well i could recap this chapter with three word:

- hair

- (sonic) screwdriver

- crepes

LOL!

Chapter I: The Seven Lookalikes theory

It has taken Crowley almost half afternoon to get what he wanted.
He just wanted a deed. An evil one Just to keep trained.
It's something that a demon needs sometimes.
So he has tried to convince a band of bored teenagers to misbehave, to do something sinful, disrespectful.
Well, that has been the plan, at least.

There was this grey, abandoned, worn out wall near the Tottenham Court Road subway and Crowley has thought it could be the perfect spot to urge them to make some vandalism: maybe gross sketches, dirty words... some blasphemies would be the cherry on top.
He surely did not expect a beautiful mural artwork that had nothing wicked... quite the contrary, it seemed to spread a message against racism.

Grumbling something unintelligible, Crowley has walked away, sort of disappointed.

- Maybe I lost my touch – he broods about, but he knows how to cheer himself up.

A visit to his angel can do the miracle.
- Angel. Miracle. Sounds like a pun – he muses, already more cheerful than before, heading towards a certain library.

Well, Crowley has contemplated the several situation he could find Aziraphale engrossed in.
1- Quarreling with a customer disturbingly determined to buy one of his no-limits first editions
2- Keeping the annoying Finance guys in dark grey uniforms and matched hats as far as he could from his book shop.

Which is related to hypothesis number 1. It was hard to think his business could go so well if he sold so few books within an accounting year, but with some focused miracles no one ever suspected anything.

3- Ordering something from some take-away. Something to eat.

Maybe a slice of cake or an ice cream. Crowley can picture so easily his angel enjoying it and making those oh so delightful moans of appreciation – which immediately makes the demon feel as if his jeans has turned impossibly tighter.
That's why he needs a softer hypothesis about Aziraphale.
4- Reading a book and losing himself into his own world. Maybe sitting comfortably in one of his armchairs, with a blanket on his legs, drinking hot cocoa.
Oddly, even hypothesis number 4 is turning into something too sexy to bear it.
However, when he finally arrives at the book shop, Crowley surely would never ever expect hypothesis number 5.
Which, for the records, is not a hypothesis, it is reality
Aziraphale is kissing someone.
Or rather someone is kissing his angel.

- What? Why? How? Why? When? Why? Why? WHY? – he wonders, bewildered and distressed.
He can see this mysterious man only from behind.
Sort of tall. Skinny. Well dressed.
- So is this your ideal kind of guy, angel? Well, I also can dress elegant... actually I did! – he muses, while he grabs the heaviest book he can find from one of the round tables.

After all the still kissing couple are utterly ignoring him, so he just has to take advantage of that.

"Crow... what?" Aziraphale babbles incoherently, staring at the passed out guy on the floor.

Fortunately or unfortunately the Doctor lies with his face touching the floor – and a hand that prevented the harsh impact – so Crowley can't fully see him yet.

"Who is that bloody idiot and why the flaming hell he was kissing you, angel?" he inquiries. "And, wait... why are you showing your wings?"

"About the wings, that's a long story; about the rest... I just don't know, Crowley..." Aziraphale replies, still visibly shocked. "he kept talking and talking and talking... babbled weird things and then started to tell me such nice stuff and I... and then he said he loves me..."

"Well, I love you to, angel, much longer before than that stupid dandy!"
"You... you wh-wha-what me?" Aziraphale stutters, stunned.
Crowley probably hasn't properly realized yet what he has just admitted.

- Oh, shit! Oh, bagger it; it is not time to hide anymore!–

Awareness, finally.
"I love you, stupid angel, I've been loved you since I've placed my eyes on you!"
"But..."
"But?" Crowley narrows his eyes.

"I don't know... it seems that you did it in a fit of pique... of for challenge, because he did this, before you!" Aziraphale grumbles, pointing the passed out guy to him.
"Do you really think so?" Crowley faces him, feeling insulted. "Well, I would have got to the point... with time." he justifies.
"Six thousands years?" Aziraphale makes him notice.
"Well, it's not that before today I've received any declaration of love from you!" the red-headed demon retorts.
"But you did now! And without any doppelganger of me hanging around here!" the angel plays the trump card.

