Twenty Two: Gossips and Games

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! How long is it to the Party?" Hanna was jumping up and down in excitement, her Elsa dress pristine and her hair in a fair approximation of Elsa's braid. Looking harried in his brown cords, green shirt and a pair of brown sneakers, Hiccup sighed.

"About a minute less than it was last time you asked," he admitted as Hanna huffed and gave an exaggerated sigh.

"That's fourteen minutes! It's sooooooo long!" she complained.

"But we need the time to get everything in place," Astrid explained calmly, though she was feeling even more stressed than Hiccup looked. The party meant so much to Hanna and Hiccup so she had only fielded about three hours of sleep, obsessively checking her lists of things to include, ensuring the Piñata was completed, checking she had allergy information on all the children and enough food planned to feed fifteen children and one parent per child. But she knew all of the parents would be judging her-and by extension, Hiccup-and there was no way Astrid Hofferson was going to fail him when he had acquiesced to the suggestion and opened his precious home to the chaos of a party for a school class of four and five year olds. "Unca Tuff and Auntie Ruff are making sure the living room is ready, Uncle Fishlegs is finishing the tree and I'm just completing the food. Your Dad is making sure there are presents for everyone and that there is some grown up food as well as lactose-free food put specially aside for Marit and Jurgen." Hanna frowned and walked over the the Nanny.

"What is lactose-free?" she asked. Astrid finished spearing chunks of pineapple and cheese on cocktail sticks and jamming them into a foil-wrapped potato to create a very tasty-looking pseudo-hedgehog.

"It means if you give them normal milk or things made of milk like cheese, they get poorly," she explained.

"So no milkshakes," Hanna checked.

"Not usually, no," Astrid conceded.

"No cheese sandwiches?"

"No."

"No cheesy potatoes?"

"Not really."

"No Lasagne?"

"Afraid not," Astrid said briskly, forestalling every other milk or cheese-containing food the little girl could think of. "There is a sort of fake cheese they can have..."

"Like the one at Thorstein's party?" Hanna checked. Hiccup smiled and nodded. "That was yukky," the little girl announced.

"No arguing here," Hiccup conceded, recalling the very poor quality vegan food on offer. And though he was aware there was very good vegan food out there-he had a vegan client so he had managed to locate a rather nice vegan restaurant in Berk for client meetings-the version Stella had offered up was nowhere near that standard. "Well, Astrid and Auntie Ruff have made sure we have all your favourites and enough even for the Mommies and Daddies and any children who need extra special food." Hanna nodded solemnly.

"So how long is it until the party starts, Daddy?" she asked. He groaned-as the doorbell rang.

"Eight minutes-so that isn't good news," he commented and walked to the door, with Hanna skipping along at his side. Dusting himself down, he opened the door-to see Mrs Badgerson and Thor, the over-made up woman smiling falsely as she looked into his face.

"Hello!" she said brightly. "We aren't late, are we?"

"No-early," Hiccup told her shortly before he pulled himself together, stepping back to invite her in. Hanna squealed and raced forward, hugging the boy.

"Thor!" she squeaked. "You came!" And then she looked him up and down. "What are you dressed as?"

"Thor," the boy explained, looking self-conscious. "Um...your invite said Disney and as Avengers is owned by Disney, Mom said I could come as Thor!" Hanna frowned.

"But we meant..." she began and then she shrugged. Astrid had been very careful to explain that it was important not to be mean to people who were kind enough to come to your party...even if they came in the wrong outfit or forgot to bring a present. "It's kinda cool actually," she conceded as she took his hand and pulled him in.

"And you're Elsa because you're crazy about Frozen," he guessed, grinning. She nodded.

"Come and see my bedroom!" she said urgently. "I have a Christmas Tree and lights and everything..."

"Thor sweetie-stay down here with Mommy and..." Mrs Badgerson called but they had already raced up the stairs, speeding towards her room. The woman humphed. "I see your child needs to learn manners," she condemned as Hiccup blinked and closed the door behind her.

So do you-since arriving early is the height of bad manners, he thought. "I presume you are staying?" he asked her shortly. She blinked.

"The invitation said an adult per child," she replied in an offended tone.

