CHAPTER THIRTY

The Assembly is let out after a surprisingly long time. We have been made to listen to so much mind-boggling detail of numbers, scores and standings, and general protocol, that none of it seems to matter. Most important takeaway—a 10 breakdown score is almost never given out, and even the best scores Candidates received only range from 6 to 8. Which means that my Voice score of 10 is an outlier.

Dinner goes by quickly, as I eat in a hurry with Laronda and then go to see Gracie briefly over at her dorm. Turns out, Gracie has received a Standing Score of #4,482, slightly better than my own, thank goodness. And, she tells me with relief that Gordie has received a #1,941, which is the best of all of us Gees.

“I looked his up on the dorm smart-board,” she says, pointing to the wall, as we sit in the Red Dorm Five lounge.

“Wow, it never occurred to me to just look you guys up on my own dorm board,” I say sheepishly. “Okay, I am officially a total dork.”

“Yeah, you are,” Gracie says with a silly grin. Nearby, Charlie Venice is being extra loud with a few other guys, and Gracie looks at him occasionally with a roll of her eyes whenever their noise level goes way up.

We glance around and, even this late in the day, the smart-board is surrounded by a bunch of Candidates who are gawking at it, looking up their own and other people’s Standing Scores and their own AT breakdowns.

“They’re trying to figure out who got the top 200 scores,” Gracie says sullenly. “Cause those people are going to make it. I know at least one guy, he got a #106—”

“Hey!” I put my hand on her arm. “Don’t think that way. These crappy numbers, good or bad, don’t mean a thing when it comes to your determination. You and I and all of us will Qualify,” I tell her, even though I’m unsure I believe any of it myself.

“Yeah, whatever.” And Gracie looks away from me. “I wonder what Mom and Dad are having for dinner tonight. . . .”

I shut that thought out of my head by force. Then I check the time. “Okay, I need to head out. Logan’s waiting for me and then I have to go over to my training appointment.”

“Whatever. Go. Your two dates are waiting.”

“Dates? What are you talking about, Gracie?”

But she only shrugs stubbornly and I have no time to argue.

* * *

I meet Logan at seven-forty near our usual spot. The moment I step into the place of shadow between two buildings where the bright lights of the compound and the surveillance cameras are blocked by a small portion of wall, Logan is there, and his hands close around me, tight.

“Gwen. . . .” His words come muffled, as he buries his face in my neck, and I feel the heat of his mouth travel against my skin, as he devours me.

Yeah, I know, we are both crazy to be risking getting caught like this.

Because it would mean instant Disqualification.

And yet, it’s like a compulsion. . . . I know it is for me—the strange head-spinning visceral need to be always touching him, to feel him holding me, to get as close as possible, skin against skin. . . . And it must be the same for him, because he keeps on coming back to this.

Minutes later we come apart, breathless and panting. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and he is shaking. “Gwen,” he says. “I need—I need to tell you something.”

I watch him, as I work to slow down my own breathing. Should I be worried? “What?”

“Okay. . . .” He pauses. “This is not easy. . . . I am going to tell you something very important and I need you to listen and trust me. And, I need you to promise me that you will not speak a word of this to anyone. And I mean anyone—not your brothers or sister, not any of your friends.”

“Okay,” I say, my parted lips hovering near a smile. “Now you’re scaring me. . . .”

But his eyes, dark in the shadow, are glinting with intensity. “Promise me!”

“All right! I promise.”

He puts his hands on my arms just below the shoulders, and I feel the grip of his strong fingers biting into me. He then leans closer, as if he is about to kiss me again, but instead speaks near my ear. “Gwen, I am not who you think I am.”

“What do you mean—” A cold fear has entered my gut, and everything is suddenly very numb.

But he continues. “This is going to sound very strange, but please bear with me. I am not merely a Candidate. I am working on behalf of a government-sanctioned special operations group—”

My pulse begins to race in my temples and I am suddenly drowning in cold. “What are you saying?”

Bu he continues, speaking hurriedly and firmly in a strange cold voice. “I have been trained and planted as a high-probability Candidate who is most likely to Qualify—

“What?”

He grips my shoulders and shakes me slightly. “Gwen! Listen, please. Remember what I said, this is very important, and I need to you trust me. Now, I was recruited months ago, as soon as the asteroid situation started and we were informed of the Atlantean terms of Qualification.”

I am staring at him, my lips parted, in absolute stunned confusion. But he continues, and his hands go up to gently smoothe back a lock of my hair that has fallen across my face. “I told you my brother is in the military. Well, there’s more. . . . He’s a member of clandestine special forces, a special division that was formed to deal specifically with the Atlantis situation. Earth Union was specifically formed to observe and infiltrate on behalf of the United States government and allied forces of the United Nations. I was one of the first trainees my brother Jeff brought in.”

