"We tried our best but couldn't revive him. Unki body, unka dil bohot kamzor tha, itna pressure nahi jhel paya." Dr. Singh informed the family after trying to bring Jagjit back into senses for about an hour. He sighed and looked at the patient's family looking at him with an expressionless face, at such hard times even senior doctors wished that they could do something that would bring the patient back to life.

"I am sorry beta." He kept a hand on Shehnaaz's head and left.

Madhu choked as she slowly realised what had happened and began to cry out loud at the loss of her husband. The tears would not stop and her voice echoed across the hall, Shehnaaz hugged her mother and rubbed her back.

"Sana tere Papa! Tere Papa chale gaye Sana.. kal hi toh mere hathon se khana kha rahe the. Aaj aise kaise chale gaye humko chhod ke.." Madhu asked her daughter as she bawled her eyes out.

Shehnaaz simply hugged her mother tightly having no words to come up with. She wasn't able to process everything either. She looked at Gurjot towards her left as he kept his hand around her, the guy was wiping his tears.

It wasn't until Anju and Sheena hugged them that she realized that they were around her too. She had zoned out a little too much to acknowledge their presence. They had arrived since her father had suffered the cardiac arrest, Gurjot had called them. She let them take the charge and console her mother better. She wiped her face, corrected her unruly hairs a little and made her way into her father's room. The nurses were still there, cleaning up the room and wrapping up the defibrillator and its essentials.

"Mam, signature." One of them asked her with a pen and paper she she nodded, signing it away.

"Discharge ke liye?" Shehnaaz slowly asked the nurses so as to take her father home.

"Bas Dr. Singh se kuch papers sign karwane hai, tab tak aap pending bills clear kar denge toh kaam jaldi ho jayega." The lady in while uniform replied.

"Okay." Shehnaaz replied, walking out to grab her purse which had her ATM card.

"Kaha ja rahi hai?" Gurjot asked her.

"Bills clear karne hai." She replied.

"Yeh hospital walo ko situation nahi dikhti kya? Bill ki padi hai. Saaley paise hi khate hain." He cursed the staff and shook his head.

"Tu rehne de, Aunty ke pass ruk. Mai dekh lunga." He told her.

"Nahi, koi baat nahi. Mai kar lungi." She denied, picked up her purse and walked out of the corridor. He stared at her, taken aback by the way she was reacting to this situation. She was so not doing well.

"Mai Sana ke sath ja raha hu." He informed his wife before following his friend out.

"Ha Anju." Rita Ma was in the kitchen while carrying her phone between her shoulder and head.

"Mama, yeh dekho. This car looks good." Advait and Sidharth were in the living area, scrolling social media together. It was a fine Saturday, most of them were home.

"Kya?? Hey bhagwan!" Rita Ma almost dropped the ladle she was using to stir the curry.

"Mum?" Sidharth went to see her, she sounded so weird this time that he suspected something went wrong.

She saw her son and shook her head, walking out of the kitchen and taking a seat in the furniture.

"Acha thik hai. Khayal rakhna tum un sab ka. Hum ayenge milne." She replied and then hung up with a pretty upset face.

"What happened?" Sidharth asked again.

"Sana ke Papa. He passed away this morning." She replied and saw his son's face losing its expressions as well.

Sidharth was too stunned to speak, he had texted Shehnaaz last night but she wasn't online at all. He had simply guessed she was busy and didn't bother her again. His heart went out to her, he wished he was around her to be there for her even though he knew she was surrounded by her close ones.

"Humein jana chahiye?" Rita Ma asked him.

"Mai yahi soch raha tha. Aap bhi chalogi?" He replied.

"Hm. Sana, uss bacchi ka chehra meri aankho ke samne se nahi ja raha. Milna chahti hu usse." She replied with a tint of fresh tears in her eyes. For someone who had lost her loved ones, she knew what that girl must be going through at the moment.

"I'll book the tickets." He mumbled, walking into his room when he received Sheena's call.

"Ha Mickey?" He answered immediately.

"Montu, tune uncle ke bare me toh suna hai na." Sheena began.

"Ha. Mom aur mai aa rahe hain." He replied.

"Listen, Chandigarh me hoga unka sanskar aur sara kaam. Mummy ne bola tujhe batane ko." She told him.

