"Could you use some company?"

Tanya's voice was gentle, patient, and quiet; yet it still worked to startle Marshall out of his thoughts.

He turned away from a sky full of stars to look back at the window a few feet behind him. Both large, fluffy blue wings were draped around him, blanketing him from a crisp breeze he couldn't truly feel. The feathers of his left wing partially draped over the roof edge above a small outside seating area downstairs. Soft plumage also pooled in his lap since he'd fallen into the habit of running his hands through them to calm his mind.

His hair was mostly pulled back into a small, low ponytail—his lengths having grown about half an inch over the past week. The rapid growth was a feature which followed him from his human life and was greatly enhanced after his transformation. Usually, he'd kept his hair short because the other Cullens never liked when it got too long. Too "feminine". Now, since they were gone, Marshall was trying to find comfort in being in his own skin again. His first step in doing so was to stop cutting his silky waves so often.

Still not used to the extra length, a strand taking refuge in front of his eye was pushed behind his ear. "Sure."

Tanya climbed out of the window, onto the flat roof where Marshall was sitting on a quilt. She wasted no time in snuggling up beside him and lacing their fingers together.

"I'm surprised you're awake. You've been sleeping a lot since you got here."

"This isn't my first rough night. Believe it or not, it hasn't been easy for me to fall asleep since this whole thing started. It's...been a long time since I did so on my own. I'm not really used to being in a bed by myself anymore."

"Well..." Tanya turned her face until her nose tickled the sensitive skin of her companion's neck. "If it makes you feel better, we can get out of here. Go find someplace and spend a couple hours together. The way we used to."

Understanding the connotations clearly, offering an apologetic smile, Marshall slowly leaned in the opposite direction to put some distance between them. "You're still one of the most beautiful women I've ever laid eyes on, Tanya. There's no doubt about that. But while those times in the past were fun, I'm going to have to decline. I know I said in order for me to figure stuff out, I had to abandon my most prized possessions. I just- I meant that temporarily. And it's not just the case because I have a boyfriend. I'm actually married. Happily, as well."

"Then why did you leave if your husband made you happy?"

Marshall's expression became more somber. "Because sometimes we have to let go of the things we hold dear for a little while to focus on personal development."

Tanya nodded in understanding, unfazed at being rejected. "My apologies, then. For trying to walk on territory that wasn't mine to invade."

"You didn't know. It's fine."

"That's a pretty big deal, though. You being married." Golden eyes moved toward the sky to take in a stunning view of vibrant constellations. "You must love him a lot."

"I do. So much."

Marshall took in a deep breath, inhaling the calming scent of incoming rain. The fragrance made him think about home—both the place and the person. And he couldn't help but reminisce about the wonderful memories made over the last year and nine months.

"He means everything to me. He's given me reason to smile during times where I thought I couldn't. He knows how difficult it is for me to calm down when my temper becomes uncontrollable. As someone who also struggles with being a hothead, he's surprisingly considerate and tolerant whenever things get ugly. He makes me feel like the most beautiful, cherished person on the planet. He makes me feel like I mean something. I'm not a religious person, but the best way I can describe my husband in one word is...a blessing. He really is a blessing to me. And I- I really miss him...

"Still- in order for me to go back home, I need to learn how to care about me the way he does. For both of us. Because he deserves to have someone who can be certain about themself. Who can love themself so honestly- that they'd be worthy of the devotion he carries within his heart. He worships me like a God. And I can't really accept that much praise- and love- and pure, unbridled adoration until I'm able to really figure out who I am- and live my truest life without hesitation.

"I don't...want to be uncertain to the point where I have to go on my own again. Leaving him the first time was hard enough. I couldn't imagine putting him through this a second time. It just sucks that I don't know how long this is going to take."

"That's okay," Tanya answered in a straightforward manner, leaving no room for argument. "You don't have to know everything right now. The only thing you have to have is a goal. And you do. As long as you keep working toward that goal and doing what you need to do for yourself, everything will be okay in the end. Yes, it's hard right now. But change always is. I think your most difficult hurdle to cross is figuring out why exactly you feel the way that you do. If you have deeper feelings which go beyond the initial problem. Once you figure it out, I think you'll be able to finally be you. The way you were always meant to be."

