Assalamu alaikum, been a couple of weeks. I know. But I'm here today.

Enjoy!

***

Meena Lawal

There’s something about this Monday that doesn’t sit well with me, even though I woke up early, did my usual tasks and all. Still, I’m feeling weird, like there’s bad news hiding somewhere. I’ve never been superstitious, but I’m also not one to ignore her instincts.

Badr and I finish breakfast at the same time. So he offers to drive aunty Iftar’s car, which she agrees to, and it gives me some alone time to sort through my thoughts. At the end, I come to a conclusion. I need to speak to my best friend, Kauthar.

Once it’s time for break, I step outside our building and dial her number. She doesn’t pick until the second ring.

I sit on the bench near the entrance. “Na wa o, na so you busy reach?” I say.

“See who’s talking. No be you I call last week wey phone ring ring you no pick?” She replies.

I sigh, “I’m sha missing you o.”

“Then come and visit na.”

“Kai, who’s supposed to visit? Am I not the Amarya?”

She laughs, “Na true o. Omo, with school and work, it’ll be hard to go anywhere at this time.”

“No worry, I understand your condition.”

“Unless,” she clears her throat. I know she wants to look for trouble. “Little Meedr arrives early.”

“Mee wetin?” I shout, then laugh. “Which kind of name combo be that?” I shake my head.

“It’s cute na. Meena plus Badr equals Meedr. It sounds like Arab name.”

“Ah ah, Amina and Badr na Yoruba names before ni?”

“No now. Kai, you’re spoiling my vibe.” Someone says something to her and she replies. “Won't you go and see her first?” The person replies and she says, “Okay.”

“Is that Barakah?” I ask.

“No, it’s Aliyah.”

I frown, trying to remember, “Aliyah...”

“Rose, my neighbor’s daughter.”

“Oh, oh, how are they na?”

Kauthar sighs, “Omo, not too good o. They were involved in an accident o. So Rose is still in the hospital while Aliyah is here. We’re going to see her before she gets discharged.”

“Chai, it sounds serious. Hope they didn’t get too many injuries?”

“Toh, based on what I can see. But I think the injuries will be more emotional than physical.”

“Eyya, may Allah grant them quick recovery.”

“Ameen o. So how you na? Any gist?”

I clear my throat. “Yes o.” I wonder if I should tell her about Badr and his mother. But then that’s a family matter, and it’s not that I even understand what’s going on.

The only one left now is about me, and my heart. “Omo, I have gist o.”

“Oya na.”

I tell everything: meeting Nur, meeting Uyoon, and my heart. “I still don’t understand why I feel this way. With everything that happened, since I’ve accepted my fate. Is my heart not supposed to do the same?”

“Hmmm, before I say anything, let me ask you one question.” Kauthar says.

“Okay.”

“How did you feel when you saw him?”

I frown. Can I even describe it? “I don’t even know. The first time, I think it was surprise and fear.”

“And the recent time?”

I sigh, recalling the day, his face, then Uyoon’s. “Like...” I know it now, but I don’t want to say it. It’ll make me look like the bad person. I sigh again. “I just felt like I lost something.”

“Something that you’re missing, right?”

“Haba, Kauthar. I’m married fa. How can I be missing someone else?”

“No, Meena. I know. But we’re not here to judge how you feel, just to identify it. Besides, you met Badr very recently, and you dated Nur for a while. So of course, you can't just forget about him like that. It won't be that easy.”

“So now you’re saying that it’s okay to miss him, as a married woman?” I look around, and even though it’s just me and the hot sun behind our building roof, I still lower my voice. “Someone that is even getting married soon.”

“It’s normal, honestly.”

“But it's not right.”

“Yes, so what do you think is the solution?”

I look down at my red shoes. “To forget about him, definitely.” Is that even possible, especially now that I know his wife.

“Okay, how?”

I sigh. “I don’t-”

“Sister Amina.” A female voice calls from behind me.

“Sister Mardiyya, what's up?”

She smiles, “It’s you I should be asking na. Love nwantiti.”

Oh. I laugh. I want to tell her that it’s not what she thinks. But then, why would she even assume so in the first place? I could be talking to anybody. Maybe she just wants me to tell her who it is. “Na you know.”

She walks past me. “I no know anything o. Singlet like me.”

I shake my head and say, “Babe, sorry, that was my colleague.”

A car starts. “No p, we’re also on our way out. Maybe we’ll talk later.”

I nod. “Alright na. Greet their Barakah for me.”

“Yes ma, and don’t forget what we talked about. What you feel is absolutely normal.”

