It was 6pm.

Club activities had finally finished, meaning everyone had gone home for the day.

The only people left in the building would be the teachers, but even they'd be heading home by now.

Through the slightly frosted windows of this dim classroom, I could see the sun begin to set in the far distance.

It disappeared behind a horizon of grey and blue buildings, sneaking faint rays of gold and orange light past the fluttering blinds.

My eyes narrowed reflexively at their luminescent brilliance.

It's far too bright for what I'm about to do...

Picking up my tattered bag, I got up from my lone seat and left the classroom.

I shut the door with a resolute bang.

It was the last time I was ever going to do it, after all...

I slung the bag on one shoulder and gripped the handle tightly.

Then, I let go, spilling all the contents on the floor indiscriminately.

On the white linoleum laid frayed and beat up notepads, barely held together by the torn binder after being soaked...

A broken bento box, cracked down the side and still barely functional, that still contained the rubbish of my half-eaten lunch...

A crushed plastic bottle of a cheap energy drink I bought this morning from the konbini...

A spattering of various snapped blue and black ball point pens and granite pencils, remnants of things I forgot to return...

A cracked phone on the verge of dying...

And my scrunched up hope and dreams, laying scattered and weaved amongst the trash.

I didn't need to bring all this junk with me... not to where I'm going now.

I forced a cold sigh from my lips and and took a step away from my former belongings.

There was no hesitation in my actions.

I decided, resolutely, what I was going to do this morning.

Seeing the notice nailed on the door when I left school...

Seeing the drunken stupor of that woman...

Seeing the black car gone...

Ah, I hate this world.

I'm going to kill myself.

That was my answer to 16 years of constant suffering.

I dragged myself up the stairs, using the grimy wall as a crutch for support.

It almost made too much sense, that the only thing I could rely on was something that wasn't real...

The only way that I could shut out the noise in my brain was to make pretend in my head that everything was okay.

That everything wouldn't fall apart at the seams, that I still had time before it'd break and disintegrate into fine dust...

But I guess my time is up now.

I pushed the door to the rooftop open.

It was exhausting, going all the way up here...

The last rays of sunlight trickled down unceremoniously, before being replaced with the soothing darkness of the cold night.

No moon came out tonight.

The stars were barely visible.

Nothing could save me now, except a fall from grace.

I clutched onto the mesh fencing and began climbing.

Climbing, to get over it...

However, as I was struggling and hurdling towards my imminent death—

"Shiramichi!"

A strong wind blew by.

I looked over my shoulder to see a boy from the year under me scream my name.

"...Haruno-kun."

"What... what the hell are you doing...?"

I sighed.

Now that he's seen me, there's no way I could jump anymore.

If I did, I'd probably just end up traumatising him...

"...trying to get a better view of the sunset."

"Is... that it?"

Haruno's voice sounded apprehensive as he asked. It was almost like he didn't believe me.

I nodded.

"...yeah."

"I see..."

Thinking I couldn't see him, he breathed a sigh of relief. I clambered down from the fencing.

"What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I-I was going to ask the same thing of you! You aren't even part of a club, what the hell are you still doing here?"

"...nothing in particular."

"You're so irresponsible..."

"...yeah, I guess I am. And you?"

"I was just helping Yoneda-sensei put away some stuff when club ended."

That's right. Haruno's part of a club... I don't know which one, though.

"Anyways, that's besides the point. Are you alright?"

"...what do you mean?"

"Your stuff..."

From behind his back, Haruno showed me my bag, filled with all of its broken contents.

"...it was scattered all over the floor."

I snatched my bag from him and slung it around my shoulder half-haphazardly.

"Were... were those guys—"

"...you don't have to concern yourself about me."

"B-but, Shiramichi-senpai..."

"Haruno-kun."

By saying his name once, Haruno understood. He nodded a little.

"...do you, want to walk home together?"

He proposed, scratching the back of his head.

"...aren't your friends waiting for you?"

"They're going to saiza again. I'm gonna go broke if I keep spending my money there, so I'm skipping for the sake of my wallet."

