February 19, 2018

Stars are like infinity. They go on and on forever. It amazes me but also scares the shit out of me at the same time. Compared to the rest of the universe, our solar system is just a fraction of it. A infininth of it. Even less than that. And earth is even smaller than that. And I am even smaller than that. I am smaller than a atom compared to the universe. What I do with my life does not change anything. I don't matter. I'm not important.

My thoughts get out of hand.
I can't stop my thoughts from spinning, which may make no sense, but it happens constantly. My mind spins out of control and I get off topic of questioning existence. I end up thinking about ducklings or something. They are very soft.

I slapped a hand over my face and dragged it down to my neck. My room was freezing cold so I had my blankets pulled up as far as I could. I had to get out of bed for school but I was so tired. And my head was so loud.
My hand travelled to my throat wear my Adam's apple was barely visible, to my bare shoulders that I tried to squeeze the tension out of.
I sat up and made a quick decision to run out of my room and have a hot shower, so I didn't freeze.
Then I got dressed in my biggest sweatshirt, jeans, and crappy vans. I left my house for school.

Bianca showed up during art, in the middle of a conversation with Camilla. She scared me half to death when she placed her freezing cold hands on my shoulders.
I cut off in my sentence and almost fell out of my wobbly plastic chair. Camilla's excited smile turned into a weird stare.

"You ok death breath?" She asked, tucking the strand of dark hair out of her face. I swallowed the lump in my throat and did my best to shrug the cold touch off my shoulders without it being to obvious. I added a nod to the gesture.

"Y-yeah, I'm good, anyways as I was saying, he took me out for Valentine's Day. Nothing happened so I don't know if anything will happen ever. Maybe we'll just stay friends," I shrugged again to get the cold to go away. It did, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw Bianca crouch by my chair.
I focused on Camilla and the charcoal pencil in her grip. She wasn't amazing at art but she wanted the extra credit.

"I doubt nothing will happen! You guys literally made out in a booth while you were on a date!" She practically shrieked. I shushed her when several people looked over curiously to eavesdrop on the conversation. Anyone learning I was (maybe) gay, would not help my bullying problem.

"We did not make out!" I hissed, shrinking into my seat with bright red cheeks,
"And it wasn't a date, we go to the cafe every week, as friends."

"Oh come on Nico he literally confessed his love to you, and kissed you- twice!" She giggled quietly so that the people in the table pairing next to us wouldn't hear.
Camilla didn't look like herself today, wearing light colours instead of dark and intimidating shades. She still looked scandalous with white skinny jeans and her light pink cropped sweater, but she was wearing converse and no blingy jewellery.
I decided to change the conversation,

"Ok sure. Maybe you're right, but what about you. Where's your 'I fucked your brother and his best friend' look?" I asked, flinching slightly when Bianca whispered something to me.
Camilla snorted and drew something on her paper,

"My mom said I was dressing like a stripper so I told her I could dress like a normal teenager for a week," she replied, smiling. Her mom alway got on her case about being a "slut" and a "stripper" and a "whore", but honestly she just liked dressing up, it wasn't really for attention.

"And what do you get out of this?" I asked, putting attention back on my work. Bianca whispered another insult.

"Oh yeah, she said if I even had the wardrobe to dress normally then I could dress however I liked for the rest of my life. After this is over get ready for Camilla to whore it up," she laughed as the bell rang. We packed our bags and left together. Bianca was drowned in the crowd, thankfully, but I could still hear her. I was quickly losing energy and strength to stay awake, and as soon as I sat in math, my eyes shut.
25 minutes later, I was rudely woken up with the slap of a ruler on my desk, and giggles from my classmates. I squinted up at my math teacher, an old man with no warmth in his eyes. He was glaring at me, very obviously angry.

"No sleeping in my class. If you sleep you fail," he growled with his thick Russian accent. I rolled my eyes and dropped my head again. I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep. Unfortunately, I had no time to rest since I had to go to Jenny's office and then the cafe with Will.
He slapped my desk again,

"Di Angelo- wake up or go to the principals, what do you choose?" He asked. The people around me were snickering. I rolled my eyes again, stood up and shouldered my bag.
I left the class with the teacher screaming at me to go to the principals office.

I was craving nicotine after months of being clean. It was better than using the alternative.
So, I headed to the bathroom outside of the gym that no one used because it was rumoured to be haunted. Plus, it's where all the edgy people smoke. Technically smoking wasn't allowed on school property. People did it anyways.

I opened the door cautiously to make sure no one was in any of the stalls, before locking the door.
It was pretty gross in there. It smelled of weed, cigarette smoke, and shit. There was graffiti lining every inch of the walls and broken class and trash on the floor.
I headed to the far wall and slid down, swinging my bag around to the front. Taking out my pack of cigarettes that I hadn't touched for over 7 months was like déjà vu. I knew they were bad for me. That's what I wanted.

