We have the entire Sunday to ourselves and I show him my city. My mother stopped being so sharp-eyed and even though she has to get used to Sorley's presence in this house, we quickly fall back into our old routine.

I go to school properly every day and do my job according to my roster. Every minute I'm not with Sorley, I miss him, but I want to be done with this school at the end of the school year. Now, more then ever. And when I want to leave home, I'll need money, so I never complain about my hours and spend as little as possible.

The time I'm away, Sorley spends on training at the nearest fitness centre and working on some work assignments he receives from America. Something to do with computers, websites, I have no idea what, precisely.

A week passes by. Halfway the second, my mother asks me when he plans to go back again and I know I can't expect her to put up with an extra person in her house for much longer, yet it still hurts to think about saying goodbye.

"I can get a hotel", he suggests, when I bring it up in the evening.

"That's a waste of your money", I mumble. I've spent the entire day thinking about a solution, but unless he wants to spend more money on an extended stay, I come up empty. The thought crossed my mind to ask my father if Sorley can stay there. However my father will want to know a lot more details than my mother and frankly I think it's not fair to grandma Meghan, when he stays here much longer. When I say that out loud, Sorley nods resigned. He knows I'm right.

"We have our books, we can see each other whenever we want to."

"Yeah, "I sigh, "for now that'll have to do."

---

At the end of the second week we're back at the train station. There's a little less than ten minutes to go before the train to Amsterdam takes off and I've wrapped my arms tightly around Sorley's waist. He holds me just as tight and every time I feel tears surfacing, I blink vehemently to push them away. I don't want to cry. Not now. That'll come later, when I can no longer see him.

"Let me know when you have a holiday in spring, I'll try to come over."

I nod, afraid my voice will break when I speak.

The train rolls into the station and all around us, people get off and on.

When Sorley really can't linger any longer, he lets me go, gives me one last kiss on the lips and gets on board.

"I'm going to miss you."

The door closes in front of him and I wave. I walk next to the leaving train. Then I'm running. And then the platform ends, but he's already gone, because the train is faster than my legs. My eyes mist over, but I sniff loudly a few times and rub my tears away.

"I'll miss you too", I whisper into the void. My shoulders drop.

One whole day, twenty four hours I have to wait before I can see him again. And then we only have the moments inside the book. The moment before I go to sleep. In the middle of the day for him. Falling asleep together is out of the question for now.

While I leave the station – the ticket I bought especially so I could stay with him till the very last moment, I turn into a paper ball and throw away – I notice something changing inside me. With every breath I take, my resolve to spend my future with Sorley strengthens. Somehow I've already made the decision to not stay in the Netherlands. Which means I have to do my utmost in English, because from now on, that's my most important subject.

---

Time passes slowly during brakes and moments I have nothing to do. And so I fill those moments with studying and reading. Everything I can find about schools in America, educations, social cultures. Isla lets me be. She knows what I do it for, because she is the only one I confide in.

One day my English teacher asks me to remain after class. When everyone left the room, he asks: "Zara, did you make a decision about what you want to do after school?"

A little surprised, I shake my head.

"I'm asking because I've noticed a positive change this passed time in my class. Your efforts have increased tenfold and it shows in your grades. It probably doesn't have anything to do with my teaching." He laughs and I smile politely, curious as to what his point is. "Anyway, I wondered whether you are perhaps interested in continuing your education in this area. You sure have the aptitude and enthusiasm."

He finally grabs my attention. "What do you mean?"

"English Literature. Or English teacher, or something in that direction. When you take two more years of vwo after your exams, you can study Engels at the university."

"Oh, no, I don't want to stay here for another two years ehm..." Should I tell him? No, he doesn't need to know the reason. "I would like to go to America after school. Is it possible for me to do an English education there?"

"America? Well, there will surely be possibilities. You'll probably need to take some sort of test. Would you like me to look into it? We might take up extra work for you in your classes, to prepare. Do you already have a school in mind that you want to attend?"

"Eh, no, not yet."

"Delve into that, I will inquire about the admission requirements."

"Please, thank you." I think my eyes are large as saucers and quickly I blink a few times. Wow, studying English in America, why didn't I think of that? My parents will see me coming. I can't wait to tell Sorley tonight. Literature wasn't really on my list of possibilities, but somehow I think I was meant to head in that direction. Like me having this weird gift, has been pointing me in the right direction.

The fact I studied English with all my might, didn't really have anything to do with any preference for the language. However, diving into it deeper these last few weeks, made me realize I actually like it.

---

When school's out and I've finished work, I install myself behind my laptop and soon I've compiled a huge list of possibilities for studying English. Nothing in Boulder, but there is one in Denver. A look at the clock tells me I have half an hour left. I'm sure Sorley is able to find out if there is anything for me in Boulder and what I need to get in.

Just for the fun of it, I research other countries where you can study English and to my surprise I see that's possible almost everywhere. Even in South Africa.

My stomach growls. Oh, I completely forgot to eat dinner. I close my laptop, run downstairs and rummage through the fridge. There is some leftover quiche from yesterday and some salad. I devour them both cold, and lock myself in my room once again.

The first few days after Sorley left and I installed this rhythm, my mother sometimes asked why I always remained upstairs. After I finally told her I spend every night talking to Sorley, she got of my back.

I count the minutes and then the seconds and precisely at eight o'clock I open my book.

"I'm going to study English next year. In America. My teacher came up with the idea. Isn't it great?"

Sorley catches me and I enjoy the feeling of his arms around me. The familiar surroundings are the same each day, but I no longer pay attention to it.

