TRIGGER WARNING: su*cide

if you can, please let me know how i can improve my trigger warnings to make my audience feel safer with my content.

other than that, enjoy!

Again. Again and again and again. Once more, Ash had lost a Pokemon League. It wasn't his first loss, which he could've considered in a positive manner, but at the moment, it made him feel like more of a loser. Ever since his first ever loss, he'd been thinking until now that people were just waiting for him to give up. Even the own voices in his head didn't see the point in trying anymore. Ash himself didn't see the point in trying anymore. But he couldn't give up. Not after how persistent he'd already been, and how much it'd disappoint all the people who said he'd had potential. On second thought, he probably let them down already.

His thoughts circulated his head as he walked the streets of Unova, hardly making the effort to smile at a stranger or wave at a Pokemon as he passed by, like he usually did. No one would want to see him anyway, right? He might as well make himself invisible.

That last thought stopped him in his tracks and turned his head to a lake nearby. His eye was especially attracted to the 'DO NOT SWIM' sign. He felt some sort of a satisfaction knowing hos deep it could be.

But then he thought back.

He'd attempted that many times. Sometimes he didn't even have to try, he'd just get thrown into it and all he had to do was let go, and not try to save himself. But he survived anyway. Every. Single. Time. Arceus was relentlessly making him suffer, but wasn't giving him the option to end his misery either, and it wasn't like he could just break down and tell everyone how he was feeling. Kind of like his friends, in a way, the way they teased him then got mad at him when he got hurt.

But it wouldn't hurt to try again.

He found himself, almost automatically, approaching the lake. The park was empty, and it was nighttime, so no one would be there to save him, and they would likely be too late if they did, by the time the sun rose.

His heart skipped a beat when he felt something sharp and heavy knock on the back of his head, a heard a dull thump on the grass behind him afterwards. His cap, thrown forward by the rock's weight, dived into the lake, and it didn't seem to be buoyant. 

"Oh, that's a shame", remarked a sly, familiar man, "Oh well. I'm sure you can buy another one with the money you got from the league--oh wait! That's probably the only thing you'll be able to afford with that money, right?"

Ash didn't care much for the rude remark, he'd heard many of them before and learn't to ignore them, only that his cap that he actually kind of liked and had some sentimental value was now lost at the bottom of a deep lake of which he now couldn't enter to retrieve it.

Trip strolled over to the younger boy, failing to take even a second to notice there was something different. Ash wasn't expecting to have company, so it would take him a few seconds to activate his happy facade in order not to be vulnerable, but he was grateful that Trip didn't care about him, and wouldn't notice.

"What'ya doing out here all alone in the dark, loser?"

And his facade was activated.

He turned to Trip with a wide grin on his face, which appeared to please the man in some way.

"Oh, just taking a walk. It's easier to think at night!", he chirped.

"Yeah, I'm sure you need that extra help with thinking, don't you?"

"Sure!"

Trip scanned the area, looking excited to confirm it was just the two of them, and looked back at Ash.

"Hey, uh, you wanna grab a bite?"

"Hm?"

"I-I mean, you know, since you're so hungry all the time, which is kinda annoying, you know, but I was just thinking, I need to eat anyway, and, uh, I should buy you something too. You know, since you...I pity you. 'Cause you're such a loser"

"Okay, let's go!"

Ash didn't know why Trip was inviting him, or why he was agreeing, but all he was sure of was that as long as he got through the night with a smile on his face, nothing else mattered.

They stopped at a cake shop, which was the only restaurant open at that time of night. Trip looked a little thrilled about being there, even though it couldn't have been for himself, as he didn't like cake that much.

"I'll get the lemon drizzle cake. For you I'll get strawberry; it's your favorite flavor", he said casually, pulling out his wallet.

"How did you know?"

"Duh, I watched you eat it at the--never mind! It's...not important"

Ash couldn't pay any less attention to the cakes nor the fact that Trip was acting weird. He could only focus on composing himself. He couldn't cry at that moment.

"I'm sorry", said the lady behind the counter, "We just sold the last one. That man over there bought our last strawberry cake"

She gestured her eyes to a man leaving the store, who wore dark clothing and shielded his grumpy face with his purple hair.

Trip was rather annoyed at the fact that he couldn't get his present for A--for himself.

"What?! Why?"

"U-Uh, he said he was b-buying it as a present? For his boyfriend, he said..."