"Optional," Hiccup managed through his teeth. "Because I have a qualified Nanny as well as myself and three other adults here to ensure that the children are safe and well cared-for." He offered his hand. "Can I take your coat?" Looking at him superiorly, she handed over a clearly horrendously-expensive mink coat which he carefully hung up in the closet and then led her to the kitchen. She looked around, her eyes narrowing.

"You have a very small house here," she told him scornfully.

"It's perfect for us," he replied as Astrid looked up from cutting the last few sandwiches. Mrs Badgerson sat down uninvited at the table.

"Then you should have hired a venue," she told him brusquely.

"Not possible," Astrid cut in, already peeved at the woman's attitude and realising she was taking her revenge for the catastrophe her own party had been...which Astrid had salvaged without a word of thanks or remuneration. "Everywhere is booked for office parties months ahead. So we're having an old-fashioned party at home to celebrate Christmas." The woman frowned.

"I'd like a gin and tonic," she announced.

"I'm sorry," Hiccup told her smoothly. "But there is no alcohol at this party. The disaster we attended at the Paint Factory convinced me that serving any alcoholic drinks to the parents is a complete recipe for disaster and frankly, totally stupid. So we have water, cola, orange juice, black tea, coffee."

"Percolated?"

"Instant. Very instant," Hiccup said, seeing her scowl more and worry her lip. The realisation struck him that she had attended rudely early and intended to make a nuisance of herself and pick faults while consuming a lot of alcohol but in truth, she would rather be anywhere but here where she was forced to wait in an ordinary kitchen with no booze while her son enjoyed his party.

"I'll have that," she said airily. "Just a splash of milk, three sugars."

"I'll get it," Ruffnut piped up. She was dressed as Elf, the floppy hat flicked back off her face and hands chocolatey from the cupcakes she had just frosted for the children. "Three sugars, you said." The woman gave a dismissive glance.

"You heard," she sneered and sat back, her gaze lingering hostilely on Astrid. "So what do you have to do with this event, Alma, was it?"

"Astrid," the blonde said, covering the sandwiches and placing them into the fridge. "And I..." The bell rang again and she looked up but Hiccup was already sprinting for the door, keen to avoid any more time with Mrs Badgerson. Panting, he wrenched it open-to meet the red, round face of Jakob and the discontented and overly made-up Ophelia, with Helena and her friend Ingrid.

"HANSON!" Jakob inaccurately boomed. "I see your place here is...tidy. Neat. Smaller than I would have believed for a successful business owner but well, we can't all be..."

"Lecherous cheating adulterous tax-avoiding drunks," Hiccup muttered under his breath. "This house is just perfect for our needs," he added aloud. "Are you staying?"

"Well, this counts as part of my contact time so I ought to be here-though Lia and I needn't paying attention..." Jokob announced, winking lecherously and ushering the blonde in, teetering on skyscraper stiletto-heeled patent ankle books. When she shucked off her long fur coat, she was in a tiny skin-tight silver top and red leather mini-skirt.

"Amazing how much money you have to pay to look so cheap," Hiccup murmured as he hung up her coat.

"What?"

"Cold weather this week," Hiccup said aloud quickly, managing a false smile.

"So where's the drinks cabinet, Hanson?" Jakob asked brashly. "I need a bit of oiling if I have to sit through this nonsense."

"No one said you had to-it was made clear it's optional," Hiccup repeated. "And no alcohol. This is a children's party so we all have to be responsible." The doorbell rang and he gestured to the kitchen. "Astrid will sort out drinks." Jakob's eyes brightened.

"Ah...that feisty Valkyrie..." he said as Ophelia elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

"Remember who you're here with," she hissed. "And you insisted on coming! I wanted us to use the time to do something much more fun..."

"Yes-but that bitch Dagny would find out and go to the judge about my contact visits!" the burly man hissed. "But I'm sure we can have some fun here anyway...maybe out of the way upstairs..."

"Absolutely not!" Hiccup snapped, losing his patience. "You were invited optionally if you wanted to keep an eye on your precious little offspring...but if all you want to do is sneak off and...enjoy yourselves, you can do that at home and come back and fetch Helena and Ingrid later!" Immediately, Jakob swung round to glower at Hiccup, his jowly face red with anger.

"Now listen here, Hanson..." he began.

