chapter fifty-six ;; first cycle
third person
°☆.。.:*・°☆

"Baby, you're so loopy." Taehyung laughs, watching his fiancé look around the hospital room with widened eyes. They were currently giving him a mixture of who knows what to really prepare his body for the hard stuff.

"I want candy." Jeongguk pouts, looking at the gorgeous man next to him, "Gosh, you're so pretty." The younger's eyes widen even more, smile bright, "Are we...dating?" His voice was breathy and full of amazement, like a grown baby who's mind stayed the same since age three.

Taehyung could only lean forward and place a peck onto Jeongguk's dry lips, "Fiancé, actually-"

"I have a fiancé?!" Jeongguk shouts and shoots up into a tall sitting position. Taehyung had to beckon him to lay back down with a light touch and softened words, "But I'm so young, like, thirteen years old."

Taehyung's eyebrows furrow together, "You're not thirteen."

"Really?" He questions in bewilderment, "My whole life is a lie."

"Dear god, where the fuck are the others?" Taehyung mumbles, not sure if he'll be able to deal with a high and rambunctious Jeongguk on his own.

"Potty word!" The small boy puts his index finger in front of Taehyung's face and jabs at his lips, "My fiancé does not say potties."

"You've said quite a few potty words in some situations too, baby." Taehyung smirks and winks.

"...You said that I wasn't young. Why are you calling me baby?" The older male softly laughs, ruffling his hair.

"You're cute when you're loopy."

"You think I'm cute?!" Jeongguk nearly screams and almost falls off the side of the bed, full of glee, "He thinks I'm cute! He thinks I'm cute!" The young male squeals, pulling out the last cute.

"You seriously need to stop watching Rudolph." Taehyung drones.

"Do you think I could be Rudolph? Is my nose red?" Jeongguk sticks his face in front of Taehyung's, trying to give him a better view of his nose, "Maybe if I really try," he begins in a whisper and the latter is how honest to god trying not to cackle, "it'll glow." Jeongguk ends firmly, making a strong pouting face with furrowed eyebrows and a pushed out lip.

"Okay, don't shit your brain out. I'm sorry, Guk, but you're not Rudolph."

A loud sigh follows, "A thirteen year old boy can dream."

"You're not thirteen."

"Oh yeah-" A knock on the door prevents Jeongguk from saying anything else stupid. Taehyung truly wishes he would've recorded the young boy who was staring at the door, "Maybe it's Rudolph." He whispers with hope, nudging Taehyung's arm slightly.

"We have arrived with- goddamnit."

"Potty word!" Jeongguk hollers and points his finger harshly at Namjoon, who has just dropped a container of green chili pepper pickles.

The one being yelled at just scoffs, "I don't remember you adopting a three year old." Namjoon comments, bending down to pick up the plastic container and placing it onto the side table.

"Can we adopt him from you?" Seokjin asks upon walking in, "I want a child."

"We'll get one once we're out of college." Namjoon responds, sitting down on the opposite side of Seokjin and Taehyung. He motions towards the container on the counter, "Seokjin decided to bring some homemade green chili pepper pickles for you two."

"I know how disgusting hospital food can be." Seokjin adds, as Taehyung reaches over to grab the container and places it in his lap, quickly opening it. He feels like he hasn't eaten anything besides frozen chicken nuggets in years.

"You want one?" Taehyung asks, picking a green pepper up and holding it out for the younger to take. Jeongguk quickly grabs it, happily nibbling while watching whatever's on the small tv screwed to the white wall.

"When does he leave to have chemo?" Seokjin softly asks. He's worried over the eighteen year old boy who was in some type of loopy childish state. All of the nurses were in loud hoots over his reaction to the mixing pot of drugs.

"Mm, about three minutes." Taehyung muffles through a bite.

The clock was ticking, hands moving one second and minute at a time. It was unlikely for anything to go wrong. A chance of the deadly medicine killing off good cells was also a possibility hanging small to the far, far right, nearly outside of anyone's point of view, yet the thought of something happening continued to drag throughout Taehyung's already cluttered mind. He was glad Jeongguk was too high to understand the pain.

"Gukkie!" Jimin happily smiles from the doorway, rushing in to sit next to Namjoon. Yoongi slowly followed after with Hoseok. Jeongguk looked at all of them but Jimin the most. He smiled back upon noticing bright crescents staring at him. The orange haired boy couldn't help but smile when seeing his best friend in a better state, "How are you-?"

