YOONGI'S POV

After having a series of nightmares, there is that little wish to see those people in your dreams who bring you happiness, who make your heart glow. Jimin is that person for me. He is my blue crayon, he paints my gray sky into a brilliant shade of blue.

He is my angel who woke me up from my nightmares.

Even after these months, his warmth was still the same, his eyes showed the same sincerity, and radiated the same love.

But somehow his eyes were sad, they looked like they were waiting to say something. That something wasn't easy to say. I knew that look he was giving us.

When he hugged me, it felt like a piece of him was missing. There was an emptiness that I felt.

And I was right. Tears streamed across his face like he hadn't intended for them to fall.

My boy is in pain, how could that not hurt me?

He laced his fingers with mine like he wanted me to not break down.

All these days I thought of this moment, of what I would do when he actually wakes up. Now I feel like it's not going to be easy for us.

"What is it baby?" I tried to sound calm but my voice broke.

"I don't remember anything. It hurts to see you cry. I didn't even remember my name, your name. It just hurts everywhere." he cried.

There was a storm going on in my head right now, trying to process each and every word he said.

"Come here." I said sitting close to him. I pulled him close and hugged him. He pressed his face on my shoulder and cried.

I heard sighs coming from Dr. Kim and Sister Lily.

"It's okay, it's okay, we'll get better together. It's okay." I rubbed his back in circles.

"Jimin, we are gonna run a few tests, okay? Then I think we can discharge you soon. Yoongi can I talk to you?"

"I'll be back okay?" he kept looking into my eyes.

It pained me to leave him.

I followed Dr. Kim out to her chamber. She asked me to sit on the chair. I was trying to hold onto my tears by digging my nails into my palm.

"It's okay to cry Yoongi." She sat back with arms crossed.

Jin walked into her room talking to someone on his phone. He stopped talking when he saw us sitting like that.

"I'll talk to you later."

He sat next to me and asked with a worried voice, "What happened?"

"He woke up."

"What! That's- crazy, oh my God, let me go and meet him. He'll be able to enjoy Christmas. But wait, why do you look like this? Mom?"

"Jimin doesn't remember anything. He doesn't remember who I am. He doesn't remember my name." I whispered as the tears kept falling. God, crying is so exhausting.

I could tell he was shocked. I felt Jin's hand on my back as I cried and cried and cried.

"He's hurting and he says it hurts him to see me crying."

"Well, Yoongi, the memories are just temporarily concealed deep within. The shock of incidents, trauma, they lead to loss of memory, but our habits, our likings, they don't change. We still are the same person, we don't have any altered memory, all of it is just hidden, for some time. It can come back soon, it might take years. Knowing the type of person Jimin is, seeing how he behaved with you, it's not going to be easy to keep him in good health, because he might end up being hard on himself."

"I won't let him do that." I said almost angrily.

"I know but that's not how it works, he might force himself to remember things and that won't be great. I am just saying that you have to be with him and do new things with him and in the meantime take him back to those memories. He will have questions. Answer only in bits so that he can work on his memories. Does Jimin have a journal?"

"He carried it around everywhere. He wrote anything anywhere." I smiled.

"Let him read those, so he will be able to know himself more. About his parents, you can't really talk about them. It'll just bring back those ugly memories. It's not going to be easy, Yoongi."

"I don't mind doing anything for him. I'll do whatever it takes to stop him from feeling this way."

"Yoongi how are you this strong? Don't bottle it all up man." Jin asked

"I cried enough, I can cry when he is alright again. We'll cry together then."

"He may show signs of exhaustion sometimes too, Yoongi. And it is important to remember that you will get tired too. Take care of yourself and him."

"I will, can I take him home?" I asked eagerly. He wasn't home in two months. He must want to go home.

"Dr? Can you and Yoongi come once?" Lily came in after knocking on the door. She looked really worried and that just made me tense.

We walked out of the room to her. She kept fidgeting with her fingers.