I nod. Maybe she’s right. Since I didn't think about him till our meeting, then it surely won't last. And I’m sure he has forgotten about me too. That’s why he’s moving on, like me. “Yes ma, thank you ma.”

Kauthar laughs, “Okay ma. Talk to you lerra. Bye.”

By 04:00 P.M., we’re done with work and ready to head home. As aunty Iftar and I are strolling out of the building, we see Badr seated with the gateman.

Seeing us, he comes to hug me, then greets aunty Iftar, all smiles and filled with an energy I haven’t seen in a while.

“Wawu, did you get accidental alert or something?” I say, smiling.

“Nope,” he taps my nose. “But I did get us an intentional reservation at a fancy restaurant.”

“Wow.” I say, then I turn to aunty Iftar to back me up.

“You don’t believe me?” He asks, still smiling.

“Toh,” I slap one hand in another. “I’m not sure we’re celebrating anything.”

He shakes his head. “Will tell you when we get there. But before then,” he moves to aunty Iftar’s side. “I’m your driver for today.”

“For what? So you can have my car for your date, right?”

Badr bursts into laughter. “Well, that’s one of the reasons. But I also have nothing to do now, so…” He shrugs, turning to me.

“Okay na.” I say, heading to aunty Iftar’s car. But I notice that they haven’t moved an inch. I roll my eyes. “Oya na, time is going. I have a date to prepare for.”

Badr laughs and unlocks the door. He opens it and bows, “Bismillah.”

I spat his head and enter, feeling like a queen, and maybe a tiny bit more in love with my husband.

“Omo,” I let out as the security man opens the glass door for us.

The walls are painted with different types of green, but the plants and furniture are all brown.

As we reach the reception desk, the lady there just greets us and brings out two black cards. Then she points to the right.

Badr squeezes my hand as we walk down the wide hallway, passing tall brown plants and paintings on the walls.

“The cold make sense sha.” I say, trying not to shiver since I’m wearing a short-sleeved gown.

Badr laughs, “I don’t get you at all. How is it making sense?”

“It fits the place na. You know not every place deserves AC.”

Badr laughs again. We reach a wooden door. One Chinese man and woman pass through it, laughing.

Omo. I turn to look at them. This is my first time seeing an Oyibo up close.

Badr draws my hand and I turn to the door. A man is holding it open. Then I notice that it’s not really a door, but a curtain.

Inside is a wide and lively place, filled with people, laughing and eating.

A woman in a kimono comes to greet us, then she takes us to our table, which is by the corner, across from the main bar.

“Omo,” I say again, sitting on the cushioned wooden chair. “This place looks very nice.” I eye him. “I don’t think I want to know how much you spent, but I really appreciate it.”

He smiles, “You’re welcome. But you surprised me o.”

I frown. “How?”

“We didn’t go on our honeymoon, and you didn’t say anything.”

“Oh,” I laugh. “Honestly, I don’t think I even remembered it. I was busy worrying about our change of location. But now that you’ve mentioned it, I’ll definitely think of something.”

His eyes widen. “This is the honeymoon na.”

“For where? This is a date, like our fri-date.”

He laughs, “Thank God you remember.” He sits up and grabs the paper menu on the table. “Let’s order, or should I order for us?”

I nod, smiling, and grateful to God for this moment.

He presses something on the table. I notice it’s a bell. A waiter appears and takes our order.

“How long have we been married sef?” He asks.

“Almost a month now.” I say, although it feels like longer.

“Wow.” He taps the table, then looks up at me. “So how’s married life so far?”

“Hmmmmm…” I fold my arms. “So far so good, Alhamdulillah.”

He nods. “I think so too.”

I nod. Really, Alhamdulillah. We haven’t had any major understanding, and I hope it stays that way: peaceful.

Our food arrives. I frown at the small small portions of jollof rice and salad white rice and stew. Only me can finish two plates na. Then another waiter arrives with a bowl of catfish pepper soup and pepper chicken.

The last waiter comes with a pack of juice, cups, and bottled water. There’ll definitely be a takeaway.

Five minutes after finishing a plate of jollof and salad with pepper soup, I rest on my chair like a tired market woman.

“Ah,” I pat my tummy. “You will sha back me out of here o.”

Badr laughs, still chewing his chicken lap bone. “OYO o.”

I hiss, then look around. The place is filled and lit up by nice looking yellow bulbs. They’re couples, singles, groups of friends, and even a few nice-looking girls alone at their tables.