Jimin was cut off, "Jiminie." Jeongguk giggles, leaning over to tightly hug the squishy boy. Jimin was surprised to say the least.

"How high is he?" Jimin immediately asks and tries to pry the younger male off of him. Jeongguk only makes a weak attempt towards harmless kissy faces and has the grip of a falcon for someone so ditzy.

"Snoop Dogg on a good day." Namjoon answers for Taehyung. The green and brown haired boy chuckles, handing Jeongguk another pepper like a dog treat so he would stop petting Jimin's hair, commenting on how bright and fluffy it was. There was also a short lived attempt to touch Yoongi's cotton candy hair. That was instantly turned down with a whack of a thin hand.

"Mr. Jeon?" the same blonde nurse from before asks, grabbing the attention of all of us, "It's time to begin your first cycle of chemotherapy." She finally announces, "There can only be one person with you, so I'm sure Taehyung'll be the one to accompany you. A blanket, a DVD Player, a MP3 Player, and magazines are allowed if you will like to bring any of those things. I'll be taking you to a designated room."

Taehyung slowly helped Jeongguk out of the thin and creaky bed. He was slow, but that was already expected, and it seemed as if the revelation this was actually about to begin calmed Jeongguk down from such a bright state. He looked crestfallen now, a fearful color of white to his face and eyes oh so wide. The whole room seemed to stand still.

He wrapped his small hand around the metal bar of his mobile IV, the boyfriends meeting eyes for a short moment, somehow conjuring up a short conversation in a span of barely a second. It was a conversation of reassurance. Taehyung's strong arm wraps around Jeongguk's thin waist for both support and affection. The two of them began to walk towards the door at a slow pace, slowly picking up as time went on.

"You guys can stay if you want. Jeongguk will only taking about fifteen to thirty minutes for his first treatment." The blonde lady tells those who remained in the room, closing the door with a spin of her stilettos and directing the two boys to where they'd be for the next half hour or so.

----

"As you know, Jeongguk will be experiencing some side affects from the chemo." A new male doctor had come. He talked slowly while meticulously working to set everything up. Jeongguk and Taehyung sat in a comfy and plush loveseat, blanket wrapped around the younger's fragile body. He shies away once seeing a needle, squeezing Taehyung's hand tightly as it's pushed into his hand and right onto a vein, "There's a high chance of him experiencing nausea and it may lead to him vomiting so don't be too alarmed. We have a toxic waste bucket over there for him to throw up in. Be careful not to touch any of if he does throw up. There's gloves over there for precaution."

"O-Okay." Taehyung nods along. He repeats the procedure in his head over and over for safe measures. Jeongguk remained silent and had his face pressed into the elder's warm neck. His hair was tickling a tanned nose, but the annoying feeling was quickly pushed aside for Jeongguk's own sanity.

"Alright, are you ready?" The doctor was a nice one, handsomely aged and well with teenagers. He'd slipped in many stories of other patients and compared Jeongguk's shy ways to those that have gone through the same thing as him and came out strong and healthy. Jeongguk shows a quick nod. The man connects a clear bag with a hazard sign to the tired boy's IV tube. A click is heard, and Taehyung watches with close eyes as the liquid travels and leads it's way into Jeongguk's system, "That's it, Jeon, you're now on your first cycle of chemotherapy. Is there any burning?"

"M'No, I feel...exactly the same. Is it even working?"

The eldest deeply chuckles while checking over everything once again to give Jeongguk true closure, "I can assure you all is working just fine. It's a good thing you don't feel anything. It makes the whole process a lot smoother for the both of us." He begins to walk towards the door, "If you need anything, just hit that button, and I'll be sure to run down here."

"Thank you, Doctor, i-it means a lot that you care so much." Taehyung quickly speaks. He watches the man peer over his shoulder with a soft smile.

"Of course..." He pauses before speaking again, "You two remind me of my husband and I before children. Good luck with growing a healthy family once this is all over with." Taehyung thinks his heart skipped two beats at the sweet words, a prominent lump forming. He's lucky there's no monitor connected to his system as the heavy oak door closes.