"I might be wrong about this. I hope I am but I think Jimin is showing signs of Dissociative Identity disorder."

I felt like I had been stabbed right in the gut.

"What makes you say that?" Dr.Kim asked.

"I haven't left his side after you left. He cried for a while and then I don't know, he just changed. He is talking like a different person and he is behaving like someone else. That's not Jimin. You'll understand better if you see." she whispered.

"What is she saying?" What is this thing my Jiminie is going through?

"See, if what she is saying is true and it is diagnosed then know one thing. It cannot just appear on the drop of a hat. It must have been there for a long time."

"That only happens when someone is going through a shit ton of stress." I cried. Jimin never had a peaceful childhood. I didn't do enough. I couldn't save him from something this horrible.

"Let's go see Yoongi. You can't break down now." she patted me on my shoulder.

"Lily, can you call Dr. Lee for me?"

Lily nodded and ran the other way.

We almost ran to his room to find him sitting on the bed, he was wearing a weird smile.

That's not my Jimin.

"Oh hi, so we finally meet." he said, looking in my direction.

"Who are you?" I was angry, I was very angry. He is making my Jimin suffer.

"Me? You want to know who I am? I am your little Chimchim. Finally, I get to introduce myself to Yoongi."

"And you dare to call yourself that? In front of me?" i scoffed

"You're rude." he had the audacity to pout.

I never really understood this DID thing. It's as if this guy is taking my Jimin away from me.

"How long have you been there?" Dr. Kim put her hand on my shoulder, her way of saying that she will take charge now.

"It's been quite a while. Since Yoongi first called him Chimchim. He wrote that in big letters in his Journal,"

"Well, how long has it been?" she asked, looking my way.

"I think it was for his 12th birthday."

"That makes it 10 years even then. You had no idea about this?"

"He won't, I never appeared in front of him. With him Jimin was happy, I didn't need to be defensive." he said eagerly flipping pages of my journal.

"I can say you worked hard on this Yoongi."

"Please keep that back. I can't wrap my head around this thing. Like why?" I am in pain.

"Well, it's simple, I did your job when you weren't around. That's Chimchim for you."

"Can you stop calling yourself that please?" I didn't want to be mad but I was.

"That's the only name I like." he was pouting.

"Cut it out you both. Answer my questions." Doc scolded.

"Do you have anything against Jimin?" she asked.

"Why would I have anything against him? He's too good for this world. I just wanted to finally meet the guy who made him so happy. That way I could spend some time with Yoongi, I have always found him interesting. Jimin only liked him, I want to know why."

"Why do you think he needs to be protected when Yoongi isn't around?"

"Well, Yoongi wasn't there at home. I used to play his role of protecting Jimin. I did snap at people when they tried to use him, talking back to his mom sometimes when things went out of control. I don't prevent him from remembering anything, he just remembers whatever happens to him."

"Yoongi you know, the cafe he works at, this boss is a complete ass."

My cheeks turned red at the words he said in front of the adults. I apologized to both of them for him.

"Have you ever thought about harming Jimin's parents in a way?" I squirm at the question she asked.

"Nuh uh, why would I? That would hurt Yoongi and Jimin. I never wanted to hurt any of them."

"Looks like you have spent a considerable amount of time with me now." An unfamiliar voice reached us.

We looked back to find a doctor, in his mid fifties, standing against the door frame with his arms crossed, a small smile on his face. Looks like he's been standing there for a while now, looking at Dr. Kim.

"Dr. Lee, you are finally here. What a relief." she sighed.

"You've learned just so much from me, it surprises me. You might as well take over my patients when I'm away." he said, coming in.

Somehow, Dr. Lee made me feel a like things have settled, but only if things were that easy.

"Now let's see who we've got." His face didn't show any kind of annoyance or irritation when he looked at the guy.

"What's your name again?" he asked with his calm voice.

"Chim." even though he tried to hold up his guard, it was obvious that he was intimidated. He probably was never surrounded by so many people in his entire life, that made me feel bad for him.