Haruno then turned around, his cheeks flushed light red.

"P-plus, I'm saving up for something."

"...I see."

Haruno smiled slightly at me.

"Let's go, senpai! I can't wait to go home, I'm starving..."

"...didn't you have lunch?"

"Skipped. I'm saving up my money, remember?"

"...oh, right."

As Haruno made his way downstairs, I stared up at the pitch black sky once more.

A cold breath dragged from my dry lips, which I licked to moisten.

If only I didn't leave my belongings on the floor...

...things could've ended today.

Next time, I'll remember to bring it with me so this same mistake won't happen again.

Or, maybe...

...while Haruno's gone, I can—

I stop myself for a moment.

Right.

I'm trying not to traumatise him.

It'd be bad if I killed myself after he visited me...

He might end up blaming himself, when all he's done is be nice and sympathetic towards me...

Against my wishes, I delay my death day to this evening.

Once I'm out of Haruno's sight, and when I'm back alone in that crummy apartment, I'll end it there.

"Shiramichi-senpai! Hurry up!"

I can hear his impatient voice call for me to catch up.

I take out my cracked phone and turn it on.

Then, I put it away and go downstairs to meet Haruno at the bottom of the stairwells.

1

I suppose I should start from the beginning, before all that happened.

I'm Shiramichi Asuna, a 2nd Year attending Seishinseiei Metropolitan High.

The boy I'm walking home with is Haruno Yuuki, a 1st Year also attending Seishinseiei Metropolitan High.

We met by pure coincidence.

While I was sitting by myself out in the fields, behind the school building, Haruno suddenly turned the corner and found me.

At the time, I was on high alert since I was hiding from my classmates, so I ended up throwing a stone at him by accident, thinking he was one of them.

Unfortunately, I realised my mistake too late, and the stone had cut his cheek, causing it to bleed.

I wanted to apologise, but before I could, Haruno got down on all fours and started begging me for mercy that I wouldn't hurt him any further. He was surprisingly docile...

After clearing up the misunderstanding between us, Haruno decided to join me in hiding behind the school building. Turns out, he was a harmless 1st Year who wandered a bit too far away from the main building and got lost.

"Y-you have scarily good aim, Shiramichi-senpai..."

"...you think so?"

"You got me just under my eye, so... yeah, I'd say you're pretty good!"

I could still hear the fear in his voice even as he laughed nervously.

I guess that's how people have always been around me...

Unlike most girls, I'm abnormally tall and have a large, imposing build that rivals the size of some boys in my class. I have tan skin, a deep voice, and my face is constantly gloomy, so I can't act cute to save my life.

I also don't understand fashion at all, so I end up just wearing all black since it matches with my raven coloured hair that's excessively long. My canines are large and my lips are thin. Even my maroon eyes seem to be in a state of constant glaring.

To try and make myself more approachable, I once tried growing my bangs long so it covered my sharp eyes, but that somehow made me look even scarier, so I ditched it and went back to my usual style of loose and tangled.

Sometimes, it feels like I was almost born the wrong gender... if I was a guy, all of this behaviour would be acceptable. My appearance would even be ideal.

But because I'm a girl, none of this normal. It's considered weird, since I don't fit the ideal of a modest, shy, and obedient woman. I'm large, gloomy, and follow my own pace. I could never fit that tight mould.

Even so, Haruno pushed past those prejudices and talked to me as if I were like any other girl.

At least, to the extent which Haruno could talk to girls... he wasn't much of a social person either. In fact, he probably had worse social skills than me.

When I see him during free time, he's always by himself, alone. Sure, he had friends, but they seemed a bit distant. Whenever he hangs out with them after school, it was always following their whims, and not his.

He did his best to fit in, but it always felt like he was an outsider when I watched them. Though... considering his appearance and personality, it made perfect sense that he was in a similar position like me.

Simply put, I thought Haruno was a girl when I first met him.

That should succinctly explain the situation without me needing to delve into specific details, like his small frame, innocent wide eyes, or nearly shoulder length black hair...

