RILEY

WE WERE BOTH RIGHT.

We weren't going to last long.

My orgasm shakes my bones and blows through fast. I'm gripping Asher like it's all I know to do, my knuckles white as snow. His strokes get faster, driving into me. Our breaths get tangled and heavy. I'm squeezing his fingers intertwined with mine into the sheets. I can't help the words that are coming out of my mouth. I don't know what I'm saying but I know that I'm saying something.

There's a look on his face. One I know very well. He's coming with me. As he falls apart on top of me, I admire the way his lips parts, and how his jaw muscles work. His eyes squinted above me. Being this close to him, I notice that he's got a scar on his chin. I can see the formation of his facial hair in that specific area. God. He could never look unattractive to me, no matter what he did. Even when he can't control his facial muscles, he's as handsome as can be. My chest swells with the thought—the fact— the evidence that I'm the reason for his undoing.

His head falls into my shoulders after his climax and I loop my arms around his body, our heart beating in sync. Breathing in the same air as him feels like a dream.

I'm on a high that I don't want to come down from. It's peaceful being like this. Where there are no worries, just pure joy. We must've been wrapped in each other's arms for an hour after he got rid of the condom, I just didn't want to move unnecessarily. The heat from his skin makes me feel like I'm home. Every time he talks, I could feel the sound coming from him surging through my own body because we're so closely connected.

I've never let myself end up in this situation with anyone in my life. This close. This soon. He could hear and feel how wildly my heart was beating in my chest. The look of genuineness in my eyes, how attentive I was when he speaks, how close I wanted him to be.

"Do you want to shower?" Asher breathes out, lifting himself up after a while.

I instantly miss him between my legs.

I push my body up too, balancing on my elbows. "I don't have any clothes."

He doesn't hesitate, kissing over my left knee. "You can always wear mine, it's not an issue."

"In that case, I'll gladly shower now."I bite my lip and scoot off the bed. My lips feel like they're still being kissed.

I can't help but scan the room. I've only been here twice. We messed up his bed from our sexual tension unpacking, but other than that the room is pretty well kept. He's got a blue and gray theme going on. There's a mirror by a rack of impressive shoes on display. On his desk are gigantic textbooks, an opened laptop, a medical mask that I don't find weird because ever since Covid happened it's been a norm to have. I do catch a glimpse of a calculator sitting at the end of the desk though. The buttons appear huge.

"If you don't know math as an Econ student you're fucked." Asher comments when he notices the direction my eyes went.

"Makes sense." I laugh, turning in the direction of the bathroom. I find myself beside his hockey bag, the same one I've seen over his shoulder many times before. "Where are your porn magazines?"

"Don't know what you're talking about. I don't need porn magazines." He laughs through his nose.

"You're right, good answer." I give him a wink but what really makes me smile is the little shelf in the corner with toys and books for his three year old son.

It looks exactly the same as the last time I saw it. The first time I entered this room, Asher showed me where to tuck Tommy in after he reached out.

I remember how he stood outside the club talking to me on the phone. I was annoyed for some time on the call, I just wanted him to show him which room was his.

Now things have changed. That feels like ages ago but in reality, it wasn't.

——

Asher gave me one of his hockey sweatshirts while my puffer jacket dries. Thunderbirds, the name of our school's hockey team shines on left breast. It doesn't look as hideous as I thought it would on my body. The navy blue color does wonders for my skin tone. I can't say the same for his drawstring shorts though. Those look like parachutes on my legs. My waist is way too slim for the waistband so it leaves a large gap in the back. I do appreciate the feel on my skin and the fact that I'm not in wet clothes.

"I think it needs a lot more sugar. What do you think?"Asher's currently making strawberry jam.

Instead of buying a seedless strawberry jam from the smucker's brand at the grocery store like Sutton always does, Asher decides it's better to make it from scratch.

He lets it cool and swipes it on my palm. I lick the almost sticky substance and swallow. "It's fine. I don't think it needs any more sugar at all. It's literally waaaay too sweet if anything."

A stupid grin lights up his face. "Nah, I need more sugar. Give me a kiss."

That's when I picked up what he really meant.

I shake my head, trying to find the right words. "You're so..." I burst out laughing because I can't help myself.

He holds my chin, tilting my head upwards so I have no choice but to see his face. Then I'm not laughing anymore, that doesn't stop the grin on my lips though. "So...what?"His brown eyes are so captivating I can't look away.

I don't answer.

Because I just can't be mean to him. Even if I'm playing around. He's too cute for his own good.

