PRAVDA SPECIAL

DRUNKEN DANCING POLISH COW DRIVES SOVIET TANK INTO GERMAN CITY

A cow has escaped a Polish farm after being fed six shots of Absolut Vodka mixed with Bing Chilling cream and hijacked a Soviet tank. It has controlled the tank into Gartz, where it began firing upon the German people while dancing Ke Mu San (科目三) on stereo. Russian Wagner units are now assisting it as it drives deeper into the country. Germany and its allies have declared war on this loyal animal and in return it has issued forth the following letter to all newspaper publishers in the West and Western Europe, printed in its original form:

My dear milk-consuming freaks:

It comes to me as no surprise that you humans love to drink my milk and eat my children and others of my kind. Such is the nature of capitalist pigs. But there are humans helping me on my vengeance journey. These are my comrades. For your mistakes there will be no forgiveness.

Regards,

Polish Cow