chapter twenty-eight ;; jersey
jeongguk's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

"Jeongguk, come on." Taehyung whines.

"I-It won't fit." I shyly respond looking down at myself.

"What do you mean it won't fit?"

"It's too big." A noticeable sigh is heard from outside the bathroom door.

Taehyung had convinced me to try on his jersey, because, well, he thought it would look cute. The shirt was already extremely baggy on Taehyung, so it was ginormous on me. The thin and shiny fabric stopped a little below my boxers. I already felt tiny to begin with, but in this shirt, I looked like a child playing dress up in their dad's suit when they're eight years old.

"I'm sure it's fine."

"I look like a child."

"You are a child." Taehyung chuckles with hand tightly clasped around the knob, turning it slightly, "Just unlock the door, Gukkie."

A loud sigh leaves my lips once again rosy and tinted pink. At that moment, I realized that if Taehyung wanted me to wear his jersey like this, there'd surely be a time where he wishes to see me cross dressing. Might as well get this point over with before the real problems come along. I reluctantly unlock the door, hearing the click Taehyung had been waiting for. The doorknob instantly turns, sending an echoing sort of sound through the large bathroom attached to his room. This boy lived in luxury.

Eyes widen as soon as Taehyung walks in, seeing me in the jersey must've made his mind go berserk. Both of our eyes were currently wide, although I stared at the ground with a pink face and hands tightly grasped around the hem. I might as well not wear my boy shorts at all; they were completely hidden and unseen.

"Stop staring at me like that." I mumble with an anxious undertone, looking up to see the elder's gaze the entirety of my nimble form, head to toe. His lips were parted, stare completely blank. Maybe Taehyung was surprised by the appearance. I definitely was when my eyes laid upon myself in the mirror. Even though he's seen my legs many times before, it felt so much more revealing this time.

"But it looks good on you." Taehyung coos, stepping closer before taking my hands into his own. It felt serene and comforting, the way he was staring down at me with such adoration. His eyes that held such emotions made me forget about how I was undeniably scuffed up underneath the fabric, even underneath my skin.

Our fingers were intertwined like our essences, one soul shared by two boys. That soul being a house of many, a bed of few. And as Taehyung craned his neck down to reach my cherry lips that went too well with his lemon ones, I found no need to go on the tips of my toes to go higher, because I already felt as if my body was high enough. It was short and sweet, words that only Taehyung uses to describe me in particular.

"You're only saying that because you're obligated to." I tell him, sure with my answer only made the latter's eyes roll.

It was a constant battle between the two of us, a battle Taehyung always won. There was lost hope in trying to fight against the elder boy standing in front of me, hands unclasping mine and instead trailing up my arms like he always did. His coarse fingertips had become natural to my arms, a body part of mine that he seemed to favor. The skin was smooth and untouched unlike the rest of me, a fact that used to waver so much only two years ago.

"Believe what you will," Taehyung whispers, staring down at his hands that continued to glide across my skin, resonating firmly on my waist that now belonged to him, "but at least I know the truth, and my my, what a beautiful truth it is." It might've been cheesy, but my heart still pounded a little faster. He slowly draws me into a loose hug, consisting of my head being placed right underneath his shoulder. The large, white font of 'KIM' with '95' underneath crinkled up under the will of his arms while my body was nicely pushed up against his. Whatever height difference we shared was quickly becoming a thing that I adored rather than despise.

If I were to be honest, it felt like nothing had changed. Proving that Taehyung and I were never really normal friends since the very start. Everything felt normal and natural. There should be a weird hill that every new relationship goes through, but for Taehyung and I, it feels like we've been training for the past months of knowing each other. Everything played out perfectly. It worried my measly mind.

A few months: that's all it took. A few months of discovery and hardship to learn new things in daunting ways that's turned me into a more experienced person as a whole. I'm merely a seventeen year old, one who has seen and felt things no one ever should. I was a survivor of the weakest- a runt -yet here my small body was, engulfed by warmth and filled with such satisfaction that no one else could ever understand but me. My one wish is to impact Taehyung the way he has and continues to for me. I think I've already have changed something inside of him, or maybe I'm another phase: this boy seems to go through many-.