Then he's kissing me. I could taste the strawberries and sugar on his lips. When he pulls away, I'm licking my own mouth. I can't get enough of the sweet taste.

"Okay, I have an important question," I playfully shove him away from me before I actually jump on him if I don't contain my intrusive thoughts. I think about how I've gathered that I now knew what his birthday was. What his favorite color was. What he likes to do. What he likes to eat. But I don't know this question. "What's your middle name? You know mine."

I haven't forgotten how he said my full name in that hookah lounge restroom. How my friends really gave him that information. I'm still not in this group chat. Am I?

"Alexander."He tells me. "My dad has the same middle name."

Asher Alexander Humphrey.

"I mean, it's cute."I point out, liking the way it sounds in my head. "Does Tommy have the same middle name?"

Asher nods, stirring the pot. "He does, it was my Mom's idea."

"Cute, really." I brace my back on the counter and just watch how his arms move.

"Okay, so," He turns the stove off and turns around. "We'll just let it chill there and then I'll throw it a jar."

I nod as he continues talking. "About the fantasy thing you asked earlier...I have this fantasy but you have to promise not to laugh."

Why would he think I'd laugh? "Um, I won't laugh. I'm serious."

I try not to burst out laughing because for some reason he's grinning already, ears going pink. I'm not sure what I should be expecting.

Then he tells me. A shower fantasy. I listen to everything he says even the part where Cole told him that he made sure no one saw after practice when he was in the shower. By the time Asher's done talking, my eyes have gone wide.

My hands are covering my mouth, my laughter muffled. "How long was this? Oh My God."

He stares at me with those brown eyes before he admits with a chuckle. "Before your birthday. You said you wouldn't laugh."

"So, you've been thinking about me sexually this whole time." I can't say I'm too shocked. Men thought about sex way more than women and that's a fact. "And yeah I'm sorry that was before—"I catch my breath, praying my eyes don't water. "I can't believe you did that. I'm just imagining all the guys wanting to shower and you're in there like fuck Riley." I exhale with another laugh, trying to mimic his deep voice.

"Alright, alright." He guffaws at my attempt at mimicking him as steps in my direction, coming so close it causes my back to brace into the counter. "So I don't need porn magazines. But yes, I think about you in a lot of ways. I think about you all the time actually. You made me do a crazy thing."

I almost tell him that when we first started texting I randomly pictured him in ways I shouldn't have but I don't let the words slip.

Our legs are touching. "No, you made me do a crazy thing too. Are we forgetting Jade's dorm?" I remind him, smiling innocently. "Well, what else do you think about when it comes to me? Do tell." I keep my gaze on his face.

"Let's just say we make each other do crazy things." He interlaces our fingers, his attention on our hands before his gaze reaches my eyes again. "I think about how comfortable I am around you. I'm not sure if you know this but you're caring, you don't just think about yourself." He lifts our hands and plants a kiss on my knuckles. "I think about how much I like you. How much we like each other. I just want you to know that I'm not messing around here, this isn't just hooking up or a friends with benefits thing for me. I want you, for real."

My heart started beating so loudly, I could feel it in my ears. Thump. Thump. Thump.

It's happening. That decision. The one I always run from whenever hanging out gets to that point.

"And I know you're scared and like I told you before, I'm not going anywhere."

I press my fingers against his cheekbone, exactly where it was red and bruised the night he wanted me to babysit. "I'm not scared. If I was, I wouldn't be here with you right now. I want you, too. I want all those things."

I've never met anyone who made me feel so secure before. Someone so open with their feelings and thoughts.

"I've wanted you since the day you put your hand over mine in Sips Coffeehouse." He was right back then. I don't ask for help. Not really. I always thought I could handle every issue I have on my own.

If I'm being honest with myself, I've wanted him since he came to the bathroom of the hookah lounge on my birthday to check on me.

I've wanted him since he told me exactly what he wanted in Jade's dorm.

I've wanted him since he listened to me at his aunt's house in Marquette.

How could I not? We haven't been in each other's presence all that long but somehow it felt like I've known him forever.

He cups my face in his hands. "Then I'm yours and you are mine."He says the words like he really means them.

"You were right," I say, biting my bottom lip. "In Jade's room when you said it and you're right now, I'm yours." I'm facing the facts here. No one else will get me as excited as he does and he knows that.

My body levitated when his lips touched mine. The sensation his stubble brings to my bones is unlike anything else. It didn't feel like I was in the kitchen of the brick house. I feel like I'm transported somewhere else. He meshes so well with me, it's insane.

