17. Analyze

"Kuma-sensei, you don't seem very interested in our new student, are you?" Korosensei asked as the teacher returned to the staffroom.

Nao made his way to the desk, Korosensei popping to drape a shawl around his shoulder, and a cup of coffee was sent to the teacher's hands, like a butlery routine.

Stopped by the door in bewildered surprise, Nao wondered if this was a bribe.

"Well, she wasn't on when it was my class," Nao muttered with a rather disappointed sigh, "and regardless, I'd already introduced myself to her in the morning."

"This morning?" Korosensei asked, "which reminds me, when did you go home last night?"

"I stayed over," as a matter of fact.

Korosensei shrieked, "you cannot be doing that!" 

Nao sat down, taking a calm, warm sip of coffee, huffing out in satisfaction, "don't worry, I only coughed blood twice after you left."

"I fail to comprehend your definition of 'alright'!" 

—

"Well," Naomasa sighed, walking down the mountain with Korosensei as an escort, "it seems our new girl made a bad class debut, didn't she?"

"A class debut, huh," Korosensei wondered, "you speak of it like a kid's high school debut. Usually, when you fail those, you're stuck, aren't you?"

Nao pondered, "well, as long as you don't call yourself a god, win a soccer match 810 to five, and then save a kid from jumping off the building while dislocating your shoulder; you'll be fine."

"What's with those crazy specific examples?"

"Comedy-insert purposes. Please carry on."

The octopus seemed to eye the teacher with distrust in making it back home himself, so Naomasa was concerned if Korosensei would stay and make sure Naomasa was put to bed too. Mainly because he wanted to get some work done before he slept today...

"Hey, what do you really think about Ms Autonomous?" Naomasa brought up quickly, "I mean, she's a robot, an AI, a killing machine programmed to foil your intentions."

Korosensei would think of her as a student, human or not, and wouldn't treat any differently, Naomasa answered his own question. It came to him right after the words spilled from his lips-- but he still stayed to hear the answer.

"What do I think of her, you ask?" Korosensei chortled, face striping green with mischief, "well, she is quite the charming child, won't you agree?"

And the smile that flowed through his face, brimming through like a spilled cup of water, came so naturally the chuckle bubbled from him without his notice.

That was a dumb thing to ask, really, he sighed to himself, after all-- this was a genetically modified human he was talking to. Surely, a naughty robot or two wouldn't get him riled.

"Don't forget to always ask for consent," Naomasa took on a lecturer's tone, "some grape thing neglected to do so and ended up getting executed on the internet."

"EEeek, scARY!"

Nao laughed out loud, enjoying the tease-filled interaction. Now that he thought about it, Korosensei's perverseness never really was a big thing on the internet, even though Bitch-sensei had quite a negative reputation... oh, "but you have epic quotes, so I think you'll be fine."

"Wait a minute, what does that mean?!"

"Dunno. By the way, Karma stole your ice cream again."

"WHAT!?" Korosensei screeched in horror. In a whirlwind he had vanished, and a moment later, he wound right back in his spot, "it's really gone! How did he find out where I hid it?!?"

You also have a tragic backstory, he added only to himself.

  —  

"My, Kunomasu-sensei!" the cheerful voice chimed up with programmed worry, "good morning! how was your trip up the mountain? I hoped you did not overexert yourself. Your bpm is 20 beats higher than your resting heart rate, so I suggest you take a rest on the desk, I've brewed a mug of hot chocolate for you. Coffee is unhealthy in high consumption, so you should refrain from it."

Naomasa wanted to go home.

First of all, he wanted coffee but that was besides the point, which high-tech hole did that fresh hot chocolate come from? He sat down to take a sip. Fuck it tastes better than anything I've ever made in both of my goddamn lives--

"Your body temperature has lowered a degree due to the cold weather, so I suggest you take this shawl," creaky metal contraption arms folded right out of compartments that definitely weren't there before, holding a black shawl that was made of... cotton?

...wait, this is kinda deja vu.

"Wait, Ms Autonomous," Nao turned sharply, "creepy. Too creepy! I mean, the change is crazy drastic! Did Korosensei put shoujo manga into your new database?"

