' in vino veritas '

━━━━━

Alcohol is a strange thing. It can create. The alcoholic beverage burns her throat, feels like sandpaper against flesh.

Strange. It can show you the truth that you hate most of all, but it can also show you what you want to see.

And she hates the truth that she's seeing in front of her eyes. Poured wine on her lips, because she's miserable and power is oozing from her finger tips and all she can think about is the past.

The past where there was Tomoe. Where there were shields that protected her from hurt, because everything was all in vain now, because it was as plain as day, no matter how many walls she erected again, her heart had been wounded.

And there was no repairing it.

Kaede cries and cries again. Because there is no letting go. No letting go of the boy who loved blue and hated braids. Who adored his apples peeled and hated murderers who had no reason. Who wanted more to his life than a power who willed him. Who blushed under the light at obscene images, who preferred his tea sweetened with honey, who chose cleanliness over everything.

Tomoe who made her feel all those different emotions like various shades of the rainbow.

And underneath all the false things, and her self-proclaimed need for isolation, maybe Kaede didn't want to be alone anymore. It was just [extremely] unfortunate that she realized it when it was too late. That as much as she spouted all those wishes of isolation, Kaede wanted a companion.

Something to give her halcyon in those cold, arctic days. The one that would be the moon to her darkness. Something to contain all the stars inside of her.

And it feels horrible again, because she remembers how it's all so perfect. How all those people immediately appear at the mention of companion. Of friends. How they warm the ice in her soul, and light the darkness in her eyes. How there was peace in all that chaos.

All those days with them.

Alcohol was a thing that gave people murky visions, but there was clarity in the truth it gave her.

"Good night," she says.

"You too. Don't get into trouble." Take care.

No one except for Tomoe had cared enough.

"W-Where are you going, Yuko-san?" Kouda, her kind, soft spoken classmate asks her.

"The teacher's lounge, I have something to say," she answered with a cordial smile. "And you can just call me Yuko, no need for the formalities. You're like the nicest person in this class."

The boy blushes at the compliment, smiles, then says, "Keep safe."

No one had ever told her to be safe, because they all believed that danger flowed in her veins like the blossoms of the pink water lilies she'd seen efflorescing in the river.

"The rice is tasty here, isn't it?" Uraraka asked and Yuko nodded furiously. The rice was divine. So divine that she remembered contemplating becoming a lunch hero like Lunch Rush during the first time she tasted it. Of course that was utterly ruined when she realized that she could only cook instant noodles and barely managed to not burn the rice. She told Uraraka exactly that and the occupants of the table began laughing.

There was the small laughter and the tiny lilts in their tone. Laughing at jokes, and telling stories. A haven void of blood and light and darkness.

"Oi, little girl!" the owner of the noodle house calls, Mizutani Shinya (but he preferred to be called 'Owner' or 'Boss') as she stands in front of the sink, hands clenching the sponge tightly. "You okay back there?"

Even the simple questions were never asked, not because she was always all right, but because they were forever meant for misery and they just had to bury the pain in her hearts.

"Please be mindful next time," Iida says before focusing on Aizawa's lessons on quadratic formulas and their importance.

"I will."

"Do you need help, Yuko-san?" Kouda asks and she sees Uraraka's concerned face too. "You're pale."

She repeats. No one. No one made her feel all that warmth. No one wanted to give her a blanket amidst the harsh snowstorms of life.

She slept soundly that time and even the boy, the ticking time bomb with blonde hair and crimson eyes, didn't do anything to harm her, just tuck an errant strand of her hair that fell over her face.

It didn't make her heart pound, no stampeding stallions or bulls taking her with horns, but simple clarity. A calm in the chaos after years. Void of numbers and seconds and knives. Just the sound of her heart beating calmly on her chest and the nearby rustles of the wild berry bushes.

"It's just that you've looked even more determined for the past days," he said.

"Have I?"

"Yes," he says and adds in a soft voice, his blunt voice. "And you look even more beautiful when you show it."

Not in physical appearances. A beauty inside and not the kind where you're being smothered or sharp, but all the brightness. Not features raised to extremes, but uncovered danger.

"You did amazing, Yuko-chan!" Uraraka says and pulls the white haired girl to an embrace. "You were so cool when you battled Tokoyami-kun! Passionate and fiery!"

"Such level headed decisions and amazing reflexes too," Iida chimes with a smile moving those hands of his as if he's a robot and that makes Yuko smile gratefully at the both of them.

Even those miniscule compliments made her eyes water.

"It's okay, Yuko-chan," Shinomiya tells her with a smile. "You go on and enjoy your youth. We can handle this."

Enjoying her youth. No one made her want to do that. No adult thought about her youth, only that she was to be feared/ hated/ taught/ used.

"It's okay," she says and slings an arm over his shoulder, grinning. "You'll avenge me, won't you?"

"Idiot."

But he's smiling.

Those stupid little taunts, calling her stupid that she normally wouldn't have tolerated and Kaede wondered if she was being masochistic, but it almost like an endearment at Shouto's lips. The best friend she could have had. The best friend she wanted to have.

"I'm just worried," he said. "It's not like you for be so secretive. I just don't like troublesome secrets between us."

"It's okay." It really was. "I trust you anyways."

"Thanks," he replied. "And if it's any consolation, I was just overwhelmed with worry earlier and I really, genuinely trust you too."

Even though Akihisa Yuko was weak, even though no one could trust her with their lives. Despite the fact that she was a complete blabbermouth and no one could trust her with a secret. He proclaimed it.

"Why do I keep you anyway?" the hot and cold boy asks as his eyes survey Katsuki Bakugou's rampaging form, lamenting his choice of friends and Yuko can't help but laugh.

Yuko, still tightly clung on him grins as she sends a wink to Katsuki's direction. "Because you'd prefer me not a corpse," she answers, confidence oozing from milky cheeks, and she sticks a tongue out at Bakugou again, whose fingertips are crackling with miniscule explosions that will prove to be fatal once in contact with human skin.

"God, Yuko..."

There was happiness in those moments. Swimming in stars and drinking saccharine straight from the bottle. Enough sunbeams and moonbeams of happiness for this world.

"We work well together," Sero says and gives Kouda a pat on the back followed by a chuckle from Yuko who's leaned against one of the ancient teak trees to steady herself.

Companionship. Even though she could be a liability and most of the time, utterly obnoxious.

"Learn to take care of yourself, dumbass."

Yuko only smiles at that, eyes twinkling with blue diamonds and stomach swimming with stars. "Thank you," she says. "You take care too."

And in the end, she hurt them. When she told them to keep safe or take care, she was the one who broke their hearts. Betrayed that trust they gave her so willingly.

Tomoe was uncomplicated. Why did he have to leave?

"I miss you," she whispers, hands bleeding from all the glass shards, heart bleeding from the memories, "I miss you so much, Tomoe. I miss being happy so damm much."

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