----

"Do you wanna watch some tv?" Taehyung asks after what had to be twenty-five minutes, running his fingers through Jeongguk's coarse and thin hair. The younger only pushes his face further into comfort, and he slowly lifts his thin arm with the IV pushed in, pulling the blanket up and over the both of them. Taehyung worked it better over himself and scooted closed to Jeongguk, "I take that as a no." He smiles sweetly, looking down with loving eyes.

"Sleep."

Taehyung slightly nods while glancing over towards the hanging bag. Jeongguk's doses had to be light due to his small body and weak state. There was a set journey of a whole month and a half with a dance of chemo.

Taehyung was of course stressed over tough struggle of life at home, between possibly his mental health and anger from parents, but Taehyung'd never admit it. His role on the football team had been diminished, handing his spot off to Namjoon. The principle and college he'd gotten a scholarship for understood his circumstances. They kept a secure spot for nearly a full ride and already passed through senior year. Taehyung remained grateful in the beauty of early testing.

"Do you feel nauseous?" The brunette asks softly as to not disturb the one curled into him after a couple more moments of silence.

"A little." Jeongguk sighs.

This wouldn't be Taehyung's first rodeo of experiencing a Jeongguk vomiting. He knew how to calm the younger down if he did end up doing so, "Let me know if you start to feel worse. I have a bucket for you."

"I know...How much longer do I have?" Jeongguk quietly asks and runs his fingers over the back of Taehyung's limp, coarse hand.

"No idea, baby." The elder informs when glumly glancing back over at the clear bag. He notices Jeongguk's shifting slightly, giving them both a better view of one another. There appeared to be a whole speech incased within Jeongguk's tired eyes, and it seemed to be pounding against his mouth to be spoken.

"I'm just gonna say this now, because no one else is in here." He begins, sounding rather shaky, "I used to think that...you were some type of perfect person...Um, I- I used to believe I could do whatever benefited me and not care about what happened to you. I just-...I don't think of you like that anymore. I think of you as a boyfriend, a fiancé, a husband, a father, a best friend, someone who- will be there in the future and talk with me about our past.

God, uhm, a while back, I know I... acted selfish and seemed as if the world revolved around me and what I did. You're someone so much more than some type of attractive outlet calling me their own. This ring- and I know how stupid this sounds -this ring shows what you are to me and that ring on your finger shows what I am to you, and I'm rambling on and on and all this stuff as been pent up and I-" Taehyung pecks Jeongguk on the cheek.

"I love you too." He laughs into the latter's cheek, keeping his tan face close to Jeongguk so they could sit in a way their two selves intertwined better, "There's definitely a difference in your perspective of things." He hums almost nostalgically, "I know you feel this way, and I also know you're not one for speaking about things like this, but I also...also know that you've begun to think of me differently, and I can feel you've found more love for me than ever before. It's by the look in your eyes."

Jeongguk looks away, groaning slightly, "When did we get so cheesy and gross?"

"Since my knee hit the ground." Taehyung coos and Jeongguk snorts loudly at his side.

"I guess we can watch some tv."

"Cartoon Network?"

"Hell yeah."

----

He was healthy. The chemo had started to work almost immediately. After three cycles over the span of six days, Jeongguk was said to be showing signs of hope. That made everyone ecstatic, although the cycle would have to remain for another few weeks before finally clearing everything out.

Even with the new found happiness and pleasure in the idea of a fast recovery, Jeongguk had seemed to change. It was now two weeks on the cycles, seven goes and chemicals rushing and working all throughout his small body. He had gotten weaker, if that was even possible. There had to be a prescription drug for the younger boy to use due to vomiting almost daily.

Jeongguk would get up from bed to use the bathroom, and Taehyung couldn't help but painfully stare at the pieces of hair laying down on the white pillow. A lump would form in his throat and tears would threaten to brim his darkened eyes. Sometimes his chest would burn. Of course, Taehyung'd quickly brush them away and act like nothing was happening, just for the sake of the one he loved. Maybe it wasn't the best choice to do so after all. Jeongguk's taking his first shower in two weeks, and there were frantic sounds emitting from the bathroom.

The boy had run his fingers through his hair once- only once -and a small clump of hair followed with his hand. It was a terrifying experience, not being able to stop from running thin fingers through the now wet raven slowly but surely falling out. A poor heart was racing beyond belief, whimpering sounds at each new sight of black tearing away with his hand.

