Chapter Seventy One
Primadonna

SYDNEY WAS IN heaven when she walked through the doors of the spa.  She inhaled the smell of essential oils and lotions.  It had been so long since she'd gone to a spa.  It was a chance for her to relax with her friends and forgot about Miguel.  She followed behind Moon after they got dressed in their robes.  "Moon,  this place is so you."  Sam spoke in awe.

"Isn't it?"  Moon said with a giddy smile on her face.  "When Eli and I broke up the first time,  there was a lot of negative energy.  This place helped cut through the noise.  Which is why I brought you guys here."

"Oh,  how I've missed hanging out with you."  Sydney uttered and looped her arm through hers,  making Moon beam again.  "I'm so ready to relax."

"They also do facials.  So. . ."  Yasmine added to the conversation.

"Which I will definitely be getting."

"Come on,  let's go."  Moon urged them and the girls followed her into one of the rooms.

Sydney saw four large pods in the middle of the large room.  They were filled with water.  "What is this,  exactly?"  Sam questioned.

"This is a self actualization pod,"  Moon explained. 

"So like a sensory deprivation tank?"

"Not exactly.  It's more about connecting with yourself from the inside and letting your mind go blank,"  Sydney took over.  "They're actually quite helpful."

Sam looked wary.  "Thanks,  but I'm still gonna pass."  She said and wrapped her arms around herself.  "I already have nightmares about drowning in shallow water."

"Believe me,  Sammy,  you don't drown.  It's just a little dark in there."

"That doesn't help,  Syd."

"Ever since the tournament,  you and Sydney have been off balance,  especially after Syd's loss,"  Moon brought up and looked between the two girls.  Her eyes lingered on the Brit.  "And on top of everything with Miguel,  you need this more than any of us.  The only thing you're gonna find in this pod is yourself.  That's not so scary,  right?"

But Sam still looked unsure.  Sydney stepped forward and took her hands,  pulling them away from her and she held them.  "Hey,  don't look so afraid.  This is going to be good for us.  We deserve to unwind after all the shit we've been through.  I'll be right next to you if anything happens."

The blue eyed girl viably relaxed at her calming words even though she was still on edge.  But she managed to half smile.  "Okay."  She finally gave in.

Sydney smiled and squeezed her hands.  "Okay.  Let's get soaking,  shall we?"

It was clear that no matter how much any of the guys thought they knew Sydney,  none of them actually knew her.  It was evident when they entered the jewelry store that they thought of her like any other teenage girl.  "I got Yasmine a charm bracelet here,  plus a charm for every fight we have.  She can barely lift her arm now."  Demetri announced to the guys.

Miguel looked around at the lavish jewelry.  He had seen so many like it in Sydney's room;  the diamond necklaces,  the bracelets,  the stud earrings.  It was all jewelry gifted by her parents.  "Okay,  explain to me again why I have to buy expensive jewelry?"  He asked.

"This is Sydney we're talking about,"  Eli spoke.  "She's,  like,  the queen of diamonds.  Everyone knows that when you hurt a girl like her,  you buy your jewelry."

Demetri snapped his fingers. "Exactly. Judging by how she's not responding to any of your texts, you need to go big or go home." He exaggerated.

The woman working in the store came up and stood in front of the tree boys from behind the counter. "Can I help you find something?" She asked with a polite smile.

"Um, yes. I'm looking for something special for my girlfriend," Miguel spoke and then cringed. "Well, uh, e-ex girlfriend, kind of."

"Oh, that's so sweet! What's the special occasion?"

"He left the country without telling her during the biggest karate fight of her life,"

"And then broke up with her in letter and showed up at her front door unannounced."

Miguel looked at his friends with large eyes and a gaped mouth.

The woman's smile subtly fell. "Oh. . . That's a new one." She cleared her throat. "Well, what kind of girl is she? What does she like?" She asked Miguel.

The boy sighed. "She's amazing. She's worth more than every jewel here."

She awed again and Demetri and Eli cringed slightly at his sappy attitude.

"She's flashy and expensive but she also likes the small things," he continued. His eyes glanced at all of the jewelry in the case. "I mean, I could make something out of paper and she would love it."

When Miguel first met Sydney, he instantly noticed how extravagant her outfits were. They were bold and made a statement and that's how she liked it. Her jewelry ad as shiny as her bright white teeth. She was fierce and cold and sharp because she had to be. She had to grow up faster than anyone else. But then he got to know her, see the real her behind the expensive materials, and he saw that she was just a regular teenage girl who had been through some shit.

He saw her without the high priced shoes and skirts and he saw her in dance clothes all sweaty and tired, her usual wavy curls thrown into a bun because it was frizzy. He saw her with no makeup on without any jewelry. To her, she thought she was a completely different person but to Miguel, she was exactly the same and he loved her. God, he loved her so much.

"I just want her to know how sorry I am."