I took one out and lit it, dragging in, holding it, and then blowing out a white cloud. I sighed and dropped my head. Being drunk would've be great right about now.
Jenny would be pissed if she knew I did this. I'm guessing Carmen would be too. Will would be disgusted.
I'm disgusted.
I stepped on the second one I half-smoked and left the bathroom. I stood outside of it and took out my phone, opening to Wills text.

Nico: I got kicked out of class

After waiting 5 minutes for a reply, I shoved my phone it my pocket when there was no response.
My phone buzzed against my leg before I could push off the wall and head to the principals after all.

Will: just finished class, what happened?

I sighed in relief,

Nico: I fell asleep, I'm exhausted

Will: and the teacher kicked you out for that?

Nico: pretty much

Will: that sucks, how much longer till your next class?

Nico: 20 more minutes, and if I got to the principals they'll probably call Jenny, which isn't good. It's better if I tell her myself.

Will: good idea, but what're you gonna do while you wait

Nico: text you?

Will: sorry Neeks, I have to get to my next class

Nico: damn

Will: I'll see you tonight, try not to fall asleep in any other classes!

Nico: yeah I'll try, bye sunshine.

—

"Wait wait wait- what happened?"
I told Jenny I had gotten kicked out of class, and now that she was technically my mother, she wasn't happy.

"I didn't sleep well last night, the pills didn't work, so I was exhausted and I fell asleep in math. My teacher yelled at me and kicked me out of class," I explained calmly. I was laying on the couch, half done the session, with my hand over my eyes. Jenny sighed loudly and I'm sure I heard a chuckle.

"What am I gonna do with you Neeks?" She grinned. I peeked out of my fingers and saw her smiling sadly at me.
"What did you do after you left?"

"I texted Will," I immediately answered. I cursed myself for doing it so suspiciously.
She frowned and nodded. Then a smile came on her lips.

"What'd you talk about?" She asked. She was ecstatic that Will and I went out on a date on Valentine's Day.

"Just us hanging out tonight, and classes,"

"Ooh that reminds me, Carmen and I are going out on a date so the house will be empty, if you guys don't feel like going to the cafe," she smirked evilly. My stomach tightened about being in a private place with him, all alone. The closest we've really come to that was his house on New Years. That wasn't for long though, and his roommate was home.

"The Cafe is just fine," I mumbled. She laughed out loud. I let her laugh, hoping my time without Bianca would last the night and I could get a full night of sleep. That would be pretty great.
She calmed down and became professional again- as professional as she could get.

"So the sleeping pills didn't work?" She reached for her note pad.

"No, don't grab the note pad, they're usually fine, I just couldn't shut my brain down last night, don't worry" I stopped her. I didn't want any new drugs. They all create different symptoms and takes a while to get used to them. My stomach couldn't take something new.
Jenny slowly sat back again,

"Ok, if you're sure."
We stayed silent for a moment,

"How's Camilla doing?" She asked, cracking her knuckles. A piece of hair fell in front of her eyes.

"She's good, we went to lunch together again, which was fun," I replied, shutting my eyes once more.

"Oh yeah? That's good, I'm glad you guys are friends again,"

"So am I," I smiled lightly.

"Speaking of friends," Jenny stood up and walked over to the table across the room to the clock,
"It's the end of your session and time for you to socialize."

I groaned. Then the door produced a knocking sound and Wills Barbie blonde head poked through.

"Hola!" He saw I was laying on the couch so he shut the door and walked over.

"Hi Will, how are you," Jenny asked mischievously. Sometimes I hated her. My eyes were shut, so I didn't realize Will was standing beside the couch and staring down at me until he replied with 'I'm fantastic,'. I flinched and looked through my fingers.

"Hi sleepy, how're you feeling?" Will crouched down beside my head. He poked my cheek, and I blushed.

"Tired," I mumbled, to which he chuckled.
Then all of a sudden he was on top of me. Like his entire body across mine, and considering I was at least 50 pounds lighter than him, it took my breath away. My eyes shot open and I was face to face- no, nose to nose with the one and only Will Solace. He smiled and I think Jenny squealed.

"You're crushing me," I managed to say, trying to breath.

"No, I'm crushing on you," he exclaimed. My face burst into flame and I used every ounce of strength I had and pushed him off of me. It took him by surprise and he landed in a heap on the floor.

"Ouch Neeks, that was uncalled for," his head popped up over the side of the couch. I sat up and saw Jenny trying to contain herself.