"Yeah okay." He replied and was about to hang up when he overheard something from the other side.

"Mickey, Sana kaha hai beta?" Anju asked her daughter.

"Mummy, Sana do ghante se packing kar rahi hai. Sara saman nikal rahi hai jaise wapis Chandigarh shift ho rahi hai." Sheena worriedly replied.

"Mai baat karti hu usse." Anju said.

"Is she okay?" Sidharth could not help but ask.

"Nahi yaar Montu, she's not okay. But the way she's reacting is- Sana matlab kaam kare ja rahi hai. Ro bhi nahi rahi, it's scaring us." Sheena replied.

"But we're here for her. Chal mai rakhti hu." She added, she had a best friend and her mother to look after.

"Yeah, you take care of them." He replied and hung up.

Up until his father passed away, the only deaths he experienced were those of people who lived good, long lives. He hadn’t even considered the possibility of losing someone like his own father. Before his father got sick, he was worried about figuring out who he himself was as Sidharth and where Sidharth was going, not who he would lose or what impact that would have on him. 

He found that when he was one of the first people in his circle to suffer a huge loss, he ended up carrying the weight of grief all by himself. He knew only a few people around his age who had a similar experience. It was comforting to connect over shared sadness, but none of them had the answers to “Where do I go from here?” or “When am I allowed to try being happy and how do I start?” At times it still feels like he would never get answers to these questions he desperately needed. 

During one of the several sleepless nights after his father died, he turned to Google to fight how isolated he felt and tried to find some clarity. He needed someone to tell him what to expect. But all he found was advice for kids, teenagers or spouses. He knew people of his age had been through this, but he had no idea why no one was talking about the unique impact of grief on young adults. He realized something that day that he was going to have to try to figure out what’s ahead on his own. Although his mother was a great help, the strong woman that she was, she had helped her children get through the grief not by telling them some hack or trick to make it seem easy, rather she simply encouraged them to face it and express their feelings about their loss.

"Paji, address doubtful lag sakta hai. Maine aapko location bheji hai. Aram se aaiye." Gurjot told Sidharth over the phone. Sidharth and Rita Ma, the mother and son duo were in Chandigarh the other day for Shehnaaz. They took a cab from the airport to her place.

Shehnaaz on the other hand was in the gurdwara looking out for the people who were catering lunch for the day. They were supposed to hold a small prayer before cremating her father.

"Shuru kare. Time ho gaya." Gurjot told her, since they were supposed to cremate Jagjit at his home town, Shehnaaz suggested that everything take place in Chandigarh itself.

She nodded and gestured to some ladies to bring her mother around. There came Madhu in an office yellow salwar suit, going by the pale and lifeless look on the lady's face, and could tell her that she had been crying for two days straight.

The body did not enter the main prayer hall but was kept outside in a wooden coffin and prayers were said over the body in another room. All mourners had removed their shoes, washed their hands and covered their heads in the Gurdwara. Madhu mumbled those lines as she kept staring at her husband's peaceful face. After prayers, some men picked up the coffin to take it to the crematorium when Madhu came forward to touch Jagjit's face one last time and so did Shehnaaz. Jagjit was taken to the nearby crematorium where his daughter did his last rituals.

Then there were near and dear ones who came and sympathetically met Madhu and her daughter. The good part in this unfortunate situation was that Madhu's family, who had abandoned her for marrying out of their culture had reconciled with her and expressed how they deeply regretted not being in touch with her.

"Shehnaaz." Someone called for her and she turned back to find Sidharth. She smiled, she wasn't expecting him here all the way from Mumbai. Mickey who was standing behind them must have brought them to her.

"Aunty, aap log." She addressed them and hugged Rita Ma to greet her.

In a pale blue salwar suit and hair bunched back, Sidharth could see her dull and exhausted face. It was enough to describe the exertion she had been through. By her smile, he knew how much it would be killing her inside to put that up on her face as well.

"Bas abhi thode der pehle Papa ko lekar gaye." Shehnaaz informed them and they tailed behind her and the group.

All this while he saw how busy she was or it wouldn't be completely wrong to say that she was keeping herself busy, looking after the arrangements and asking people if they had eaten, even after knowing that Gurjot could have handled everything.