With wobbly knees and a quivering lip, Jeongguk did the only thing he could do and call out his boyfriend's name, "T-Taehyung!" He shouts hoarsely yet weakly, wanting to be heard immediately. There wasn't a way to tell the difference between tears and shower water, but Jeongguk's small shoulders were bouncing up and down as he hunches over on a bench placed in the shower.

The dark oak door swings open in an instant, Taehyung rushing in with a speedy heart rate and anxious eyes, "What is it? Are you okay?" He's quick to yank back the shower curtain, displaying Jeongguk with a well seen patch on the side of his head. Taehyung's whole body wanted to fall to it's knees at the sight, and he can't even begin to fathom how terrified and horribly confused Jeongguk must be.

"I-It's co-coming ou-t." The smaller cries into his hands, moving one of them to lock his small fingers around the black and pulling slightly. Most hair did remain, but there was no lie that much followed out, "I- I d-don't want it t-to."

Taehyung had to cut himself out of the strong and frightful trance, lagging to turn the sprinkling water off and quickly kneel down to reach Jeongguk's body still hunched over. He didn't really know what to say. Saying sorry sounded too uncaring, so Taehyung kept quiet. He knew Jeongguk understood silence, felt comfort and familiarity within the lack of noise. Silence meant the world to the younger.

There was no care to get clothes wet when Taehyung picks up Jeongguk bridal style and places him down onto the edge of the tub. Taehyung grabs a towel and throws it onto the closed toilet lid, helping a shaking boy sit down on top, "Baby, you need to listen to me." The elder softly speaks, running his hands up and down Jeongguk's bare legs, knowing that it soothes nerves. Said boy looks up hesitantly, although tears and hiccups remained in the quiet bathroom, "We need to shave the rest off, okay? It'll make it so much better for you."

"I- I- I don't want to." Jeongguk's chest began to move fast, breathing quickening and becoming more frantic. Taehyung could only softly place his hands onto small shoulders, "I already kn-knew this was c-coming but it's still so s-scary."

"I know it's scary, but we need to do this, Gukkie."

"O...Okay."

Jeongguk watches with close and teary eyes as Taehyung stands up completely. The sound of a drawer opening and closing sounded, and a razor was tightly held with clammy hands. After haphazardly drying what was left of Jeongguk's hair, Taehyung places the wet towel back down before grabbing ahold of the plugged in object again.

It's turned on with a prominent buzzing noise sounding, and it boomed through their ears. Jeongguk kept his eyes squeezed shut but nodded once knowing the elder was waiting for approval. A sloppy kiss meets Jeongguk's soddened cheek, heart racing and whole body shaking.

The one with the big eyes curled up into some sort of ball, letting out a loud whimper as the edges drew across his scalp. Black hair fell to the floor, and everything seemed to slow down after that. Jeongguk almost cancelled out the buzzing noise, secluding himself into a stagnant world of darkness and thought. His clenched eyes softened into a mere feathery shut, and his dry lips lightly parted to let out slow and even puffs of air into the stifling room.

He was back to when the boy currently shaving his head was just known as the annoying football player. He was back to when they became close friends on that one faithful night of teary eyes and close proximities. He's back to when they shared their first kiss, lips soft and like a cherry sour patch kid, that old bittersweet feeling on the mind. He's back to their first date, a night of laughs and the new spark of love. He's back to their first fight, remembering the shouts all so clearly, how they screamed at everyone and not just one another. He's back to their first time, the way Taehyung held him so softly yet turned into someone else completely, bruising along Jeongguk's small thighs and leaving him a complete mess underneath. He's back to his birthday and the cold ring around his finger, everything so pure and light.

And after thinking over everything time and time again, going over it once, twice, thrice, everything was done. Taehyung sweeps the black hair, moving it from the ground to the bin. No one talked at all, their eyes meeting and not being able to tear apart. Jeongguk slowly pulls away and looks at the mirror. Seeing his new self felt impersonal.

Taehyung stared at his own form too, knowing that Jeongguk simply didn't feel right or like himself, "You're still beautiful." He whispers when recalling Jeongguk's old fears before all of this happened, "I still love you all the same." The deep voice continues, kneeling down and taking ahold of a pale face. Soft lips push against a cheek and fingers run along the back of Jeongguk's neck as their foreheads press together, "We're gonna be okay."

Jeongguk attempts a smile before lifting his thin arms and placing dainty hands on top of latter's, "I love you too, Kim Taehyung."

----

hm

but i'm 13

[april 2018] HA bitch i'm 15 now