"Personally, my personal favorite is..."

"If you're old enough to go to school, you're old enough to get dropped off."

"Well, I can't either, and I'm relatively normal."

"Ralph threatened to poke out Dad's eyes."

"I can swim in my clothes. My mom doesn't care."

"Yes, maybe from your stinky feet."

"If it's inside out, is it not outside in?"

"He's smoking bubbles!"

"The first stage of old age is forgetting things. The second one is.... I forget."

"I know everything about [Name] except his social security number."