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Chapter 26: Something Deep Down

He instantly held her by the arm and pulled her. She swiftly turned and abruptly moved forward, clashing onto his chest. Her eyes lift to his face and his eyes watched the cycle speed away.

She blinked at him and he lowered his gazes, staring into hers. Her ice-cream squished against his chest and he felt the coldness, lowering his gazes.

"My shirt. . ."

Ragini comes back to her senses and glanced at the shirt, "my ice-cream."

"You care about the ice-cream?"

"Yes. Now what? My ice-cream is gone to waste." She complained with a frown, genuinely upset about her ice-cream.

"My shirt cost more than the ice-cream."

"It's your fault, why did you pull me all of a sudden? You could've told me or moved me to the side slowly."

"I saved you from that cycle."

"You could've done it slower." She argued back and his mouth dropped. "I get an attitude back for saving you?"

"It's not attitude." She uttered and rolled her eyes, starting to walk away. He followed her, wanting to argue "it is attitude." He was certain while she ignored him, not seeing her attitude in wrong.

XX

Maheshwari Mansion:

"Yes, I would like to order two by this Friday." Annapurna spoke on the phone, "okay, thank you." She disconnected the call and ticked off the items on her list.

"Yes, Masheshwari Mansion. We need you to start decorating by Sunday. The wedding is next Thursday." Sujata ordered and walked into the hall while talking over the phone. "Yes, okay, thank you. . ."

After disconnecting the call, Sujata looked at Annapurna "the wedding planners are booked in for Sunday."

Annapurna nodded at her and placed the phone on her ears. "Hello, we would like to hire cooks that can make about 200 people worth food for Thursday."

"Yes. . ." She continued speaking over the phone, "it's at xxx hall, by the lake. It's a wedding." She added and then smiled, "okay, thank you."

The line disconnected and Annapurna breathed, trying to relax herself. "Sujata, is it possible if you could call the guy in the market? We would need to get the food ourselves. Order rice, spinach, lentils, legumes, beans and meat for the non-veg people for Wednesday, then we can put it in the fridge to use the day after."

"Okay." Sujata agreed and tapped her phone, "I'll call them. But have you ordered sweets?"

"No, I'm just about to call them to order the jalebis, gulab jaman, laddu and rasmalai."

Sujata licked her lips after hearing the names, "my mouth is already watery."

Annapurna smiled and Sujata placed the phone on her ears. "Hello! We would like to. . ." Sujata walked to the side while talking over the phone and Annapurna dialled a number she remembered off by heart, ready to order the sweets.

"Omg, I can't believe the wedding is next week." Uttara panicked while walking into the hall. "Is there anything I could help with?"

"Guest list. . ." Annapurna trialled off and Uttara nodded at her, "okay Badi-Maa."

Uttara walked away to find a pen and a paper to write the names of the people they want to invite to Adarsh's wedding.

XX

"Why are we here?" Ragini asked, glancing over the rail and around the beautiful view of the trees and forest in front of her.

She glanced down at the bushy forest, seeing trees connected with each other and then back into the space in the air.

"To relax."

"Do you come here often?" Lakshya nodded while glancing around. "This is my favourite place. Whenever I'm upset, or angry, or not in the mood, I come here to spend time with myself."

"It's a nice place to calm yourself down." She agreed and continued glancing around, slowly recalling few memories from the past.

"The best part is that you're all alone here, rarely anyone comes to visit this place. There will be no people coming to interrupt your moment, you can have it all to yourself."

A faint smile curled over Ragini's lip after hearing Lakshya, who started to relax his shoulders, dwelling in the view but in reality distracting his eyes while thinking about stuff going on in his life.

"You can let go of whatever is in your mind." He slowly uttered and exhaled, staring around.

Ragini closed her eyes and exhaled her breath steadily, remembering Sanjay and the incident yesterday, continuing to breathe out. She felt slightly lighter and safe, knowing Sanjay would never come back and be a threat to her. She felt at ease, knowing she is surrounded with people that would protect her no matter what.

Lakshya cocked his head to the side, watching her clench onto her fists while breathing in and out with her eyes closed. He realised she was starting to move feel uneasy while clenching onto her fists as hard as he could. He placed his hand on top of hers and she opened her moist eyes, looking up at him.

"It's okay to not be okay. . ." He trailed off in a low tone, nodding her to assure her it's okay if she wanted to let it out by crying.

She shook her head, "I'm fine." Her eyes lower onto the floor and she inhaled, managing to bottle her emotions up.

She held her by the shoulders and made her face him, "if you don't let it out now, it won't let you stay peacefully."

