The day we departed I knew I will never have a worst day than this. In some corner of my heart I had still hope that we will still be able to see each other. But hopes are the first step to the journey called disappointment.

It has been 20 years from the day I saw him. And there is no second of my life when he wasn't playing with the wiring of my brain.

How many more seconds, minutes, hours and days, years, decades need to pass in my life without him. This hurts. Hurts so much.

"Ishani.... " I blinked my eyes and saw the TV which was playing one of my favorite movie. But how did I zoned out.

I turned my head to look at my brother who was smiling looking at the phone. I wondered what made him smile so wide.

He might have seen some one of our classmate in weird picture. I rolled my eyes when he did not stop giggling and explain me instead why did he even call my name.

I hate it when someone calls me and doesn't bothers to tell why they did so.

I turned back to the TV to watch Aladdin again.

"You are never gonna have friend like me.... "

This man has all the talent in the world. Will Smith's voice was working wonders to my memory of Robin Williams. No doubt he was the best still.

"Ishu.... " he called again and I did not respond this time.

He shook me so hard that I was about to fall off the couch.

"What's wrong with you moron. Why are you disturbing me. Let me watch the movie" I screamed as I adjusted back on the couch.

That ungrateful brother of mine had no regrets for his action earlier. Neither he was going to be sorry for what he will be causing later.

"I can't believe anything is more important than a old friend" he smirked and I narrowed my eyebrows.

"I am not interested to see any old friend. All of them have turned creepy over the time" I just shrugged my shoulder.

"Sidhant...Sidhant Mathur" my brother almost smashed the phone screen on my face.

I cocked my head back and looked at the phone frowning.

"What the hell is wrong with you. I said right I..... "

My vocabulary seemed empty suddenly to form words.

My eyes moved to the phone where he was smiling. He has changed a lot like a lot. If I was not told that it was him I would have never believed that it's him.

I am speechless and I am making my brother suspicious. Snap out Ishani. I kicked myself out of my mind and turned my gaze tediously to look at my brother with all the anger I had held up.

"Let me watch the movie" I screamed at him and turned to look at the TV again. But all I could see was his face not the movie. My brother glared me with zero expression.

"Haven't you turned too emotionless Now a days. He was our... No no correction he was your best friend." he looked at me and something inside me started to break.

I was trying hard to maintain the stern face and hide the pain.

"Really?  Was I only the person to keep that in mind? Where was he all these years? If he suddenly pops up after 20 damn year how am I supposed to react? I don't even remember him now" I lied and my brother knew I did. He could not understood my behavior.

"Are you angry on him?" he hesitantly asked.  I laughed a bit.

"Why will I be?" I shrugged my shoulders and turned to look at the movie. I was just staring it when the end credits were rolling. And I am sure I gave my brother the enough required clue that my mind is disturbed.

I sighed when I lied on my bed and faced the cieling. My phone beeped and I unlocked it to see the message.

It was from my colleague. She asked me if I want to join for a shopping. I replied her that I am not in a mood.

When I pressed the home screen button the facebook app popped up with notifications.  Eventhough I have this app I have hardly used it from the time I realized it just makes our memories sore.

I tried a lot to hold the temptation to open the app.  But finally my mind was defeated by my heart and I was scrolling down the pages.

I saw my brothers profile and opened it and checked his friend list.

There he was.  I stopped my fingers from touching that part of the screen but I could not hold it for long.

"Ishani... " mom called and I threw my phone with a jerk and walked out of the room.

After the dinner when I was finally back in the room I took the phone and unlocked it. His profile was still visible on the screen.

I scrolled down and found that by mistake I had sent him the friend request. I made a fool of myself. I should have waited for him to find me but I made myself look as a desperate.

Oh god what he might be thinking. Number of thoughts flooded my mind.

"Life is too short to hold yourself back... Do what makes you happy... "

I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. I need to talk to him. I need to yell at him for leaving me alone. I want to tell him how I never even had a second of my life without his thoughts.

****.****

I checked my phone again. No notifications at all. I checked whether my network is working. It was working fine too.

"Ishani...." my brother called me from across the dining table. I looked up from my plate where the food remained untouched.

"You're okay?" he shrank his eyes. "I am" I replied and looked at the phone again. But disappointment...

***.****

It was an exhausting day and I fell on the couch relaxing. I have come out of the habit of checking my phone frequently compared to last week..

I sighed and thought of sending him a message instead.

