My baby

"For those I love, I will sacrifice"

Mariana's POV

"Where are they?" I asked when the doctor came in
"Hello Mrs Solomon's, can I call you Mariana?" He asked, sitting down beside me
"Sure uh... where are my babies" I asked, trying to sit up
"I wouldn't be too strenuous Mariana, you have been through an intense operation" he said

"Operation?" I asked
"Yes, do you... remember how you got here?" He asked
"No" I said
"Mariana, I'm sorry to tell you, but when you were put in the ambulance, you were sick, numerous times, you were unresponsive and then you began having fits" he informed me

"So... so what? What does that mean?" I asked
I was worried now
"What happened?" I asked
"We suspected preeclampsia, so we took you for a C-section, that C section was successful, we stabilised you" he said
"But?" I asked
I could sense there was a but coming

"But due to your state there were... complications. You had a girl, then a boy. The boy is now in our intensive care, we are confident he will make it through but..." he went quiet
Why is he quiet?
"But" I demanded, my eyes began to sting
My entire body set a light as I waited for his words

"But the girl, I'm very sorry to say, was unable to survive" he said
My girl. My girl didn't...
"What?" I said absentmindedly
"She was stillborn, I'm very sorry Mariana but we-"

"She's dead?" I asked. She's dead.
She...
"Yes. We are sorry for your los-"
"She can't be dead. I carried her for 9 months. 9 whole fucking months, I wasn't early, I... I did everything right, I didn't drink, I didn't..."
I did everything right.

I did.
"Preeclampsia can cause complications with the oxygen provided to the baby, I am sorry, there was no way to prevent what happened Mariana, it isn't your fault, not at all" he said.

My mother.
My mother died having my sister
And now I had... I had failed my baby
My girl.
I had...
"Would you like one of your visitors to come in? And we can discuss more later" he said, standing up

I said nothing
"Get one of her family members" he told a nurse.
"Mariana?" He tried again.

"Mariana..."

Polly's POV

"Miss Gray, the doctor suggested a family member should see her now" a nurse said
"Does she know?" I asked, she nodded
"And?" Arthur asked worried
"And she... she is not responding anymore" she said

"Is she... has she lost it? Is she shouting? Crying?" I asked
I couldn't imagine how this news had settled into her
"No, she isn't moving" the nurse said

"I'll go in" Ada said
"It's family only at this stage, Miss Cortez?" The nurse spoke to Nala, who looked up teary eyed
"No, no she's too young" I said
"Pol, I can-"
"No" I said sternly

"I'll see her, I'm next of kin after her" I said
Or I should be
"She can go" Nala said timidly
"Okay then, follow me" she said, directing me.

Mariana's POV

"Oh Ana" Polly said.
A name I hadn't heard her call me in a long time
She sat on the bed, grabbing my hand and rambling out her apologies.

"He won't give her to me" I said simply
Polly looked down for a moment, before speaking
"Not yet, not when you've only just heard Ana, you need to process this" she said
"I have. She's dead. I killed her and she's dead, now I want to see her" I said

"Mar" she said, tears running down her cheeks
"Stop" she said calmly
"Stop what? I want to see her" I said
"No, no you need to rest, you need to be monitored, then when the time is right, you can see your boy" she said

"No, you're not listening to me" I said quietly, taking my hand from hers
"I am listening, you need to think though" she said
"You need to think, you need to cry, you need some sleep" she said

"Polly, I've told you what I need" I said
"Mar" she tried.

I tried to get up, out of bed as I pulled the wires from my arms
"No, Mari" she panicked
"Leave me" I said, but she tried to grab my arms
"No, lay down" she said

Everything hurt
But nothing hurt worse than my heart
My head
The hole aching in my chest for my baby.

Nurses rushed in, helping her to pin me down
I didn't need to be fought though
I just wanted my baby.

Polly's POV

"Get off me!"
"Get the fuck off me. I want my baby" she shouted
Nurses pushed her down, as the doctor ran in
"I want my baby" she cried
Before sobs over took words
And she cried out in pain as the nurses restrained her

"I want my baby" she sobbed
The doctor pushed a needle into her arm, and she slowly began to still
Tears running down her face, red cheeks and white knuckles from her grip on the sheets

I backed out of the room, bracing myself against the wall
She was broken. Completely shattered.

And I had no idea how any of us would ever put her back together.

Alfie's POV

It's been hours
Hours and hours
And no one knew anything
Everyone hung up on me
Men who were confused or didn't believe it was me.

All telling me Ollie was coming
But where the fuck was he?
"Alfie" Ollie said, defeated as he stood in the doorway, soaked from the rain
I looked at him.

And I knew. I knew something bad had happened.

"What?" I asked
"Ollie" I snapped
"She... she's okay but..."

"But what?" I asked
"One of the babies... it didn't..."
He didn't finish the sentence
He never finished that sentence
As I flew out of my seat, throwing the coffee table over, before I wrecked everything in that room

In that neat tidy room I had just for Mariana
To tell her I was still here
For her
For our family
To tell her I was sorry and I loved her

And now...
Now one my kids is...
"Alfie" Ollie shouted worried
I didn't listen
I didn't hear.
I didn't comprehend how...

Before I knew it. I was sat on the beach.
I didn't know how I got here
I didn't know how the cuts on my hands had happened. How they bled into the wet sand beneath me
I didn't know where Ollie had gone
What time it was.

I just sat there. Looking out at the water. At the sky touching the sea.
At the so called god who took my child.
Our child.

Mariana's POV

"Mar" Ada's voice rang out as I opened my eyes, staring up at the ceiling
The white tiles.
I said nothing. There was nothing to say.

"Do you want some water?" She offered.
To no response
She said nothing else
She just sat beside my bed
As I stared up at the ceiling.

And in this moment. I finally truly felt it
The fear of death fleeing me
Because I wanted to go. I wanted to be with her.
To see her.

"Is she awake?" Polly's voice spoke
I heard no response from Ada, but Polly also appeared by my side.

Sitting down and saying nothing for a long time.
I wondered what she looked like. I wanted to see her
To hold her
To smell her and feel her tiny body in my arms.

I wanted to see my son.
I wanted Alfie to be beside me, holding my hand and telling me it was all fine
That we were all going home. As a family.

Tommy's POV

"Don't normally see you down here anymore" Charlie commented
I said nothing
"You haven't sat drinking down here since you were a teenager" he said
"Yeah well... fancied a trip down memory lane" I mumbled

"Is this about Mariana?" He asked
"You know then" I said
"Everyone knows. People are in the Garrison, toasting a life lost" he said, stood above me
Cunts
"It's a scary thing" he said

"What is?"
"Family blood. Her mother died from the same thing" he said
She did. Nala lived and Catherine died.
But now Mar had to live, knowing a part of her was gone forever.

"We never outrun it, no matter how far you go, blood will never leave you" he said, before he walked away.

He was right
Blood never leaves
I knew I would eventually become like my mother
Deluded by the voices and unable to tell what was real and what wasn't.

"You're sad for her?" Grace asked, sat beside me
"I am sad" I said simply
"For her" she clarified
I took another swig.
"For her" I agreed.

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