I never wanted him around Violet, especially not after what I saw at the ball.

But, in my moment of death today, he was the first and only person I thought to come to. Because, he had eight years with her that I never got to have. Because even if I love her with everything inside myself, he knows her in a way that I don't.

Because I know he cares about her, and would save her if I couldn't.

"I told you, I want what's best for her, Dabi." He uttered a little quieter, bringing his knee into his chest. "Even if that means I'm not in the picture."

A strained sigh escaped my throat, preparing myself for what I was about to say next. Something I'd never have the strength to admit until this very moment in my life...

"She needs you in the picture, alright."

It's ironic. All my life the simple thought of Violet needing him in any capacity was enough to make me nauseous with jealousy. But, saying the words out loud right now, after knowing the shit I've put her through...

It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

Roach froze slightly, caught off guard by such an honest admittance from me. "You must be pretty desperate if you're saying that-"

"I am."

He sensed my growing stress now, taking one last puff of his cigarette before dabbing it in the ashtray.

"What happened?"

"She ran away again. And it's all my fault."

The laxness fell from his face slightly before he sat up straighter in his chair.

"What did you do?"

"Told her the truth."

I couldn't help but snort at the irony of what I'd done to land us here. Hearing it from my own mouth, the answer to my problems seemed so simple back then. I had a million chances to do it.

I didn't tell Roach what truth I'd told Violet. I've already had one reveal today, and that was triggering enough.

To see him recognize me as Touya...after all these years....it would bring us right back to eight years ago. I don't know how either of us would handle that. We have a lot of history, and it's not good history either.

A heavy breath fell past my lips as I gathered up the last few pieces of the note, feeling Roach's eyes on me as I continued. "You told me you were there when it happened last time. I wasn't. Trying to handle it on my own wouldn't have got me anywhere."

In other words, it would have been selfish to handle it on my own...

"What do you think I can do?" He asked, voice filled with concern for Violet's safety.

I taped the final piece of the note back together now, gently cupping it in my hands before finally looking up at Akio for the fist time.

"Help me. That's what I think you can do." I admitted, grimacing as I continued to swallow my pride. "You've.....you've had more time with her than I have. You'd know where she'd hide more than I would."

My words were vulnerable. I left myself open for Akio to gloat about my biggest insecurities when it comes to Violet. But, once again, he's not me.

"Maybe I've had more time with her, but I don't have the bond you two have." His lips twitched a bit sadly. "You'd know just as well as me."

Already, it sounded like he was giving up. For the first time, I wished he wouldn't.

I held the taped note in my hands carefully, leaning forward in my chair as I gave him the best intimidation I could gather in my current state.

"Then between the two of us dipshits, we should be able to figure it out quickly, right?"

His glowing eyes widened a bit at my unusual persistence, finally cracking a familiar smile even if it was weaker. "Damn. You really want my help, huh?"

I groaned in annoyance and hung my head between my shoulders, giving him a light glare.

"Yeah, man. I really do." I admitted again, pride already lost to the wind as I gave him a small smirk. "Gonna make me keep saying it, or what?"

Finally, my words seemed to drag him out of whatever hole he'd locked his feelings in, mirroring my look as he got a bit smart now.

"Honestly, I might. Kinda like hearing you beg."

"Don't get used to it."

The two of us scoffed in light annoyance with each other, but even so the air was different as our faces remained soft.

Akio looked out the window, seeing the purple sky had now turned orange with morning.

"Alright, Dabi. Get dressed. There's one place we should check first."

For once, we were fighting for the same thing. But, then again, I guess we always were.

Maybe now, we just finally realize it.

******

Violet POV:

A deep shade of orange painted the sky as I looked out the jewel encrusted window, too exhausted to reflect on the last several hours.

Actually, scratch that. The last several days-weeks-years...

The soft blanket being draped over my shoulders barely brought me back, glancing up from my chair to see Midas' smiling face looking down at me.

It had been a few hours since he brought me back to the mansion-or, home as he now told me to call it. Being drenched in blood, rain, and remnants of the fight, he waved down two of the maids in the hallway and had them tend to my hygiene since I'd gotten too physically and mentally weak to do so myself.

He sent handmade soap to the bathroom and expensive shower caddies, giving me the best, nicest smelling bathing session I've probably had in my entire life.

I don't even remember what the bubbles smelled like.

Once I'd been changed into some comfortable clothes, he sent his best chef over with a freshly made five course dinner meal, complete with desserts and exotic juices.

I could barely stomach a few bites.

He provided an extra blanket for me to catch up on sleep, but when he came into check on me thirty minutes ago, all he saw was me sitting in the chair and staring out the window like an invalid mute.

I'd broken. And he made sure I'd only have him to pick up the pieces.