"Who do you share it with?" Her eyes began to moisten as she lifted them up again, looking at him while sharing an eye-lock, "how do you let it out?" She asked and swallowed, trying her best to control herself.

He was silent, having no answers. All he does is thinks about it all alone at an isolated place, whenever he wants to calm himself down. He doesn't have anyone to share his truer feelings with, despite Nick and Uday being so close to him, he only tells them what he wants them to hear, now how he feels deep inside.

"I'll listen to you if you listen to me." She uttered and he thought for a while, nodding his head at her and she nodded at him, trying to curl a smile over her lips.

XX

Office:

"Yes. . . That's how he managed to get the court orders." Sanskaar revealed in front of Adarsh, Durga Prasad and Ram Prasad.

"No wonder!" Durga Prasad exclaimed, "this boy took advantage of Nikhil's court hearing and now god knows which pub he's wasting his time in." He added with anger and grit his teeth, "no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to pull him back out from the hole he created." He sighed, starting to feel disappointed at himself for being neglectance towards Lakshya from the beginning.

"What would you do Bhaisa? Will you let him spend time away during the wedding or let him attend the wedding?"

Durga Prasad gave it a thought, still struggling to decide what he wanted to do with Lakshya.

"I want him at my wedding." Adarsh spoke, "he's still my younger brother and a part of the family, we can't push him away just because he'll do something embarrassing." Adarsh added, sounding serious.

"We will see." Durga Prasad firmly replied while looking at Adarsh. "If he decides he doesn't want to be part of it, then I will not force him and neither will any of you." He ordered, surprising Adarsh and Sanskaar.

"But. . ." Durga Prasad lifted his palm, stopping Sanskaar from speaking. "The more we make him feel forced, the more embarrassment he will cause."

Everyone stayed silent, reflecting on his words as it's true. He will cause them embarrassment if he's there without his will.

XX

"Why don't you like your family?" Ragini asked once getting comfortable with Lakshya, letting him start first.

Lakshya glanced down while thinking, "because they hate me."

"What makes you think they hate you?"

"They never supported me at all. They always sided Mr Maheshwari in all the decisions he made. No one cared about what I felt and what I was going through, it was always whatever Mr Maheshwari said is right." Lakshya complained and got into the mood, facing Ragini this time while speaking. "He would always stop me from doing things I would like, he would always taunt me and embarrass me in front of his friend and other relatives calling me useless. He would be strict and expect me to be a perfect devoted son who would lick his feet. He never once understood what I wanted, what I liked, what I felt, what I needed, he always made decisions based on what he thought I needed to be like!"

"What about your mother?"

"Don't even talk about her, she's a slave to her man. She does every single thing he says, even if it meant to lock me in the room and stay silent each time he abused me."

"He. . . Used to hit you?"

"Not often, maybe once or twice when I used to argue back with him. But she would not say anything at all, she would watch me in pain and still stay quiet because he told her to."

"Maybe she doesn't complain in front of you. Maybe in their room during the night, she raises her question and concerns in private rather than ranting out in front of you."

"She would never."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know."

"When you were locked up, did she not come in to check up on your or to give you food?" Ragini wondered and Lakshya gave it a thought, trying to remember. "Did she never tell you it's okay?"

Lakshya received few flashes of when he was younger, his mother would always tell him it's okay.

"She would, she would always come in and find me and say, it's okay. Which means she wanted me to suck up to the behaviour."

Ragini scoffed, shaking her head negatively "she would never tell you it's okay just for you to take it all. She would say it's okay when she's scared, hurt, in pain or nervous herself, she wanted to comfort you and tell you that it's okay, she's there for you no matter what, that she will always stay by your side and protect you. Yes, she may have not showed it in front of your father but mothers are protective when it comes to their children and when they cry for them, they're seen weak and soft hearted. You can't tell a mother how to feel and what to do, especially when she's also a wife. She isn't only your mother Lakshya, she is a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a woman. Before she even decided to be a mother, she spent her life loving your father as a wife. . . She loved him which is why she trusted him each time he made those decisions, she must've complained but thought it would be best for you. . . Maybe that's where she went wrong."

Lakshya thought about what she was saying. "Tell me she never cried with you, or for you. . . Tell me you've never seen her weak. . . Tell me she neglected you when you were in pain and abused you." Ragini uttered, starting to feel a little emotional as she spoke.

Few flashes from the past yet again dwell in his mind. He remembered the times she would hug him telling him it's okay, the times she would check up on him before going to bed, the times she would make his favourite food, the times she would make sure he ate each time he was locked in his room, the times she would chase him around telling him to be careful, the times she got yelled at by Durga Prasad for being too soft towards him, the times she would help him with his homework and classwork, the times she cried each time he got hurt or was in pain.

