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"Just take me somewhere that takes my breath away"

Mariana's POV

This was it, sunrise. I was going to be hung this morning
I knew it was coming, they kept hinting at it, dropping little clues that it was imminent.
And why else would they drag me out of my cell 2 days after getting back from the hospital?

I thought I was ready, I thought I'd be able to handle it, but seeing Alfie again let reality crash in. That I'd never see him again
And I missed Carter... so much.

"Let's go" the guard said from the doorway
"Where?" I asked, he said nothing, just gave me a look
I sighed, following him out the door, before being led down a series of long corridors.

"How long does it last?" I asked knowingly
The guard remained stoic, before side glancing me briefly
"Few minutes" he said simply, before I caught a flash of brown hair
"Pol?" I called, she was brought out into the corridor, her dull sunken eyes connecting with mine.

"Mariana?" She said absentmindedly
"Polly" I half smiled, as dark as it sounded, I'm glad I wasn't alone in this.
"Keep walking" the guard nudged me, we walked down the corridor, the cold nipping at my skin and trailing goosebumps along my arms.

It was when the noose came into view that Polly started panicking
"No... no no no" she dropped back, trying to get out of their hold
"Polly, Polly stop resisting just... just let it happen" I called over my shoulder, reluctantly walking up the wooden steps.

Polly's eyes fell on me as they stood me in place, her gaze falling down my body
"The baby..." she whispered, being dragged up the stairs and stood next to me
"Yeah" I nodded, I couldn't stop the little smile on my face at the thought of Carter.

"Stay still" the guard ordered, setting the noose round her neck
"Mar, Mar what do we do?" She asked frantically
I took a deep breath, reaching my hand out and taking hers, entwining our fingers.

"Accept it" I said simply, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall
"Accept it Pol, there's nothing we can do... no ones coming" I said, she whimpered slightly, looking up at the ceiling
"The baby..." she trailed off.

I felt the small smile return to my dry lips
"A boy... Carter" I told her
"A boy... god help us" she chuckled, her voice cracking at the end
"Yeah" I whispered, looking to the sky too
"Ready?" The guard asked the other one, he was in front of us on the ground, hands in pockets like this was just another days work for him.

Whereas the other stood on the wooden stage with us by the lever, getting ready to send us straight to hell.

I heard Pol take a sharp intake of breath, before she started praying, mumbling incessantly to herself
I closed my eyes, trying to picture nothing else but Alfie and Carter.

I was ready, I was prepared for this.
I felt Polly tighten her hold on my hand, so I squeezed back with just as much strength
And then... the floor dropped
And as my body fell, the noose tightening round my neck and cutting off my airways, I heard the shout of a man.

"Wait... stop!" He shouted, his loud footsteps rushing down the corridor
The guard by the lever quickly grabbed Pol, lifting her up so she wasn't hanging, stopping her choking.

Whereas it took a few seconds for the other to rush up the wooden steps and take hold of me, lifting me in his arms as they grabbed my legs, pushing me up
"Why?" The guard shouted back
The man who had originally shouted rushed up to help them, grabbing a knife from the guards pockets and cutting the ropes above our heads.

Polly broke down, crying her heart out as she collapsed in the guard's arms, falling to the floor in his hold
I was going the same way before I shoved the guard away from me, coughing and spluttering as I greedily took all the air I could.

"New orders, they're free to go" the man said
"What?" The guard asked shocked
"They're being done for murder" the other argued
"And now they're not" the man snapped, looking down at us worried.

But I'm sure he was only worried for his own safety.

•

I was dragged back to my room and ordered to collect my things, before me and Polly were practically thrown out the building and left at the entrance, with growing bruises round our necks, dirty and dishevelled.

"Mariana, Polly" my head slowly rose, my eyes flickering to the source of the voice
And there stood Tommy fucking Shelby, a stoic expression on his face as he stood by his car, but I could see the worry seeping through the cracks. He had Michael and Isaiah by his side.

It was silent for a moment, before Polly ran at Tommy and threw every hit she could at him, Michael quickly intervening and trying to pull her away
Whereas I just stood there, I could barely move, it was so weird being in the fresh air again.

It felt just like the first time I was released from prison, I felt cold and alone and... and numb.

"Mariana" Isaiah asked hesitantly, I looked up at him blankly
"Alfie uh... sent a car, he said he's on his way down but he wanted someone here to meet you" he explained, I looked over to the black car.

Louis was in the drivers seat, the sight almost made me smile
I nodded absentmindedly to Isaiah, walking straight passed the altercation still taking place and getting in the car, ignoring Tommy's calls after me.

"Mar" Louis mumbled almost painfully, looking me over with clear pity in his eyes
"Drive" I said simply.

•

"Dove..." I was froze in place when Alfie took me in his arms, I was in a hotel in Small Heath, waiting for Alfie to finally get down here
I'd washed and changed and then sat by the window, staring at the bustling street below and trying to come to grips that I was actually out.
Nala was stood in the doorway, with my little baby in her arms.

"Are you okay? I was so worried dove I- what the fuck is that?" He asked angrily, cutting himself off and arching my face up to get a better look at the marks on my neck.

"Just... don't" I mumbled, walking round him to get to my son, I took Carter out of Nala's arms and cradled him to me, revelling in his smell and those beautiful blue eyes
"I missed you so much" Nala said tearily, pulling me gently into a hug.

"I missed you too" I said honestly, hearing Alfie awkwardly clear his throat behind me
"Do you wanna give us a minute Nala?" He asked
She nodded, reaching out to take Carter
"No" I said immediately, looking down at his adorable face.