"Hey, are you okay?" Taehyung whispers, concerned, pulling away enough for me to see his beautiful face but still holding onto me. The grip around my waist's tighter now, "Jeongguk, you're shaking. Please, tell me what's wrong." There was a clear frantic whine Taehyung did all he could to hide underneath words of care.

"I- I don't kn-know wha-" my own voice was cut off by a quivering intake of breath, being consumed by the unknown and daunting feelings rolling against me like waves of death in the ocean. I tried to fight back with all of my will, for my mind was only as strong as the pale, slender sticks that I claim to be hands.

Waves of the ocean crashed and they began to drown me instantaneously. The water of darkened thoughts seeped into my lungs at immense force, drawing my head further away from the surface. A float of my body was the only thing keeping me from falling downwards and downwards due to gravity taking ahold. It felt too real to be a dream, too terrifying to be only a nightmare.

The hang of my body that had never felt so much heavier retaliates with its might against the tug of the whirling water. It came in as tight fingers wrapped around arm and leg, trying to revive with shouts of the wind. A shake of the head to pull out of the suffocation as I felt the need to speak, only to be trapped behind bubbles pouring out with muffled sobs. Tears mixed in with the salt, ducts turning dry as bodies thrashed for safety. How are you supposed to breathe with the pressure of the sea putting your lungs down to half their size?

Teary eyes met mine as slow, deep words did all they could to reach my inducted ear drums. Pressure was slowly released out of my lungs as the surface slowly came, clear and bright with the reflection of ripples reminding me of tears down a waterlogged face of tan. Shimmering windows into the depth of brown and no longer blue stood forth and firm, not daring to close against the natural sting. Pink lips moved but no sound came, a dazed boy that was me trying to focus with a jolting chest of pain and contort.

Resonating fingers pressed firmly against paled skin hidden behind baggy cloth. There was surely going to be purple and blue trails left behind, but there was no need to complain. A feeling of help was all that formed in the action, for the physical pain was easy to deal with, "Breathe- Slowly- Better." Words came in as broken CDs, hiccuping and repeating in a broken pattern. Another hand soon gripped my bare thigh with the same firm hold as my shoulder, a way for reality to course through my thin veins once more.

There was a prominent knock of thrice on the bedroom door that echoed through the large room. Only then did I realize my body, with slowly easing muscles sore from being tense for what felt like years, was placed onto a bed. A sigh is heard from the one gripping onto my so tightly, shouting, "We'll be down in a little bit." after a 'dinner' is called out from behind the closed door.

"Are you feeling better?" Taehyung whispers as things begin to clear out, although my heart continues to feel fluttery. A force that wasn't his hands but instead my own will had me slowly sit up with the chaperoning of Taehyung. I nod, too afraid to speak. There was no doubt my voice would be hoarse and cracky while my lungs and heart continued to calm. The deep and wicked ocean had seemed to drain every last drop, allowing me to settle, "Are you sure that you wanna eat?" I nod once more, "Alright," a saddened sigh for a cry escapes his lips before chewing down on the bottom, "I'll grab you a change of clothes."

It was gloomy, knowing such a nice, and dare I say, cute moment shared between Taehyung and I was crushed by my own thoughts. It gave me a sense of loathing, for if it weren't for my ability to pick out the darkness and absorb it into my pale skin, the current events wouldn't even of had taken place. My fault was the only blame to give, and I quickly realized I need to get a grip and stop acting this way, stop showing weakness that didn't need to be revealed. You need to show strength before gaining the independence, one that I longed for.

----

i don't even knOw and i'm so sorry for this like i'm actually so ??¿? idfk this was a mess that wasn't supposed to occur i'm just hellaaa sad lately which is obviously shown in my writing lmaoo i gotta stop bYE

ps- next chapter will be fluffier, i promise