Trigger Warning: past thoughts of suicide, implication of past self harm, homophobia, referenced sexual assault

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Note: So...yeah. That trigger warning sets the tone for this chapter without saying much. Which actually says a lot now that I'm thinking about it.

Similarly to Marshall's grief chapter, I actually took a lot of really emotionally driven points out when writing Marshall's breakdown scene in "A Broken Mask". Again, I did this in the final draft because I didn't want to bombard my readers with too much at once. Because of that, though, you guys kind of got, like, a more censored version of what Marshall was really feeling after leaving the Olympic coven. I really do mean it when I say I took out paragraphs worth of really heavy confessions.

Still, since this is the extras book, I think it'd be unfair to not put this in here. Not only because it's expected, but because it's just as, if not more, impactful as the chapter in the final draft. There will be a lot of talking with minimal breaks in between because Marshall is given the floor to vent.

Timeline wise, this would've happened after giving a rundown of the argument that happened with Edward.

Grab your tissues and head to The Crying Corner 😭

Also: I know I never included it in the final draft, but Marshall actually has a piece of jewelry which acts as his signature Cullen crest. It will be referenced in this chapter.

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Marshall was done.

Honestly. 

Legitimately.

The drive back to La Push gave him time to truly think about his standing with his adoptive family. A group of people he knew for years that still felt like strangers. People who were meant to love unconditionally but would only ever hate eternally. People who were meant to shelter him from a cruel, merciless, unforgiving world—and who turned out to be the most brutal of monsters he ever had the displeasure of facing.

The Cullens were a coven of deceitful liars who hid their repulsive nature behind friendly smiles.

They didn't deserve to have their hideous mark brandished on Marshall's body.

So, finally giving in to his anger and pain and sorrow, Marshall took hold of a chain necklace with a familiar crest dangling over his sternum. The piece of jewelry was pulled upward from its hidden perch beneath his shirt. As soon as pristine metal was completely free, the pendant was grabbed.

A single pull broke the necklace in two.

It fell to the floor with a series of loud clatters.

Marshall stomped on the crest, and it shattered beneath his foot.

The pack members watched on in genuine shock.

Learning of the vampire's severance from his coven was surprising enough. But watching him tear apart something which symbolized his previously invincible relation to them only solidified the irreparable breakage of invisible tethers no longer connecting everyone to him.

Marshall Hale, son and brother of the Cullen family, as well as member of the Olympic coven, was no more.

In his place stood Marshall Lahote: a man no longer able to don the fabricated mask he'd been forced to wear for decades.

Smashing his Cullen crest was like bringing a hammer to a tank full of water. 

Emotions he'd hidden were rushing out of their damaged confines; and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold them back anymore.

Paul understood. He always did. Which was why he gave Marshall an opportunity to speak without interruption as a means of finally releasing everything he kept bottled inside. The option was given for the vampire to tell his tale, regardless of how unfiltered, horrid, and terrifying it might be. 

Because Marshall deserved to have someone finally listen.

Unable to keep himself on his feet anymore, he slid down against the wall and sat on the floor. His eyes pointed toward the shiny tiling in front of him so he wouldn't have to see the sympathetic agony written on everyone else's faces.

"...I wish I could say everything that happened tonight was really unexpected. But I'd be lying to myself if I did." His hands were loosened, turning over to reveal smooth palms. "Everything they ever did to me- everything they ever said- it was always going to lead here, wasn't it. It was always going to lead to me severing ties one way or another. And for years, I was constantly telling myself how much of a bad thing it was. To let them go. Because that's how deep they had their hooks in me. That's how harshly they wrapped their threads around me.

"Since I was young, back when I was human, my mother instilled the notion in me that family is the most important thing. Which was hilarious coming from her, but I digress. Rose also pushed that notion onto me as she got older and needed someone to watch over her since she didn't have a husband. So, when I finally got established in the coven, the expectation to put others on a pedestal above myself was already present. The expectation to look beyond people's faults, no matter how toxic they were, was ingrained in me. The fear of being cast aside caused me to bury my issues like they asked while trying to ignore the growing pit I was falling into.

"And you know what started it all? Them treating me like lesser- more insignificant? Them finding out about my sexuality. Not even from me, but from Rosalie. I kept everything hidden because I knew from experience that people wouldn't understand. Yet she blindsided me by dropping that information- my personal feelings- as a piece of gossip. Then, when my honesty was met with disgust, I learned how different I was from everyone else.

"They used my sexuality as a point to bring me down, and they made me believe the only way for me to be equal was to go above and beyond. When no one did so for me. They gave me a role, and I was expected to fulfill it. So I did. They told me to protect, and I did. They told me to provide, and I did. They told me to listen, and I did. They told me to hold the world on my shoulders...and I did. All for the chance at being part of a functioning, closely knit family.

"Little did I know, each burden they placed upon me was burying me alive."

Marshall felt his body going numb.

His mind was becoming foggy.

But the desire to float wasn't the cause.

Each confession peeled off a bloody bandage and allowed his inner wounds to breathe. The deep pain he felt was distorting with every honest declaration. 

He just...wasn't sure how to feel now that everything was being laid out on the table.

So he opted to feel nothing at all.

