Playlist - Come Back Home by Lauv

Axel

five years later...

Born to rule, raised to rule.

That was my motto in life. Drilled into my brain from a young age. I succumbed to the desire to be the one that commands attention. It was a drive I needed to fulfill since a young age.

Like a waft of my very favorite band of poison, Astoria walked into my life, shattering it with her innocence and vulnerability. Her defiance and determination. Her magical ability to have me down on my knees, kissing the ground she walked.

It was a hit I couldn't resist breathing in despite its life-threatening nature. I had succumbed to the disease of love and it took everything in me to not act on my instincts when it came to my love. Astoria. My toots.

My thoughts were laced with the need for retribution from my family. First up, it was mom. Let's just say, I knew what she had done to separate me and Astoria back in highschool. She told me she always had my back, but it was her who was holding a knife to my back.

I know how much she wanted Astoria out of the picture. I gave it to her. I didn't protest or stir up any tension in the family, instead played the perfect son and listened to everything she said.

She thought I was turning into an obedient son, but little did she know what I had planned to do.

I admit, it took me some time to get everything in the right formation. Now, I get to sit back and watch it unfold right in front of my eyes.

"You look scary." Sofia's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "I bet you can't wait any longer." She took a sip of her champagne. 

I whirled her towards me. "How can I, dear fiancée. It's what you had been waiting for." She smirked, knowing too well what I meant. The diamond ring on her finger shone under the bright lights of the ballroom. "I smell a scandal."

It was going to be more than a scandal. All left on her shoulders. I took the champagne flute from her hands and chucked it down my throat.

"Show time, princess."

                                            ***

One month ago...

Astoria

I am a wreck inside, but I find myself the happiest when I am doing what I love. It was early in college when I realized I had an intense passion for early education. To be able to guide kids at an early age is a make or break for them. You can be the one who will shape their mindset. Make them the people who can change the world.

So after graduating, with the money left to my name, I opened my own play school in the city. It was a place that nurtured and fostered kids from less fortunate backgrounds. I wish I had someone who cared for me when I was neglected by my mom and abandoned my dad.

Speaking on dads, mine reached out to me on my birthday last year. To say, I was astonished would be an understatement. No, I thought my dad was an enigma who couldn't care less about me so it certainly was a big shock.

When I first heard his voice, it was etched with misery of its own. It had brought out emotions from me which I thought I wasn't capable of. I had cursed him, called me all the names on earth and hung up on him. After I hung up on him, it gave me a stark awakening.

I had a dad who knew about me and after 21 years of my life, he finally made himself known. But at what cost? My mom ruined herself for him. I could never have her back and he was the reason why she was gone.

I was also bewildered at the sheer audacity of him to reach out to me after all these years. The guts of the man. I didn't care for him. I didn't even bother knowing him. But he was like a constant in my life from that day onwards.

I got daily messages on my phone saying his apology and when that wasn't enough, he shared about himself and asked me questions about myself like he had any right to know anything about me. Dad of the year.

I had contemplated blocking his number, but something pulled me back and I held myself from acting on my instinct. Because I didn't listen to my conscience, it gave him the power to show up at my workplace and when that didn't work either, he would just sit few seats behind me on the bus or follow me like a stalker.

When I needed financial support to continue appointing teachers and the necessary facilities to the kids, a very generous donation was made to the school that kept us alive. I know who was responsible for the donation.

It was none other than my father.

He knew he had my attention, but I wanted to make it clear to me that it changed nothing between us. So he kept trying and I kept ignoring him until he couldn't be ignored any longer. It was during the monsoon evening when he collapsed right in front of him.

I was like a chicken running headless when I took him to hospital. He had a cardiac arrest which was life threatening, at least what the doctors had said. That had changed our relationship. I was willing to give him a chance again, but on the condition that he would stay out of my life.

Soon, I had learnt that dad, Willson Chambers, was a very successful businessman. He dealt with the construction industry and had been working for his father's company since he was sixteen which he could proudly call his now. He was divorced and had no kids except me.

I had kept our conversation very light and impersonal until I broke down why he did what he did.

