"I mean I know I'm supposed to be 'fair' and all, but honestly I feel like I wasn't given my fair share of choices in life."

The lawyer peered over his wire-rimmed glasses at his client. "I'm charging you by the hour Ms. White. Please get to the point." As his client continued he resumed taking notes on his stenographer's pad.

"Some people have even accused me of drugs, but honestly, though I've been known to give into temptation, it was really that bitch that drugged me." The young woman looked pleadingly at the lawyer, "I'm not an addict, sir, honestly."

The lawyer gave his best 'yes, I agree with you', and 'no I wasn't accusing you of being an addict' nod without actually saying a word. This seemed to appease the young woman who reeked of marijuana and she continued.

"Of course after he came and 'rescued' me so to speak, there were expectations. It's just that he was a good kisser and all, and I kind of got caught up in all the whirlwind of that happily ever after crap. But it really was all crap you know that don't you?"

The lawyer nodded without even looking up. He'd seen cases like this more times than he could count. He wanted to run screaming from the room, that's how much he hated listening to these self-entitled princesses. In a year or two, they always came back regretting their latest decision. It was enough to make him vomit, but he had to pay the bills somehow.

"Rich men are often assholes," he said. He knew this is what his client wanted to hear.

"Exactly!" she said. "I need to follow my heart. Life without love is not worth living. I'd rather be in a coffin like my step-mother hoped I'd be by now. She looked up at the sky. God rest her soul."

The lawyer stared at his client. It never ceased to amaze him how people clung to their abusive families. From what he'd read in the papers about this case, he was surprised his client hoped for her step-mother's atonement after the woman's violent, and arguably well-deserved, death.

"Ms. White, since you left your husband, are you living with..." The lawyer paused. What had she called him? "Shortstack...the love of your life?"

"That's not his name!" Ms. White blushed, "But yes, I moved back in with him and his roommates?"

The lawyer raised an eyebrow. This questionable living arrangement could have been ignored if it was prior to the marriage, but his client would likely get fleeced in the divorce given this confession. Though maybe an exception could be made if he could argue his client was just helping the disabled man.

"Is he in the waiting room?"

"Yes," said Ms. White. "But you know he can't speak."

The lawyer nodded. "Ask him to come in."

Ms. White exited to the waiting room and a moment later his client returned with a three foot tall dwarf.

The man frankly looked stoned. The lawyer considered going out on a limb. This would be an ugly divorce proceeding and it would be all over the papers. He didn't have the stomach for the press circus.

"Ms. White," he began. "Are you sure you want to divorce the prince for this guy?"

"We're in love!" protested Snow White and she and Dopey began kissing in earnest.

The lawyer threw down his steno pad. That's it. He was putting in for early retirement.