"And about the rest of your family, did you assume they hate you just for staying silent?" Ragini questioned, he was still listening with memories occupying his mind. "To your parents, they're seen as third people. You wouldn't want Sanskaar Sir telling you how to raise your child would you? You'll feel offended and say 'they're my children', maybe your aunt and uncle did speak against it once but decided not to after being told who they were to make decisions for you. Have they showed any signs that they hate you?"

Lakshya recalled his time with Sujata and Ram, each time they wanted to talk to him he would turn his face away and ignore them or end up being rude to them.

"When I went to your house and met your family, it definitely didn't seem like they hated you. They were more concerned about you after the incident that happened, they felt guilty for blaming you. I sensed it, more than feeling embarrassed your mother was worried about you, because you were hurt with the way your father shouted at you. They do care Lakshya but maybe like you, they don't know how to show it properly."

He exhaled, wanting to brush his thoughts but whatever Ragini was saying seemed to stick to his mind. He cannot take his mind away from her words.

"Your father, he may seem strict but he cared for you in a way you thought was oppressing. Tell him. Let him hear your voice and he would realise what he did to you. He will definitely understand you better once you let him know how you feel."

"I. . . I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"He will never understand."

"That's true, he won't understand you until you tell him how you really feel."

He sighed and faced her, slightly watery eyes and shook his head. "I don't think it's worth it."

"You won't regret it." She assured and he blinked at her, feeling the warmth in her tone.

"It's. . . Your turn now." He changed the topic and she looked on. "Maybe some other day."

"It's not fair. . ." He replied in a low tone, and she stared into his eyes for few seconds.

She wasn't sure if she should tell him her story, she felt uncomfortable and slightly timid, however staring into his eyes assured her that she'll be okay.

"Would I sound. . . Trash if I said I'm glad my father is gone?" She wasn't so confident while asking this question, slowly starting to be emotional while trying to curve a smile.

He scrunched his eyebrows and she slowly sniffed. "I'm so. . ."

"You won't sound trash." He interrupted before she could apologise. "What I figured out from this, is that he must've been a bad person."

"He. . . I hated him." She struggled to speak, as one side of her wanted to cry while the other side wanted to stay strong while telling him. "He would abuse my mother every single day, both psychically and emotionally. He would make her feel guilty for marrying him by claiming she ruined his life."

Flashbacks from the past haunt Ragini once again, tears flow down her cheeks as she recalled all the times her father would abuse her mother just for marrying him.

"He was a good dad but he was the worst husband anyone could ever get. . . He didn't marry my mother from his wish. He was forced to and he would take the frustration out on her. I hated him each time he put my mother through that pain. . . I hated every single time he would smile at me after hurting my mother. I hated the fact that I was so nice to him despite witnessing what he did. I felt so bad for my mother. . ." She couldn't hold it in and cried while speaking, closing her eyes. "She didn't deserve that. She deserved better. She didn't deserve me. I failed to protect her. My father never said anything to me, I could've asked him to stop. . . Hitting her. Each time I cried whenever I was hurt, she would tell me it's okay but each time she needed comforting, I didn't pat her back and tell her. . . It's okay."

She bursted into more tears and clenched onto her fists, hating herself for letting that happen to her mother.

"I didn't tell. . . Her. . . It was okay." She sniffed and cried.

Lakshya felt emotional, feeling the pain she's going through. He held onto her hand to comfort her and she opened her eyes. Seeing water gush down her eyes, he felt bad and pulled her into a hug, hesitantly patting her back.

"It's, okay." She cried even more after hearing him comfort her, feeling bad for her mother. She dug her face into his chest while crying, having somewhere to lean on.

"It's not your fault. You were probably young, what could've you done?" He assured, wanting to make her feel no guilt at all. "You probably didn't even know it was abuse. . ." He added and tried thinking of more words to say to comfort her, "it would've only been your fault if you supported your father which you didn't, you felt your mothers pain and realised what he did was wrong. Your mother would never blame you for it and neither would want you to blame yourself. You were just a kid Ragini."

"She. . . Deserved better than us." Ragini sniffed and Lakshya breathed out slowly while thinking, "no, she deserved you. You're the best thing that has happened to her." He remarked and is now starting to feel guilty towards his own mother.

"And I let her stay in pain."

"You didn't mean to. You were still a kid. . ." He trailed off and she cried, clenching onto his shirt while crying with her head dug into his chest.

He continued to pat her back to comfort her, yet in his own thoughts, feeling guilty towards his own mother and family.

To Be Continued. . .

Up Next - Wedding stress on its peak. . . DP and RP to finally meet Parvati. . .

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