I sight a couple at the back, feeding each other food and laughing. It makes me wonder why Badr and I don’t do stuff like that. Is it because we’re not in love?

No, wait, or am I the only one thinking we’re not in love? Then I recall what he said to his mother about his fiancée. So, it wasn’t only me that had to let someone go. He did too. I wonder if he still thinks of her like I think of Nur.

I turn to him, now curious, but afraid to ask. Kauthar said it’s normal to still think about a lost love. But then she never had a lost love. So how is she so sure?

And I know that it’s because we moved here, if not, nothing would have joined me and Nur in Lagos

So, this must be fate, but whose? And what am I supposed to do about it? Pretend like he doesn’t exist?

Oh, wait, this is a test, too. God must be testing me. So, I should think of how to pass it.

I smile.

“Yes, I know I’m handsome.” Badr says, flicking his dark blue kaftan.

I hiss. “Be deceiving yourself.”  I clear my throat. I still want to ask. I still want to know. “So, I have a question.”

He nods, dropping his bottled water on the table. “Yes, I wanted to actually speak to you about something too. But ladies first, so, bismillah.”

I nod. “It’s about um…” I clear my throat again. “Your mom, umm, what you said about your fiancée.” I don’t know if I’m making sense. “I mean you never mentioned that you had to break up with her to marry me before. So, I was surprised.” I pick my glass of juice and drink.

He nods, “I was wondering when you will ask sef, so I’m not surprised.” He laughs. “What I actually wanted to talk about is related to that. But before then, I feel it’s better I start with the main one.”

“Okay na.”

“So, first of all, I was born when Our Abu was seriously battling with his health. So due to the exhaustion of her pregnancy and looking after our abu, she wasn’t happy with my birth.” He frowns. “What I mean is she had post-partum depression. But you know how our people are now, they said she had jinn. So, she was taken to the village for treatment.”

I shake my head. “Eyya.” I can’t imagine what Ummi Badr must have gone through. Not many people know the toll that caring care of a sick person can have on someone, talk more of a pregnant woman.

“My father was against it, but…” He raises his shoulder. “My eldest sister was in her final year then, but she had my two sisters to look after. So Ummi’s family got Khala Iftar to look after me, and she was not happy.” He laughs.

I laugh too. “Why?”

“She was different back then, independent, stubborn. She didn’t even like children.” He shakes his head, still smiling. “But after I came, she changed.” He smiles. “According to her sha.”

“Maybe you calmed her down.” I say.

He nods, “Unfortunately her marriage died during that time, so she left Kano with me and Mutallab in her womb.”

“I’ve been wondering who’s the eldest between you two.”

Badr raises his hand. “Baba arrived when I was almost two years old.”

“Ohh,” I nod.

Badr frowns, staring at me. I stare back. Did I do something wrong? Then he says, “Based on your observation, who do you think has more wahala? Ummi or Khala Iftar?”

I laugh, “Guy, what kind of question is that na?”

“I’m serious. I’m sure you must have jumped to conclusion on that day.”

I sigh, “I honestly don’t know. I was just worried about all of you.”

He sighs, “Ummi’s not a bad person.”

“I know.” I say, and I believe so.

“After she returned from the village, we didn’t reunite until my Abu’s janazah. I was seven then. But I knew my sisters and my Abu. Khala Iftar and I used to travel to see them during the holidays.” He laughs, “even though her family wanted her to stop travelling because of the ‘shame’ she has brought upon them.” He laughs again.

“Anyhow sha, I knew Ummi was around, but she never visited me. Even when Khala Iftar called her, she never asked about me.”

“How did you know?” I ask. “Since you were young?”

“We lived in a small apartment; it wasn’t hard to know whenever Khala Iftar was on the phone. And even if she went outside, it wasn’t hard to follow her and hide somewhere.”

I nod, feeling sorry for him. I can’t even imagine being shunned by my own mother. It must have been hard. I want to take his hand, but he’s seated away from the table with his hands down.

“Nevertheless, I wouldn’t change my childhood for anything. Khala Iftar was good to me, even though she wouldn’t believe it if I told her. I loved staying with her. I loved having her as a…mother.”

I smile, my eyes getting watery.

“I was in secondary school when Ummi finally showed up for me. I’ll never forget that day.” He shakes his head, “I was coming back from a football match. There was no light, so I entered the house, complaining, when I heard her voice.” He closes his eyes. “Do you know what the worst part was?”

I shake my head. “How she was acting as if nothing was wrong. She bought me clothes and shoes, asked about my school, my hobbies, as if we’ve always been close.” He opened his eyes. “I hated it. I hated her.”

