if only you didn't confuse me so much,

and make my mind more of a mess of things

then i could focus on getting over you

instead of waiting;

instead of waiting for my heart to get broken.

✕  

"Mae, how are you doing?" Mark quietly whispered to her as they sat through their boring English class. She looked at him pointedly. He knew the answer.

He sighed deeply, saying, "Alright, do you want to go for ice cream? With me and Em?" Mae was about to say no, but she saw Em's pleading eyes in front of her, and she nodded like her head was going to fall off. Mark chuckled and grabbed his bag.

"Alright, I'll meet you there then. Be careful on the drive, okay Mae?" he asked as they left the classroom. 

Class today, for Mae, was hectic. There was just so much to do, and homework was piling up, there were so many exams next week—would she even have time to study?—and her stress was building up. To top it off, Jasper started showing hanging out more with Minhee. Mae was jealous of course, because that's the guy she likes hanging out with her best friend, but he was hardly talking to her and she didn't only lose him as a possible significant other, but also as a friend. That's at least how she felt. 

If I wasn't underage, I would probably drown all my sorrows in some vodka right now, she thought mournfully, starting her car and slamming her head against the steering wheel. Her phone suddenly rang, and she jumped up, startled. Her hands fumbled with her phone from her nervousness and after a few minutes she succeeded.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Where are you Mae? Em and I have been waiting."

"I'll be there. I just got caught up with Ms. P. Talking to her about exams and whatnot. I'm in my car now, so I'll be there soon," she said, hoping her voice wasn't cracking.

"...alright, sure. Em and I are ordering large sundaes. Should I get you something too? That way it'll be there by the time you get here."

"Sure. 'Kay, I'm gonna hang up now. See ya," Mae replied, sighing. She knew Mark could see right through her. It was obvious she was crying, but if he picked up on it, he never said anything. 

Within minutes, Mae reached the small shop, closing the door with a small jingle. Soft music played on the speakers, and she easily spotted Em and Mark sitting in a nearby booth. Em was laughing about something that Mark said, as she put her hair behind her ears and looked at him intensely. Mae grinned, thinking about how they would be a cute couple. Mark suddenly looked up and they made eye contact, and Mae sidled into the pink and white booth, taking a seat next to Mark, who was sharing a strawberry sundae with Emily.

"Here's your mint chocolate chip. I took a few bites, hope you don't mind," Mark said as he pushed a large green sundae towards her. She shook her head and thanked him, and considered taking a bite, but she just took a deep breath and began.

"Alright Mae, go slowly okay? We're here for you," Em said, patting and holding Mae's hands as she tried not to cry, thinking about Jasper and Minhee. 

"I know it's high school, I know that it's not expected for me to have a relationship right now...but I don't know how to describe it. Seeing them with each other kills me on the inside even though Jasper probably really hasn't admitted to himself that he's basically in love with Minhee. I don't know like I thought it would be okay and maybe I'm making a big deal out of it. Is it weird that I'm becoming insecure about it?"

"Don't be, Mae. It's just one guy in high school."

"But you see, high school is when we're the most stressed out. And the fact that I like someone who doesn't like me back just adds to the stress. And now I'm just worried that I'm not good enough. I know Minhee is better than me in basically every aspect, and I'm always going to be overlooked because there's better people. Will I ever be good enough?" she asked, fat tears spilling onto her cheeks as she rocked back and forth. Mark looked at Em pointedly and started rubbing Mae's back in an effort to get her to calm down. At this point, Mae's words were no longer coherent and she was a crying mess. Anyone else may think Mae was being overly dramatic, but in her defense, she had never felt heartbreak before.She was a ball of pure, raw emotion; filled with anger at herself and sorrow for the loss of a friend. 

Mae suddenly stood up, surprising both Mark and Em who were talking in hushed whispers so that they would not disturb Mae. She wiped her eyes, giving Mark a watery smile and a playful nudge, before excusing herself to the bathroom. 

Mark sighed and ran his hands through his hair—which Em thought was the hottest thing ever—and looked her in the eyes. 

