Chapter 34*

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By Monday, Eran's fever was gone. Though Riley worried, Eran went to school. The end of the semester was approaching and Eran didn't want to miss a single day. Wednesday morning, he woke up fully recovered. After several instances of Riley acting cute, Eran finally gave him a reward for nursing Eran well: a deep kiss. Eran made sure it was in the morning before they left for school, so they had good reason to not get carried away. Thursday, he was able to leave campus early—two of his professors had to prepare for a conference and gave students an opportunity to prepare for their finals.

Eran was studying, but also constantly glancing at the time. Hurry up and come home. He suddenly remembered when Elias suggested Riley move in. Riley did practically live with Eran. It definitely looked like they were cohabiting. He could see it in the bathroom where two toothbrushes, two razors, two brands of shampoo and the like sat side-by-side. He could see it in the kitchen where two mugs rested by the kettle. He could see it also in the higher utility bills...

Eran didn't mind the idea of living with Riley. But asking Riley was difficult. Eran had tried to suggest it but chickened out at the last moment. Asking Riley to live with him might even be insensitive. It might be like asking him to forsake his family home. Eran knew the reason Riley didn't contribute to the bills—doing so would make living together official. The money Riley used to pay for their groceries came from his father. The rest was being wasted on a home no one was really living in. Was Riley hesitant because he didn't want Eran to support him; if Riley's dad found out, he might stop giving Riley allowance—and despite Eran insisting that he should focus on studying, Riley would want to get a part-time job.

Eran could speculate and speculate, but the fact was still that he hadn't even properly asked Riley.

Riley looked up at Eran from his dinner plate. "Why are you staring at me?"

"I like your face." Eran answered without much emotion. In reality, his leg was shaking nervously under the table.

Riley blinked with surprised eyes. He slowly put his fork down, his hands in his lap, and leaned back in the chair.

Eran could read Riley's thoughts. He picked up his fork and poked at a tomato. So much for being casual. He fluttered his eyelashes bashfully as he glanced at his lover from across the small table. "Move in with me." His eyes fluttered back down to his tomato.

There was a too-long silence before Riley replied, "What about my apartment? The rent includes utilities and is wired straight to the landlady. It's not like I can tell my dad I'm leaving home when he's paying to keep it."

"He's paying for an empty apartment. The month is over; won't your dad notice the amount difference? Or is the landlady dishonest enough to give him false numbers? Even if you worked out a deal with her to keep him from finding out, do you really think you can keep up that lie?" Oh... Am I being too harsh?

Riley was looking down, his sad eyes shifting as if he were looking for adequate answers.

"I'm not saying you have to live with me. I just want you to know what can happen if things stay as they are." Does... Does he actually think his dad will come back home? Even if he showed up, it wouldn't be permanent. Does he really think that or is he trying to fool himself? It's not like I'm telling him to abandon his family. Eran then realised something. Oh. That's what that apartment stands for. His family. I shouldn't have asked.

"Are there any other reasons you want me to move here?"

"It's okay. Nevermind. I don't want you to stress about it." When hell breaks loose, I'll be here to protect him. So if he wants to run away, it's okay.

"I'm not—" Riley stopped in hesitation.

Crap. I have no choice but to... "I love you." That got Riley's full attention. Is this another result of our age gap? If he was past being completely supported by a parent... "Whatever it is—I mean, for anything, you can take as long as you need to decide. Because I can wait. And if you need me to, I'll protect you."

With the way Riley was staring, Eran was a little worried about what would happen next. So he stood up and started to clear his dishes from the table. "Well, I'm going to take an early shower." He started walking towards the bathroom. "Oh," he paused and turned halfway around to Riley, "I'll always support you too." Quickly, he escaped to the bathroom. Even after a minute of leaning against the bathroom door, he heard no signs of Riley moving.

"Eran..." Riley called softly from the couch as he ran his fingers through Eran's hair.

Eran was sitting on the floor typing notes on his laptop. "Hmm?" he hummed. Riley's fingers felt good in his hair and he fantasized about them moving with more force and passion as the couple—if Eran kept thinking, blood would be rushing to more places than just his cheeks...

"If I had never confessed to you, where do you think we'd be now?"

Eran pondered for a moment. "You mean from the time we first met, up to now, you never told me about your feelings." Eran once again was silent as he thought. Finally, he responded: "I confessed because I realized my feelings only when you confessed. So, maybe I'd have gone on not understanding my feelings for you. Apparently, I'm dense, but if I noticed without you telling me... I'm not sure. I might still realize my own feelings but hide them out of fear. Or kiss you, knowing you'd kiss me back. If I realized my own feelings, but not yours, I probably wouldn't confess."

"You mean, we'd still like each other but not know that we like each other? That's horrible."

"In any case, I'd still want you with me. I wouldn't send you away under any circumstances." Because I need you. Eran took Riley's hand from his hair and kissed it.

"I'm so lucky. The person I like likes me back. We're so lucky. Requited love is already tough enough, let alone the fact that before meeting we were both living as straight men." Riley chuckled.

Riley was right; Eran often forgot how fortunate they were to be together. Their relationship wasn't a joke or experiment or a trial—it was serious. Maybe even in a dangerous way. Eran couldn't imagine a life without Riley... Not that he was unable to, it was just... dangerous.

Eran turned around, facing Riley on the couch. He rose and placed one of his knees on the sofa between Riley's thighs, supporting himself with one hand on the cushion and the other resting on Riley's shoulder. Eran tilted his head and closed his eyes as he brought his lips to Riley's. He pressed gently for a few sweet seconds. When he pulled away, he looked into Riley's eyes.