“You told me your brother was deployed overseas,” I mutter, as my mind has suddenly lost much of its focus.

“It was all I could tell you,” Logan speaks quickly. “In fact, I would not be saying anything at all now, and none of this would even matter, if not for my new orders.”

“Your orders? Wait, are you a terrorist? Were you behind the sabotage and the shuttle explosion? Oh my G—”

“No, Gwen, no!” He speaks in a rush, and his hands clench my shoulders painfully. “I am far from a terrorist, believe me, we had nothing to do with the tampering! In fact, Earth Union operatives have been put at a serious disadvantage by the half-assed disaster that some idiots created here at the RQC. We were ready to intercept those stolen navigation chips—”

“Disadvantage? Innocent people died, it was a tragedy!” I am panting with emotion.

“I know! And it was awful and regrettable, and again, we had nothing to do with it! We do not operate like that. But you must know that ‘innocence’ is a relative thing. I am not saying those Atlanteans deserved it, but no one is innocent in this, no one—trust me when I tell you this—”

I stare at Logan as though he’s an alien being. “Trust you?”

His eyes are fierce with emotion. “Yes! Trust me! It’s the only thing I ask of you. Under other circumstances, I would still be discreetly performing my function in this and keeping everyone else I care about safely out of it, and no one would even need to know. Yes, I am sorry. . . . I am so sorry I had to withhold so much from you, but now—now I’ve been authorized to recruit you.”

“Okay, what?” My jaw drops yet again. “Recruit me? What are you saying? For what?”

“Your voice,” he says. “It is an unprecedented advantage. No one on our side knew about this, about the potential, even about its existence, not until you demonstrated such an impossible ability to control orichalcum devices—”

I find that I am suddenly getting sick. “So what is this, then?” I say, starting to draw away from his touch. “Why are you—why are you with me?  Is it just because of my voice? Is that it? None of this is real? You and me? It’s all some kind of bull—”

“Gwen, no!” He places his hand on my cheek, but I push him away. “Gwen, listen to me—I admit, at first I was only observing you, being generally friendly, following orders. But it changed. Everything changed. . . . As I got to know you, the real true genuine you, not just your voice but the girl, Gwen Lark, with her vibrant eyes and shy smile and brave opinions, I started to feel for you. And now, I really have strong feelings—”

“Please, just—stop it!” My vision is suddenly getting clouded with all the liquid that’s pooling in my eyes.  My voice cracks.

“Gwen, I care about you. I really do! And recruiting you is not an easy decision, because I know I am taking a risk here, by laying it all out for you. Please think—this is not just a deception, there is a good greater reason for it. It’s a matter of life and death for all of us on Earth, not just the US government. Because what we’re doing is an attempt to save everyone—not just the ten million so-called lucky teenagers who will Qualify, but as much of the human population of this planet as we can. Can you understand now why I am in this, why I want you to be in this too?”

“Okay,” I whisper. “I understand. If what you’re saying is true, then yeah, I do . . . understand. But it still hurts like hell to know that you and me, we’re kind of fake.”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said? We’re real! Nothing about what I feel for you has changed!” He frowns and then tells me something else. “You know how we’ve supposedly met for the first time here at the RQC despite going to the same school for three years? Well, that’s not true either. I’ve seen you at school before, and noticed you, long ago. . . . Maybe even from day one. I knew that you sort of liked me, and I knew that you looked at me, like all the time. . . . That time in the cafeteria when we collided and you got flustered and spilled something all over your feet, you were sweet and cute, and you made an impression on me. And I might have said something, but you were so incredibly shy in your crush, and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. . . .”

As Logan speaks, I find my face is flushing bright horrible red, and I put my hands up to my cheeks. Holy lord, he knows everything!

“I—I had a crush on you for three years . . .” I whisper, trembling, while tears start to run down my face in torrents.

“I know, my girl, hush . . . I know.” And he puts his warm muscular arms around me and holds me very, very tight, so that I can barely breathe. And again I feel his lips against my throat, and then I sort of lose it, and just bawl, silently, desperately. . . .

A few moments later we separate and I wipe the mess that’s my face with the back of my hand. “I don’t really know what we are any more,” I whisper. “But if I am to be ‘recruited,’ whatever that means—not saying that I agree to anything—but supposedly if I am, then what do I do?”

Logan exhales in some relief and smiles at me, and runs his fingers along my cheek. His expression is gentle and beautiful. “You don’t need to do much of anything at all—for now. Only look and listen and pay careful attention.”

“You mean, spy?”

“Nothing so drastic. For starters, I want you to listen very carefully to what Command Pilot Kass has to say to you, and also observe what he does—what’s in his office, whom he talks to, anything that might be of interest. This is likely your last chance to do it, that’s why I felt I had to tell you everything now . . . before you went in to see him tonight.”