Marshall reached up to caress his choker. The pawprint pendant dangling over his throat was smooth to touch. The silky black band had a certain fragrance etched into the material. An earthy, somewhat sweetly-scented aroma which Paul naturally exuded everywhere he went.

Picturing his face—imagining his deep, sometimes husky voice—Marshall took a moment to let his body slacken.

Paul would want him to be as calm and relaxed as possible.

"It's starting to drizzle, Marsh. Let's get back inside. We can read together until you're ready to fall asleep."

Humming in agreement, Marshall deactivated his gift. Both wings disappeared from sight. The fuzzy quilt beneath him was collected. An outstretched hand was grabbed, leading him back through a long window and into his darkened room.

*

He was completely surrounded with no chance of escape.

On one side, the deceased Cullen members stood. Hostility dripped from their rigid forms as they glared daggers at their brother. Previously flawless skin was covered in menacing cracks. Some sections were charred. They reflected light in the haphazard way broken glass did. An unpleasant stench of burning venom clung to their smoking bodies.

On the other side, the pack members stood. Hands were balled into tight fists. Teeth ground against each other with how hard their jaws were clenched. Eyebrows were knit together. Deep frowns shed light on an unspoken sadness nestled within them. Sympathetic gazes stared into their dear vampire.

Marshall felt like his arms were being tugged in either direction. He attempted to cover his ears to keep from hearing the heated arguments happening around him. Instead of his previous family members discussing with his current one, every heated statement was made to Marshall directly.

"Everything was always falling apart because of him," Rosalie yelled. "He couldn't do what he was supposed to, and that's why mom always preferred me over him. He could never meet anyone's expectations. He was selfish and conniving-"

"It was never his job to throw his life away for a bunch of people who didn't deserve his kindness," Brad pushed back. "All you ever did was use him. All you ever did was make him feel inferior. You constantly tore him apart and made him afraid to be open with anyone. If there's anyone to blame for his struggles, it's you guys-"

"It was his own fault," Alice interrupted. "He had a role. He was expected to fulfill it the same way we all did ours. Him getting hurt in the end only meant he wasn't as strong as we needed him to be-"

"Not having enough strength and crumbling under the weight of unachievable expectations are two completely different things," Jared argued. "He was constantly drowning with you people. Even when you weren't around anymore, the scars you forced onto him never faded. Your hooks stayed lodged in his flesh, and your puppet strings took away his ability to be free. He was better off without you-"

"We were better off without him," Edward stated. "He didn't start losing his grip on himself until he started hanging out with you. His relationship was the beginning of the end. The first step to his downfall. Had he stayed with us, he would've been a part of something he cared about-"

"He would've been trapped for the rest of his life," Paul countered. "You were the reason he crumbled so horribly. You were the reason he was constantly ripping apart at the seams. You were the reason he never knew a moment of peace. It wasn't his fault he was forced to live with a family, as a human and as a vampire, with people who never cared to respect him."

Two opposing sides. Both on the extreme ends of the same scale. There was no middle ground.

Marshall didn't know who to listen to. Whose words held more merit. Because, deep down, he found semblances of truth in every claim.

Everyone was speaking at once, taking away his ability to think clearly.

His legs were pulled close to his chest to make it easier to hide his face. "Please- please stop- I didn't want this. I never wanted this. I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to live a good life. What did I do to deserve so much pain? Please- I couldn't control it. It wasn't my fault. IT WASN'T MY FAULT-"

"It wasn't your fault."

A smaller, warmer hand settled on top of his head. As soon as slender fingers wove into his hair, the world went quiet.

Marshall was caught off guard when hearing his own voice echoed back at him. It sounded slightly higher pitched than his normal one. The method of speaking was off as well, a single sentence sounding much more enlightened than he actually felt. 

When moving to come out of hiding, he was surprised to see his younger, human, nineteen year old self.