"When Paul and I started seeing each other, it was honestly a really confusing time for me. Because he was so nice. So open. So endearing. And...I'd never experienced that before. Aside from my real father and Brad, no one ever bothered to pay attention to me or my troubles. No one bothered to listen. 

"To be honest, it was really scary.

"The first time Paul told me my feelings mattered, part of me wanted to laugh in his face. Another part wanted to scream. And another part wanted to cry. The first time I actually broke down in front of him after being left behind by the Cullens, I didn't expect him to be so patient with me. I expected to be seen as a burden for calling him away from a group hangout. I expected to be told that I was overreacting or being childish for letting my anger get so out of hand. 

"He never made me feel that way. When I really think about it, I don't think anyone here has ever made me feel that way.

"After really getting to know each other, you guys have been so much more than I thought I deserved. The coven constantly pushed the notion of being second onto me, you caught me off guard when you'd stop everything to help me get through my issues. Especially with..." Overwhelming sorrow pushed it way to the forefront, making his voice waver. "With losing Brad. Dealing with the grief of losing someone so important has been...I can't even put it into words. And what's even sadder is that, even though we were still family at the point of his death, no one from the coven bothered to reach out after his funeral to see if I was okay. No one called or messaged me to see how things were going. As soon as everything was sorted out with Victoria and the Volturi, the family immediately set their sights on getting Bella and Edward's wedding planned. No one cared about anything having to do with the world outside of the coven.

"It's sad. Legitimately. How someone they haven't even known for very long was able to get all of the affection I never could. How a random human was taken in and accepted in my place. How me being in love with a man is seen as bad, even though our relationship has brought me so much happiness, simply because they refuse to adapt their old world views. How Edward and Bella's relationship- something that's been full of competition, gaslighting, manipulation, and so many other unhealthy things- is viewed as perfect because of the heteronormative aspect of it.

"Paul will sit down and walk me through a panic attack until I'm okay; he'll take note of my little tics to better understand me; he'll find joy by simply existing with me- but the Cullens see him as a mistake. Yet Edward literally breaks Bella's car to keep her from seeing her friends; neither of them ever take the other person's feelings into account because they're more concerned with achieving their own personal wants; he tells her she's worthless and abandons her after making her a target for other vampires...and all of that means nothing? All of that doesn't matter- and is even seen as acceptable?

"My love for Paul has always been genuine. But they- they tried to force it in my head how wrong our relationship is. They've humiliated me...time and time again. Made me feel worthless. They called me defective. They said my assault should've been a worthwhile lesson. But I'm the bad guy for leaving? I'm the bad guy for wanting a better life with people who actually care? I'm the bad guy for wanting to put myself first? I'm bad for finally putting my foot down about all the bullshit I've had to endure?

"Whenever I wasn't able to provide for them, they constantly made me feel like a terrible person. Like some sort of villain who got off on bringing them misfortune. They made me feel like I was replaceable. And as someone terrified of being pushed away- because that's what everyone always did- I tried to do what I could to make everyone else happy. I tore myself to pieces to try and please them. But look at me now: fractured, unmendable, and alone."

Marshall's heartbreak hit him with enough force to make him hunch over. He buried his face in his hands because he didn't want anyone to see how horribly traumatizing it was to admit all of this out loud. Because, yes, he was finally admitting to them and himself how much the Cullens had scarred him.

To the point of not knowing how long it would take to heal. Or if it was even possible to do so.

"I don't understand what I did. I don't understand why my existence has just been one traumatic event after another. I don't know what I did to deserve a life where all I've known is pain and heartache and loss and grief."

Marshall's hands clenched, pulling on his hair.

The pain helped to keep him present enough to confess something he'd never told anyone before.

He was in such a vulnerable position, he couldn't hold back anything.

"You have no idea how much I used to beg, plead, and cry for it to stop. When sitting alone in the darkness and the silence. You have no idea how much I wished I could just..." A choked sob tore through him, unwinding the ball of tightness in his throat. "There have been so many times where I wanted to give up. So many times my feelings festered to the point where I couldn't breathe. There have been so many times where I just wanted to die. But no matter what I did, my body wouldn't let me. And no one ever bothered to keep me afloat.

"I've become so accustomed to drowning, I don't know what it's like to breathe with lungs that aren't filled with water. I don't know what it's like to hold onto something precious in my hands without it crumbling to pieces. 

"My world constantly feels like it's falling apart- and I can't do anything to stop it. Because no matter what I do, somehow, someway, it's all my fault. 

"Why aren't I allowed to live in peace? Why...am I not allowed to be happy? Why did they never attempt to care about me? Do I- do I just mean that little?"

Strong, warm, delicate arms wrapped around Marshall. One hand settled on the back of his head. The other settled on his spine and gave soothing rubs.

He buried his face into a shirt smelling of bergamot and apples. His bonding mark secreted pheromones to help alleviate the awful torment he was experiencing.

Other arms and hands joined in to offer him aid until every member of the pack was accounted for in the unplanned group hug. 

No one said anything. They just sat together, holding onto their vampire as he fell apart in their embrace.

Marshall held on tight, depending on those around him to keep him together.

Their hug alone was proof enough for him to realize, unlike his old family, the pack members would never abandon him.

Never.