Ash only had the energy left in him to force himself into a good mood, and wasn't paying attention to Trip making a scene for his sake.

Trip grabbed Ash's hand, storming out of the store and placing his other hand on the collar of the dark-clothed man.

"Look, you-"

Before he could finish, the man aggressively shook him off, causing him to almost lose his balance and become conscious of how he held Ash's hand, too, making him let go quickly as his face went red.

"What the hell?! What do you think you're doing?"

"I don't care about your boyfriend, man, but you knew we were gonna buy that, didn't you?"

"I was in the store before y--Ash?"

Dazed by the man's abrupt naming of his crush, Trip released the man's collar and dusted him off a bit. If this man knew Ash, then Ash probably knew this man. What would he think if Trip started a fight with one of his friends?

"Hey, Paul. Long time no see. What're you doing in Unova?", said Ash.

"First of all, loser, it's been six months since I saw you. Secondly, I came here to gloat after seeing you humiliate yourself in front of the whole Region. Again. Sometimes I wonder what you're playing at", Paul scoffed.

You'd think he and Trip would form an alliance seeing how much they already have in common, but Trip didn't like the way this guy treated Ash. He felt he was being replaced.

"Congratulations!"

Paul stopped in his smug thoughts and loosened his crossed arms a bit, facing the shorter boy with a confused look. 

"Congrats...? What for?"

"You went and got yourself a boyfriend!"

Paul's eyes widened as he looked away in embarrassment. That was karma for lying to make himself feel better. 

"W-Well, you know, I wouldn't want to introduce you two, because he's kinda like me. He'll hate you. But, uh, I just realized that he doesn't really like strawberries, so you can have it"

He handed the cake to Ash, who'd sort of been in a dissociative state until now, and took some time to process that he was being offered something.

"...What?"

"The cake. You...I'll give it to you, since I feel sorry for you. And I know you like strawberries--I mean, do you want it or not?"

"Uh, sure"

Trip, knowing better, smirked realizing what Paul had done. He'd teach this guy to have the audacity to mess with what was his.

They went back to the park and sat at a table. The table had two seats to each side, and Paul was about to claim his rightful place, until Trip swooped in and sat himself down, not even looking at the annoyed man.

Ash, going unnoticed, was taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself after seeing the lake again as his emotions were daring to come flooding back. However, the sweet taste that he suddenly devoured without warning was enough to genuinely lift his spirits, giving him enough willpower to keep smiling, as much as his cheeks and head already hurt.

"So, Paul. How do you know Ash?"

"The same way you know him. I was his rival back in Sinnoh, and I beat him in the League"

"Oh? 'Was'? So you two aren't rivals anymore. You're just friends, or maybe--"

"No, we're still rivals"

"Huh, okay"

The two were so stuck in their own rivalry that they didn't notice Ash was losing it. The cake gave him temporary relief, but eating it in front of the lake, the lake of which he wished he would have sunk in already and now was only staring at while enjoying something he liked. The conflict of emotions was weighing him down. It was making him weak. He needed to stop thinking, but he couldn't.

"So, this boyfriend of yours, you said he's like you?"

"Yeah, sort of. He's shorter, and his hair is darker. But I know for certain that he wouldn't like Ash"

"How do you know that?"

"I think I know my boyfriend well enough"

He was getting dizzy now. Losing focus to the point where he couldn't control himself. What time was it right now? The sky was so very pretty. He already finished the cake, there were no distractions. The lake was spinning.

It was now, when it was important, that one of them decided to notice something.

"Hey, Ash?", Paul called, getting no response.

Trip's attention was caught by the fact that Ash had suddenly switched off. He showed immediate concern, putting his hand close to Ash's.

"Ash. Answer me", said Paul, looking slightly frightened.

Ash said nothing, but got to his feet, and began walking almost automatically. His destination, the cold, deep waters were getting closer and closer. And nothing would stop him this time.

"Where are you going--"

"Ash!"

Paul jumped to his own feet and grabbed Ash's hand before he could walk a step further. But he didn't just pull him back. He didn't throw him into the ground or lay a single hand on him. He gently tugged the dissociated boy into his arms, embracing him with his own warmth, stroking his hair and supporting his whole body.

"Wha--", Trip stammered. 

Paul knew exactly what he was doing. It was as if he'd done, or should've done, this before.