"Hiccup," the auburn-haired man said through gritted teeth. "My name is Hiccup Horrendous Haddock. Not Hanson or anything else. I have told you this numerous times and you always ignore me. Please do me the courtesy of actually remembering my name!" The doorbell rang again, more insistently.

"Hallo hallo hallo!" A lanky shape bounded up dressed in a red and green Elf outfit, his long blond dreadlocks swinging around his grinning face. Helena and Ingrid looked relieved as Tuffnut crouched down. "I'm Tuff the Elf and I'm helping make sure you all have a great time. You wanna come with me and we can get you settled in." The girls eagerly took his hands and followed him into the sitting room as Jakob glared at Hiccup.

"The kitchen, you said," he sneered and walked past Hiccup, deliberately bumping his shoulder. Ophelia cast an unfriendly look at him as she tottered by. Groaning aloud, Hiccup rested back against the door as Hanna and Thor raced down the stairs and rushed to greet the girls. But Hiccup had barely seen Jacob vanish into the kitchen as the doorbell rang again, a long shrill ring that showed the person was fed up of waiting.

"NO ALCOHOL!" Astrid snapped from the kitchen to Jakob's predictable request as Hiccup sagged.

"This is going to be a long afternoon," he sighed.

oOo

By the time that fourteen children had arrived and assorted parents were crammed into the kitchen, Hiccup was frazzled. Astrid had made a lot of coffee and canapés while Ruff, Tuff and Fishlegs were conducting statues, pass the parcel and musical chairs. Hiccup knew there was also a 'pin the tail on the dragon' game and a piñata that Astrid had made in the shape of a Christmas tree because 'I can't see the kids wanting to beat up Olaf or some poor Christmas animal.'

As Hiccup had predicted, every parent had wanted to poke around-partly to get the dirt on Astrid and partly to see how Hanna's widowed Dad was coping. Internally, he was cringing at the questions they were asking and their close and rather entitled scrutiny of his home and life. All of them wanted to look around-which he had vetoed, since there was a party going on. So they turned their attentions to the Nanny, asking very personal questions of the blonde former soccer star.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Linda Badgerson asked, glancing over at Hetty Markorson. Pursing her lips, Astrid shook her head.

"Not at present-not that it is your concern," she said shortly.

"I'd like another coffee," Ophelia asked in her mincing voice. Gesturing irritably, Astrid glared at her.

"The kettle's over there. Knock yourself out," she said sharply.

"But I'm your guest..." the woman protested.

"Nope," Astrid said. "You're not a guest-you're here to support your child. Oh, I forgot-you don't have one. You only came to spend time with Helena's Dad, you freeloader. Now I have to see what is happening. Feel free to leave any time." And then she stalked out, forcing a smile onto her lips as she approached the living room and joined in with the fun.

"Someone's not getting any," Jakob commented. "I mean, by the look of him, he can't be anything to write home about in the sack..."

"I rather thought she was after Hiccup for his money," Linda Badgerson sneered, flipping open her compact and checking her lipstick.

"Doesn't look like he has much," the lecherous man commented, resting his hand on Ophelia's thigh. "This isn't a high rent area and this is a pretty small house. He can't be doing that well."

"So how does he afford her?" Ophelia asked.

"She's gotta be cheap," Hetty Markorson commented cuttingly. "I heard this was her first job. So she's barely qualified."

"And that's pretty rude, the way she just walked out on us," Melinda Karlsson commented, eating her smoked salmon bliny delicately. There was a pause.

"Actually, what's rude is how you bitches have been treating her." Everyone looked up at the crumpled shape of Huffnut. The Twins' cousin was occupying a corner, helping with coffees and teas and keeping an eye on the latest tray of gingerbread reindeer that were baking in the oven. Her long blonde hair was in two fat braids and her long face was typical of a Thorston but her jeans were clearly very worn and her thick knitted jumper had seen better days. The Yummy Mummies all huffed.

"And just what..." Linda Badgerson began.

"I've watched you at the school gate, gossiping and sneering that she's just 'hired help'," Huffnut told them sharply. "I've heard you sneer that she's poor and walks most places, that she takes Hanna to free or low cost activities and that she spends a lot of time with the little girl. But none of you realise who she is."

"And who is she exactly?" Ophelia asked spitefully as Jakob nuzzled her neck. Several of the other mothers tried to move their chairs back from them. Huffnut folded her arms, her grey eyes narrowing.

