Gage's POV

I wish I'd given Kaylah a chance earlier, because I don't think many people would have done what she did for me. She must've held me as I cried for the better part of an hour, not asking me to expand or explain myself. Then she gently helped me to the gate, holding my hand as she called a taxi. I was expecting her to give the driver her address, "Do you know the café on Sunset corner with Fifth?" he nodded, "Sure thing".

I turned my head to her, startled. She gave me an easy smile, and for the first time, it seemed genuine "I didn't think you'd want to be alone just yet".

We walked in just in time for the shift change, and I watched Jon walk in and stiffen, until Kaylah went over to hug him and whisper something I couldn't hear. At close to 9 pm, the calm atmosphere in Bailey's felt charged with energy, as the coffee smell was being steadily replaced by booze and the last of the coffee lovers wrapped up for the night, only to be replaced by the long-time night clientele. I suppose there's a reason it's named Bailey's after all.

As I walked past Jon, who was giving me a not so subtle side-eye, I found myself in a small back room, decently lit and definitely cosy, which I found out was actually the recreational room Jon and some of the other guys had set up for themselves.

I found it easy to talk to her. I told her everything about what happened to my little bro, and what it did to my mom and dad afterwards. In turn, she opened up to me about her home life, and how her mom was still in love with her biological dad, even if he'd been dead for 17 years, and how that took a toll on everyone.

"My dad doesn't know, so he doesn't understand why there's things that trigger my mom's depressive episodes. But I do, and sometimes it kills me to watch how helpless the only father figure I've ever had in my life looks when my mom's in a really dark place"

I changed the subject after that, and instead tried to ask about Ari. "Frankly, I don't know how she's doing anymore" she checked her phone again, staring down at the screen with what looked like anger. Or was it hurt?

I was about to say something else, but she stopped me, "Hold that thought" she tapped her screen a couple times, and then gestured for me to come closer. I scooted closer, careful to avoid any physical contact. She hadn't touched me since we left the cemetery, and I didn't want to ruin this.

"You're kidding right? If I feared you, I wouldn't have hugged you in the first place. Come look at this," she'd opened up Snapchat on Ari's contact, and replayed the latest snap. My breath hitched, as I looked at Nate's picture, who was looking down, apparently focused on an ongoing game of cards.

"I didn't know he'd be going too," her voice had a weird edge to it which I couldn't place.

"Why didn't you go?" she'd told me about the trip, and how she wanted to use it as an opportunity to get closer to Ari once again. I thought I'd confused the dates when I saw her at the cemetery, but it looks like I hadn't.

"My mom," she didn't elaborate, and I didn't need her to.

"So suppose you haven't been able to get through to her," I felt stupid for stating the obvious, but it felt like good preamble for what I wanted to say next "Did you get any closer to Nate?"

I saw her downright twitch at that, but her voice was steady , "I guess you could say I did. I mean, we're on speaking terms and all, but I'm not gonna have him telling me anything shady anytime soon. If anything, he might have a rough idea of what I'm tryna do, although not why,"

After that, we lapsed into silence, listening to the steady thump of music outside. And then, I had possibly the brightest or the most stupid idea I've ever had. "What if we found something that would convince her we're right?" I started riffling through my pockets, and she gave me a questioning look, a crease forming between her eyebrows.

I finally dug out a key, and held it up triumphantly, "What if we can into his flat and find something that might help?"

It took her about five seconds to put it together, time in which a few different emotions passed over her expression. Finally, she settled on a smirk, her eyes glinting with determination "Well? Lead the way,"

xxxx

I could've made my way around with my eyes closed. From the grand hallway and the chipped mirror leading straight to the living room door full of scratch marks from Biscuit, to the bathroom which was the last door down the hallway to the right, I couldn't help but think about how I used to spend more time here than at my own place sometimes. I could trace every crack and name every stain on the pinstriped wallpaper.

I'd never minded that he wanted to keep our friendship to ourselves. I never even told Ari about it, because of course I hadn't. Nate had asked me not to, or at least keep the details of it to myself. Now it made sense why.