Eran felt Riley's fingertips caress his cheek. Desire was flowing in Eran's bones. Riley received a light peck in return.

Riley put his hands on Eran's hips. "Can I be bad for a moment?" he asked.

Eran grew nervous with anticipation. What does he mean by 'bad'? His hesitancy disappeared quickly and he gave permission.

"You're cute."

A pause confirmed that was all Riley had wanted to say. The type of "bad" Riley meant was a little disappointing. Still, being called cute made Eran narrow his eyes unhappily.

Riley smiled apologetically. He touched his lips to Eran's collarbone. "Can I be bad again?"

Eran gave Riley a distrustful look. But Riley didn't wait for an answer; he guided Eran forward and sat the smaller man in his lap, Eran's knees resting by Riley's hips.

Eran rested his forehead on Riley's shoulder and sighed in exasperation; Riley took the opportunity to kiss his neck. Eran turned towards Riley's and put his hand on the other side, then returned the kiss. Riley's skin smelled like soap.

"I don't know what to do," Eran sighed.

"What's wrong?" Riley kissed his shoulder.

Eran shook his head, unable to explain the pleasant disorientation he felt when Riley kissed him.

Ironically, at that moment Eran received more: higher on his neck, under his jaw, and the space beside his mouth. He was longing to kiss his lover more passionately, but where would that lead? It was a school night, so staying up too late... and/or exhausting themselves wasn't a good idea.

It seemed Riley was having similar thoughts, but without the inhibitions—his lips at most a centimetre away from Eran's he asked, "Can I kiss you?"

Feeling Riley's breath tease his lips, Eran probably couldn't have refused even if he'd been aware enough to think about it. It wasn't until after they kissed that Eran came back to his senses. "No."

"A little overdue," Riley remarked with a smile.

Looking worried, Eran began to stand up, saying, "Let's make that our goodnight kiss."

Eran was pulled back when Riley grabbed his arm. "No," he frowned, confused. They stared at each other and soon saw they were thinking similar things. Then Riley suddenly groaned. "This is stupid!" He took hold of the back of Eran's head and moved their faces close. "I'm tired of holding back."

Eran leaned away in shock. "You've been holding back?"

Riley looked at Eran as if the man had asked the most obvious question—perhaps he had. "Of course! I'm an 18-year-old healthy male spending every day and every night beside the person I love. What made you think I wasn't?"

"I guess I..." Eran cleared his throat even though he didn't need to, "didn't expect you to hold back so well... So I figured you just didn't want me as much."

Looking sad, Riley replied, "You really have no clue, eh?" Riley cupped Eran's face and kissed him. "Then I'm going to tell you." He continued to kiss Eran between sentences. "You're my drug." His lips. "I can't get enough of you." His cheek. "I'll fall apart if I can't have you." His neck. "The rest of the world disappears when I'm here with you." By his ear. "I'm so into you that I'd give anything—do anything to have you." The two locked eyes. "Even when we have sex, I'll be holding back... because really I'll want more."

Eran's body felt like its temperature had heated about two degrees and every muscle in his body ached to move. Eran probably should've been embarrassed, but instead, he felt empathetic. He bit his lip. Honestly, I'd love to strip us and make love right where we are...

"Eran." Riley's serious voice forced Eran to meet his eyes. "I'm going to take you. Right now."

Eyes widened in shock, an electric current swept down his body. Ta-take me? Is he serious?

"Any objections?" Riley didn't even give Eran a chance to open his mouth. "Save them for the morning."

Eran quickly returned Riley's passionate kisses. Affection made his bones quiver. Riley's hands touching his skin, moving up his torso made his chest feel tight and open all at once. Tongue and nips excited him. Riley nibbled at Eran's neck. The ticklish feeling made him chuckle.

Riley suddenly stood up, lifting Eran with him. Eran wrapped his legs around Riley's waist and draped his arms around Riley's shoulders as they continued to kiss.

Riley took them into the bedroom and dropped Eran onto the bed. Impatient, Eran pulled Riley on top of him and they continued kissing. Riley's mouth was warm and tongue arousing.

Finally, Riley slid his hand under the waistband of Eran's pants.

Eran flinched. "Mmn." Riley moved his hand and Eran gasped. He put his hand on Riley's arm. "W-wait," he panted.

Riley pinned Eran's arms to the bed by grabbing his hands. "I said wait until morning," he grumbled in a slightly annoyed voice.

"Stop."

Riley removed his lips from Eran's neck and stared down at his lover, frowning. "Are you serious?" he asked, his tone of voice making it sound more like a statement.

"I-it's a school night."

Riley was in enough disbelief that it didn't show on his face. "That's true," he remarked, letting go. "Okay." Riley moved to lay on his usual side of the bed, his back facing Eran.

Hands still by his head, Eran stared at the ceiling, shock arriving from Riley's complaint-free compliance. He's actually going to stop? Eran thought in disbelief. Soon it was disappointment that overcame him. No, no. What am I thinking? What the hell was I saying? "Riley," he somehow whined seductively. "S-sorry. I made a mistake," he admitted.

Riley rolled over, revealing a smirk. "You finally realized."

Eran glared. "You left me hanging?"

"Technically, not 'hanging,'" he glanced away innocently as Eran blushed. "But you're the one who told me to stop."

"Well, I changed my mind." He held Riley's arm. "Don't stop. Touch me. As much as you want. Anywhere. Just touch me."

Another attractive teasing smirk formed on Riley's lips. "If that's what you want."

So they touched.

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