"Yeh tera ghar hai? Sab yahi rehte hain?" He asked her while she was passing by. They had just returned home.

"Nahi yeh toh Papa ne baad me banaya. Gaon me rehte sare rishtedar. Hum alag rehte hai shuru se." She replied, standing next to him and looking at her house.

"You know, family me batwara and all. Papa pehle hi alag ho gaye the sab se. Unko yaha se office bhi pass padta." She added and he hummed.

"Vaise maine socha nahi tha tu ayega. Upar se Aunty ko leke." She told him, she was actually surprised.

"Milne kaise nahi aate." He replied and she gave him a small smile.

"Aa andar. Ghar dikhau tujhe." She suggested, gesturing to him to follow her in. However, with a house full of guests and arrangements to look after, it wasn't easy to show him around.

"Yeh mera room upar wala, ek extra room hai side me. Neeche wala Mummy Papa ka, kitchen aage se right." She shortly told him because they were surrounded by people right, left and centre.

"Koi nahi, some other time." He waved his hand to let her know that it wasn't needed.

"Hm. Mai ek baar dekhti hu. Mummy ki family upar ke rooms me rukenge na aj." She told him, excusing herself to check on her relatives. He nodded, stepping back.

"Montu, Aunty bula rahi hai tujhe." Sheena informed him and he looked for his mother.

"Chale beta?" Rita Ma asked him. He simply nodded even though a part of him wanted to stay a little bit more but he knew Shehnaaz had enough company to be there for her.

"Aap rukoge na?" He asked Anju.

"Ha, 2 din rukenge yahi." Anju replied. Sheena who was also with them waved at her friend who seemed like she was looking for someone.

"Khana jaldi lagane bola hai maine cook ko. Bheed zyada hoti ja rahi hai." Shehnaaz told her friend.

"Sana, hum chalte hai." Rita Ma told her.

"Aunty abhi? Raat ho rahi hai, ruk jaiye." Shehnaaz suggested, looking back and forth between the mother-son duo.

"Flight hai baccha, bas milne aaye the." Rita Ma replied, taking a hold of her hands and caressing them.

"Acha thik hai, mai prasad lati hu ghar le jaiyega." Shehnaaz gave in, excusing herself for a minute.

"Humare samne toh aise kar rahi hai, jane ke baad kaise karegi?" Anju worriedly mentioned.

"Situation me dhal gayi hai, sambhal jayegi time ke sath. Ye phase aisa hi hota hai." Rita Ma replied as all of them watched Shehnaaz joining them with a few packets in her hand.

"Yeh." She handed them to Sidharth.

"You take care." Rita Ma replied, before they walked out of the lawn altogether.

"Stay in touch." Sidharth said.

"Hm. You too." Shehnaaz nodded.

"Abhi toh yahi rahegi. We'll catch up in Delhi in a while once you come back ." He mentioned, dropping to see her in the city wouldn't be a bother.

"Nahi, actually mai yahi rahungi. I quit my job." She replied and he stood rooted, taken aback.

"What? When?" He asked her.

"Yesterday, aise bhi leaves khatam ho gayi thi. I was having a hard time managing Delhi and Chandigarh." She told him.

"Mickey ne kuch nahi bola?" He asked her.

"Thodi naraz hui." Shehnaaz apologetically replied.

"Okay, tujhe jaise thik lage. Lemme know when you'll be looking for something." He told her, trying to be helpful.

"Thik hai. Chal, text me when you reach." She replied.

He nodded, wrapped his hand around her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze before getting into the cab. He looked at her, trying to figure out how differently she was coping up and if it was actually going to help her. She waved at them shortly before making her way in with Sheena and Anju.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello all, so sorry for the delay. I have exams coming up this month of March. Will be irregular again. But in April and may, I just have two exams each month so then it won't be much of an issue. Gave my practicals. Was busy in the last few days.

Bets wishes dedo. Zarurat hai.

I personally have witnessed death in my family, been through some tough stuff.. so writing it down wasn't very easy but I went by the decided plot.. so lemme know how it was..

Also.. Sidharth is so concerned about her.. penny for your thoughts?

How about Shehnaaz's state of mind? What do you think?