"Precautionary, kyu?" Yasmin asked.

"Amrinder has caused a lot of damage, not that Sidharth uske jaisa hai. Bas mera mann shant nahi rehta." Shehnaaz said.

"Matlab na, things with Sidharth have been so smooth, warm, easy going but with Amrinder, it was always so spontaneous and kind of scheduled. Also because it was an arranged marriage, things were pretty formal too. Jaise mera ek polite sa behavior hona chahiye, unke ha me ha milana lekin Sidharth ke sath aisa kuch nahi hai. I can be myself, disagree, shout, apologize, laugh and cry. Anytime. It feels light!" she explained.

"Yasmin ek baat puchu?" she asked then.

"Pucho na!" Yasmin smiled.

"Am I doing things right? Matlab ye comparison karke? Koi comparison nahi hai dono ka, lekin mai vo difference dekhne ke liye aisa kar rahi hu.. Should I be doing it?" she asked.

"As long as it makes things clear to you, it's not wrong, but to an extent. Amrinder was of different personality and so is Sidharth and you know that. Lekin comparison ke upar koi relationship aage nahi badh pata. Ho sakta hai kuch cheezon me, tumhari aur Amrinder choices milti thi lekin ab Sidharth ke sath aisa na ho. Would you change your mind based on that? No, right!?" Yasmin said.

"Yeah, I know, Sidharth is a really practical guy, much more than me." Shehnaaz replied.

"It's good you know that, do logo me similarities hona zaruri nahi hai. What matters more is if they want similar things from life and their relationship." Yasmin said.

"Yahi toh nahi pata mujhe! What do I want from him? Maybe some loyalty and honesty, maybe more, I'm not sure. Dar lagta Yasmin, kahi meri feelings jo hai uske liye, vo koi rebound toh nahi hai?" she asked, trying to sort her scattered emotions into a track.

"Iss sawal ka jawab toh tum hi de sakti ho, tumhe lagta hai tum uss khalipan ko bharne ki koshish me Sidharth ke kareeb a rahi ho? Do you want him or do you want to be wanted by someone to fill up the void?" Yasmin framed a question out of it.

"You have to be sure of your feelings for him, without any past baggage." she added.

"Just know that I do care for him aur shayad itna kafi nahi hoga. But for me this is kind of like a first step, like I told you, we're taking it slow. And I don't know how long it's going to take me to be that partner for him." Shehnaaz replied. As considerate as she sounded, she was just trying to make a call towards a new relationship.

"Shehnaaz, getting over your past relationship could be one of the hardest things to do, especially when you had devoted time, energy, effort and money, that you cannot get back now. Therefore, it's taking some time for you to recover and get back on track with your life. Since everyone is different, there is no concrete timeline for how long it takes to get over someone or when it is okay to start dating again. Healing is not linear." Yasmin explained.

"Also regardless of the circumstances as to why the relationship ended, it needs to be processed in a healthy manner. That often means taking some time and space to reflect on yourself later because no one is perfect and not everyone has to be 100% healed in order to move on to the next relationship. And to be honest, it can make a person feel better to have sex, get attention from someone else, and temporarily fill any other voids that may be there. My suggestion would be, sure ho jao. Do what makes you happy, without Amrinder and with Sidharth, Rather than comparing, focus on what or how you can build your equation stronger with him. Baaki tum khud apne aap se pyaar karne lagi ho, khud decide karlogi, I know. Bina bias huye, let yourself breathe. Yeh jo chehre me confusion vala expression hai na, it will be replaced with a huge grin when you know that you'll handle your stuff, your way!" she added.

Shehnaaz simply nodded, sighing softly and smiling now. Her mind and heart were at peace, now that she knew that someone who wasn't over their ex could struggle to form new, healthy emotional attachments but she was glad that she wasn't at such a position. Because it was important to remember that ending a relationship was still considered a loss and getting over with it is called 'the cycle of grief'.

Looking at Amrinder's social media account she had once blocked, she realized that the guy didn't affect her anymore. And it meant that Sidharth wasn't a rebound nor was she going to compare him anymore with Amrinder now, maybe the old chapters were better as closed than kept in touch.

"Hii!" she smiled looking at the person who came to pick her up after she texted him. Sidharth.

"Hello? Who got you smiling like that?" he asked.