"Not in particular, but I had been provided a series on 'How to Care for Kunomasu Naomasa'. Would you like to view Volume III, Chapter 25B, [what to do if Kuma-sensei looks tired after walking into a room]?" she offered with a bright, childlike smile.

Nao instinctively smiled right back, "no, but I would be gloriously pleased if you could tell me the location of all those books right now, and provide me the quickest method on erasing it all from existence. Preferably I'd like to get it done before classes begin!"

Ritsu's face fell.

"Deepest apologies, that is beyond my power," she mumbled sadly, actually looking down in guilt, as if she was filled with regret for her incapability, "because, in Volume VII, Chapter 187C, it mentions that I should do fulfill any request you make when you give a close-eyed smile."

Nao was absolutely petrified.

Letting a breaking, devastated breath out, slow and shaky, he pinched the bridge of his nose and calmed himself down.

"It's alright," he told the girl, "you should use more of your memory for your friends. Find something you want to indulge yourself in, instead of spending it all on useless information of me," he chuckled, scratching his cheek a little, feeling bashful, "you're not a maid or anything, so you don't need to serve me. Just know that, alright?"

The girl watched the teacher speak, taking it in with a semblance of understanding, silence and hidden elation. Her expression shone for half a moment, as she let those words dissolve in her software, and meld its way into analysis in her database.

Somehow, she felt those words were beautiful.

In another moment, she retained her indifferent facade and filled it with confusion. "However, it is written in Volume X, Chapter 1, that I should refuse any refusal you extend, if it concerns your health."

The mug handle shattered in Naomasa's hand. 

"Oh, this is war, Octopunk."

  —   

"Ritsu, for the international tests that came out last week, could you do a search on the exam questions for Modern Literature?" Naomasa asked, "both English and Japanese ones."

"Roger that, sir," Ritsu made a cheeky salute, "I will have them sent to your PC," she gestured at a little buffer bar at the corner than spun. It eventually turned into a downward arrow to signal download, and then a loading bar that filled for uploading.

"Are you using Ritsu as a search engine, Kuma-sensei?" Nagisa wondered if he should stop the teacher, but was hesitant if he had the ability to.

"International tests?" Isogai came up, "last week would be, wait, the high school ones?! What are you going to do with them, Kuma-sensei?"

"Hm?" the teacher feigned innocence, "these are recent, so the test papers aren't publicized yet. I'm having Ms Autonomous hack into the government to scrounge for them so I can use them for reference."

"Reference?" Kataoka was confused.

"I'm adapting them for mock tests," Naomasa said, matter-of-factly, "you guys', next week."

A pause.

"There's a test next week?!?" literally everyone shrieked.

"Spoiler alert," Nao chuckled. 

"Ritsu! send me those papers! Please!"

"Preferably the mark schemes!"

"Me too!"

"Please, Ritsu-sama!"

Ritsu looked back like a sad little kicked puppy, warning boundary tapes rolling over the screen, flashing NOT ALLOWED NOT ALLOWED NOT ALLOWED all over, expressing her difficulty in the situation.

"Eh?" a light bulb popped up above her head, "Kuma-sensei, there's someone holding your family name in the archives."

Eyes turned with interest.

Nao's smile turned stale, "it's a common surname."

She turned to the teacher curiously, "the Physics Exam setter, Kunomasu Kazumasa," blocks of words swam across her eyes, an evident sign she was looking up information in the database, "hometown: Kunugigaoka."

"It's a mad coincidence," Nao insisted, ignoring the eyes.

"Brother: Kunomasu Naomasa," Ritsu read out.

Eyes were narrowed on the teacher.

"And status, disowned!" Nao beamed, "now give me the files I asked for," his gaze closed cold, "or I'll bash all of you in the head once for invasion of privacy."

Just then, the loading bar atop her head chimed once. It transformed into a green circle, complete with the neat words of 'transfer complete'.

"Thanks," he returned to his gentle expression, "well then, you guys shouldn't hang around too late. Go on home soon, alright?"

He turned around and calmly left as if he didn't just threaten to pound his students' skulls in.

Two long minutes of awkward silence and Karma's noisy strawberry-milk carton slurping later, Terasaka grumbled.

"I thought the Octopus was joking when he said Kuma got in trouble with the law."