That brings us to now. Midas didn't say a word when he placed the blanket over my shoulders-in fact, he hasn't said a word since I've been back. It seems he wanted to give me time to process and gather myself as best I could. Even if I was far from okay, I was happy for the few hours I pretended I didn't exist.

Because, if I don't exist, neither do my problems.

Taking the seat across the coffee table, Midas tended to the platter of tea and treats resting atop it, grabbing two of the fragile porcelain cups and the kettle.

"There's nothing like a good cup of tea after a hard day." He murmured softly, barely speaking louder than the trickle of liquid into the glass.

He already knew how I liked it, dropping two sugar cubes in before adding just a splash of cream. Placing a cookie on the side of the little tea plate, he carefully slid it over to me with hope.

I didn't even look at it, continuing to stare out the window like a corpse.

Unlike when I first woke up after my brush with death, Midas seemed to possess endless patience for me now, letting a few bouts of comfortable silence pass as he poured his own tea. "While I don't exactly know why you ended up in the alleyway with a bleeding forehead last night, I believe I have a relatively good idea."

He plopped seven sugar cubes into his own little tea cup with a heavy dose of cream, using the golden spoon to stir the mix around.

"Whenever that boy is involved, he only brings trouble to your life."

At this point, trouble would be an understatement.

His tone was hesitant and cautious, wanting to ensure his side was heard, but also not wanting to set me off into another triggered frenzy. Luckily, I'd managed to exhaust myself too much for that.

Instead, I found myself reflecting on his words. They were the first piece of advice my shredded, vulnerable brain had heard since this whole thing went down, and I couldn't help but realize...

"It's not just him." I croaked out for the first time in hours, finally tearing my gaze away from the window.

If Midas was excited he finally got me talking, he kept that part hidden as he quietly sipped his tea, grabbing one of the chocolates off the platter for himself.

"No?"

I shook my head distantly, reflecting on all the things that made me crack.

Touya was the biggest and most drastic thing, of course. But, this psychotic mental breakdown was a long time coming. I never took the proper time to mourn my mom's death.

After Touya....after I thought he died, Endeavor started training me immediately. While he desperately tried to carry on my mother's legacy through me, speaking about her in a personal sense almost never happened. My role model for grief was him, shoving my own problems down and refusing to speak of them as well.

Natsuo...Fuyumi...Shouto...without being asked, I threw myself into healing them from the death of their brother. I tended to their every need, absorbed all their tears and cries, took all that negative energy they held, and stored it in myself instead.

But, even after all of that, I never felt like I belonged. Because they were a family, and I wasn't. No amount of trying would ever fix that.

And, my best friend-a title I don't think I even have the right to call Akio anymore with how much of a horrible friend I've been to him.

He always told me Touya needed help. He saw it first, and yet I never listened until Touya's skin melted at my feet. Even after that, I never put him first in anything, yet he placed me on a pedestal for years. How do I repay him?

I try to use him and sleep with him. Because of that, I've rightfully lost him. Destroyed ten years of friendship in one night.

I'm a fucking mess.

I have a lot of issues and I tried to fix them all with the biggest issue of all, leaving me crashing to the floor without a single leg to stand on.

I've lost my identity. I'm not even sure I ever had one in the first place. But, one thing I know...one thing that angers me and infuriates me...

"I'm tired of constantly being hurt." I whispered sadly, looking down at my untouched tea with sad eyes.

I'm tired of being hurt by everyone. That includes myself.

Midas looked at me with sympathy, placing his teacup back on the table with silence as he prepared to let me vent.

"All my life...I let people take advantage of me for everything." My voice came out dull. "In return, they lie...they don't take me seriously....they just don't care."

It must sound like a pity party. Surely, these thoughts are all in my head. A result of my paranoid anxiety-

"While I never wanted to say it out of fear of hurting your feelings, I couldn't agree more." Midas reassured almost instantly. "If there's one thing I've noticed since I've met you, Violet, it's that people you surround yourself with don't appreciate all the light you have to offer this world."

My bloodshot eyes widened as I wasn't expecting anyone to actually agree with me. The purpose of a vent isn't necessarily to validate my own irrational grievances. It's just to listen.

But, the fact someone else saw it, too....really makes me wonder how much is all in my head...and how much is real...

"I'm not sure I bring any light." I sighed truthfully, yet once again my doubts were disregarded.

"You only think this because the people in your life have convinced you of it."

For the first time in ages, a small chuckle escaped my lips. It was weak, and barely had any feeling. It was more a sound of gratitude than anything as I figured Midas was just saying things to cheer me up.

But, I don't want to lose the little rationality I have left behind sweet reassurances. Yes, people hurt me. They've taken advantage of me and lied...

But, only because I've allowed it.

"Look, I don't know if that's true. I really think...it might be a 'me' issue." I admitted, finally reaching for my own tea cup. "I know I have....problems. I probably need to find a way to work through them. By myself-"

"My dear." He interrupted a bit more passionately, sitting up straighter in his seat as he looked to me with a smile. "I mean it when I say, you don't need to work through a single thing."