"You idiot of a best friend. How much time you're gonna take to recognize me?" I sent the message. It got delivered but he did not saw it. 

I sighed and threw the phone away and tried calming my nerves.

He and my brother are best buddies. What if he sends that message to my brother and he thinks me as a desperate person.

I was not at all in a situation to bother about it.

All I cared was this idiot of a person is showing attitude when it was all his fault that he did not even try to talk to me all this time.

***.****

One more week has passed and still I haven't recieved any reply. How much can he ignore me?

I was again lazily scrolling down at the pages when I realized something and opened his profile again. Number of friends in his list has increased.

I saw the people who were our common friends. I wondered my profile isn't in that list.
My profile had the same name of mine.

I saw other girls of my class in his friend list.

"Go eat someone else's brain smarty. I am having a severe headach" I pressed the forehead.

"I came to talk to you. And don't shoo me off to someone else. Talk..." he sat there crossing his arms.

I looked at him in disbelief.  "Do you even realize we just fought this morning and you clearly stated I should not even try to talk to you" I told him and he stretched his lips.

"You want me  to ask you sorry? " he looked at me and I fumed getting up.

"I am totally done with you Mr. Sidhant Mathur. You fight with me for a silly pop candy and scream at me never to talk to you and look at you now.  You behave as if nothing has happened" I crossed my arms and tried to control my anger.

"What are you both?  A married couple?" I turned to look at my brother.

"Dude tell her that I want to talk to her not to some other random girls" he  neared my brother.

"Random?  Gosh we are in 6th grade and they are with us from the first grade you dumb head" I spat at him.

"Whatever. I don't even know them" he whined. "You know right he talks only to you in our class and that too because though you might look like a girl but you are a complete dude" my brother smirked and I glared him.

"That's why I am giving him opportunity to know them" I smirked at my brother.

"Ishani..." Sid walker behind me. "I am not gonna talk to you" I turned sharply to  him.

"Are you kidding me? How am I gonna be here?" he asked.

"Like how everyone survives. By making new friends" I gave him a tight-lipped smile and continued to walk.

***.***
I sure must have grown ugly that is why he is avoiding me.

"Ishani.... " my brother squealed happily when he turned me around like a spinner.

"Hold on dude. What's happening?" I stopped him.

He had a huge grin on his face.

" we are gonna have our first reunion this month sister. I am so excited. We can meet all our old friends" he said excited. I was excited too.  But I did not let him know.

"Okay" I said and walked from there. I closed the door of my room.

Suddenly the anderline in my blood flooded and I started to dance across the whole room and jumped over the bed.

I always kept avoiding meeting my old friends because they all were settled in their life and I wasn't having any achievement of such to discuss.

But this time I am damn happy.  I am gonna slap that idiot for not replying to me.

****.****
The party hall of our old school was glittering and bustling with all our batch mates. 

Everyone was too happy to meet everyone else. But I was searching him.

The only person for whom I arrived here in first place.

And finally I spotted him. Every blood capillary below my skin felt like bursting.

Measuring my steps I walked to him.

When my hand touched his shoulder he turned slowly still holding the smile.

His eyebrows narrowed in confusion. And I felt an urge to flee from his sight.

"I will miss you idiot" I spoke looking into his eyes.

"I am not gonna miss you an ounce also" he chuckled through his glassy eyes.

"And we are gonna stay in this same city like for forever" my brother looked at us coldly.

"drama queen" me and sid gave me a high five which made my brother to fume. 

****.***

I felt all the air being sucked around me and I am not breathing at all.

Rab da hi rab koi hona
Kare koi yun jadoo tona
Maan jaye maan jaye haii mera sona
Rab de sahare chal de
Nahe kinare chal de
Doori hai na kahare chal de
Kya kehke gaya tha shaayar woh siyaana
Aag ka dariyan doob ke jaana

"Hi" I said as I left the breath I was holding. He still had the confusion on his face.

I felt like running away from the spot as soon as possible.

"I am sorry... Do I know you? " he asked and I could feel the ground under me slipping.

"Um.. " I gulped the sore lump formed in my throat.

"Of course not" I smiled back at him holding a tornado of my emotions and that started to prick my eyes.

I turned on my feet and walked away from there. When I reached my room I closed the door of it and collapsed on the cold floor. The tears flooded out of my eyes but I was not able to cry.

I sat there for don't know how much time. . .

" He is gonna leave the city tomorrow Ishani" my brother spoke emotionally as he sat in front of me.