"If I could turn back the clock, I would never leave Hayley and you. It was my biggest regret and now that I am dying, I wish nothing but to go where Hayley is and try for an eternity to have her forgive me."

I had cried in his arms that day.

In an instant, I had a dad. A blood relative alive, but dying at the hands of fate. How unfortunate, tragic and blissful could my life get? Finally my father only to get to know him on borrowed time. Ironic.

That was a year ago. At present, dad was fine and was gearing up for retirement. He had also made me the chairperson of his company, transferring all his assets to my name. I was against it, but he insisted that I have what belonged to me. I went from rags to riches, but kept it a secret until the time was right.

I rarely thought about my past life. The same blue eyes made it difficult to revisit the past without drowning myself in their depths. I missed my grandparents. I know they would love nothing more than to see me happy yet the bitter truth was I was far from being happy.

I had a heart that was wrecked. Everything I loved faded to ashes made me repulsed by the idea to ever love anyone or anything. Because they'll eventually be taken away from me. I didn't deserve to be happy. Misery is what I was left with.

When I thought  I had enough heartache that could last for one lifetime, then to prove me wrong, anguish reared its ugly head at me, again.

It was late in the evening when I was packing up for the day, that's when I saw a glimpse of my past. Just a glimpse. I thought I was daydreaming, but it came my reality when I saw my tormentor right in front of me.

With an ease, he leaned against his expensive car, arms and legs crossed. He was staring right at me from behind his dark shades. If I could see those eyes, I knew they had zeroed on me with a hunter's hunting desire.

I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to fathom my reality.

Time had been kind to Axel Trent. He looked mature now. Gone were the boy I once knew, this was a man who was here with a purpose. He had grown more muscular and taller since the last time I saw him, which was five years ago. But the time had not eased up my heart. My heart rapidly beating at the sight of him entailed that he still had the same effect on me.

I suddenly felt remorseful. It was because where Axel was concerned, I grew weak. I let him make me weak which was unfair to me. It made me annoyed. Who the hell does he think he was? Showing up at my workplace after all these years.

It stupefied me that he knew where I worked. I shouldn't be surprised by this, he had his intel which he would definitely use, no doubt there.

But Axel Trent was a fool if he thought that I would let him anywhere near me and it would begin with giving him a cold shoulder—completely freezing him out.

I heard footsteps behind me and knew he was following me. I heard him release a frustrated sigh and finally call out my name.

"Astoria, stop." I didn't. It made me quicken my steps up. "Astoria." I felt a hand on my elbow, restricting me from going any further.

My eyes darted across the street in an attempt to see anywhere but him. It all goes in vain because he pulls me to him and holds my jaw, tilting it upwards to meet his eyes.

The familiar tantalizing blue eyes finally make a comeback in my life. All air leaves my body and I am nearly lost in his eyes. It will feed his ego, undoubtedly. He closed any gap between us, he stood with me in his arms. To a bystander, we would look like a pair of lovers in our haze.

"Why are you running away from me?" He asked, curiously.

"I wasn't running. I just didn't see you." I lied through my teeth.

He arched an eyebrow at my inane lie. His eyes glinted down at her, cool and unwavering. My heart quaked behind my ribs. Why was he so close to me? His proximity still had an effect on me. I thought it would eventually dwindle. How foolish I was to believe it? He had grown mature. His face aged like an expensive wine that I wanted to taste.

He leaned down until our nose touched. His gaze dropped to my lips which unknowingly made my lips dry that I had to lick to moisten it. He was going to kiss me, I knew but I couldn't let him do it. With a little resolve, I put a hand to his mouth, ultimately stopping him.

"Axel, what do you want?" I took advantage of his loosened grip around me to put some distance between us.

With a delicate hand around my wrist, he pulled my hand down which covered his mouth and kissed the inside of my wrist, softly. There was nothing extraordinary about it, but the way the gesture made my heart melt deepened the small detail with extraordinary feeling.

He tucked some unruly strands of hair behind my ear. His eyes scared me because it was the first time I had seen such conflict swimming underneath them. I breathed him in, the familiar scent gone straight to my head.

