I saw you many years ago

I saw you 2 years ago

I saw you a month ago

I saw you once

I will never see you again

Still in grade school

You changed my world

I walked into a new school

The new girl

So tall she stood out against the crowd

And you smiled your smile

One I would never forget

I soon found out

You were the joker

The bad kid

The rebellion

Everything I was not

I never sat next to you

I barely talked to you

Despite that I was drawn to you

Perhaps that's why

I could never look you in the eye

You were new to me

And made me feel like nothing before

Now I spent those same days around another

You were smart and kind just like me

You played your heart out and had the best laugh

I sat next to you all the time

I took your pens

Just like mine

And made you search for them

Brining your annoyed self closer to me

While teaching me that a smart nerd could have fun

You were safer than the other

But a challenge to myself

We battled each other for the top of the class

But we were almost friends

And you made me deal with my fluttering guts on a daily 

You played hard in PE

My basic boy counterpart almost equal in ability

But you beat me every time with your hot sweat and your smile

I struggled through the year

And learned that I didn't know how to cope

So I fled from the two that revealed too much 

A year I was gone

With another two trying to take your place 

But they couldn't reveal anything to me about myself

I returned back to my original case

Only to find that one was gone

But the other was better than every

I still took your pens 

But stayed quiet

You smiled your way through the world

Using you smarts when you needed to

I know you almost hated me

I was trying to use little kid tactics

But I was a older now

And so were you 

So I stopped

Stuffing this feeling down to the pits of my stomach

Avoiding you like a plague

And watched from afar as you changed

But fate would have it

Me sitting next to you once again

Two new people 

Still with kindred souls

My teacher asked me to bring him in

Out of control vs quiet and good

She thought we were great

The two tops of the class

Little did she know

He could run over me with his charm

And I almost gladly let him

The girl whispered in you ear

And you slowly disappeared from my imaginary grip

But I never fully let you go

Longingly looking at your lips

I had to walk away

With a small last minute hug as the caps were in the air

You broke your blinding grin

Saying goodbye to me 

Almost like kin

I watched you walk away

And for a moment we were kids again

But as you blended into the shadows

It was revealed that you never really mine

And maybe I wasn't worth someone like you

High school was a new start

And I vowed never to let myself

Fall into the confusion

That ruled the previous years over my heart

But looking into the eyes of anew

Taller than me with dark chocolate hair

You swelled over my life providing muscle

Reminding me of the two I hoped to leave behind

You broke all the barriers I put up

As the hawks broke their chains in my gut

And flew free

We had class together 

And you were sweet

A great musician 

With a shy voice

Humbly confident

But I saw the star you didn't see in yourself

And I loved it

But I couldn't tell you 

Because every time I tried to talk to you

My brain froze and my tongue stopped

Unable to bring you to the top

I watched as she whispered your ear

And you didn't see what she was trying to do to you 

But I did

And it revealed to me that you deserved someone better

Someone I could be

I was actually worthy of someone great

Someone you could be

At first you were blind to the poisonous snake with her arm draped around your shoulder

But by the end of the year

I could tell you knew more

And I saw you desperately try to stop her

As her eyes began to light like fire

And it gave me hope

That perhaps we could be something higher

The next year rolled around

A summer apart ruined a connection 

Starting over from the beginning 

We had class together again

But it only took one week

For me to run

I was at a new school

Surrounded by jerks

It made me sad

But it made me happy

It revealed that I was tired of fighting with my feelings

I walk numbly through the halls

Not friend in sight

I grow quieter than a spider

Zipping up without a fight

I was standing alone in line

The only only black girl in sight

For the music I love

And other people who just might

I loved your outfit 

But I couldn't see your face

So I waited for my friend 

To return to his place

But you turned around

And introduced yourself with a smile

Making me wonder why

A smile always swept me off my feet

We talked and talked and talked

And I noticed the long buried stirs

Rise to my cheeks

Moving them into a smile I hadn't shown in so long

I recognized this feeling

But it felt all new to me

Especially when my friend walked up and asked

Who is she?

This one simple question

Changed my world

For I then realized

You were the first girl

To ever break through my barriers

And I loved it

But as the line moved forward

My conscious took a hit

I was in the back row

You were in the front pit

My heart cried out

Already missing the connection 

We both said goodbye 

But I never made a confession 

And I threw myself into the healing only music can bring 

Revealing to me that I could still feel 

What I thought I had lost

I saw you just a month ago

And in that instant did I know

That I would never be able to run

From those who continue to glow 

In my heart

I never told a soul

About you major players

Shaping my views forevermore 

You all helped reveal things

Things about myself that I would have never known

And I can never thank you more

Inspiration: Four people that changed my life, in both the biggest and smallest of ways.

Nathaniel: I saw you just a few weeks ago, but in that minute realized that not much changed. If you ever read this, which I doubt you will, hopefully this might help explain why I always took you pens. (:

Noel: You were the other one, the bad kid. And little did you know that when you were gone, although I acted like I didn't care, it really hurt me to the core. I had no idea what you struggled with, and I can't help but think about what would have happened if the day you had asked me if the rumors that I liked you were true, if I had said yes instead of no. Was your question a way of asking if there was someone, other than your parents, that cared about you? Would you not have walked in front of that car? Would I not have to had read that letter of your death? Would you still be here now? 

Jason: Please don't jump off of anymore fences. I don't want you to break you arm again and eventually stop playing the violin (+plus all the other instruments you play :). Continue to be yourself, and I'm sure we will meet again.

Girl at concert: I never learned your name, but thank you for making reexamine what I believed about myself.