"A dopple-what?" Crowley wonders in deep confusion.
Aziraphale winks at him.
"Dear, before getting so pissed off at me, why don't you look at him better?" he urges him.
Sort of roughly, Crowley grabs the back of the man on the floor and rolls him over. He takes off his dark glasses, in order to observe him better.
"Crowley, this guy looks likes you in such an astonishing way... almost as if he was your twin... but a good and a tad younger one!" the angel makes him notice.
"Hey" he hisses.
"Oh, c'mon, you know what I mean. Anyway, if only we had found out we love each other even just one day before, things would have been a lot easier; but now... there's him, too and I can't pretend he's not here... I felt something when he kissed me..." the blond finds the courage to admit.
"Well, I can kiss you, too! Come here, angel!" Crowley pulls him closer, smashing his mouth against the angel, for a very demanding kiss.

Aziraphale kisses him back almost with the same urgency, the urgency of who is waiting for that moment to come for too long.
Crowley is going fast, faster than he ever did and Aziraphale couldn't ask for anything better.
Their tongues are battling fiercely; their hands seem to need more skin to touch.

Their moans fills the room, mixed with the typical verses of someone stirring, on his way to recover.
Crowley and Aziraphale remind to themselves they are not alone and part from each other, with very satisfied expressions, both a little dazed, before the Doctor's eyes pop open.
With a quick leap, he gets up, chuckling and grinning madly.
"What a blow! I hadn't been knocked out like this for soooo long!" he cheers. "It's always so stimulating to meet a worthy opponent, such as the Cybermen , or the heavenly hosts or the Sontarans ... oh well, even the Oods, when they were in their darkest times!" he rants, while he wanders around the room, like it never happened.
And that wasn't a gentle blow at all!
"See what I meant? All this nonstop gibberish he keeps babbling about ... this can kick in, at the very end." the angel whispers to the demon, but someone else hears that.
"Hey! It's not gibberish!" he turns towards his little audience and that's when finally he notices that strange figure, all dressed in black.
He almost runs towards him, almost make Crowley feel uncomfortable and then he recalls he doesn't even wear his sunglasses anymore.
"Oooh, look at these oh so lovely snake eyes!" he beams, drawing out from a pocket his glasses and wearing them.
He leans even closer to the demon who is growing more and more puzzled.
"I have never seen them. Well, once I had to fight against the Silurians, but your eyes... oooohhh, they're definitely more beautiful!" he muses.

- Can he just stop idolizing Crowley's eyes so much? It should be me doing that! – Aziraphale ponders, a little jealous, before glancing over the Doctor – Oh, dear Lord! If possible, he's even sexier with those glasses on!-
"Besides, you had such noiseless movements; I didn't even remotely hear you approaching! Well, from a snake demon I could expect nothing less." he states, still staring at him with a sort of admiration.
"Who the heaven are you?" Crowley asks him, shocked.
"I'm the Doctor! Nice to meet you!" he smiles cordially, reaching out.

"I'm Crowley and this is anything but nice!" the other hisses, avoiding his hand.
- Oh, so this is the famous Crowley the gorgeous angel kept mentioning! – the Doctor figures out, taking off his glasses, just to glare at him better.
Instantly, he does not find the demon so pleasant anymore.
"Oh, please, c'mon! Stop acting as if you both didn't notice that!" Aziraphale snaps, almost yelling.
At least he gets their attention, because they both turn towards him.
"I mean, you two look exactly alike! Now that I've paid more attention, you have even the same voice, just with a slightly different tone and accent!" Aziraphale observed.
Together, with a perfect synchrony, Crowley and the Doctor glance at each other then turn their back, one against the other, crossing their arms on their chest and blowing a lock from their hair.
"That's not true at all!" they both sentence at the very same time.
A flawless Dolby Surround effect.
Okay, maybe the first one with a lower tone and the second one with a tiny bit higher pitch; but still flawless.
This brings them both to stop denying the evidence.

Crowley notices the annoyed/upset/unsatisfied way the Doctor is looking at him.
"What's wrong now?" the demon snorts.
Whoever this Doctor is, he just can't stand him.
"You're ginger!" the Doctor whines.
Crowley sneers, passing a hand through his flaming red hair. "Oh yeah. 100% natural, from the dawn of time." he brags. "This is a hot mane, not those scorched spaghetti you must have mistaken for hair!" he teases him.