That's when I knew.

That's when it hit me.

Sutton was right.

I was falling in love with this guy.

I'm no longer letting my issues get in the way of what I deserve.

He's accepted me for who I am. I've let my guards down when I'm around him and he's melted the ice protecting my heart. I trust him with it and that's something I've never done especially in the span of weeks.

It's impossible not to. He cares about me. He cares that I'm home safe, he cares if I'm eating, he cares that my mind's at ease.

He's putting the pieces of my heart together again. I don't think even he knows it. My icy heart, a heart that he didn't even rip right down the middle. It's not easy, it's gradual and I'm letting him do it. I'm more than the girl who numbs the pain with cigarettes and wine on Friday nights. I don't want to be her anymore.

I want to be exactly the way Asher sees me.

So I kiss him like it's the last thing I'll do.

Someone clears their throat. "Well, well, well."

I know my brother's voice from anywhere. "If it isn't the love birds caught in action. Hey, don't let me stop you."He lifts both arms up in surrender when I peel myself away from his teammate.

My cheeks burn. I can't feel my face. "Hi Cole. What are you doing here?" I try to sound unaffected but I'm breathless from the kiss.

"I'm not Coleslaw now?"He huffs, raising an eyebrow. "I live here, remember? And Asher and I already had a chat so I'm fine with it. Not my place to say anything about your decisions and I trust both of you so."

I slowly to Asher then back to meet my brother's green eyes. "Really?"I choke out.

First of all, Asher never mentioned this said conversation.

"Riley, I knew you liked him. I'm your brother." Cole says, "Remember when you talked about this 'friend' I know and handed the phone to Asher on thanksgiving? The way you just wanted me to know, you wanted to see my reaction and that was you telling me all I needed to know."

Jeez he really does know me. Okay.

"So if you guys are dating now, that's cool. I just don't want to—"He pauses, eyes scanning over my outfit. Asher's clothes. "You know, hear what you guys do beyond the walls, cool?"

"Done." I smile because the last thing I want to do is have this conversation.

Just then my phone makes a sound and it practically saves me. I grab it from the counter to see that there's a bunch of emails. Unlocking the device, I go straight to the app and it opens up.

Mailboxes- [email protected]
Inbox- 9,674
VIP >

Gmail
Drafts 5
Sent 1
Junk 6
Trash >
All Mail 9,675
Important 1,468
Starred >
Notes >

I click on the inbox and all my mail pops up.

All Mail
• Professor Grimshaw
I was informed about the Dean's decision
I'm at the studio right now and it could
be in your best interest to see me now...

•Brittany Spence
Art History notes...

• Spotify
Playlist made for you...

• Pinterest
You have a good eye...

My heart is literally beating so fast I can barely feel my own skin. "I...have to go, Professor Grimshaw wants to see me."

"I'll grab your puffer jacket from the drier."Asher says, brushing a comforting hand over my shoulder before he leaves the room.

It's silent for a while until Cole puts his hand on top of mine. "As long as you're happy, don't self sabotage okay?"He's talking about how I treat my romantic relationship and he's right. "I'll drive you to campus."

Twenty minutes later, we're in Cole's car and he's driving me to Taft. I don't know why I feel nervous. Maybe it's because this means so much to me. I can feel my soul screaming for a cigarette. For something to end the ongoing crisis unfolding within me. I gave Asher the passenger seat because I'm sure when I'm gone, he and Cole are going to be talking to one another and it's easier than switching afterwards.

Every now and then, Asher stretches his hand behind the headrest of his seat so I can touch him. It's his little way of smoothing my nerves without saying anything out loud. His calloused hand somehow feels gentle against my palm. Physical touch isn't explained enough. A wave of calmness washes over me every time I touch him.

Reluctantly, I let go of his hand just so his arm doesn't start hurting and the energy from his skin lingers beneath mine. Through the front view mirror, I caught his eyes on me.

At the back of my head, I keep thinking that Professor Grimshaw might be summoning me to say that despite the artwork being mine I'm still not going to be in the The Book Show. Pessimistic, yes, realistically speaking it's not far fetched. The truth is, I don't really know what she's going to say to me. It could be great. It could be devastating. I don't know.

But I focus on Asher's warm brown eyes as he watches me, my fingers keeping the pink tulips to my chest.

Then I let go of every thought I've ever had.

—

Author's note:
Happy Friday! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Didn't proofread. Also I'll be on Tiktok live where I'll be watching The Summer I Turned Pretty Season 2 so you wanna join make sure you're following my Tiktok _consequential_