I looked at him in confused silence, only now noticing how genuine he seemed.

Maybe he's not just trying to spare my feelings. Maybe he really...means it?

"You've been put in an environment that made you conditioned to believe you're the problem. With Endeavor as a mentor, I can only imagine the weight he must have put on your shoulders." The jeweled man reasoned, making a valid point.

"Well....yes. But-"

"But, I saw from the moment I met you just how great you were." He spoke over me kindly. "It's why I wanted you on my team so badly. You know I don't take just anyone."

I do know that. And for a long time, I tried to deny that subtle swell of pride that hid in my conscience when I knew Midas chose me among 90% of the world's population.

He's made himself a very successful man. The fact that someone like him saw something in someone like me affected me more than it probably should.

Because he's powerful. Important. And he deemed me as a person who's worthy to be in his circle, no matter how ruthless he can be.

I told you, these sound like 'me' issues...

And, yet...

"You've spent so long making excuses for those people." Midas tried to convince me further. "Blaming yourself when you didn't deserve it. Quite literally giving your life for them, only to be left alone to die in the rain."

"They thought I was trying to kill them." I murmured, trying to keep reason within my crumbled mind.

But, with every passing second Midas digs deeper into my head, it's becoming more difficult.

"And you really believe they would have stayed if they knew who you were?"

His voice went a bit lower at the question. It almost sounded like sympathy for me, throwing my certainty a little off guard.

"I...I think so-"

"My love, you're not their family."

The words caused me to flinch, effectively bringing my heart even lower to the ground.

Of course I knew I wasn't their family. I'd convinced myself of that and it hurt. But, to hear someone else say it-to hear Midas say it....

He looked at my sinking state empathetically, driving the dagger even deeper with his next words.

"If they had the choice to save you or one of their own, they would still leave you to die every single time."

"I-I guess they would." I admitted, wondering how I still had any tears left inside my watering eyes. "But, I would want them to."

"And that's fine. But, then who's the one who would pick you every single time?"

It's sad, the first and only person my mind instantly went to on instinct.

Before today, my answer would have always been Touya. Even if he'd been dead, at least I knew someone like that existed one time.

But, after everything that's happened, he's nothing more than an unpredictable stranger I don't trust.

"I suppose...no one." I whispered barely audible, not bothering to wipe the stray tears that escaped my eyes.

Midas studied my vulnerable state closely, looking pleased like I answered exactly how I was meant to.

"That's where you're wrong, darling." He said softly, pointing a gloved finger at me. "Because I would pick you every single time."

His tone held nothing but sweetness. Genuineness. Everything a person in their worst moments wants to hear.

Through teary eyes, I looked up at him, seeing his kind smile gleaming back at me.

"I brought you back to life with everything I had. From that perspective, there quite literally isn't anything you could say to think it not true. Right?"

His kind stare narrowed a bit after the question, not softening until I shook my head with acknowledgement.

Looking satisfied, he relaxed back into his seat, swiping another chocolate from the tea tray like a child.

"I'm on your side, my dear. I've always been on your side. I've always wanted what's best for you. So, perhaps...it's time to start listening to the only person in this world who has your best interest at heart? The choice is yours, but would you like to hear my opinion?"

Wrapping the blanket tighter around my shoulders, I nodded. Part of it was sheer curiosity to what he'd say. The other weak part of me knew he'd probably feed into everything my sick mind wanted to hear in that moment.

"You are angry." Midas persuaded firmly, boring his jaded gaze into mine. "I saw it with my own eyes last night. You are angry, and you're taking it out on yourself-the wrong person to take it out on."

He leaned forward in his seat again. I don't remember when the kind smile left him, but at some point his growing intensity melted it.

"The best revenge is to show them how better off you are without them in your life. To make them feel a fraction of the immense pain they've caused you. They deserve to hurt."

To have others feel my pain. It's part of the reason I went ballistic on those citizens in the city last night. I'm still not in a competent enough state to regret it-or even come to terms with the fact that I did that. But, there's no denying I have a deep, dark secret of getting jealous over happier people.

Does it make it right to continue purposely hurting others though?

Even if the delusional side of my mind has convinced me it's reasonable, the little voice in my head wants to speak up, too.

But, over Midas' continuing persuasion, it's impossible to hear.

"You're right that everyone in your life has taken advantage of you, Violet. I'm giving you a way to fix this. To become different. Better."

I do want to become better. I do want to stop hurting.

And, yet, a soft sigh of conflict escaped my cracked lips as I settled back into my chair, still unsure if I could give him that one-hundred-percent of myself he's asking for.

It would be easier to do it. To continue ignoring all of my own problems and let Midas reinforce my bad behavior.