"Heeey!" the Doctor snaps, deeply insulted.
Aziraphale walks towards him.
"Oh, please, don't listen to him. You have such lovely hair!" he states and starts to caress it, without even asking.
The Doctor just tilts his head more towards him and enjoys the tender moment, a lot, closing his eyes.
Crowley glares at them, boiling mad with rage and jealousy.
"You never caress my hair!" the demon retorts.
"You've never asked me to do that!" Aziraphale justifies, his hand still flowing through the Doctor's crazy –and beautiful -hair.
"Neither did he!" Crowley makes him notice, very disappointed.
"Oh well, that's true... but I couldn't resist!" the angel admits, smiling at the Doctor who smiles back at him.
"Oh right..." Crowley grumbles, walking towards them, but mostly towards the Doctor. "Let's see how you will be able to resist after I'm done tearing all his hair out one by one!" he growls, raising a threatening arm.
Well, the Doctor can only defend himself, can't he?

There's a tiny blue light and then a popping sound. A few seconds later, a confused black and red large snake is crawling on the floor.
"Oh, good Lord! What did you do to him?" Aziraphale grows nervous, looking worried at his not-only-just-a-friend-anymore.
"Question is... what was he going to do to me?" the Doctor replies. "Actually, I didn't even know what I was doing, instinct suggested me so... and I apparently found out it brings out the snake part in him... " he explains.

"But... it's reversible, is it?" Aziraphale grows even more worried than before.
"Of course, you know, the effect is just temporary... I mean, the more ancient he is, the shorter the effect will be."
"He's six thousand years old, give or take a few centuries..." Aziraphale informs him.
"Oh, dammit! This means the effect is going to last nothing more than... ten seconds!" the other grimaces, hearing the popping sound of the reversion.
And once Crowley is back to his human shape again and more pissed off then ever at the Doctor, ready to snap his fingers ... the smart alien does the only reasonable thing he can do.
He clicks the button of his sonic screwdriver once more.
Snake on the floor. Again. Too stunned to even try anything.

"Something tells me you're his same age, right?" the Doctor asks Aziraphale.

"Yep, very ancient angel here, too."
"After all, ten seconds is a time long enough for me. I can go on like this forever!" he shrugs, pointing the screwdriver towards poor Crowley again when the tenth second comes.

"By the way, temporary effect means that also your wings were supposed to vanish after ten seconds, you must have deliberately chosen to keep them... and I'm glad because you're even more beautiful with them!" he winks at him, making the angel blush.
"Geez, my wings! I totally forgot about it!" he mumbles, before making them disappear.
Once the ninth second is near, Aziraphale decides he has to do something.
"Oh, c'mon, you just can't go on like this all night long." he murmurs, placing a hand on the Doctor's one, in order to prevent him from clicking the button again.
Once Crowley pops again with human features, Aziraphale rushes towards him, in order to hold his hands in his, without letting him snap any fingers.
"Please, now, both of you, calm down. I'm sure you can face this entire weird situation in the most civil way possible!" he acts like a peacemaker.

He is an angel, after all!

Crowley and the Doctor stare at each other in silence, panting, pondering, each one carefully studying his rival.
"Truce?" the Doctor offers.
"Truce." the demon approves.

"Now, that's better!" Aziraphale beams, pointing at his sofa and inviting the others to follow him there.
They sit down, leaving the angel in the middle.
"Was it too tickling the blue light on you for so many times?" Aziraphale asks Crowley.
Crowley frowns.
"Tickling?! It stung as if a bloody cactus touched me!" he grumbles, glaring once more at the intruder, at the memory.
The angel questions said intruder with his gaze.
"Don't you remember what I say before? The tickle is only for the good guys... which he definitely is not!" he points out.
"Finally something we can agree on!" the demon sneers fiercely.

"So you're both six thousand years old!" the Doctor recaps. "Well, I'm the last of Time Lords, I've been both at the beginning of the world and at the end of Universe... but truth is that I'm only nine hundred and five years old. 'Only'. I've always dreamed of saying that one day!" he chuckles. "Well, my friends, being with you makes me feel like a kid!" he grins.
"I am not your friend!" Crowley points out.
"Your tale is very interesting, darling, but I'm still wondering ... why do you and Crowley look alike so blissfully much?"
"It's not that we look so similar, at the very end..." Crowley tries to protest, but the other two glare at him.
"You know what, Aziraphale? If I were you, I would not lose my mind trying to find a purely logical reason. There's the Seven Lookalikes theory... do you know it?" the Doctor commences.
"The seven what?" Crowley scowls.