I braced on the doorframe, and watched as Kaylah stepped inside, and went straight into the living room. "Wait! Take your shoes off first. He'll notice the marks on the carpet," she did so soundlessly, and went to close the windows, rubbing her arms up and down as if she were cold.

"That's why it smells different in here," I murmured, following suit and taking my sneakers off.

"What do you mean? The windows were just open of course it does,"

"Well yeah but I remember there's always been this weird smell around," I said absentmindedly, dragging my hands over the mantlepiece. I notice that all the pictures were gone, and that triggered a distant pang of hurt.

Kaylah seemed fixated on what I'd mentioned, and grabbed me by the shoulders before asking "Describe the smell to me?"

I took a second, "Umm I don't know. Piney? With some kind of skunky smell to it as well? Why?"

She sighed, "Because that means he's smoking pot, and I'm certain he doesn't have a prescription for it,"

"Huh. I'd always thought it was the sewers, " I felt dumb saying that out loud now, and almost slapped myself for ever believing it. "Waiit. How do you even know what pot smells like?"

She'd started looking through a random set of drawers, "Because my last girlfriend used to smoke it. And before you ask, yes she did have a prescription for it,"

Girlfriend? I hadn't seen that coming.

I must've been giving her an odd look, because all of a sudden she was walking towards me quite determinedly, one eyebrow raised high. For some unknown reason, I had expected her to slap me, and instinctively raised my hands in surrender. She rolled her eyes, bumping my shoulder as she walked by

"I'm bisexual you moron. Now quit staring at me like you've just seen me for the first time and help me find something that would actually help us. Ari's never smoked anything, but I find it hard to believe she'll be bothered by Nathan smoking weed. If anything, she'll turn a blind eye to it," she sounded the slightest bit frustrated, her voice raising, and it was my turn to sigh.

"I think I know where we could find something to help us, but it's definitely not in here,"

"Well, I'm all ears,"

"Then follow me,"

I made my way to Nate's bedroom, hearing Kaylah shuffle in closely. I had my door on the handle when I heard a sniffle, and then a series of loud barks as my leg collided with an enormous ball of fluff. While Kaylah looked like she'd rather be anywhere else in that moment, I bent down, and let the Biscuit lick my face "Hey yourself," I snorted at his excitement as he wagged her tail wickedly from side to side, causing Kaylah to take a step back, looking confused and mildly intrigued.

I'd known Biscuit since he was a little puppy, since it was my Christmas gift to Nate a few years back. Nathan had never been big on gifts, or even celebrating any holidays at all for that matter, but I can remember the small smile on his face when I walked in with the little ball of fluff as if it had happened yesterday. After all, what else could you gift a guy that has everything?

"Gage?" Kaylah had a hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me. "C'mon let's go inside,"

Although her touch was soft, I felt as if I'd been struck by lightning. His room hadn't changed in the four years he's lived here. It had the same unnerving neatness to it, from the bed cover without a single crease and the bookcase full of books that looked untouched, as if the bedroom was barely ever used.

I hear a sudden inhale of breath to my right, and I find Kaylah staring at a black case resting against the nightstand. Another one of my gifts. The case looked slightly used, and the zipper caught in the lining one, twice, as Kay slowly opened it. She didn't gasp or turn to me with a questioning look. She remained silent as she slipped her phone out of her pocket, took a picture of it, and then zipped the case back up as if nothing had happened.

Dread stopped me from moving forward, from making a sound. Because the last time I'd been here, that case looked very much untouched.

I thumbed the slick back case, throwing myself on the bed carelessly, "Haven't gotten around to it yet?"

He stood by the bookcase, looking for the book I had asked to borrow. He pulled out the dusty copy of the Count of Monte Cristo, and turned to me with a slight smirk "Something like that,"

It had been a warm day in July this year, and my mom had asked me to come over for dinner. Wanting to make her proud of the only child she had left, I'd asked Nate to give me one of his classics for a day. I'd never gotten around to giving it back.

I'd gotten the gun for him on his 18th birthday, almost three years ago. He'd mentioned before how he'd love one to go shooting at the range, to blow off some steam from time to time. And I'd thought we could go together. We'd had a pretty rocky couple month, trying to get back to the way we were before everything went to shit in freshman year, so I thoughts this was my chance.