"Ok love birds, you disgust me, go have fun," She teased. I glared at her, trying to ignore the turmoil in my stomach, and grabbed my coat and back pack. Then, with Will trailing behind me and saying bye to Jenny, I stomped out.

Out on the street I slipped on my coat.

"So Neeks what do you want for dinner? Obviously we'll be at the cafe but it's dinner time so you have to eat," Will rambled.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered. I was tired and moody.

"But you have to eat,"

"I have eaten today,"

"Nico."

"Will."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."
He wasn't satisfied with this answer one bit, but stayed quiet.

"Nico?" He asked. His shoulder was almost touching mine.

"Yes?"

"You're going to eat,"

"But-"

"Nope, I don't care what you say, you're stick and bone. I am buying you dinner," he said forcefully. I sighed, too tired to keep arguing, and slumped against him. He wrapped an arm around my waist and kept me walking.

It was snowing by the time we got to the cafe, and the warmth was nice. Will lead me to our booth and then sat across from me like always.

It was only 5:30 but it felt like 3 am. I rested my elbow on the table and my head on my hand.
Sammy came over with a bright smile.

"Hello boys! The usual?" She asked, notepad out. Her hair was shorter than it was a week ago, and was all choppy and above her shoulders.

"Hey Sam, usual drinks I'm guessing, and can we have... two of the cafes special waffles please?" Will ordered for me. I frowned but didn't open my mouth to protest.

"Sure thing, anything else?"

"Nope!"

"What about you sleepy?" She giggled at me. I shook my head and smiled.

"Ok I'll get your food then." She flipped her notepad shut and left.
I looked at Will through hooded eyes, who was looking at me.
We stared at each other for a bit. I don't know what he found so fascinating about me, because he was beautiful.

"You ok Neeks?" He whispered. I nodded, but he obviously didn't believe me. He slipped out of his seat and slid into mine, and let me slouch against him. I was thankful for it.
He stayed quiet as I half fell asleep on his chest, but woke me up when the food came.

"Neeks, you gotta wake up, time for dinner," he nudged me. I sat up and yawned. Then I saw the huge waffle in front of me and I almost threw up.

"I can't eat that," I told him. He sighed.

"Eat a bit ok? You need something for dinner," he picked up my fork and picked up a cut piece of waffle with maple syrup and handed it to me. I glowered, but took the fork and put it in my mouth. It was delicious. Unfortunately I wasn't hungry.
By the time Will finished his waffle (I don't even know how) I had eaten a quarter, and finished my hot chocolate.

"Full?" He asked, patting his stomach. Honestly that waffle was like 20 pounds.

"Mhm, yeah, I'm done," I replied, rubbing my eyes again. An old song by Taylor swift came on the radio. I giggled when Will perked up to listen closely to the lyrics and figure out what song it was.

"Breathe!" He exclaimed, pointing at the ceiling.
"I loved this song 9 years ago!" he added.

"I thought you liked good music," I retorted, crossing my arms. He glared playfully at me,

"I do, but how can you blame 10 year old Will for loving a little T-swift? I was obsessed with the fearless album, and those songs are still incredible works of art," He claimed, very serious about the subject,
"But yeah, the new songs aren't amazing."

I shook my head, trying to get the smile off my face. My energy was draining to 15%, and sitting up straight was hard. I flopped down onto Will again. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me.

"Ready to go home Neeks?"
I nodded in reply. He paid the bill and got me out of the booth and outside.
Him getting me into the cab was a blur of people and talking and the smell of air freshener.
Thankfully my coat had been on the entire time so Will wouldn't smell the scent of the cigarettes I'd been smoking earlier.
He paid the driver and helped me out if the car and into my house.
I expected him to leave after this, get me into my house and say goodbye, but he didn't.
While I took off my shoes, he did the same.

"Are Jenny and Carmen home?" He asked, untying his salt stained sneakers. I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated but too tired to do anything about it.

"No, but I'm really tired Will,"

"I know, I was just gonna keep you company, do you wanna watch a movie?" He slipped off his jacket and put it in the closet. I took my own off and he took it from me, also putting it in there.

"Sure," I yawned and walked over to the couch. He turned on Netflix and sat beside me. After getting comfortable he started to scroll through movies.
He stopped and looked at me after a few moments, probably because I was on the complete other side of the couch.
He patted right beside him,

"Come here Neeks, I won't bite," he chuckled, so I shifted until I was right next to him. He smiled and put an arm around me, pulling me into him. He was warm, and smelt like coffee. He kept scrolling and then chose a movie I didn't recognize. I wasn't able to catch any familiar actors because my brain went into panic mode after he clicked it and breathed in deeply. He not so discreetly sniffed again. Then he looked down at me. I could tell just by his surprised expression that he knew.

"Neeks?" He asked slowly. I felt myself shrink.

