A/N: Kirstie "alone" with her thoughts, is this going to be a good thing?

Chapter 18

I wake up with a throbbing headache, which is bad until I open my eyes and remember where I am, tucked safely in Avi's strong arms. As badly as my head hurt, it didn't really matter. But why did my head hurt? Oh right because I connected with Avi's elbow, I wonder how his head was then since he hit his on the top of the playhouse. That had been fun in there, even if we hadn't stayed long.
     I manoeuvre my head to look up at Avi peacefully sleeping, he had a small smile playing at the corners of his lips and it made me wonder what he was dreaming about. With a sigh I start tracing circles on his chest, I didn't want to get up, but I would admit I was getting a little bored.
      With a huff I began contemplating ways that might possibly wake Avi up, seeing as it wasn't the best idea to cut off his breathing to see his eyes open. There must be other ways to wake up the man who could most probably hibernate if you just left him alone with his bed and some barbeque.
       Lying there the first thought that came to mind was pulling on his chest hair, because hair on your head can hurt like a bitch if someone does it with intent, so this would be worse right? I sit up slightly, leaning on my elbow, my other hand still lain out on his chest, playing with the said hair. I decide not to do it though because I don't want him to get mad at me, he is Avi and I know he'd never get mad like Jeremy would... but still.
       I lie back down with a sigh, and pulling his arm back around me that had slipped away in my small movement. That had been a useless four minutes... what can I think about now?
       The problem with not having anything to think about is when you start to think about everything you don't want to think about. Like Squiggle. Tears immediately spring to my eyes and I curl further into Avi's figure, wishing he was awake so he could hold me tighter. The tears start to roll down my cheeks and onto Avi, I can't stop them now and I can't stop my thoughts.
       There must have been something I could have done? What if I hadn't have told Jeremy? What if I had just stayed with Avi. I had gotten mad at him at the beach for nothing, I realised that I was mad because I hadn't told him that I wanted to be with him, I had just expected him to know. What if I had just told Avi? That would have been so simple, but I'd thought it would be romantic for him to figure it out on his own, but he hadn't and it made me mad! I wanted our friends to know. We should tell Kevin today, he's probably figured it out by now.
         Why did I have to get so mad at Avi, I threw that necklace I loved so much at the man I love, I'm just glad he brought it back for me. I clutch at the dragon pendant around my neck, squeezing it tightly in my hand as the tears just continue to fall. How had Avi known that I'd want it again? What would I have done if he had just left it on the beach? Who am I kidding Avi would have never left anything Dragon related on the beach. I chuckle slightly to myself, but it's short lived.
         It's a dragon, but he must have been upset, he'd been so happy giving it to me, we'd only been friends, but he'd told me that it was a reminder that they did exist, why? Well because I was the only one in the group that fuelled his obsession, I never joked about how they didn't exist because I loved how much he believed in them, and I love hearing him talk about them, he's so passionate and that's something I really love about him.
         But what if I'd never slept with him that first time? Not the first time I cheated, but the first time Avi and I slept together, before Jeremy was even in the picture. We'd been drunk, but when we woke up in the morning, without even saying anything, we both knew it wasn't a mistake. But that was that and then I met Jeremy. Jeremy who almost ruined everything. And honestly that night I went to Avi and Kevin, came here, when Jeremy upset was probably the best decision I ever made. I don't care who tells me that cheating is bad, it was the right decision, I know that now, I was guilty then but I know how I feel now and I don't regret my decision. And it was my decision, I had to talk Avi into it, like he'd said he wanted to have sex with me, but it wouldn't be right because I was dating Jeremy, I wonder if he'd think that now?
        I'm the most worried about what Kevin will think, he'll feel bad for Jeremy, everyone always does. But they only feel sorry because they know he can't have children because the cancer he'd had, and I'm sorry but it still doesn't make me feel bad because I know now in my heart that I did the right thing to now be with the right person.
        Avi and I are going to be together for a long time, I just know it, we're gonna get married one day and have lots of Squiggles, and I'd happily have Sqigglettes too if that made Avi happy, because that's what I want. I want Avi to be happy, I want our future children to be happy and most importantly I want to be happy.

A/N: This is not the end, it might seem like it, but it's not, there's another big reveal coming and there's just no way Jeremy would have gone down quietly now is there ;)