The Doctor gets up, because he's just not the type who can remain still and quiet for so long.
"You heard me right. In the world, or let's just say in the whole Universe, each one of us have seven lookalikes all around. So, just like you, Crowley, that in this case are a demon, there could be someone else outside there wearing our same face... I don't know, an evil wizard who is totally mental, a writer who has lost his inspiration; a supervillain with the power of mental control, a singsong detective and... a sexy vampire hunter!" he explains, while he roams around the room.
"A sexy vampire hunter?" Crowley repeats, before bursting out laughing.
"Why not? I have a fervid imagination!" the Time Lord giggles.
"You're telling me, dandy!" Crowley gets up as well, going towards him. "My fervid imagination prevented me from discorporating, while I crossed a real wall made of fire with my Bentley!" he informs him, feeling rather proud of himself.

This almost sounds like a challenge and the Doctor loves them.

"In one of my travel, it was only for a single, precious second if we avoided the impact with the sun ... and I've also been possessed by the sun, for a while... so, yes, I know a thing or two about hot situations!" the Doctor replies, before noticing the awkward double meaning of his last sentence. "I mean, situations with very, very, very very, very, very high temperature!" he clarifies, for good measures.
"Whatever, I like the idea or having so many evil lookalikes around!" Crowley sneers, caressing his chin.
"You know what? Also the picture of a rich man who is secretly an obsessive compulsive serial killer crossed my mind... I don't know why!" the Doctor admits, making the other grin even more.
"I like the writer with his crisis ... I would gladly pay a visit to him, bringing him back his inspiration..." the angel gets up, walking towards them.
"Oh, angel, that's so sweet from you!" Crowley smiles at him, before realizing that the blond is also speaking to the Doctor. "Wait a minute, angel, whom of us two you're actually flirting with?" he interrogates him.

"I just don't know... both?" the angel answers, feeling awkward. "Please, try to understand me, this is such a cracked situation!"
"I don't think so. It feels like daily routine for me. No, wait, maybe even quieter than usual. No one is trying to kill me!" the Doctor chuckles, amused.
"Day is not over yet!" Crowley threatens him.

"I found this lookalikes theory so intriguing!" Aziraphale cheers, clapping his hands happily. "Okay, my turn now. Since I'm supposed to also have them around somewhere, who do you think my lookalikes could be?" he asks them greedily.
Crowley takes his time to analyze his angel deeply.
"A vampire!" he states.
"Oh yeah, sure. I have to be a vampire because one of of your lookalikes is a vampire hunter..." he grumbles, a bit upset.

"A sexy vampire hunter, don't you forget it!" the Doctor reminds him.
"You know what, Azi? I feel like if my... okay, if our lookalike," Crowley pauses, rolling his eyes. "met yours, he couldn't harm him in any way, not even if you were a foul fiend!" he deliberately chooses the last two words, in order to remind him of one of their previous speeches, years before.
"Oh, Crow! I know for sure that even my lookalike, no matter how evil or wicked he can be, couldn't hurt yours in any way!" he smiles sweetly at him.
"You know, for being two hereditary nemesis, you sound a bit too mushy with each other for my liking!" the Doctor rolls his eyes at the ceiling.
"Oh well, maybe it's because we're so much more than that!" Crowley tries to send him a clear, possessive message, pulling Aziraphale to him and giving him a peck on his lips.
It just seems that the Doctor receives his message and sends him back one with the written 'Alright, thanks for making me notice that, but it still works perfectly fine for me!'

"Oh, don't worry, sweetie, I am not jealous!" he winks at the blushing angel, with a mischievous smirk.
- But I am!!!- Crowley yells in his own mind.
"A sexologist!" the Doctor exclaims.
"What?" Crowley wonders confused.

"I mean, another of Azi's lookalikes!" the alien clarifies.

"I.. I beg your pardon?" the angel asks him, scandalized
- Azi?! Are we already at this point? – Crowley ponders, even more jealous than before.
"I don't know why, but one of your lookalikes strikes me as a sexologist who also practices a looooot the stuff he teaches!" the Doctor states.
"Oooh, I like that!" Crowley approves, giggling and winking at his extremely embarrassed angel.
"A werewolf!" the demon hazards.