"He's never leaving my sight again" I mumbled, she chuckled, nodding before closing the door behind her
And we were left in silence
"Dove-"
"Don't, there's- there's nothing to talk about" I dismissed.

"Of course there is, we need to talk, about where we are" he clarified, I never thought I'd see the day Alfie Solomons asked a woman 'what are we?'
The thought almost made me laugh
I sat down at the end of the bed, rocking Carter back and forth softly.

"We... well we're us, I still don't forgive you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you" I said, he nodded slowly, sitting down opposite me on the coffee table, forearms perched on his knees
"But we're still... you still want to marry me, right?" He asked.

I looked down, thinking for a moment. Did I?
I loved Alfie, more than I've ever loved anyone else
But he betrayed me, he lied to me and it's been so many months of us apart from each other.

"I think, we should just take things slowly, go back home and just... settle back in you know?" I suggested
"But you're not leaving me yeah?" He asked hopefully, jittering his leg slightly
"No, I'm not leaving you" I mumbled, he blew out a breath, nodding to himself.

I wanted to ask, I wanted to ask so badly...
"Alfie?"
He hummed, looking at me expectantly
"Did you... did you ever... with anyone else" I trailed off embarrassed
I was exhausted, fresh out of prison and recovering from childbirth... and I was actually embarrassed to ask my fiancé if he'd fucked someone else whilst I was away.

He slowly heaved himself up, closing the distance between us and kneeling down before me
His large rough hands took hold of my face, and I felt my eyes close briefly from the warm and familiar contact.

"Never" he said simply, with such honesty and promise I wanted to fold... to just kiss him and beg for us to get married
"Okay" I said, but it came out as more of a whisper as I sat captivated in his gaze.

"You wanna drive back tonight or tomorrow?" He asked gently
"Tomorrow" I sighed, I was so tired, so sore...

"Okay" he muttered, standing back up and obviously repressing a groan of pain.
He left the room and returned with a... hell I don't know what it was.
"It's a uh- a 'fold up cot' or summin" Alfie said, setting it up beside the bed.

I nodded, laying Carter gently down once Alfie had set it all up, before climbing under the blankets
"I'll uh, I'll sleep in another room, give you some space" he mumbled, shuffling over to the door.

"No" I said, sitting up
"Can you stay?" I asked, I didn't want to be alone
I've been alone for months, sure I had Carter but I had no physical contact
I missed Alfie, even if we were in a weird place.

"You sure?" He asked, I nodded
"Please" I asked
He nodded, undressing before he got in beside me, the lights flickering out and encasing us in darkness.

We laid there, both knowingly awake
I just wanted to reach out and hold him
To lay in his arms like I used to and feel... peaceful.

"Alfie?" I called quietly, I didn't want to wake Carter up, he'd drifted off quite quickly and I could hear his soft snores
"Yeah dove?" He asked
"Do you think we'll... do you think we'll ever be how we used to?" I asked.

I'm sure he could sense the worry in my voice, I was just glad he couldn't see the nervousness in my face
I did love Alfie, so much, I still do...
And I did want there to be a chance for us.

He sighed, before I felt his hands grab hold of me and pull me into his arms
"I hope so, I know I fucked up, but I love ya darlin, and I'll do anything to make you trust me again" he said honestly, his words settling in the dark and enveloping every little worry of mine, drowning them.

"I love you" I whispered, reaching up to stroke his jaw
"Mm, I love you too" he said, kissing my forehead
"Oh, sorry... I'm just used t- sorry" he apologised.

But I liked that it was a force of habit, I liked that he was so used to doing it. Because he was my Alfie.

•

"It's... still a shithole" I mumbled, looking around the hallway, Alfie just laughed at me, carrying Carter in his arms
I loved my house, but it was a house for who I was

It was a house for a cold and lonely gangster
It wasn't for a family, it was cramped.
"It's..." he sighed
"Yeah it's not ideal anymore" he admitted with a smile
"But it's home, for now, we can get a bigger house" he assured me.

I nodded, glancing in the kitchen and living room
Everything looked the same, like I hadn't even left, it was like I had blinked and now here we were, even though we were different.

I think that's why I feel weird being here again, it reminded me of who we were back then, all the fighting and the violence we had to put up with
And yet all the happiness and love we shared.

All the quiet mornings and stolen kisses
All the warm evenings snuggled on the sofa doing paperwork together...
The sofa that now had a blanket and pillows on, making me look at Alfie curiously
"Uh, Nala's been on the sofa since she moved in" he explained.

"What about the guest bedroom?" I asked, well... it was Evelyn's bedroom, but she'd gone
I needed to remember to track her down, see how she was doing.

"Ah..." he said, a little light flickering in his eyes as he took my hand in his free one, pulling me upstairs before coming to a stop at the white door
I pushed it open, and I was gobsmacked as I looked around.

It was a... a baby room
The walls were still white, but there was a cot in the corner that looked brand new, as well as some wooden toys... actually a lot of toys
Some blue curtains and little boats painted on the white strip that ran round the walls.

"I uh- I made the cot, I know it ain't much, but I had to do something when I was here or I'd have gone off me nut" he chuckled awkwardly
I looked around in awe, he did all this by himself
I mean sure the boats looked like utter shit but... he put so much effort into it.

I turned around, staring at Alfie
"You hate it don't you?" He sighed, I shook my head, closing the distance between us and kissing him
It was quick, a soft sweet kiss.

I pulled away and looked up at him, smiling
"I love it" I said honestly
"We can... you know we can take the cot with us, when we do eventually move, it's beautiful" I said, glancing back at it.

The smile hadn't left my face, and it felt nice
It felt nice to smile and feel happy for a change
After so many months of being on my own, in the cold... in the dark.

I wanted Alfie, and now I had him again.

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