“Okay. . . .” I gulp and blink to dry my eyes. “I am not a spy. I hate lying. But this—this, I can try.” And then I realize it must be near eight PM. “I—need to go.”

“Go!” He nods, still smiling lightly, his gaze intensely focused on me.

I turn away without another glance, and everything inside me has been turned upside down.

Apparently I didn’t know Logan at all. And I see now, I don’t know him even more at this moment.

My emotions, my mind—everything is in impossible turmoil as I hurry to my appointment with Aeson Kass.

* * *

When I open the door to Office 512, I am a few minutes late. Blayne is already on his hoverboard, keeping it almost upright after many days of hard practice with his lower body. Part of his exercise training is to stay immobile and balanced that way, so he is already hard at work.

I am supposed to mostly watch and learn by observation. However, during this fourth week, we’ve tried a few LM Forms exercises using weapons, and Aeson has let me do most of the sparring in his stead. He merely watches us occasionally as he sits working at the console surveillance center where he scans the many screens and takes calls.

Tonight, Aeson does not seem to be here.

I am guessing he’s inside the private rooms behind that inner door where we have not been allowed.

However, as I wait, I find I am almost shaking—that’s how unsteady with nerves I am after my mind-blowing exchange with Logan. . . .

Only now is it really starting to sink in. Holy lord! Logan’s secretly in special ops, working for some government org I never heard of. Is any of it even true? And if so, what am I going to do? What should I do?

Furthermore, Logan knows the true extent of my crazy feelings—has known that I like him, for all these years!

And now, I don’t know what I feel about any of it. . . . Or if I even believe him!

As I’m reeling with all these conflicting thoughts spinning through my mind, the interior door opens and Aeson Kass emerges. He looks very grim today, a gravity that seeps through his usual controlled exterior. In contrast, there is something careless about the way his uniform has been unbuttoned on the top button, so I can see his bronze tanned throat. My eye is drawn there, as I watch the lean muscles of his neck, and the perfect jaw-line.

His glance falls on me briefly and he looks away so quickly that I almost wonder if I missed something. “Let’s get started,” he says, addressing Blayne. “This is the last session and there is much last-minute material we need to go over. First, I am going to show you a few evasive movements that are non-combat strategies but will come in handy. And Lark—you watch also.”

Aeson explains to us a hoverboard strategy called Rainfall that involves free-falling with one’s board on top of other people’s boards mid-flight, and a variation called Hail where you actually abandon and jump off your board to land on the other person’s.

“These are racing strategies that were not covered in your Agility Class.”

“Will we need them tomorrow?” Blayne asks, after a pause, while I listen with elevated interest.

“You might.”

“Wait—will we be racing?” I say.

Aeson glances at me sideways then returns his attention to Blayne. And he does not answer my question.

Or, maybe his non-answer is more eloquent than the alternative.

Holy moly! Yes! We will be racing in the Semi-Finals! I think suddenly.

We do some final sparring, then Blayne is allowed to go, with a handshake from Aeson. “Good luck, Candidate Dubois,” the Atlantean says genuinely, and there’s a shadow of a smile on his lips. “You will do fine.”

Blayne nods, mutters his thanks in a strange, almost flustered tone, and then transfers himself back into his wheelchair.

“Rest well tomorrow,” Aeson tells him, as Blayne rolls out of the office, shutting the door behind him.

And now there’s only the two of us, once more.

It’s the truly strange time of the night, every night—as it has been for close to four weeks—as I find myself in a peculiar state of tense intimacy with Command Pilot Aeson Kass.

Time for my voice lesson, whatever it’s going to be, this one last time. And if I am to listen to Logan, I should pay special attention so that I can tell him “all about it” later.

Well, this is going to be rather awkward, considering I am already withholding some things about my (and Blayne’s) training from Logan and everyone, and now I will have to withhold some of my intentions from Aeson Kass. Okay, that may not be the same thing, since intentions are personal and private anyway. . . . Who is he or anyone to judge what’s inside my head?

And yet, it still feels kind of wrong to have these “additional intentions” in my interaction with him, even if I am not lying outright.

Gwen Lark, the double agent. Yeah, right.

As I think these idiotic thoughts, Aeson gives me his full attention. His deep blue eyes with their exotic fine outline of kohl darkness—eyes, which for some reason he keeps averted from me most of the time, even when he gives me direct instructions—are suddenly trained on me. . . .

And immediately I feel a strange energy charge pass through my body, as I meet his rare gaze directly, and I am once again faced with his overwhelming presence.

Before he says anything, I blurt out, “Command Pilot Kass, may I ask a question?”

“What?” He watches me, and there’s instant suspicion in the way he starts to crane his head slightly, without taking his gaze off me.