"It's alright, Ash. I know you're tired. You can sleep if you want. Just stay with me here, okay? I need you here right now"

Trip didn't want to assume the worst, considering how much he cared about Ash, but once he faced reality he was able to put the pieces together.

"Was he...going to jump?"

Paul didn't say anything in order to let Ash have his peace, but nodded very slightly.

"How did you know?"

"...Because this isn't the first time"

Dawn set the table as Brock finished up with the food. They needed to prepare it well, since they would be serving Paul, and he would be mercilessly critical of anything regardless of anyone's feelings. They couldn't have Paul being cold right now, not when Ash had just lost the League and was at a low point. 

"Pikapi~", Pikachu muttered, looking out for its Trainer.

Ash said he was just going to see the stars, but Pikachu had lost the sight of its Trainer past the fog and snow.

"Dinner's ready!", Dawn called out, catching Pikachu's attention.

But Paul didn't lose sight.

He went to find Ash to call him over for dinner, hoping he would be nearby and that the fog was just annoyingly thick. But he didn't find him. Even further, and he still wasn't there. The cliff was getting thinner and thinner now, and Paul was starting to worry for his own safety, but Ash wasn't there.

And when he reached the very end, the cliff's edge that hung over a deadly drop into the ravines and mountains buried by snow, he saw him. And if he didn't move as fast as he did, it would've been the last time he saw him.

"Ash!"

He grabbed his hand and yanked him away from the edge, throwing him into the snow. That moment of all of desperation, anger and a delay in his heartbeat caused him to say things he never meant.

"Ash! What the hell do you think you're doing?! First you lost the League, and now this? What the hell are you playing at?! You think this is funny, huh? You little jerk! If you wanna end it all, do it somewhere where I don't have to see it, at a time where I don't care about you!"

He regretted his words the moment they slipped from his mouth, but not knowing how to properly express his feelings, he feared that trying to save the love of his life might have ended it instead.

After that, he was too ashamed by what he said to face Ash anymore. As much as it hurt, it hurt more to see Ash in pain, so he told himself he wouldn't say a word to him ever again.

But when he saw him at the park, before Trip arrived. When he saw him nearing the lake just as he did the cliff with that empty look on his face, being all alone, he felt as if it was a sign that Ash needed him.

"And I need you, too. Just because I have a bunch of black clothes it doesn't mean I won't have trouble wearing them. Don't you dare take yourself away from me, got it?"

Ash didn't nod, but more tears slipped down his cheeks as he rested his tired head on Paul's chest.

"It should've been me instead of the cap..."

Hearing that, Trip felt a wave of remorse for having basically been at fault for the cap sinking. He didn't have an idea about any of this, but that didn't excuse being so horrible in the first place.

"You know, Ash, the first time this happened, I didn't react well at all. In fact, I think I just made you worse. But now, not only do I know what to do, but I also knew what you were going to do. You know how?"

He pulled Ash's hair back to make the boy's eyes meet his.

"Because my boyfriend doesn't like Ash. But I like Ash, so I want him to like Ash, too. Okay?"

Ash smiled and even chuckled a bit, this time truthfully, without having to force it.

"You still don't know how to express yourself...why'd you say it in the third person...", he giggled, playfully tapping Paul's arm.

"Because I don't want Ash to be embarrassed. I love him too much to do that"

"Mmm...hey, where'd Trip go?--"

"Let's not worry about him. We'll worry about you now, alright? Where's your hotel, is it far from here? You need to sleep. You're exhausted, I think I need to carry you"

"Don't! I thought you said you didn't want to embarrass me!"

"It's an exception when it's four in the morning and you can't even focus for a whole two seconds"

"Oh, so that's what time it is?..."

"Come on, you adorable little jerk"

Once they had trailed off, Trip emerged from the bench, still eating his lemon drizzle cake.

"Author-san never lets me win..."

For the record, sir, you have been the victor of two oneshots which starred you only. Let them have their moment. You may win if I can be bothered to write a sequel.

hope you enjoyed!

so sorry about the delay to the requester!

cakes for everyone! 🎂🍰🧁

and i will see you in the next oneshot

please take care of yourselves, eat your three meals a day, nourish your beautiful skin, brush your beautiful hair, and stay safe.

(bruh a new variant of COVID was discovered in the country i live in rlly bro arceus gonna play me like this right now)