"She called me gay and Asian."

"Nah, just kidding, I have no friends."

"I want to hibernate now. That would be dope."

"I put chili powder on my friend's tampons."

"He was a tri-bone!"

"And that dude came back to life."

"I wonder, how much time do we spend eating?"

"When I was learning English, I thought egg and dick were the same thing."