"She's the most famous soccer player to ever come from Berk," she said. "Every male-except you, fatso-knows who she is." Jakob glared at her. "She played for Lyon, the top European Women's Soccer Team. She's lived overseas and has far more life experience than all of you put together. She was terribly injured and lost her career but instead of bitching and whining, she trained as a Nanny. And yes, she had experience in France for a year before moving back to Berk. She can speak four languages, cooks amazingly and she really cares about her charge. Every activity she does is planned to expose Hanna to something new-animals, geography, history, culture, music, exercise, dancing, swimming..." She scowled. "And look at you! All you are here for is to poke around their house and pick faults. I'll bet none of you do a quarter of what she does with Hanna, do you? And did you read the invitation? It asked if you wanted to come to accompany your child-but all of you are just here in the kitchen thinking this is some cafe where you will just be waited on hand and foot. She's Hanna's Nanny, not yours! If you don't want to be with your kids, clear off and come back and collect them in an hour and a half!"

There was a shocked silence.

"What about you?" Stina Jonsson-Sorrel's mother-asked.

"Wartnut comes over regularly and I know Astrid. My cousin is one of her best friends. So I'm happy to help look after you bitches while she and my cousins give the kids a really fun time!" Turning away, Huffnut retrieved the batch perfectly baked gingerbread reindeer from the oven and swapped then for a tray of mini quiches and tiny burgers. Everyone found their mouth salivating as they smelled the delicious aromas as the Thorston smiled. "And these are for the kids-before you sponging gannets think to hoover these up."

There was an awkward silence and almost all the parents got up-except Jakob and Ophelia.

"I think you may be right," Yannina Ragnarson-Haga said. She was one of Ulric's two Mommies and was actually feeling ashamed of how she and the others were behaving. After all, she and her wife Greta had both suffered the sneers of the Yummy Mummies until a fresh target had come along in the shape of Astrid. "We all have many things we could better be doing at this time of year after all..."

"Could you tell Hiccup and Astrid that we thank them for their hospitality but that we'll leave them to concentrate on the party and we'll be back later," Stina added, also looking uncomfortable. Her daughter liked Hanna and it felt shabby to be bad-mouthing the father she loved and the Nanny she adored, who had made her happy after the tragic loss of her mother. There were nods from the others, most of whom wouldn't meet each other's eyes, as they traipsed out, grabbed their coats and left. Hiccup poked his head round the door and looked shocked.

"Um...where is everyone?" he asked as Huffnut began collecting the cups and washing up. "Is there a fire?"

"They all decided they would be better off heading home and doing Christmassy things rather than staying here and bitching," she explained cheerfully. "And no, I didn't tell anyone to take a running jump."

"Quite..." Ophelia sneered, crossing her legs.

"Are you sure you couldn't just hit me with a small brandy, Hanson?" Jakob asked in a wheedling voice. Opening his mouth to say no and briefly imagining what he would like to hit Jakob with, Hiccup paused and then smiled.

"I know just the person for you," he said and walked to the living room, where the kids were playing 'Pin the Tail on the Dragon." So far, Hanna had tried to pin a tail on the beautifully painted Night Fury's wing and Wartnut had pinned it on an ear. Thor had been laughing helplessly until he misjudged his go and ended up pinning it on the dragon's nose.

"It's not as easy as it looks," he confessed as they watched Ingrid eventually win. And because Ingrid was a skinny, shy blonde girl with big blue eyes who was always in the last couple of people to be picked for anything, everyone had cheered in appreciation that she had come first. No one was unhappy because there were so many games and entertainments that everyone had fun and prizes, especially when Astrid appeared with her carefully constructed Christmas Tree piñata. Beckoning, Hiccup managed to get Tuff to come over.

"What can I help you with, Hiccy?" Tuff asked, his broad grin cracking his face. He was genuinely enjoying his time as a children's entertainer and was wondering if he could suggest this as an additional occupation to Ruff along with their interior design business. Looking furtively round, Hiccup leaned close.

"I need you to make a drink," he said. Tuff frowned.

"But I thought Astrid banned drinks," he murmured and glanced at the blonde, who was fixing a soft blindfold round Hanna's head. "Dude-a word? I really wouldn't go against her."

"Normally, I wouldn't," Hiccup confessed. "But Jakob is such an ass I just think Heather would approve."