"What's up? You seem like you have something weighing on your mind."

"I don't know, Em. I want to help Mae out with her problems but who am I to give advice when I can't even get in a relationship myself?"

"Ah, so there's a girl, huh?" Em asked, masking the disappointment she felt. Mark nodded fervently, a red blush appearing on his cheeks. Cute.

"I...I want to ask her out, I guess? I don't know what to do."

"Just be yourself, alright? It'll go well," she replied, patting his hand reassuringly. He nodded in response, drumming his fingers across the table, when his phone suddenly vibrated.

| 1 new message from Mae |

ask her. now. you'll regret it if you don't . good luck kiddo

Mark set his phone down as his leg bounced up and down. Am I really ready to do this?  

"Hey Em?"

"Yeah?" she asked, putting her hair behind her ears.

"Are you first love sight or—fuck I messed up. I am utter trash," he muttered to himself. A pregnant silence followed, and Mark looked away in embarrassment, aware that Emily now knew of his intentions.

"Is that why I want to take you out so badly?" she asked softly, taking his hands in hers.  His blush deepened.

"W-wait. Fuck I wasn't prepared! What the heck Em? Sorry for messing up that pick up line. You looked even prettier than usual for that one moment and I was gonna use the classic "do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again" but really I'm the one who fell for you at first sight and then I got to know you and you're such a wonderful, beautiful person and caring friend and I thought you would never like me back I mean you never talked about your feelings to people and I guess you never really elaborated on them and I told Mae about this and she said I should ask you but—" Emily rolled her eyes and leaned forward, pushing her lips against his in an effort to shut him up. He put his hand behind her head and pulled her closer as they both smiled into the kiss, happy that the other liked them back.

"You taste like strawberry," he muttered.

"Yeah, you too."

"Does this mean we're...you know, dating now?" 

"Mark, you literally just professed your love for me. And as far as I'm aware, I've had these feelings for you for such a long time. And, we just kissed. So now you tell me, are we dating?"  Mark rolled his eyes.

"Stop being so sassy."

Meanwhile, Mae who was "monitoring" from the bathroom, sighed in both relief and sadness. Finally, those two got together after pining for each other for the past 4 years. But at the same time, she couldn't help but feel sad knowing that she wasn't going to have the same thing. At least not for a while. She shuffled back to the booth, where Em was red and giggly and Mark was telling her cheesy pickup lines and kissing her hand.

"Hey lovebirds." The two looked up, blushing at the way she addressed them.

"I'm gonna leave now, if that's okay with you guys. I have some work to do and I'm going to have to pick up Jiao soon. Congratulations on finally becoming a couple. Thanks for today. Alright, I'm rambling, so see you guys in school soon!" she shouted before leaving and running to her car. Mark shrugged and the two continued their previous conversation.

The journey home for Mae was normal. Even though the sadness she felt wasn't going away any time soon, she couldn't help but feel at peace. Maybe it was the fact that she helped her two best friends realize their feelings for each other? Or she was beginning to accept that Jasper wasn't the one for her?

She wasn't going to conclude anything. Even though she knew, deep down, exactly what Jasper wanted, he never said anything about her. 

In the end, love is just a waiting game.

✕

hi everyone! how are you guys doing?

it's been a month since i've written something. maybe i should keep that as a regular update schedule? i'm finally done with exams, though, which means i can probably write chapters regularly.

i always envisioned mark and emily getting together. i mean, in the story, mark is a stuttering mess and em is a little confident, but i'm sure if this happened between the people the characters are based on, the roles would almost be reversed.

i know that the book's ending is obvious, and that everyone knows who's going to end up together. however, i might throw in a bit of a surprise later? we'll see. (maybe i'll kill off a character? i'm kidding. this is supposed to be realistic fiction). but it's not going to be easy for them either, so stay tuned for the rest of the book.

anyway! thank you for reading today's chapter, and hopefully i'll have something out next month. thanks for all the support you've been giving me.

au revoir,

daze x   

[wc 1729 | 12:34 am]