[Oh my golly gosh guys I hate to say this but- based on a true story— I'm such a dweeb]

Virgil yelped and clutched his heels protectively.

"All I did was poke them!" Roman objected, "How did that harm you?"

"...Reasons..."

"Why?"

". . . Reasons."

"...Why?"

"A toilet." Virgil said simply.

"Wh- how?" Roman shook his head.

Virgil rolled his eyes, "It's a stupid story."

"We have eight hours of 'should be sleeping' to use." Roman smirked.

"...I promise you it's not worth your time." Virgil objected.

"Why does it hurt when someone so much as lightly touched your ankles, or heels m'lady?" Roman smiled at his new, now frequent, term for Virgil, "Were you dunked in the river as a baby and-"

"Holy shmokes, no." Virgil snickered.

"I am but a curious lord!"

"Fine."

Roman grinned.

"So it was-"

"Hey- Hey, now- do it properly."

"...Don't press your luck.."

"Just once?" Roman pleaded.

"I'm saying it my way, without pep-"

"With pep or no step."

"What does that even-" Virgil shook his head dismissively, "Storytime!"

"I shall die happy." Roman beamed.

"...Shut up and let me tell you or I'm going back to sleep."

"Go on!" Roman smiled.

[True story]

"It was after the harvest carnival, some lady came up to me and grabbed my shoulder and I sort flipped out-"

"And hit your heel on them?" Roman guessed.

"No," Virgil sighed before continuing, "I turned around and she-"

"Kicked you in the heel?"

"Shut up."

"...Fine." Roman sighed.

"...And she gave me her tickets for the games because he was leaving," Virgil paused as he expected Roman to say something but he didn't, so he continued, "And then I-"

"Hurt your he-"

"SHUT." Virgil slammed his hand over Roman's face, "I told Thomas about it later and he was concerned as to if that actually had been an intruder- and no- Thomas didn't kick my heel."

Roman looked a bit disappointed and surprised as Virgil knew what he was going to say.

"I told him I'd- defend myself and I-" Virgil sighed, "I was in the restroom when I demonstrated but basically kicked back hard and my heel hit down on the side of the toilet-"

"THATS WHY IT SLIDES WHEN YOU SIT DOWN ON IT!" Roman gasped.

"Yes..." Virgil muttered.

"Oh! But-" Roman leaned forward until he could reach Virgil's foot and lightly kissed the heel, "Did that hurt?"

Virgil's face lit up a bright red before stuttering out, "Well- h-honestly- Yes, it did- just kissing something doesn't make it feel better, that hurt."

"You're a downer." Roman frowned.

"Yeah, I know."

"...Toilet Heel..."

"SHUT UP ITS PAINFUL."

[I'm but a humble dweeb, I rest my case]