"Yeah?" I whispered, not trusting my voice one bit.

"You smell like smoke," He murmured nervously, like he was silently hoping it was from a campfire.
I gulped,

"Yeah."  I was really quiet. He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand.

"Does Jenny know?" He asked at last. The movie that was playing quietly was forgotten at that moment.

"No," my voice wavered. He hated me now. He wouldn't like me anymore (would that be so bad?) and we wouldn't be friends anymore (That would be really bad).

"And when? Why?" Will wasn't happy with this information.

"I swear I haven't smoked-" I flinched when he flinched,
"I haven't smoked in months, I was just craving it today and I'm sorry I know it's bad please don't hate me please," I rambled, gripping his shirt.

"Hey, I could never hate you. Where are they?" He asked. I rubbed my eyes and pointed at my bag that was still at the front door. He stood up, leaving me, and grabbed my bag, bringing it over to me.
I took the half empty package out of the pocket I kept them in and handed it to Will. He looked at them in disgust and then stood up and put them in his bag.

"I'll throw them out at my place so Jenny and Carmen don't have the chance to find them, ok?" He sat in the corner of the couch and pulled me over to him again. I nodded, trying to hide my shame.

Will restarted the movie, and turned up the volume so we could hear it.

"Will you try and not for me? You know it's bad for you," he whispered. I nodded again, not making noise.
After half an hour of the movie that I wasn't paying attention to, I shifted so my head was laying in his lap. Slowly, he began to play with my hair, brushing his fingers through it, twirling it, and possibly braiding it. It was not my fault whatsoever that I fell asleep.

After what I'm guessing was a few hours, I was half woken up when Will shifted his position. My eyes were closed but from the quiet it seemed to be 9:30 at the earliest.

"Neeks, I should go," I heard him whisper. I had zero control over myself, being half asleep. He shifted again, this time moving me off of him. I was instantly cold, that is, until he lifted me to a standing position, and putting both arms around me to keep me up.
He started walking and dragged me with him. Somehow we made it up the stairs.
We must have entered my room because it was cold. Soon enough, I was being put on my bed.
Half asleep me decided that letting go of Will was a bad idea, so as he tried to stand and leave, I held tight to his shirt.

"Neeks, it's getting late, we both have school tomorrow," he whispered, trying to loosen my grip. I just held tighter.

"Nico, come on," he tried again, chuckling now.

"No," I muttered incoherently, tugging him closer to me. He laughed again.

"Ok Neeks, I'll stay for a tiny bit." He shoved me over in the bed and got under the covers with me. I was freezing cold so I wrapped my arms around his waist and moved as close to him as possible.
I was sure we both fell asleep this time. When I was woken up a second time, it was because my door opened. I was still exhausted, and didn't have the energy to open my eyes. Will moved his head to the direction of the door.

"What's going on in here?" Jenny said evilly. I could just imagine her dumb smirk and raised eyebrow.

"Nico and I watched a movie and he fell asleep so I brought him up here. He wouldn't let me leave," Will replied sleepily. Jenny chuckled quietly.

"I saw your shoes but not you so I suspected you were up here," Jenny explained. I heard her walk into the room and up to the bed. She awed, probably at me.
"Nothing... frisky went down correct?" She asked. She obviously knew nothing did, knowing me, but she liked to embarrass both of us.

"Of course not!" Will whispered, and shifted his arm an inch. I groaned and pulled myself closer to him. They both laughed,
"He fell asleep on my arm and now it's asleep," he whispered.

"Ok, but you have class tomorrow you should probably get going, it's almost 2," Jenny replied. Her footsteps retreated from the bed and over to my door again.
"I'll let you get untangled in peace, night Will."

"Night Jen."

I breathed in the smell of coffee and vanilla once more, savouring his warmth before he started to shift away from me. I fumbled to grab his shirt again.

"Oh no you don't, I have to go," Will stopped me, unhooking our ankles, and taking the comforter off of him. I groaned again, moving myself to where he was once lying. His body heat had warmed my bed.

Will didn't leave right away, he just sat on the edge of the bed, before he bent over, kissed my forehead and then left my room.
I was a blushing mess.

A/n
Eeeeeeeeyeahhhhhhh I love fluff.
I had a lot of trouble figuring out how to write this chapter even though I've been waiting to write it for a long time considering it was one of my original ideas for the story.
Anyways I finished my English class with the highest mark which is cool but I'm pretty sure I didn't do the best in my exam because I went from a 92% to a 91% so idk.
I hope you are all feeling great! If you guys want recommendations for music I suggest all time low, they're fantastic, and book recommendation would be the Six of crows series is incredible.
Would you want recommendations at the end of other chapters?
Probably not,

Thea