We sit down in the grass and elated I look at my boyfriend. There is, however, no relaxed smile on his face, rather he's wearing a troubled expression.

"Don't you like the idea?"

His fingers intertwine with mine and lower my heart rate.

"Of course I think it's a good idea. Studying English, aye. Literature, right? Or just the language?"

"Ehm... I don't know, it doesn't matter much."

He squints and stares to a point somewhere in the distance.

"Sorley? Is something the matter?" A knot in my stomach begins to cause an ache. Up till now I've never had to worry about our relationship. Should I start to worry now?

Two brown eyes refocus and turn back to mine. When he reads my expression, he hastily squeezes my hands. "No, nothing to worry about. It's something my gran said this morning. Not to me, I heard her talking on the phone, but I haven't had a chance yet to ask her about it. "

He doesn't immediately tell me what it is and impatiently I hop up and down. Eventually he says: "I think she wants to move."

"Move? To where?"

"I don't know. We've always lived in Boulder, I was born here. We chose this house because of the accident and the wheelchair, but now that I can walk, we don't really need it any more. It's not very large, but the biggest source of our income was a kind of benefit for invalids. I'm no longer an invalid, so no more payments. But I have no education after High School, so no way to make money. At least, not enough to maintain gran and me both."

Oh. I've never thought about that. In all my plans I just figured I could live with Sorley and his grandma, however if they can't even make enough money for the two of them, they won't want another freeloader. In my search for schools, I read about a campus, yet I doubt that will be for free.

For a while we sit across from each other, both deep in thought. But then Sorley says: "It'll be fine. No matter where we'll go, it won't matter for us, right? Maybe I can convince her to move to the Netherlands." He laughs and I do as well. However, my naive dream of living a carefree college life in America, while spending every day near Sorley, collapses and that leaves a heavy stain on my cheerfulness. Sorley places a hand against my cheek and softly replies: "It will be fine, don't worry."

---

Worrying, however, goes automatically. Especially when I research the costs for studying in the States, the next day. I can't save that amount of money with my job in one year. Let alone make enough, when I do get to America, to pay for the next year. I can envision my future tumbling down and almost forget to go to school because I'm working so hard to find possible solutions.

Isla immediately knows something's the matter and during out first break, I tell her about my dilemma.

"I think there is some kind of exchange possibility, but for that I need to be in university over here, so then I have to pass vwo first to even go to uni. We'll be three years later, by then. I don't want to wait that long."

Comforting, she pats me on my back, but an answer she can't give me.

"And you don't know where they will move to? Perhaps the grandma wants to go to an old folks home, or something like that. Then Sorley can come here and you can remain in your mothers house?"

"And what about him? No way my mum wants two students living off her back. It was difficult for her even to have him in the house for two weeks. And I think she can't wait for me to leave the place. Just imagine how she will react when I ask if we can live with her for the next three years."

Silently we stare at the hundreds of faces around us. Would everybody have problems like this to face, when they think about the future? As if it's not enough to figure out what you want to do in that future in the first place, you'll also need a fortune for it. Maybe I should take that money from the mob-book. By the time I've spend it, no one will be able to trace it back to me, right?

I sigh and place my chin in my hands. Isla pats me on my back again and pulls me up. "Come along, next class is about to begin."

---

That evening I meet a completely different Sorley in our book. He bounces straight at me and lifts me up to swing me around. When he finally puts me down again and kisses me until I run out of air, I can only stare at him, breathing heavily and with burning cheeks.

The boyish smirk that is on his lips, makes my heart flutter and when he pulls me with him to sit in the grass, I end up in his lap.

"I have good news."

Yeah, I figured that.

"Gran has family in Ireland. A cousin, I believe. She recently lost her husband and her kids are all grown up and left the house and that cousin has offered us to come live with her."

For a moment I'm at a loss for words. Wow, that is ... "Wow, that is ... generous."

"It's a B&B I think, so it's not entirely without ulterior motives. She can really use my grans help."

My head automatically moves up and down. Ireland.

"I't in Cork, or near it. But there are a few schools in Cork where you can study English. And the best thing is, we can live in the B&B."

We, he said we. I'm getting all warm and fuzzy inside. We can live in Ireland together and go to school there. The words are swimming in my head and I know they are positive and good and great and there really is a smile on my lips, but the message doesn't quite reach me yet.

He probably sees it in my expression, because I hear him laughing when he hides his face in my neck and begins to shower me with kisses. They're absolutely not helping to get my thoughts in a row, but for now it's enough to know he's very happy. Because that makes me very happy too.

---

Not until it's late in the evening and I'm lying on my back in bed, staring at the shadows, the last piece of the puzzle lands in it's spot and the final picture finally becomes clear.

I'm not going to America, that's so far away and costs so much money. I will stay in Europe, at a normal flying distance from Isla, in the same time zone. Well, about the same. Ireland, I'm going to Ireland next year. To the land where Sorley's ancestors came from. I get to live in a Bed & Breakfast. Maybe I can even work there. I probably can, that way I won't feel guilty.

But by far the best thing about the complete picture, that's beginning to take shape in my mind, is that I'll be together with Sorley. Not in a book, at a distance, in the few hours we have between the time he wakes up and I have to sleep and. No, for real, in the real world. Where time won't stand still and forget about us. It won't be in a world that is made up and where we'll never get hurt, but where we'll also never be able to really live.

It will be difficult and we'll surely argue from time to time and be uncertain whether we'll make it together, but right now, I can face the whole world. The real world.