Sydney was surrounded by darkness. It was eerily quiet, the kind that made your skin crawl. She sank into the pod of water and tried to relax her mind. She tried focusing on the things that made her happy such as dancing. Closing her eyes, Sydney slipped away into the darkness.

She was alone in a dark room, the only light being on her. Her dance shoes were on and her hair was pulled back. The music in her head started to play at a soft pace. She lifted herself on her toes en pointe and her back leg lifted high in the air. Her arms moved flawlessly and she danced like nobody was watching.

She was the most confident when she was alone. There was nobody to judge or criticize her, or anyone to make her feel less than.

"You're losing stamina, Sydney."

She spun around and saw Rosemary standing there with her hands on her hips. She had a disappointed expression on her face.

"Do better."

The music in her head started to get louder and Sydney lifted her leg again into a developpe. She titled her head back and closed her eyes, trying to drown out the criticism with the music.

"I don't even know why you're here. You'll never be as good as us." Sailor stood there with her arms crossed over her chest and she was snarling.

Sydney dropped to the floor and laid on her back. The upper part of her body lifted up and her legs went over her head, her body contorting so that her chest was pressed against the ground bur her head was turned. The music was growing louder now and she shut her eyes, the world around her completely black. But she just kept dancing.

"It's your fault we lost the All Valley. You should've tried harder." Johnny snapped at her from where he stood, his face full of hate.

Kicking her leg, Sydney climbed her way back up and she inhaled sharply. Angst began to develop in her chest. She pushed her arms forward like she was trying to push all of them away from her and she brought her leg up into a slow tan kick.

"Why's you let us down, Sydney? We were counting on you."

"You said you would win."

"Why do you always screw things up?"

"You'll never be a real dancer."

The voices of her friends filled her head and tried to overtake the music. Tears filled her eyes but she refused to cry. She just kept dancing. Her head felt like it was about to explode and she she went from an attitude devant to an arabesque. The words in her head began to buzz like flies.

"Why couldn't you just leave things alone?"

Sydney stopped dancing and she turned around to see that Miguel was in front of her. He was wearing the red gi from the All Valley. His eyes and face were sad. "You always push things too far."

"I'm sorry." She spoke for the first time.

"You make everything about you."

The loudness in her head took over and her chest began to close. Sydney staggered back and fell back to the floor. She turned on her side and curled into a ball, the criticism become too much. These were the people that were supposed to love her and now they were against her. She stretched her body and laid on her back again, letting her legs lift her back up and she went to en point again and stayed there for a few seconds. When the buzz in her head came back, she kicked her back leg up like she was fighting against them again.

The more they said they hated her, the more in pain she became.

Her hand pressed to her heart and Sydney raised her front leg up and her upper body bent backwards. She then twisted herself around to walk on her toes, similar to walking on air. It wasn't painful. The pain was coming from inside of her. She was losing herself the more she was in the pod but she felt trapped. She couldn't escape the judgement. She hated herself for losing the tournament. She hated herself for allowing herself to become distracted.

"You always think you're better than everyone else. It took me to finally knock you off the pedestal."

Tory stood there with a smug expression on her face, the champion trophy clutched in her hand. A friendship lost was now created enemies. It was the worst kind of heartbreak.

"You're not the primadonna anymore, Sydney. You're just a failure."

The air started to leave her lungs and Sydney grasped at her throat. The ache in her chest grew worse to the point her arms were numb. She tried to scream but her head was under water. Nobody could hear her. They only shouted at her. She was alone. She was always alone.

"Sydney. . . Sydney. . . SYDNEY!"

The darkness disappeared and she opened her eyes, now seeing the light. Moon and Sam stood in front of her, couched to their knees, and they were calling out her name. "Hey, hey, Ocean, are you okay?" The hippie girl quickly asked, her voice full of worry.

Sam took her face in her hands, making her look her way. "Hey, Sydney, it's okay. It's okay." She assured her. "We're right here. It's okay."

Sydney stared into her eyes and focused on her breathing. Her breaths were staggered and quick but the rattling in her chest was now dying down. She felt like she could breath again.

"What happened in there?" Yasmine asked from behind them, showing the first sign of concern for the girl in a long time.

The British girl looked at them with wide eyes. "Uh. . . I-I. . ." She stuttered. "I was just dreaming."

"What was it about?" Moon asked her.

She shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing important." She flinched away from Sam and climbed out of the pod. "Im in need of a facial. Are you joining me?"

"Me. I heard they give mud facials and my skin needs a good glow." Yasmine agreed and followed behind her as she left the room.

Sam and Moon stood back and the Larusso girl stared at her friend in worry. "What do you think she saw?" Moon asked while fiddling with her hands.

Sam shook her head slightly. "I don't know, but she's not okay." She answered, uncertain.

her panic attacks are getting worse I feel so bad for her :((

now that I've finally watched barbie, I can confidently say that sydney is ballerina barbie. she would love barbie