"So stupid," I must've said it out loud, because Kaylah whipped her head around, slightly alarmed.

"Hope you're not talking about me, because then we might have a problem," I could tell she was only trying to lighten the mood, and I felt a flicker of warmth at that.

But when my expression didn't become any less sour, she walked towards me. I looked at her, feeling guiltier than I had in my life. Because I could see she was worried, and it was my fault. I tried to apologize soundlessly, and she pulled the pieces together, frowning slightly, then grabbing my shoulders determinedly, and looking me dead in the eye

"Even if you hadn't bought it for him, he would've gotten one on his own eventually," her expression was serious, and maybe even slightly pitying, and I could help but let the words slip off my tongue.

"Why are you so nice to me?" I was lost, confused. I'd almost choked her best friend to death, and here she was, reassuring me.

"Because I know you wouldn't have killed her," her back was turned on me, but even if she were looking at me, I wouldn't have been able to decipher her expression.

"It doesn't excuse what you've done, not even by a mile," she paused, trying to get her frustration under control, "Hell, I might not be thinking straight right now, but I know you're not capable of killing someone. At least not after you told me about your brother. It's just-,"

"How do you know that?" I couldn't keep the self-loathing out of my voice, and it made her pause.

She came closer, staring me dead in the eye "Did you want to kill her?"

I choked on air "N-No! Of course, I didn't! Hell, I barely even remember doing it? I just- didn't want her to leave me too," I realised that was exactly what my psychologist had tried to make me admit for the last month and I almost punched myself.

Kaylah started pacing gesticulating wildly, " Gage, you deserve another chance. Far away from her, but I can tell you're trying," and then in a meek voice so unlike the Kaylah I knew "You remind me of my dad is all. The one that raised me," a gulp, "He'd never actually hurt us physically, but he'd fly into a rage every time we even mentioned money and finally, he agreed to see someone. And I saw him change into a better version of himself," she'd stopped pacing, dragging her fingers along the sagging bookcase.

"Thank you," I wasn't entirely sure what to say, or even if there was anything, I could really say to convey how much that meant to me, so I stayed silent. Instead, I walked to the closet, and slid my hand under the coverlet on the very bottom, searching for the picture album he always kept there. Except it wasn't there anymore.

I frantically pulled away everything, throwing them on the floor, until I was left staring at the brownish red wood of the dresser. It was gone.

When I'd learned what he'd done, I'd deleted every single photo I had with him, and because I never kept printed copies, it was all gone.

"Is this what you were looking for?" Kaylah was holding up a picture, two of its corners slightly singed. But I could still tell what it was from a mile away. Fifth grade, his birthday party. It was when I'd told him we were moving in the neighbourhood.

Kaylah stared at it almost longingly before she said, "I used to have a childhood best friend too. We lost touch in highschool," She seemed to shake herself free of the memory and went to take a picture of the photo.

"Just take it with you. It doesn't matter if he notices or not by this point," and if it weren't obvious enough, I gestured to the mess I'd made. Emptied drawers, misplaced papers, rumpled clothes. He'd have to be blind to not notice.

Without another word, she slipped it in her pocket and sat on the corner of the bed, seeming lost in thought. She seemed fixated on the curtains, bright yellow and in stark contrast to the greyish walls.

"You really thought he was your friend, didn't you?" with that, she turned to look at me; her eyes were sad.

The question took me slightly off guard, and I nodded mutely, because I didn't trust my voice not to waver. She placed a hand over mine and squeezed gently. " He doesn't really care, you know. I've read about guys like him," I must've looked wounded, because she quickly apologised, "I'm sorry, but the truth isn't always what we want to hear,"

We stood there in silence for a while. At some point, Biscuit came to rest at my feet, looking u at me longingly. I bent down to scratch him behind his ear.

"Can I stay over tonight?" I turned whipped my head around, and it must've looked funny because it made her let out a small chuckle "I don't think either of us wants to be alone right now,"

I nodded again and drove us to mine.

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