The past

"After all that we had we act like we never met"

Mariana's POV

"She told you then" I stated, joining Tommy as he sat drinking by the bonfire outside
"Yeah" he said, blankly staring into the flames
"Do you ever think of what might have happened back then?" He asked simply
"What do you mean?" I asked.

Please don't tell me he was drunk.
I didn't need to sit here and babysit him so he didn't do anything stupid
His behaviour was understandable
He'd killed three men this morning, had to deal with the aftershocks, and then found out he was expecting another child.

But that didn't mean I wanted to sign up for a drunken Tommy
"I mean. Do you ever think about if you did something differently, everything would be different?" he said
"Of course it would" I said.

He sighed
"If I never took Lizzie down the canal that day-"
"Don't think like that" I interrupted him
"If I never got involved with the Russians, Grace would be alive" he went on
"Tomm-"

"If I never got involved with Campbell, I'd never have even met her, I'd have never married her" he said, ducking his head
"If Greta hadn't got sick. If dad hadn't left, if mum never..." he sighed again
"If you had never left" he said, looking towards me.

"There's so many what ifs Tommy, but they don't matter, not anymore, you can't do anything differently, you can't change anything. Life is... life, it is what it is and we have to deal with it. You have to deal with it" I said.

He'd be alright with another child. Especially if it was a boy
"If you had stayed, if I asked you to marry me and you said yes, where do you think we'd be?" He asked
"One of us would probably be six foot under" I chucked.

We'd annoy the shit out of each other
We wouldn't last 5 minutes
"I'm being serious" he said
I stopped, and thought for a moment
"Uh, we'd probably be living together, happy I guess... maybe an illegitimate kid or two" I chuckled.

"Yeah. Happy" he sighed, looking around

"Honestly though, we were never going to work out Tommy, never, it just wasn't our time. You were my first love, and I will always be grateful for that, but life goes on, and Grace was your soulmate" I said
"You need to stop wallowing Tommy" I said, putting my arm around him
"Getting involved with Campbell, meant that you fell for Grace. It gave you Charlie" I said, he nodded slowly.

"You might have mixed feelings about the baby right now, but Lizzie is a good woman, and you two having a child... well it isn't the worst case scenario is it?" I said. It's not like he'd knocked up Jessie Eden... yet.

Or May Carleton. Lizzie was probably the best option he had if he wanted another child.

"Lizzie will make a great mother, and you know how to do the right thing, you'll figure it ou-"
My words of advise had been cut off.

Because amongst my consoling, Tommy had leaned into me, trying to kiss me
"What are you doing?" I asked, moving away from him
"I'm sorry" he said simply
I stood up, heading for the back gate

"Mar, Mar stop, I didn't mean to-"
I didn't hear the end of his sentence
Because I was rushing down the back alleys towards my own house

I slammed the back door shut, looking around the kitchen
"Alfie" I called out
He still wasn't back
Why would Tommy do that?
I know he's drunk but... he misses Grace
Not me.

That's what it all boils down to
It's her.

He'd take care of the baby, but I couldn't understand why he wouldn't commit to Lizzie
Sure she had been a prostitute but Grace had been a fucking agent.

Emotions were high right now.
For everyone
All this stress, it was getting to people.

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"Thank god I'm home" Alfie sighed, holding me in an embrace at the door
"Well... whatever we're calling this shit hole" he said
"Mm, today's been... eventful" I said
"Oh yeah?" He asked.

I dreaded telling him. That Tommy had tried to kiss me
I know it was only out of drunken pity for himself.
But that wouldn't matter to Alfie.

"Yeah, let's have a cup of tea though first eh?" I suggested
"Yeah, hang on for a second, I got a surprise for you" he said, opening the front door again
"Oh yeah? What have you bought me?" I asked, intrigued.

He didn't need to say anything however
Because as soon as I heard their barks I knew
Harley and Cyril came barrelling through the door, before jumping up at me.

"I thought we were leaving them up in London" I said, kneeling down to stroke them
"We were, but Ollie ain't coping with them very well, so I thought I'd bring them back" he said.

"Ah I'm glad you did. I've missed you, yes I have" I said, fussing them.

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"That was smashing Dove" he said
"Thanks" I smiled, pushing my plate away slightly
"Right then, think it's time we had a chat" he said
"About what?" I asked, picking Carter up out of his chair and into my lap.

"About why I've been home so late the past few days" he said
Oh. Right.
"Go on then" I urged simply
"Well... I've been looking at venues, flowers and that" he said.

For the wedding?
"For... why?" I asked instead
"Because you're under a lot of stress right now, with Changretta hanging over your head, so I thought I'd have a look at some things, take a bit of the weight of the wedding off" he said

"You did that, for me?" I asked
He nodded
"Well we're getting married aren't we? I'd rather it be sooner than later, especially now" he said
My heart sank at his word.

Especially now

Now he was dying. Now we had a limit on our time together
"So... what did you find?" I asked, smiling at him.

He sighed
"A lot, I didn't know weddings had so much shit involved in it" he chuckled
"Yeah, I don't fancy a big wedding though, a small one will do" I said.

"Mm, why don't we get married this week?" He asked
"This week?" I asked
"Yeah" he said
"Alfie... I have a gang after me, we're stuck in Birmingham, when are we supposed to get married? Where are we supposed to get married?" I asked.

"Anywhere, any time. Dove I've got a clock ticking on me now. I don't know when I'll be gone, but it will certainly be quicker than most" he said.

"Alfie-"
"If thats the case Dove, I want us to be married, quickly" he chuckled, standing up
"I want you to be my wife" he went on, leaning down to me and Carter
"You're being serious aren't you?" I laughed
"Yeah, let's do it" he said.

I nodded
"Okay, when?" I asked
"Whenever, once you've got a dress we're good to go" he smiled
The smile on my face wouldn't go, because I couldn't understand how I got hold of a man so perfect and compassionate.

Rare traits of Alfie Solomons I know, and yet they weren't
He was kind and caring and he loved me. For me.

And now I had to anger him. I had to tell him that yet again my business partner crossed a line.

"Alfie" I said simply, gaining his attention back from Carter
"Yeah dove?" He asked
"I need to tell you something" I said.

He looked at me, waiting for me to go on.
"This afternoon, Tommy he..." I couldn't get it out
"He what?"
"Well he..."
"What? Has he done something to hurt you?" He asked worriedly.

"No, he... he was drunk and upset and he was saying all sorts and he... well he tried to kiss me" I said
"What?" He asked, voice hard and face harder.

"I'll talk to him, it... it ain't right" I said, he can't keep lashing out and doing things and thinking grief will get him off the hook
It wasn't an excuse anymore.

"I'll kill him" he said
"Alfie pleas-"
"He should have learned his lesson the first time. What's his fucking problem? Why can he let you go?" He shouted.

"He has! I think it's about Grace more than anything" I said
"Then he'll be happy to see her again won't he?" He grumbled, nearing the door
"Alfie please don't do anything stupid" I sighed, my head falling into my hand.

I was sick of all the arguing. All the uproar
Alfie's cancer had just out the final blow on my shoulders and I'd caved
I couldn't deal with all of this anymore

He stopped, coming back to me, and grasping the side of my neck, his thumbs rubbing back and forth along my jaw
"I'm just going to talk to him. And maybe rearrange his face, alright? Call Dorothy, go shopping, find a dress yeah? And I'll be back soon" he said, leaning down to kiss me.

I had a bad feeling letting him go
But I couldn't stop him
And he had every right to be angry
"Okay" I said, as long as he didn't kill him
Tommy was an idiot. But that didn't mean I wanted him dead.

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