{ third person point of view }

namjoon lost his sanity after hearing jae hee's broken voice. he didn't care about anything anymore; he just wanted to rush to her, and so he did.

he furiously banged onto her house door, growing more and more impatient as each second passes.

finally, the door opened and a man greeted him. namjoon assumed that this was jae hee's father, but he didn't care. all he wanted was to see her, see if she's alright.

"excuse me, who are you–"

namjoon pushed her father aside but mr shin was persistent, and didn't want to let namjoon enter their house.

"i'm jae hee's boyfriend!" namjoon shouted. he has completely lost his patience. mr shin then took a step back and namjoon took this opportunity to dash towards the direction of the room.

he opened the room to her door so quickly, that he actually was devasted, seeing his girlfriend lying on the ground while clutching onto her stomach. her phone was far away from her on the ground.

"jae hee," namjoon croaked out as he immediately kneeled down to see her condition. he took her gently into his arms and saw that her face was pure white and her lips were dry, that he could see crack on her lips.

without thinking any further, he ran out of her room and out of her house, running all the way to the nearest hospital without stopping.

•••

it's been twelve hours since her surgery, and yet she still hasn't come out. namjoon was hoping, praying, and doing anything that he could to hope for jae hee's recovery.

jae hee meant so much to him, and she probably doesn't know. jae hee was practically the whole world to him. heck, even the whole universe to him. she was a queen to him and that will ever remain as a fact.

namjoon hasn't left his seat from the start of the surgery till now. he broke down every now and then, and he was tired. but he was still going to wait of jae hee no matter how long it will take.

as if answering his prayers, the light of the 'surgery' sign went off and the entrance doors swung open as the surgeon and his assistants came out, removing their mask in the process.

namjoon tried to be calm as he asked the most typical question ever.

"how is she?"

the surgeon remained silent, as if hesitating to say anything. namjoon didn't want to believe it. he didn't want to believe that it went wrong.

"i'm sorry." two words, one sentence. that was enough to make namjoon break down again.

"her system was severely damaged, and we couldn't do anything to her. this is related to the removal of her stomach. it affected the other organs and systems which disallowed those to functiom properly."

namjoon wanted to scream, he wanted to yell, and curse, and do everything bad to the surgeon but no, it wasn't the surgeon's fault.

it was his fault. it was his fault that he didn't managed to save her at the right time.

it was his fault that she had passed away.

"another thing; she told me to hand you this. she said to open her purple box that is located at the edge of her bed," the surgeon handed namjoon a key.

"can i see her for one last time?" namjoon whispered. the surgeon nodded his head and motioned his assitants to assist namjoon.

•••

it was definitely a painful sight to see his loved one lying on the hospital bed, lifeless, and not breathing a bit.

namjoon walked towards his girlfriend as he held her hands. her hands were freezing cold. how namjoon wished that he could use his warmth to warm her up.

he slowly uncovered the cloth to reveal jae hee's face, with her eyes closed and she had a smile on her lips. namjoon's tears were slowly falling, and it landed on jae hee's face as he wiped it away gently.

"i don't know how to live anymore after you're gone," he said in a soft voice as he caressed her cold cheeks.

"i'm officially broken, jae hee." he whispered as he was trying so hard to not break down again.

"do you know the feeling of devastation? that's how i felt when i was the way to see you just now. i felt that my heart is being ripped off, it's not a good feeling."

"i love you so much jae hee, and i'm glad that i was able to say i love you to you, and you are able to hear it."

•••

he was at her room right now. he had informed her parents, and right now mrs shin was crying profusely while mr shin was comforting her. namjoon wanted to shout at them, that they had no rights to cry, because they didn't even give a fuck about her until she's not in this world anymore.

he began his search for the purple box and found that it was tucked at the corner of the bed as he slowly took it out, and placed it on her bed.

he sat on the bed and the smell of her engulfed him. it was heart breaking; he can never ever smell that scent again.

he took the key from his pocket and unlocked the box. there was a bracelet and piece of paper inside the box.

he took bracelet and there was a note sticking onto it;

for namjoon

namjoon could tell that it was a handmade bracelet. he immediately put it on, careful not to break the bracelet.

he then proceeded to take out the paper and read it.

and again, he broke down. but this time; it was the most worst within the times he had did it today. his sobs could be heard all over the house.

he felt like his heart was being shot by an arrow that couldn't be pluck out. he had lost another loved one.

he knew that no matter what, things won't ever be the same again.

it read :

from ; your sunflower
to ; my dearest sunshine

namjoon,

i know that when you are reading this, i'm probably not in the world anymore. but rest assure, i'll always be in your heart. or maybe i'll be in the sky, watching you.

i didn't had the chance to say this, so now i will say it.

i love you.

i am really glad that you discover me in the toilet on that day. i'm really thankful that you decided to help me out. but guess what, i was being stubborn and always said that you didn't understand me.

i truly regretted all the harsh words i had said to you. i'm really sorry if they hurt your heart. i'm truly, deeply, and madly sorry.

you are the first true friend and boyfriend i ever had. i used to think that soo kyung will be my best friend forever and that i have the chance to date jimin, but no. you appeared in my life and my life turned was twisted in a good way.

do you know what i love about you?

i love everything about you. i love every single detail about you.

i love your dimples, i love your smile, i love the way you make my heart flutter each and every time. i love how you always hold my hand and give me forehead kisses because i am a sucker for those actions.

i love how you always take care of me, i love how you always treat me so dearly.

have i ever told you this?

you made me experience everything that i couldn't. you made me feel loved, you certainly do make me feel pretty.

i was devastated to lose weight and went to the beauty centre. i do regret a little doing that because i could have done it the natural way. i do love the attention people give to me after i had slimmed down.

but then after all this, i realised that it was no use. i only needed attention from you, and i was willing to give all my attention to you.

i fell in love with you so deeply, and it was more than how i love jimin. this time, it was definitely a true love. something that i had never experienced it until i met you.

i thought i was going to be lonely for the rest of my life. i thought that i will never be able to get myself a boyfriend.

but you proved all my thoughts wrong.

namjoon, you are a great person. please find someone else better than me. you definitely deserve better.

thank you for being by my side.

i hope you will stay healthy, and don't cry over me so much! i swear, i'm not worth your tears.

but you know what's one thing that i actually realised?

maybe after all, i tried too hard being pretty.

-

thank you so much for supporting my story!! i really appreciate all of you x

i hope all of you enjoyed reading this story as much as i enjoy writing it (:

just remember that size doesn't matter, it all matters that is your personality. there's always someone in this world that cares about you deeply. ♡

i love all of you so much!!