Being your own queen was easier said than done, especially when you're still dependent on others.

But, as Catherine said in one of her too many lectures before my mind drifted away, "it's the journey that matters, the attempts, the failures, and the struggles..."

I guess I was the queen of struggles, then, considering how much my hands kept shaking at school when teachers would call out my name or ask me to answer a question of theirs, or when someone passing by would simply greet me.

On top of that, I wasn't seeing much of Danielle lately, considering she was drowning in group projects while trying to beat the final boss of her favorite game. Priorities, I guess.

In the few classes we had together, I hated how much I stuck to her side. But, I couldn't help it since her presence helped calm my anxiety. 

Familiarity always tamed it. So, I was yet to break away from it.

Step by step, a couple of my classmates were kind enough to approach me. Awkward, tense, and cringe-worthy, that was how my first conversations with them went.

Luckily, as the school year went by, the less flustered I was, the better I became at chatting with anyone. Along the way, I mastered the art of faking my extroversion in small doses so as to not drain myself.

And, gosh, socializing was beyond draining.

Soon, I was a sophomore with Dani still by my side like the best-est friend that she was and with a few more friends - I'd consider them more of a few acquaintances but, apparently, no teen liked that term even though I wasn't a fan of using the word friend loosely, freely.

Anyway, let's not focus too much on my rather bizarre nitpicking but on the fact that Ian Martinez and I managed to speak not once, but twice. Twice. Two freaking conversations, short, concise but still valuable.

Okay, maybe one of them was a simple Hey there but it still counts, right?

The second was definitely longer though, don't go judging my sappy pathetic self, alright?

It was after a month into our second school year. I was in the parking lot waiting for Catherine to come to pick me up but she was running a little late.

He was on his way to the bus station when our eyes met again, hazel and black spilling into each other. I smiled and so did he. He waved and so did I.

What I didn't expect, however, was that he'd start walking my way.

Ian took slow, hesitant steps toward me before finally gaining the confidence to advance faster despite my furrowed eyebrows.

"Hey," he spoke in a low voice.

"Hey," I breathed out as if I was the one racing his way not the other way around. 

Crap, you have been training for this moment, Zia. All those useless, awkward conversations were to get you ready for this. Speak, woman, or forever hold your peace.

Gosh, Danielle was rubbing off on me more than I thought. But, that was true. I had to make a move before it was too late.

My heart was in my throat as I stuttered out, "What're you still doing at school?"

Safe topics. Cringe. I swear I could hear Dani tutting at me and going: 'That's the best you could come up with?'

"Um, just had to hand in some papers." He shrugged, looking down at his feet. "You?"

"Oh, okay. Just waiting for Cathie." 

"Cathie?"

My tongue felt heavy as my brain shut down. "My, uh, my, uh..."

"Oh, yeah," he quickly interjected, chuckling softly. 

What the fudge is wrong with me?

"Yeah," I forced a laugh, shifting on my feet. "Do you, uh, live close by?"

Now, that was progress. Good job, Zee. I mentally patted myself on the back.

"Kinda," he smiled and the dimples deepened. My heart stumbled. "In fact, I don't live too far away from your place."

His cheeks seemed to darken after that. His embarrassment, surprisingly, eased my nerves. His words registered in my head and an involuntary grin slipped out.

A sudden boost of confidence surged through me as an idea popped up when Catherine came into view. My grip tightened on the straps of the bag. "Come on then, we'll drop you off on the way."

His head snapped up, his eyes bore into mine before his teeth came into view. "I don't wanna trouble you."

"It's fine." I insisted, pointing my thumb toward the war. "Come on." 

Catherine lowered the windows and smiled in greeting, offering a small wave before looking my way with one raised eyebrow and twinkling green irises.

"Hey, this is Ian, my, uh..." crap, crap, crap. I didn't practice this part!

Thankfully, and bless his soul, he introduced himself on his own. "Hello Mrs. Patterson, I'm Ian Martinez."

Her eyes lit up with recognition. "Martinez? Imani is your mom?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Mother-in-law sounds better," she muttered under her breath, knowing fully well that I was going to hear her. My eyes widened and I avoided her gaze when she smirked, shooting knowing glances my way. "Hop in, kids."

When Ian started telling her his address, Catherine stopped him, saying she already knew their place. All the while, my brain was going crazy: we had this knowledge right under our nose but were completely unaware!?!

Turns out, he truly didn't live that far away at all. In fact, it was so close that I wondered how come we never met. But then again, I wasn't a fan of going out so there's that.

His mother, with chocolate skin, dark eyes, and an untamed mane atop her head, was out getting rid of weeds from the small garden that led up to their porch. She looked gorgeous.

"Good afternoon, Imani!"

"Oh, hey there Cat," the woman greeted back with a wide smile and dimples. "It's been so long since the last time I saw you."

"Yeah. Kids, you know?"

"Oh, I know." She turned to glare at her house when shrill screams pierced through the air. "Go check on your brothers, Ian, and tell them I said: if they don't stop fighting over the remote control, somebody is about to get their ass whooped, okay?"

He sighed, exasperated by his siblings' antics, and shot a sheepish look my way before scurrying inside.

"Zia, right?" My cheeks heated up as I nodded. "So nice to finally meet you." 

After the two of them caught up for a little bit, we were on our way home. Turns out, Imani has been one of their regular customers, her husband being one of William's high school classmates.

"So, Ian, huh?" Cathie wiggled her eyebrows.

"Oh, my god." I covered my face with both hands. 

"How did you two meet? As far as I know, he's a junior." She kept prodding until I told her everything. I always told her everything to be honest. This time, I was a little flustered not by my own feelings but because I had to express them out loud. "Well, he's a sweetheart. I babysat him once or twice before. Such a quiet kid."

Warmth filled me. For some reason, having Catherine praise and approve of him cemented my growing crush on him. It made me feel better about my feelings.

"Matías, his dad, and Imani both come from immigrant families."

My heart clenched. "It must've been super hard for them to stand on their feet."

"Well, life is nothing short of struggles, kiddo." She sighed. "But, look at them now. They never gave up. Matías has his own bakery and Imani is a nurse."

I smiled, proud of them, and looked out of the window. Life was full of all kinds of stories.

"They were high school sweethearts, by the way." 

"They stayed together throughout every bump in the road? Wow."

"Of course. It's the journey that matters, the attempts, the failures, and the struggles..." She repeated her infamous preaching. This time, however, I was paying attention. "Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on every now and then, Zee. That doesn't make them any less of a strong person. Having someone to help you through it is the greatest gift ever."

Not expecting to relate to people I didn't know, her words struck a nerve.

A/N: I hope this chapter shows the struggles Zia is still going through 👀

MEANING OF THE NAMES USED:

Imani means "faith" or "belief" in Swahili.

Matías is a name of Spanish origin that means Gift Of God.