"Oh you're a clearly a baby but you know so much. Do you think you are cool?" he asked.

"Yes." Chim said, crossing his arms.

"Then you are." he laughed and turned towards me.

"You must be Yoongi, heard so much about you." he extended his hand for a shake.

"Yes." his voice had something very settling about it, he sounded very fatherly.

"The anger you are feeling, the pain you are going through, it's absolutely normal. Don't blame yourself for not being able to accept it all. It must have been difficult for you too."

"I'm sorry." there's nothing I could say after that.

"It's okay, kiddo. I'll meet you tomorrow, with Dr. Kim." he ruffled my hair.

"And you too, I'll spend a lot of time with you cool boy. I think I'll like you." he said, looking at him. But Chim just stared blankly, as if he had no idea what was going on.

Dr. Lee left with a smile on his face, as if he already knew how to handle everything. As if, this was nothing for him and that did make me feel a lot better.

"When are you letting him come back?" I asked him, when he smiled at me once Dr. Lee left.

"In some time, I want to talk to you." he was looking into my eyes.

Jimin's eyes showed love whenever he looked into my eyes.

But this guy's expressions were so much different from Jimin's, he was indeed a different person. A lot more carefree than Jimin, that's what set him apart. He doesn't look as mature as Jimin. He was like a child who begged for attention, on the other hand I was really grateful to him. But I needed my Jimin.

"I don't want to talk to you." when I try to walk away Doc stops me.

"Talk to him. I'll meet you today at 12pm, I have my outpatients visiting me this morning. Take care, we are here with you." She gave my cheek a slight pat and left with Lily.

I was left alone in the room with Jimin and this other guy who lives in my Jimin.

"I just want to talk to you." he said calmly.

I was hearing my Jimin's voice but it was so different. It felt like each and every cell of my body was giving up. Jimin went through so much and now he can't recall his happiness. He can't remember the things that happened to him. It'll only pain him if he tries very hard.

"What do you have to say?" I asked, sighing for the umpteenth time today.

"Do you hate me?"

"Are you kidding me? My Jimin went through all that and had a split none of us were aware of. How painful is that?" I tried to be calm but I failed. I failed miserably.

"Well, I did what I could think of. I hate his dad. I think his mother cares a little though. She is just trapped between the society and her love but his father, I absolutely despise him. I could only pull off this façade but that doesn't make him feel any less painful, it's his body, the feelings are all there."

I could only nod.

"Can we be friends?" he asked

"Do I have a choice?" I scoffed.

"Jimin is right, you are smart." he smiled. That was just a normal smile, it wasn't Jimin's smile.

"Yeah, right."

"Can you call me Chimchim?"

"Well, you had to take that name? Out of all the other ones?"

"I liked it. I take what I like."

"You're pretty straightforward. At least I would know when you are lying."

"You see, I am like Jimin. He is me and I am him. I am what he should be. He can't protect himself and is always crying. I am always the one taking the beatings."

"Exactly, that's the thing. Jimin is what you are not, he is someone you can never be. If he ever knew about your existence he would find some excuse to defend you. He would find ways to forgive you."

"Jeez, you are making it so clear why he likes you. He likes you and you like him but now I am in the picture."

"You are unbelievable."

"Well, I know what I want."

"What do you want?"

"I want his father to repent"

"How will that even help anyone? You can't change someone like him. Listen, you are just trapped here. You don't deserve this and neither does Jimin. I know you can't leave like just that but I am absolutely exhausted, I really need my Jimin back now. Please. For now, leave." I begged

"So I can't do anything right?" he lowered his head.

"No. There are some things we can't control. But just for now, I want to be with Jimin."

"You know what, you are selfish."

"You'll get to know that later. I am not running away."

"Well, see you. I'll come back. I'll make you call me Chimchim."

Yeah yeah, whatever.

I buried my face in my face and rubbed my aching forehead.

I have to deal with all of this, and I will. For my sake, for Jimin's sake.