When he found me in the alleyway last night, I reached for his hand because I knew I had nowhere else to go. Despite everything he's done, the longer I sit here and listen to him preach his piece, the more tempted I am to legitimately follow him as a leader.

But, something continues to hold me back. Something my broken sanity can't acknowledge, as piecing it back together would break me all over again.

Having to fix my life alone has always been a big fear of mine. But, does that mean I should just continue avoiding it?

Midas sensed he still didn't have me fully convinced, going a bit quiet with his passionate speech before leaning back in his chair.

Having nothing to lose, I watched him through my dead, hazy eyes just to see what he would do with my silence. I didn't care whatever it would be.

I don't feel like I'm on anyone's side right now. Just caught in a black void between evil and good.

His jaw tensed a bit and his fist balled. But, he caught onto my watching gaze quickly, relaxing himself in the blink of an eye before another thought came to his mind.

"The choice is yours, of course-though, it will be quite difficult to return if you decide otherwise."

Finally, he piqued my interest.

"Why?" I furrowed my brows, not even bothering to lift my mouth from under the blanket.

His lips twitched with a bit of victory now, quickly feigning confusion as he gestured to the television.

"You haven't seen the headlines?"

My silence gave him a clear answer as he instantly reached for the remote, clicking on the tv before flipping to the news.

The top headline in Japan read in bright, red letters, shocking me enough to instantly sit up and let the blanket fall off my frame...

BREAKING NEWS:

LOCAL MAN KILLED LAST NIGHT IN CRYSTAL ATTACK BY VILLAIN.

My face paled as I read the headline again and again, seeing the picture of the man I shot with crystals last night smiling back at me.

No. No. No....

"Oh my god..." I croaked out horrifically, instantly feeling sick to my stomach. "I...I-I...killed him?-"

"No. You didn't." Midas said firmly, quickly shutting off the tv once I'd seen enough. "Endeavor killed him. Natsuo...Fuyumi...Dabi...your ex-friend Akio....they all killed him. Not you."

Starting to panic, I quickly rose from my seat, pacing the space like a crazed maniac.

"It was my hands that did it-"

"The man shouldn't have intervened." Midas brushed off once more. "You were just defending yourself, you did nothing wrong."

I did nothing wrong? How could he say that after I killed someone?

"But-" I tried to protest, feeling my anxiety starting to spiral.

....before it suddenly stopped altogether a few seconds later.

I wasn't wearing the jeweled necklace, but from the pleasant, familiar buzz of calm that ran through my veins, I knew Midas had somehow managed to use his powers to calm me down.

But, how....

My heart rate relaxed and my muscles uncoiled as I stopped pacing and stood in the room blankly now, no longer feeling the blinding panic and guilt of killing someone.

Midas said nothing, looking at me pleased and knowing as he gestured back to my empty seat.

Much more casual than before, I sat back in the chair, looking at him through half lidded, sedated eyes.

"I would have killed him, too." He waved off nonchalantly. "That's the risk that comes with trying to butt in when one shouldn't. It couldn't be helped."

'It couldn't be helped.'

That doesn't seem like the proper reaction for murdering someone, and yet the increasing calmness in my system told me it was okay.

Right now, in this moment, everything is actually fine. A lot more fine than it was a few seconds ago.

I nodded in dazed agreement to his words, causing Midas to smile now that we were finally on the same page.

"I know you did nothing wrong, but the police aren't on your side." He sighed, jaded eyes glowing brightly with his quirk as peace continued to consume me. "They'll be looking for you. But, not if you stay here with me."

"Others don't understand, Violet. They don't understand because they haven't suffered the way you have. But, I have. And I understand you. I care about you more than all of them."

My head felt foggy, but after everything that led me to this point, I was okay with it. I was no longer hurting. I was relaxed. Numb. And I had him to thank for it.

Like I said, ignoring my problems is easier, even if I know it's wrong. Walking the right path is just too hard.

It's been a long time since I used the jewels. Until now, I forgot how much I enjoyed them. How much I craved them.

"Forget the past, my dear." Midas continued, not trying as hard now as my eyes remained glazed over in bliss. "It will only weigh you down and hurt you more. Now's the time to move forward and get stronger. Focus on you-on what we can achieve together, and let yourself find purpose again."

Purpose.

If the last few days have taught me anything, it's that my life's been pretty meaningless.

As Midas said, the way to fix all of this is to stay here. Perhaps he had a point there.

It's not like I have anything left to lose anymore. I already killed a man. I have no family. No love...

No Touya.

"What do you say?" He smiled, piercing his sharp gaze into me.

I looked back at him with his jewels in my eyes, shrugging carelessly before flashing a small smirk...

"I say...where do we start?"

******

A/N: you can read ahead on Patreon if you'd like. Otherwise, please keep voting and commenting