"Oh, I'm not sure..." the male twin protested.

"Tuff-who put you up and hid you for two days?" Hiccup asked him pointedly.

"If she catches me, I am telling her you blackmailed me," Tuff told him quickly.

"And I will accepted whatever punishment she devises-which is weird because I own this house and she's my employee-technically though my friend more like-and I am scared to tell her as well," Hiccup mumbled quickly. "But I need it to be the most vomit-inducing, alcoholic, vile drink ever. And it must work in one sip because no one would want to have a second..."

"Green Death," Tuff said immediately. "We learned it at Bartender College."

"Oh that sounds completely...wait-you went to Bartender College?" Hiccup asked him as the twin nodded seriously.

"My good fellow, we in the Thorston clan strive to be the best that we can be..." he announced pompously.

"I thought that was the Berkian Navy," Hiccup commented.

"Hey-we predate the Navy!" Tuff protested. "I'm sure seventeen-times great-Uncle Scumblenut told his commanding officer the same thing and that's how the Navy got to hear it-and then they stole our motto!"

"But will you do it?" Hiccup hissed urgently. Tuff nodded.

"One Green Death-in two beautiful glasses, coming up," he promised and briefly trotted over to whisper in Ruff's ear. She winked at Hiccup and then turned back to helping Hanna bash the tree open and allow the presents and sweet treats to pour out. Smiling at the look of delight on her face, Hiccup felt a happiness descend on him. This is exactly what Heather would have wanted-her daughter and her friends all laughing and playing and creating memories to be treasured. And he was here with her, snapping pictures and joining in, proud that his friends and especially Astrid had done all of this for her.

"A penny for them," Astrid murmured, walking to his side. He turned to her, eyes wide and then he smiled gratefully.

"Thank you," he said genuinely. "This is everything I could have hoped for. Hanna is happy, her friends are happy, the house isn't on fire..."

"Was the house ever likely to be on fire?" she asked him pointedly. He gave an embarrassed chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Um...with the twins involved, there was always a possibility..." he confessed. Rolling her eyes, she leaned against him as Ruff and Fishlegs helped ensure everyone got a present and some candy. And then something caught her eye and she frowned as she saw Tuff carrying two glasses with a greenish liquid within, the straws and ice and an umbrella in each telling her everything she needed to know. Her head snapped round to glare at Hiccup accusingly.

"Are those cocktails?" she hissed. Hiccup frowned.

"Where on Midgard did he get cocktail umbrellas?" he asked, completely perplexed. "I mean, we have never had a cocktail umbrella in the house in my life. So how...?"

"He's Tuffnut," Ruff murmured, sidling up. "Look, my brother is weird and crazy and an incredible bartender to the extent where he never travels without umbrellas, stirrers, straws and olives!"

"And I really don't wanna know where those were since he didn't bring a bag," Astrid commented as Jakob and Ophelia nodded superiorly and chinked their glasses together.

And then they both took a huge gulp of the almost fluorescent liquid.

There was a pause as both changed to a bright puce colour before they both lurched to their feet and stampeded for the downstairs bathroom. Both were clawing at each other as Jakob flung himself in and threw up. Unable to get to the bowl, Ophelia threw herself on top of him and vomited on his shoulder.

"That'll teach him to demand a drink when I told him we weren't serving any," Hiccup said with satisfaction. "And to remember my name."

"Oh...Mr Haddock-you are really going to need to explain yourself," Astrid told him sternly. His eyes widened but he could see the corners of her mouth twitching and realised she was trying not to laugh.

"Um...okay..." he said swiftly. "Maybe we could feed the children first and then let them watch their movie while you beat me up for poisoning Jakob..."

"Daddy!" Both adults looked guiltily up as Hanna rushed forward. She smiled happily, chocolate smeared on her cheek. "I just wanted to say thank you. And to you too, Astrid. Because this is the best party ever!" The two adults who were still heaving stampeded for the door, all thoughts of coats forgotten as they desperately tried to get away. Astrid could see Tuff very carefully lifting the drinks and going to pour them down the outside drain.

"You are cleaning up that mess," she murmured, jerking her head at the bathroom.

"Yes, Ma'am," he said with a smile as he hugged his daughter and swept her up in his arms. "Now, Princess-shall we have some food?"