"His dad got a transfer to some other state" his eyes had tears.

"Ishani.. " he  shook me. "What" I said annoyed.

"Aren't you feeling sad?" he  asked.

" Why should I? He never promised to stay for forever brother. Get over it" I said turning away.

"I know he never promised. But don't you feel bad that you are gonna miss a friend?" he asked.

"Friend?" I turned to him with a mocking smile.

"Did he considered me one ever?" I pointed at myself.

"If he ever had then... " I rubbed my nose.

"He would have let me know." I stood up and walked to my room. Looking at the ceiling I collapsed and cried my heart out but no sound escaped my throat.

****.***
Hume Puchhon Kya Hota Hai
Bina Dil Ke Jiye Jaana

Two decades and what do I have at the end of it.

Disappointment of highest degree.

****.****

I heard the door opening sound of my home and woke up and realized I had cried myself to sleep.

I wiped my face and walked to the washroom to get myself changed.

Stepping down the stairs I realized my brother talking to someone.

As I reached the hall I realized who it was.

I turned back to rush to my room not willing to face him again but I felt a tight grip on my wrist.

I was made to turn. I was made to face him.

But I was stubborn. I saw everything but him and tried to control those stupid tears in my eyes.

He was nearing me and making my heart to race. And when he was dangerously close to me I had to look up at him.

"I better give you people space" my brother smiled.

"Stop" I called him.  "How can you leave me with a stranger? " I asked him and he looked at me confused.

"Who is he? " I asked and my brother opened his mouth to speak but he was cut in when Sid spoke.

He placed my hand on his chest and I looked into his eyes.

"Why don't you ask your memories. I am a piece of it" he neared me more and I felt it difficult to concentrate.

"I don't know you alright... Just get out of my way will you?" I pushed him aside. But he held onto me more tightly.

"Says the girl who never let me walk out of her mind even a second from two decades" he smirked and I hated him so much now I can't even express.

"And who is standing in front of me?  The one who left me out for more than two decades. Who never had a need to tell me that he is going away from me. Who never even wanted to accept my friend request and reply to my messages... Oh I remember you were busy making friends with others" I nodded my head sarcastically.

He started to giggle. "Was that even funny?" I asked glaring him.

"No..  For the record what you said was not funny but your angry face cracked me up" he said.

I searched around to hit him with something. I started to hit him with my hands.

"Do you realize what you made me go through you moron. I hated myself so much. I thought I am so much ugly that you even don't want to recognize me" I said as I charged at him.

"Ouch Ishani... It's hurting" he said trying to save himself.

When I heard my name from his voice I knew I did not wanted anything in my life.

"With all due respect you deserve it idiot" I said and stood crossing my arms.

"Still fighting like old married couples" my brother stated as he walked from there.

We both stood not looking at each other. It was awkward.

"But tell me why didn't you replied to my message" I asked him diverting the topic as we settled on the couch.

He caressed the back of his neck.

"That's because I could not believe you grew up so beautiful" he stared in my eyes making my heart beat to skyrocket.

"Shut up you moron.  Tell me directly you forgot me" I turned away.

"I never say what I don't mean Ishani. You very well know that" he said and I looked down biting my lower lip from inside.

"What's happening?" my brother walked there with a bowl of popcorn. He adjusted himself beside me and in a process he pushed me towards Sid.

I glared him fuming. "Start exercising sisso. You are growing like a hippo" he said looking at the TV and I fumed.

Sid got up and signed me to follow him and we reached the outside of our home.

"Now... Speak" I said and waited for him to talk.

"I love you Ishani and I don't want to waste any second of my life without you" he held my hands.

"Sid..." I released my hands from his grip.

"we know each other from the time we know ourselves but it's a huge decision and frankly speaking I love you too but I am scared of commitments. I have been running from it all my life. I don't know...  I don't know whether I will be able to commit  to someone.  And I don't want to hurt you" I said.

"You can never hurt me" he walked near to me.

"But I understand your insecurities and I don't mind it at all. I will wait for how much ever time it is required to" he smiled and kissed my forehead. 

I smiled instantly as his touches sent butterflies inside my stomach.

***.***
"Finally the old couple is officially married" my brother finished his speech at my reception and I smiled at him.

Sid held me tight in his hold.

I looked at him and he kissed my forehead lovingly.

The aroma of the Mehendi in my hands was filling in my nostrils.

I looked at my palm which had his name. And it made me smile instantly.

The piece of my memory had become a part of my life.

An integral part.....