I shake my head in pity. I really want to hold his hands.

“So, I ignored her. She stayed with us for a week, complaining about khala Iftar’s lifestyle, her small salary, her small house, her singlehood. She even planned to take me back. Omo,” he shakes his head and laughs. “Na there fight start.”

“The day she wanted to leave, she was lamenting about our bathing water. Mutallab was crying, Khala Iftar was running around for money to go to the pharmacy. Ummi was there, doing nothing but waiting for her water to boil on the stove, with the little kerosene that was left.

“I wanted to ignore her. I even went to fetch water from a borehole that’s far from our area. But It was how relaxed she was looking while Khala Iftar was walking around with Mutallab on her back, sweating, begging him to stop crying that forced me to react.” He shakes his head. “And the only thing she could say was that I should pack my things and follow her back home. Do you know what I said to her?”

I shake my head, already dreading his answer.

“I told her ‘God forbid’, that Khala Iftar was my mother, and there was nobody that will come between us.” He laughs, “I was in my strong head phase then, and I hung around rough guys. So I used all the insults I knew that day.” He sighs. “That was the last time I saw her in Khala Iftar’s house, and it was also the first-time Khala Iftar beat me.”

“Wow.” That’s all I can say. Even though I’ve never been curious about his household, I’ve always thought it would be just like mine. A simple happy family. That was how they looked when I first visited his mother. Who knew there was so much history, and pain, and hatred. So that saying is really true: Nothing is as it seems.

Badr’s phone rings from his pocket. He brings it out and smiles. “Khala Iftar is asking if we’re planning to spend the night outside? Let me go and settle our bill so we can leave.”

I smile. “What’s the time sef?” I check my phone. 10:06 P.M. Kai, there’s work tomorrow o. I also notice a text from Bushra: Check your WhatsApp!

I frown and turn on my data. I open our family group. There’re like twelve pictures of one strange looking dress: Designer Bushra has arrived!

“Wetin be this?!” I shout, laughing. Shukra and my Ummi have already commented. Of course they’ll praise her.

I’m about to start typing when another message comes in: You have been added to Fairy Bride Friends Group.

Frowning, I open it. There’s a welcome message from Uyoon to me and one other person she added named Aisha Ummi. I reply her greeting and that of Sa’eeda. Then Uyoon sends pictures of laces and invitation cards for us to choose from.

“What of pre-wedding pics? We need some!” Aisha Ummi comments.

“Have you forgotten who Yoona’s mother is?” Sa’eeda replies with rolling eyes emoji.

“Who cares? It’s not her wedding!”

I frown. This girl is rude sha.

Badr returns with a bag of our takeaway. I smile and wink, “Your head dey there.”

We stroll out of the restaurant. The night air is cool and perfect for us.

He opens my door and I enter. As he enters, I peck his cheek and hug him. “Thanks for tonight.”

He laughs and kisses my forehead. “This will be the first of many, in sha Allah.”

I return to my seat. “Ameen.” I really can’t wait for what the future holds for us. If we continue like this, I’m sure I can forget about Nur. I’ll go to his wedding and not feel bad.

“That’s a good-looking couple.” He says, looking down at my phone.

I look down too. Aisha Ummi has posted a joined picture of Uyoon and Nur, both looking fair and good looking, indeed. Guess Nur’s child will be yellow yellow Christmas too.

“We sha have a wedding to attend soon.”

He nods and turns on the ignition. “The girl looks familiar, though. I feel I’ve seen her somewhere.”

“Maybe, she lives here.”

“Unfortunately, we didn’t finish our gist.”

I yawn. “We can finish some other time. No rush.”

“In sha Allah, but part of why I told you all these things is because I want us to understand each other better. And as for my ex, letting her go was hard. But I’ve never voiced it out till today. And I feel better.”

I smile, “I’m glad you’re trusting me with it.”

He nods as we drive out of the compound. “But I hope you know it goes both ways.”

My heart beats faster for no reason. “Yes na. But I don’t have any family story to tell, only…” I look down at my phone, more joined pictures of the couple. I leave WhatsApp. “I also had to let someone go.”

He nods, “Maybe God brought us together to heal together.” He turns, smiling.

I laugh, “Maybe.”

“And I know we will, in sha Allah.”

“Ameen.” I smile. So, this is the test: healing with Badr. Or is it life with Badr? Maybe letting go with Badr? I laugh at my silliness.

“Hope everything’s okay?” He asks, smiling.

I nod. Everything is okay. We’ll be okay, together.