"You asked me what I want from you?" He paused, leaving me daunted. "I had an unfathomable need to see you again. When I finally saw you today in the flesh, I knew one thing that I was a fool to cause you pain. I can't rewind our time together and right my wrongs, but I can start my saying, "I am sorry for hurting you so relentlessly, when you just needed a friend by your side, I wanted more and even now I want more." I want a chance."

When he's done, I am breathing heavily, he looks like he's in pain. Five years ago, if only his apology came five years ago and not now. Maybe, I wouldn't still be so screwed.

"Axel, no. Please, not now. I can't do this now." I know exactly what I should be doing by resisting the temptation to give myself back to him. I pushed his hands off me, side stepped him. I continued my stride, knowing well he would follow me.

I don't make much successful strides as I am once again hauled back into Axel's arms. To stare at his beautiful face and not touch him was hard enough, to resist marveling at his body, running my hands in his hair was difficult enough and I was proud of myself. I had to be strong enough to stand up for myself.

"I know you're angry with me, you can curse me all you want, hit me, do whatever you want to do to punish me, but don't do this. I need you."

Fury flared and before I knew it, my hand connected to his cheek. The sound of the slap ringing my ears. I couldn't believe how hard I had hit him. My palm stung at the sharp pain. He was too taken aback, but didn't say anything.

"You need me? What a fucking joke. Where were you when I needed you? Where did you go when I was alone? I had no one with me, Axel. Not you, not anyone. Do you realize how selfish you sound? How dare you come back in my life and expect everything to be alright between us? You left me in a ditch."

He reached to touch me, but I was quick to pull away from him. "No, don't touch me. Don't follow me and don't even think about me."

I am livid. I can't think straight and he was making no move to go away. I saw the intensity of his gaze. He would not move.

"Just leave me be. I beg you."

                                        ***

A heaviness lingered in the air around me. It had dampened my mood and dad was quick to remark on it. I was still shaken up after my encounter with Axel. It was one of my best, most sensible decision to walk away from Axel.

In ten years, I would look back on the day and pat myself on successfully resisting Axel. I told myself it was for the best. Then, why did I feel so empty? More empty than I previously was.

The strange feeling became a part of me the next day when there was no sign of Axel. With dad gone on one his medical examinations in New York, I was all alone in the big mansion. It had, at first, felt weird living in a mansion and call it my home. Over time, I had come to terms with it, but with dad gone, it felt lonely.

I went upstairs to my room, and in a sudden nostalgic urge, fished out my high school yearbook. I rummaged through the pages and read, reread the quotes. I smiled at some funny ones. I read Peter's quote,nice guys indeed finish last. never be a nice guy. I rolled my eyes at his stupid line. He was another stupid guy, too much reading between the lines has gotten him right off my radar. I wonder whether he stayed true to his quote.

I read Luna' next. I remembered that she showed up to the graduation with a bump around her belly. I couldn't believe how stupid she was to be knocked up so early in life and by none other than her asshole boyfriend oops husband. Her yearbook quote was cute related to how pregnancy brain had made everything worse for her. Well, duh!

I skipped Jenna' yearbook quote. I still remembered on the day of graduation she had knocked a drink on my graduation dress. In retaliation, I had stuck a chewing gum on her hair. I later felt bad, only momentarily though.

My pulse quickened when I saw Axel' yearbook picture. He was breathtaking, exquisite and simply beautiful. I had never seen him smiling in any of his pictures, which could be said the same for the yearbook picture. He had his lips pressed in a firm line. His quote just a mix of numbers which I didn't understand. Was it the coordinates?

Curiosity got the better of me, I copied the numbers of his yearbook quote onto the search engine and waited for the results. It definitely was some place. I wonder if it was a familiar location. When the results were in, my eyes widened when I saw the coordinates of the cottage I had previously lived in, it belonged to the Trents.

My heart quickened. I wanted to dismiss the notion that it meant anything to him. I was almost certain it was nothing. It couldn't be nothing though.

I tossed and turned the rest of the night and when sleep finally came, it wasn't kind to me. Nightmare, I couldn't remember. It wasn't worth remembering. I did my morning routine and left the house to go to the nearest bus stop.

My heart lurched forward when I saw the family McLaren and its owner parked just before the bus stop.