More innocent eyes were a striking shade of vibrant green with a ring of goldish-brown surrounding his pupil. Minor acne scars dotted his skin in sporadic patterns near his sideburns. Black hair was cut short, strands not long enough to show off his natural waves. Muscle mass had yet to bulk up his physique, so his body was much leaner and thinner.

His smile was barely visible. Yet it was genuine. Endearing.

Hands housing faint scars from cooking accidents wrapped around spotless ones. 

"I know you blame yourself for a lot of things. But you need to know it wasn't your fault." Young Marshall looked between his older counterpart's eyes. "The Cullens hurt you. And the reason the damage has gotten so bad is because you were hoping they wouldn't. You were hoping you could mend the cracks in their flawed images so you could have the perfect family you always wanted. You were hoping you'd have enough strength to fight their demons for them so they wouldn't have to struggle. And when all of that wasn't enough, you blamed yourself for falling short.

"When it comes to the pack, you think it's unfair that you've caused them so much drama. Your want to make Paul happy has overshadowed your desire to talk about your own discomforts. Like when you first moved to La Push. You were happy to finally be with him, but you were afraid of being ridiculed by the other wolves. You felt really bad whenever other pack members were uncomfortable because you were around. Then, when you all started getting more acquainted, you felt bad for making them worry about you. You felt bad for dragging them into the battle you were trying to fight by yourself. Because you didn't want to be seen as weak. You didn't want them to see you as weak. So you shut them out to a certain extent. You shut everyone out until you couldn't contain the cracks forming within you.

"You're so concerned about making other people happy- you're so concerned about meeting everyone else's expectations, you've forgotten what it means to have your own. You've forgotten what it means to worry about you. And I've finally figured out why."

Young Marshall moved forward until he was right in front of Older Marshall. Then, without warning, the two were connected by a snug, desperate embrace.

"You've been so hellbent on seeking forgiveness from other people. But what you really need to do is forgive yourself." Young Marshall's voice began to waver. "Forgive yourself for always giving the Cullens the benefit of the doubt for so many years. Forgive yourself for silently tolerating decades worth of abuse because you were afraid of being alone. Forgive yourself for not knowing how to react when you realized you could start doing things, start having things, for yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing what to do when you were finally given the opportunity to start forging your own path.

"Sure, you've made mistakes which caused pain to other people. A lot of your actions were met with disappointment. Taking the steps to a better future was met with scorn, hatred, and distrust by the people you thought mattered most. You've done a lot of regretful things you can't take back.

"But you need to realize, just as you've done a lot of unfortunate things you wish you hadn't, you were hurt too. You hurt yourself while trying to please everyone else. And it's time you forgave yourself for that.

"You've already dealt with the people who were causing your biggest issues. Yeah, you may secretly regret killing them because you were still hoping they would've turned a new leaf; but what's done is done. They aren't coming back. And the things they put you through, while still traumatizing, are just grains of the past. Your memories will stick with you, but that's all they are now. Memories. Don't give the Cullens the power to keep controlling you when they're not even around anymore. Allow the pack to give you the strength to deal with your struggles- just not so much that they're doing the heavy lifting in your stead. Like you said, your development can only happen because of you. So give yourself permission to let go.

"You're still alive. You still have an opportunity to heal. Let yourself rest by finally letting go. Acknowledge the mistakes you've made. Acknowledge your pain. Acknowledge your broken trust, the false hope, the wish for things to have turned out different. Acknowledge your sorrows and your regrets.

"And forgive yourself."

Older Marshall didn't fight it when tears spilled. He didn't fight his sobs or his heartbroken scream. He didn't deny himself a chance to grieve for himself and all the torment he'd gone through since his youth was first stolen from him.

He cried for the younger, human version whose life was stolen from him. He cried for the newborn version of himself who desperately wanted a functioning family, so he did everything he could to try to make one. He cried for the version of himself who felt like the world was simultaneously coming together and falling apart when his relationship with Paul first began.

He cried and cried and cried.

Then, Marshall let himself forgive.