“I realize this may be the only chance I have to speak to you about this, but—what is it exactly about my voice that makes it different enough to be a Logos voice? I know there are awesome singers on Earth who have more power and volume, and others who might have more precision. So, what makes mine what it is?”

He exhales, as if he’d been expecting a more difficult question and is relieved to answer this instead. “Your voice has a certain subtle expressiveness. Combined with just the right amount of tonal precision and force, it becomes a power voice. It’s a matter of all the elements coming together in just the right way. To put it simply, your voice is charged with the power of focused intent.”

“Thank you for the explanation,” I say carefully.

He shrugs. “Common knowledge on Atlantis, actually. You could have asked your Culture Instructor.”

“I wasn’t sure. I felt it more appropriate to ask you.”

“That’s fine. Now, we need to discuss what is going to happen the day after tomorrow.” Aeson walks over to the sofa and sits down, then points to the spot next to him. “Take a seat.”

I do as I’m told, sitting down next to him rather stiffly, keeping my hands folded in my lap. There are about five inches of space between us on the sofa cushions.

He leans back and puts his hands behind his head, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly, then straightens again, but looks straight ahead and not at me, as though musing. “All right, first—your Standing Score. It is on the low side. That’s a disadvantage going in.”

“I know.” I purse my lips.

“However your trained voice is a huge advantage which can balance things out otherwise.”

“Okay. . . .”

“So now let’s take a look at what other elements there are. Your Combat skills are above average, mostly in hand-to-hand Er-Du. But with weapons, not so much. Furthermore, your Yellow Quadrant native weapon is too complex which makes it a natural disadvantage. Try not to use it.”

I nod.

“Your endurance, agility, speed, and strength are sub-par and are your main weaknesses. You will be going up against some very physically advanced, agile Candidates who are faster, stronger and more resilient than you.”

“Yeah, I know I am screwed,” I mutter.

He glances at me in that moment and there’s a flicker of something lively in his expression. “Not necessarily. Because you have one possible and obvious strategy that I strongly recommend you employ.”

“What strategy?”

“Simply avoid everyone and everything.”

I frown and stare at him.

“Avoid any unnecessary interaction and confrontation,” he elaborates. “I cannot tell you exactly what you will be faced with during the Semi-Finals—don’t ask me how or why, but suffice it to say that if you know anything specific in advance, it is grounds for immediate Disqualification, and yes, they have the technical means to discover if you know. But I can tell you what general course of action will best serve you. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I think so. . . .”

“Good, you are smart enough to figure out the rest on your own. Use all the voice techniques I taught you, if the opportunity presents itself. And no, they cannot Disqualify you for advanced technique knowledge, so you are safe in that respect.”

“I see.” I glance down and nervously pick my nails as I listen, which is an annoying stress habit of mine.

“That’s about it,” he says softly, after a pause.

I look up, and see him looking at me. There’s a strange expression on his face. “Try to stay alive, Candidate Lark.”

“Are those your parting words of wisdom?”

“It is entirely in my interest that you Qualify,” he replies in a neutral tone. “So, yes, such is my parting advice. I will likely not see you again, unless you pass the Semi-Finals.”

“That must be a relief for you,” I mutter with a frown, looking back down at my nails. “Sorry for all your trouble and your time spent with me.” And then something makes me look up and add, “I know you still don’t believe me, but I had nothing to do with the shuttle disaster. I can swear to you I have not—I mean, not sure if you guys even swear on Atlantis. . . . And I am sorry with all my heart for the death of those three Pilots and friends of yours who were on that first shuttle—”

“No. You do not speak. Do not ever speak of them to me.” He cuts me off in a voice like razors.

“I am sorry!”

“Enough. That subject is closed between us. The criminal investigation is still on-going, and you are a prime suspect. Your voice is the only thing keeping you here.”

There’s a strange bitter lump that starts to form in my throat, and it’s choking me.

No, I am not going to cry.

Not in front of him.

So I steel myself and get a grip and control my breathing. “Command Pilot Kass, I will not take up your time any longer. Since we are done, am I allowed to go?” I say coldly.

For an instant, we look at each other in silence. It takes all my effort to stay composed, but I make damn sure neither one of us blinks first.

“Yes,” he says. “You may go.” And then he gets up and simply turns away from me, returning to the other end of the office and his surveillance consoles.

I stand also and watch his blond hair, his proud straight back.

“Goodbye,” I say suddenly, after I cross the room and pause at the door. “I am sorry about everything, sorry for your pain, just sorry—regardless what caused it. May you find what you’re looking for, here on Earth, and when you get back to Atlantis.”

Okay, I have no idea what I just said. It is strange and surreal and it just comes out of my mouth, and I cannot stop it.

But it is so bizarre that it makes him stiffen and turn around to look at me one last time. “Go,” he says, and his blue-eyed gaze meets mine with cold intensity. “Do me a favor and Qualify.”

* * *