I'm spending Christmas in the klink

All thanks to a dirty rat fink

Some old hag on her brisk cane-wielding walk

Caught me stealing and decided to talk

Cash from The Salvation Army kettle

Clearly no reason for her to meddle

Just cuz I punched a Santa in the face

Is no good reason I should fall from grace

I told that cop, "Look, you've got me all wrong,

I can't take hearing that Jingle Bells song!"