Wrapped in silence, you sat at the side of Michael's bed, arms crossed in front of your chest and stared at the wall while chewing on the inside of your cheek.

Everything fell apart. Not just your life but also the reality that you had thought was made of truth and trust.

Perhaps it had just been the Alzheimer's talking but Michael had spoken so confident, without hesitation or irritation that it almost seemed impossible that he had made all this up.

Your mother had been depressed. She had killed herself.

It had been so long, you didn't even remember the details of her death. To add to that you had been a child, barely old enough to understand what death even was.

But now that you sat there, entrapped by your own thoughts and memories, you couldn't find doubt of his words in your heart. You did not believe that Michael was lying.

But perhaps he messed things up.

"I've never been in that car...", you mumbled to yourself as the memory of that fateful day passed before your inner eye.

Aunt May had been there.

It had been a beautiful day, warm but not hot with lots of sun and little clouds. The smell of freshly cut grass had been in the air, mixed with the scents of blooming flowers.

Bees had been buzzing.

You had played cars and cowboys with Felix in the garden, you could still remember that. He had talked all day about nothing but the new car your father had given your mother for her birthday the week prior.

Felix had been very fond of cars as a boy. He was especially interested in the old ones. Ford mustangs and BMWs.

You remembered that he had begged to be allowed to drive the new car in the front yard. Not like driving a real car but he wanted to know how to shift gears.

The whole thing had been too outrageous for you, but Aunt May had allowed him to sit in the passenger seat and pretend.

Your mother had kept the keys with her.

Then an argument had broken out between the sisters. You couldn't remember what it had been about but looking back it seemed to make sense that your mother had not agreed to let Felix get into the car all by himself.

Aunt May, on the other hand, had been less worried. She had even insisted that you get in the car too. So you and Felix could play together.

It had been a bit strange.

The day after that your mother had had the accident with the car. Totally wrecked.

She had been dead in an instant.

"I was never in that car.", you whispered to yourself again, eyes narrowed.

There was something missing.

You knew that there was more to the story, but there was something missing but you just couldn't recall what it was. It felt like a huge black hole in your memories.

The therapist had called it a trauma response. Your brain had deleted certain parts of your memory to cope with the pain of loosing your mother at such a young age.

Back then you couldn't have cared less. If there had been an option to get rid of the pain, you would have gladly tried.

But still.

It was infuriating to miss this small little detail now.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and let your head fall back. A headache started to poke needles into your brain.

You pulled a face. You felt nauseous. A sour smell already made you curl your nose.

"Fuck...", you sighed and let yourself sink deeper into the chair. "What the fuck is all this..?"

Tears started to burn in the corners of your eyes. But before they managed to fall down your face a buzzing feeling in your pocket made you stop.

A little tired of human interaction for the day, you pulled out your phone.

You didn't know the number. But you picked up anyways.

"Hello?", you asked, audibly unable to pretend anymore.

A moment of silence passed.

You frowned. Annoyance made you want to hang up.

"You sound upset.", Phillip's voice said.

The sound quality of the phone was terrible. Not only was the screen mostly shattered, black spots showing when it was turned on, but it was also difficult to call.

A sigh escaped your lips. Squeezing your eyes shut, you had to massage the bridge of your nose with two fingers.

"It's a bit difficult right now.", you said.

On the other end of the line he hesitated.

"I'm comin' over.", he finally said.

"No!", you sat up straight in your chair. "I- I mean... ugh, this is a terrible moment."

"What's wrong?"

Your gaze jumped to Michael.

He was asleep. His eyes tightly closed he lay in bed, motionless, while a subtle breath left his lips every once in a while.

He seemed calm in that moment. At peace.

Almost as if he was about to pass.

"It's Michael.", you said, your voice heavy. "I- he has Alzheimer's and I didn't know."

Phillip sucked in an audible breath. However, for you it sounded more like a shrill shriek.

It hurt your ears.

"You couldn't have known.", he said. "This ain't your fault."

"I- I know but...", you swallowed hard, unsure if you wanted to trust him with those information. "Fuck it, what do I have to lose?"

"Huh? Suga, I can't hear you very well. Where are you? Your sound is terrible."

"Sorry, my phone broke."

"How?"

"I dropped it. But that's not the point. The point is, Michael told me... well... stuff."

Again Phillip fell silent for a moment. He seemed to think about what he wanted to say next.

"Want to share it with me?", he finally asked.

Now it was you who couldn't give an answer right away.

Truth was, you wanted him to know. Even though he was close to a stranger you felt like he could be trusted. You wanted to trust him.

But not before you had made sense of everything.

"I'll tell you tomorrow.", you said with lowered eyes. "I'm... tired."

"Hmm.", he sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow, suga."

You smiled softly.

"Tomorrow. Cowboy."