" to leave, after all, was not the same as being left. " 

-anita shreve. 

THE SUN WAS JUST BEGINNING TO RISE FROM OVER THE GRAY, MONOTONE CLOUDS. Mixtures of yellows, reds and pinks lit up the sky, it's warmth cascading down upon the people who lived under it. 

Seventeen year old Maddox Reid was riding the high as he drove down the empty streets to his home, watching as the houses he passed slowly were flickering to life. His lips were painted into a broad smile, eyes aglow as he reflected on the happenings of his night. 

He had told his mother and father that he would be spending the night with a friend, but in reality, he was planning to stay with his boyfriend. Though Maddox hated to lie, especially to his parents, the idea of coming out as bisexual to them wasn't exactly something he saw as ideal. 

The blue eyed male pulled in to the small, paved driveway of his house where he shut the engine off silently. A heavy sigh passed by his lips as he leaned back in the seat, shutting his eyes and rubbing a hand over his face. It was still early in the morning, nearly eight thirty as Maddox had remembered. But, his boyfriend's parents had woken up earlier than either of them had planned so Maddox had to scramble to get dressed and then lower himself out of his lover's bedroom window so he could leave in his car that was parked down the street, out of sight. It was quite the, eventful, morning, so he was looking forward to possibly catching a few hours of sleep before he would have to start taking care of Spencer and their mom. 

Because it wasn't like their dad was going too. 

With a subtle shake of his head, Maddox sat himself upright and opened the driver's side door, planting his feet on the concrete ground. The sudden brightness of the morning sun caused him to squint, keeping his head lowered as he walked up to the front door of his home. Where, suddenly, the blinding sun became a distant memory and the least of his concern as he heard an argument happening just beyond the wooden object. 

Without thinking, Maddox pushed open the front door, mentally bracing himself for what he'd see on the other side. The scene that laid out in front of him was almost unfathomable, it was like someone had set it up like they were playing doll house and his family were the dolls. His father, William Reid, stood with a suitcase set in front of him, staring at where Maddox now stood. The argument had seemed depleted, disappearing as if it had never happened. 

Maddox's gaze flickered over to where his mother and younger brother stood, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Spencer Reid's wide brown eyes stared at him from behind his glasses, seemingly as confused as his big brother was. 

"What the hell is going on in here?" 

"Your father is leaving, Maddox." Diana Reid responded quickly before William could even open his mouth. 

At those words, Maddox's heart skipped a quiet beat. His head whirling around to glare upon his father.

"You're what?" he seethed, spitting the words like they were venom. 

"Maddox, listen-" 

"Don't you 'Maddox, listen' me." Maddox silenced his father before he could even finish speaking, his jaw set as he tried to keep his voice from wavering. 

"Why don't you just take Spencer into the other room?" 

"No. Stop treating him like he's incompetent of understanding what the fuck is happening." 

At the sudden defense from his eldest son, William blinked in surprise. He stared at Maddox, who was currently glaring at him with his chest heaving under the emotions he felt, with a shocked gaze, lips pressed into a thin line. 

"You can take Spencer with you, just for a little while." Diana spoke up hesitatingly, glancing over at her ten year old son. 

"Don't do this," William looked at her, "Besides, he's got Maddox." 

At those words, Maddox Reid felt as if something snapped inside of him. As if somewhere, deep down, a rope split in to and the words that were bonded in to it suddenly were spilling from his mouth like an overflowing sink. 

"What!? Dad, I'm almost 18, about to graduate and go into college!" 

Silence fell over the group once more. Maddox, who usually was the stoic, sucked it up and did whatever mommy and daddy say, was suddenly revolting against all that had happened to him over the years. 

"You can't just expect me to go and put my life on hold because you're too much of a fucking pussy to stay!" 

"That's enough, Maddox." 

"No! Screw you!" the blue eyed male's voice shattered at the end of his sentence, hot tears pooling in his eyes. 

William stared at his son for a few minutes before he exhaled heavily and shook his head. 

"So this is it, huh? You're just gonna walk off like that?" 

"Maddox." 

"Didn't even have the common fucking decency to wait until I got home? You were just going to up and leave and have me come home wondering where in the world my dad went?" 

"Maddox, it's not like that." 

"No, it's exactly like that. You decided that this was just too much to handle and you're just going to run away from your problems, right?" Maddox laughed roughly as he shook his head, "Because God fucking forbid we aren't the picture perfect family, right?" 

He didn't know what came over him, but it was like someone had ripped him open and allowed him to spill out all of his built up, repressed emotions. And it felt good in a way, to be able to snap back at the man who put him through so much in his life.

Through the silence came Spencer's voice, "Dad?" 

"He's not your dad, Spencer." 

"Maddox, don't act like that." 

"Real dads don't abandon their families!" Maddox shot back, practically crying it out as his eyes once again blurred with hot, oncoming tears. But this time, he didn't try to hide them. 

It was in that moment that William realized there was no salvaging whatever relationship he had ever had with his eldest son, and he sighed heavily in acknowledgement. Taking his suitcase in one arm, he headed towards the door, keeping his head down. But, he paused and lifted his head. 

"Goodbye." 

And just like that, Maddox Reid watched his father walk out of their front door, knowing that this time he wouldn't be back. 

He stared at the wooden door through blurry eyes, his breathing coming in heavy exhales and deep inhales. His hands had a slight tremor to them, to which he shoved them into his pockets to prevent any questions from his mother and brother. The teen felt like everything was moving incredibly too fast and his head was spinning, the acidic taste of nausea rising up in his throat. 

The smile he wore earlier was long gone, disappeared just as his father had. And he didn't know if it would ever be back. 

" boys want to grow up to be like their male role models, and boys who grow up in homes with absent fathers search the hardest to figure out what it means to be male. "

- geoffrey canada.

nyx speaks!

so here we go, already getting in to the angst.
also, young rider strong is young maddox's faceclaim so if there's any gifs of him at the start of the chapters then it's usually a memory chapter!
anyways i hoped you all enjoyed! <3