"No one!" she lied, not being able to hold back that goofy grin.

"Tujhe bura nahi lagega toh ek baat batau?" she asked.

"Yeh toh sunne ke baad hi pata chalega!" he shrugged.

"Abhi jab mai bahar tera wait kar rahi thi, I did something stupid." she said, showing her phone to him, where she had unblocked Amrinder and was currently swiping through his pictures.

"You stalking him?" he asked, masking up that it hurt to see that.

"Uh-huh, kind of. Pata usko maine block isliye kiya tha, taki usko dekh ke mai dukhi na ho jau. Lekin abhi usko dekha na, kuch bhi feel hi nahi hua." she said, looking into his eyes to let him know that her ex was long forgotten to her.

He just didn't have words to reply, so he simply nodded and focused on the road, wondering why even she unblocked that guy in the first place and why she was telling him that.

"And you know what, aj ka session acha tha. Yasmin is amazing!" she said, placing her phone back inside her purse and turning to him.

"Gaane lagau." she said and was about to switch on the stereo.

"Nahi!" be denied.

"Kyu?" she asked.

"Mujhe headache ho raha hai." he excused with his eyes fixated on the roads, not being able to digest why she was looking for Amrinder again.

"Tu kahi jayega kya?" she asked when he dropped her off to their building but didn't come out of the car.

"Hmm, ghar." he replied before pulling the reverse gear.

"Okay, bye!" she waved at him and he chose to ignore.

"Isko kya ho gaya?" she talked to herself before walking up to her apartment.

Love had no physical existence that you can push yourself into or get yourself out of whenever you like and Sidharth understood the point but where was he going to go with her, if she was going to stalk her cheater ex. She had asked if they could take it slow but then herself chose to see Amrinder again? What the heck? Why? What for? What if she was planning to text him? Her mood was off in the evening, so what happened in the session that she was so jovial about? He wanted to ask her but without talking to her.

"Mama!?" Adved's voice brought him out of his reverie.

"Ha?" he replied, turning to his nephew at the door.

"Khana lag gaya hai, chalo!" Adved informed.

"Heard you guys were partying?" Preeti asked him on the dining table.

"Ha! Are bataya tha na, Roses and Gardens ka contract mila hai. Usi ki party! The team asked Vardhan for a treat." he answered, while eating.

"Project bada hai, work hard on this, you all!" Ajay said.

"Yeah, we've already started working on it." Sidharth replied and they fell into an easy conversation with that.

"Mrs Mishra is pregnant again! Can you believe it Maa?" Preeti asked RitaJi.

"Kon Mishra? Peeche vale block me jo rehte hai?" RitaJi asked.

"Ha!" Preeti was up with a gossip.

"Tujhe kya lena dena hai usse?" Sidharth scoffed.

"Teesra baccha hai uska! Dusre pati ke sath! She was 49 when got married again!" Preeti exaggerated.

"Atleast she's happy now Mom, with a husband who's not abusive!" Adved interjected.

"Bilkul sahi bola tu, mera baccha!" RitaJi kissed her sweet grandson's forehead out of adoration.

"Tujhe kaise pata iss bare me?" Sidharth asked his nephew.

"Shehnaaz di ne bataya, Mishra uncle vohi café chalate hai, jaha aap, mai aur di gaye the! It's rumored that her ex husband used to hit her, Mishra uncle was a neighbor, so when he got to know what was happening, he helped her out of that." the boy replied.

"Shehnaaz vahi na, iski flatmate?" Ajay questioned and Sidharth regretted asking the question. He just hummed, focussing on his food.

"Café?!" Preeti teased his brother.

"Kab gaye the?" she asked her son.

"About a week ago, mai cricket academy se nikla tha-" Adved was answering.

"Ye ghumte phirte apartment ajata hai, toh janta hai usko. And we hung out just once." Sidharth answered. 

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Permanent Roommates - Chapter 36

You know what's difficult? Facing the outcomes of something you didn't even do!
Working yourself out of a toxic relationship is good thing until you realize that you're not able to trust the other person fully who's actually good! That's what Shehnaaz is tackling with.

And Sidharth.. Did you smell something burning? Hehe.. He just lost interest in talking once Shehnaaz mentioned Amrinder! Lol!

And oh.. Oops.. Adved just spilled out that he hung out with Shehnaaz! 😂