"Yeah, it could be... but not ugly as the one who turned Queen Victoria... this must be a very appealing one!" the Doctor rants, leaving both the celestial creatures dumbfounded.

"Yep, at least as sexy as the vampire hunter!" Crowley agrees.
"Ooooh! That's even better! Aziraphale could be also a robot bartender in a lost galaxy!" the Doctor makes another attempt.
"Oh, please... anything more human?" the angel wonders, very disappointed.
"A rock star." Crowley suggests.
"Yeah, I like that!" Aziraphale beams, toying with the idea.
"Totally eccentric, desperate for attention, living such an excessive life ... of, also a cheating lover!" Crowley adds.
"For Heaven's sake, can we just please stop this stupid game?" the angel loses his usual patience.
"Sure, Azi, what you want to do?" Crowley asks him.
"Well, all this crazy situation made me a tad peckish!" Aziraphale reveals.
"I got you, angel. What about eating some crepes at the Ritz?" the demon suggests, making his angel beam with delight.
And then he turns towards the Doctor "Oops, I'm so sorry, table booked only for two!" he acidly informs him.

But he doesn't know how resourceful a Time Lord can be.

"Oh, Aziraphale, so you like crepes, don't' you? What if I took you to eat the first crepe ever in history?" he offers.
"Oh, yes, please, that would be so exciting!"
Aziraphale's huge grin lights up his whole face.
"What are you babbling about?" Crowley grows suspicious.
"Azi, do you remember the spaceship I told you about? It's waiting for us on the other side of the road, let's go, or, as I prefer to say, Allons-y!" the Doctor urges them both.
He enjoys their puzzled faces once they arrive at the blue Phone Box.
"How is that little thing made of wood supposed to be a spaceship?" Crowley asks him, as sceptic as ever.
"Just come in and find out!" the Doctor strikes back.

And once they're both inside it, they do find out.

"Oh my, this is so..." Aziraphale exclaims in awe, without even finding the proper word.
The Doctor smirks, as he looks for the first tool that can serve his purpose and finds it in his old pocket watch.
Some years before it had been extremely important to give himself back his own identity and powers, but now it's just a common watch.
"Okay, before we leave, Crowley, this is very important." he starts his charade. "Take this watch and put it at the corner of the street. It works like a compass; it helps my spaceship to land in the same place once we're back."
"I hope so, because I don't want this thing to land back not even one single kilometer from here!" the demon strikes back, grabbing rudely the watch and stepping outside.
Once he is on the road, the Phone Box starts lighting up, pulsating with a strong wind all around.
The Doctor peeps out from one still open door.
"Oops, I'm so sorry, spaceship booked only for two!" he sneers, closing the door, before the Phone Box disappears in front of Crowley's eyes.

"That cheeky bastard!"

TBC

Notes:

You can't even begin to imagine how much fun I'm having writing this XD so I hope this chapter made you smile at least a tiny bit.
Well, practically Crowley and Aziraphale declared love to each other while they were arguing! XD Only those two could do such a thing, in my humble opinion

That thing about the sonic screwdriver giving tickle to the good guys and pricks to the bad ones is totally fictional, also because mostly the Doctor uses it against objects, lol XD

Oh well, do I really have to say that? Okay, I'll do.
The Seven Lookalikes theory is just about some David's and Michael's other roles, in the order: Barty Croutch Jr (Harry Potter and the Globet of Fire), James Harber (The Decoy Bride (my favorite love comedy btw) ) , Purple Man Killgrave (Jessica Jones), D.I. Peter Carlisle (Blackpool) and (the last, but not the least, since he's one of my fave David's characters) Peter Vincent (Fright Night), also mention of Cale Erendreich (Bad Sammaritan) <3
Aro (Twilight), Bill Masters (Masters of Sex), Lucian (Underworld), Arthur (Passengers), Thorne Jamison (Laws of Attraction) <3
Still trying to figure out who is the greatest bastard between Cro and Ten ... any idea? XD
Let's just say that the Doctor has started his interaction in a very friendly way... it's Crowley who acted too rudely with him, he had it coming, lol XD

If you want to leave a comment, I'll be extremely glad, otherwise, huge thanks only for reading this, hope you'll still like it