i know what the truth is, don't i?

why do i wait

when i know that the words

"i like you"

are not for me

but for her instead?

✕

In her gut feeling, as Mae clutched on to her backpack straps, she felt that today was the day. Something was definitely going to happen. Considering the frenzy happening in school, it was most likely going to be another promposal or something of the sort. 

Against her better judgment, she was considering asking him to prom. They didn't have to be dating to go, and considering he never made a decisions about his feelings he probably wouldn't make one now so she could just ask him and he would say yes. They could go as friends. Or she could confess to him today, get her nerves in place and just get it over with. She was brave, right? Enough to tell one of her best friends the truth? Mae sighed and dismissed her thoughts, pushing it to the back of her mind and decided to focus on whatever hellish things school was going to put her through. 

To everyone else in her class, everything was going normally (well, as normally as it could) but only Mae was feeling a continuous pressure on her back, and she didn't know what to do. Why was she so stressed out over something tentative? No one confirmed that Jasper was going to ask Minhee to prom, right? So she had nothing to worry about.

But then she turned and saw Jasper with his bouquet of flowers, and realized he made up his mind already.  He was forced to choose, and when there's two choices, people obviously go for the better one. It's just how the world works. It wasn't like Mae didn't expect it. But, she should have been more prepared. 

There was Jasper, quietly talking to Minhee, while she had a lasting blush and a small smile on her face. It was clear that he asked her "the question" and that she was most definitely prepared to say yes to him.

As the rest of the class was cheering Jasper and Minhee on while the two were shyly talking, Mae managed to slip away. She crumpled up the letter she was holding in her hand, disappointed. She thought maybe today was going to be the day, that even if he wasn't going to reciprocate her feelings for him then at least she could get some closure and she could finally focus on getting over him. Mae hated herself for feeling this way; she was the one who pushed Minhee to say yes, and that she wouldn't feel bitter if the guy they both liked asked her to prom. She wanted Minhee to be happy, didn't she? That's what she always thought whenever they all hung out, that no matter what happened, as long as if Minhee was going to be happy in the end Mae would be okay with it and find a way to deal with it. Had she listened to her friends' advice to be assertive and step up, she just never wanted to hurt her best friend's feelings just for the sake of a high school crush. Yet she was feeling so bitter.

"Hey," a voice said softly, directed to Mae who was sitting down in front of the cafeteria doors.

"Hey Mark, what's up?" Mae asked, slightly sniffly as she rubbed her nose.

"Just wanted to check up on you. You doing okay?" 

"Physically, great! Emotionally, I kinda just got my heart broken. I guess at this point I got enough closure, so I don't even need to confess anymore. Yeah, I'm definitely not going to confess anymore," she replied. Mark tsked in agreement, patting her shoulder good-naturedly.

"I'm sorry that this had to happen, Mae. But chin up. It's not like after high school you won't be in a better situation, where you can focus more emotionally and make better relationships with people. You won't have to be stuck around the same people for 4 years and you'll have the opportunity to meet so many more people, won't you?"

"You're right," Mae responded, and stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes in an effort to make her tears stop flowing (it worked a little bit. Not so much.). With a huff, Mae stood up and brushed her jeans off, and after giving a reassuring smile to Mark, the two walked back into the cafeteria, and it was as if Mae never left. She was whole on the outside and kept a mask on her face, but underneath, her heart was already shattered.

"could you find a way to let me down slowly,

a little sympathy i hope you can show me

if you wanna go, then i'll be so lonely

if you're leaving, baby let me down slowly"

-alec benjamin, let me down slowly

✕

Apologies for updating so late! I had a lot on my mind, with final exams and also my general lack of a will to live/do anything necessary for survival or otherwise getting in the way of me writing. But I promise I'll have some more updates coming up soon, considering there are only a few more chapters that I can technically still update. 

I'm sure a lot of you have been thinking, why is Mae so obsessed with Jasper? How did her heart break because of a simple high school crush? To answer the question, Mae is a high schooler. She doesn't know better. She thinks she's in love with Jasper when maybe she was just in love with his personality or the idea of him as a significant other. Mae is still maturing, she's still learning new things and she's a human being so she's not perfect :)

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

5:21 pm | 979 wc

- Daze