Granted, he still looks more like a boy than he does a girl because of his wide shoulders, but that's like saying people can tell I'm a girl because of my large breasts. It doesn't take away the fact the majority of his traits are feminine and mine are masculine.

In the general sense, both of us were cursed with looking like the opposite gender. I bet God was so cruel in creating us that I could grow more facial hair than him if I tried...

Though, I think it was because we shared this similarity that made me want to talk to him.

In any other case, I would've pushed him away and told him to scram, since I think talking to underclassmen is weird, but... there was something endearing about Haruno that I couldn't ignore.

Even though we don't talk to each other regularly, he sometimes comes up to me (like this time) and we end up talking, sometimes for a few minutes, and sometimes for a few hours.

As such, we've become good acquaintances with each other.

And I'd like to keep it that way.

"...and like, when I went in for an attack, he stopped it!"

While having these miscellaneous thoughts, I had completely tuned out of the conversation I was having with Haruno, so I had no idea what he was talking about anymore.

"Then it was his turn, and I screwed up since I didn't have any cards in hand..."

Despite that, he seemed happy babbling on about it to me, so I let him be and continued to listen, pretending like I understood what he was going on about.

"You should swing by and visit the club sometime, Shiramichi-senpai!"

"...huh?"

"I-if you want to of course! I just thought... it'd be nice if I could introduce you to everyone else."

In the first place, I don't even know what club Haruno's part of. I guess it was some kind of otaku club? If I could, I would ask, but it was kind of embarrassing to do that now.

We've known each other for about four months and he was literally talking about it moments earlier. It'd look awful if I asked about it now, since it'd also invalidate his entire conversation from earlier (and various conversations in the past)...

...you know, Haruno might've been better off talking to air than me, thinking about it.

"Um... I mean..."

...how do I get out of this one, Asuna? Think...

"...I suppose I don't mind."

"R... really?"

Haruno looked up at me with sparkling eyes. Oi, don't look at me like that... it's going to pressure me into seriously coming, damn it. Somehow, it pissed me off slightly that he could act cuter than I could.

"...I'll consider it."

Haruno broke out into a wide smile and clapped his hands together excitedly.

"Tomorrow!"

"...eh?"

"Tomorrow, you have to come!"

But... I was planning to...

Haruno beamed at me.

...this evening.

"...I might be busy tomorrow, though."

"Then... the day after that?"

"...busy."

"Um... well, the weekend is a no-go... next Monday?"

"...I might be busy then."

"...um, next week?"

As I kept shooting down his suggested days, Haruno's voice gently became quieter and quieter. The glimmer in his light brown eyes started to dim. The excitement in his body language started to fade. I clenched my fists.

"...next week, huh?"

I sighed inwardly.

I wasn't planning to be on here at all by this afternoon...

Yet somehow, this troublesome kouhai is trying to rope me into living for another whole week...

"...you know what, change of plans."

Haruno raised his eyebrows. I looked away, feeling like I might regret this.

"...I'll come visit your club tomorrow for half an hour. How does that sound...?"

Immediately, Haruno hugged me.

"Yes! That's fine! Thank you, Shiramichi-senpai!"

"H-hey..."

I tried to push him off, but Haruno clung onto me, smiling widely with tears brimming in the corner of his eyes.

...why did this mean so much to him?

I was just visiting his club... I never said I was going to participate... in fact, I was planning only going to there to watch.

Yet, when I said that, Haruno's looked the happiest I've ever seen him.

For some reason, it started making me feel bad for not paying attention this entire time. It's clear Haruno's passionate about... whatever this is, yet here I am, just taking it all in passively...

I wish I could have an interest, but I don't. I can't. I haven't been interested in anything for years.

The only thing I've wanted is death. I crave for it.

...though, I suppose I can keep going just for one more day for Haruno's sake. It'll let him down if I don't come.

But when I die... I think it'd let him down even more.

He's the only person who has any semblance of a connection to me.

That woman doesn't care about me anymore. She'd probably rejoice if I died.

But Haruno... I don't know why, but I think he'd be sad.

Ah, I'm starting to regret talking to him now.

Maybe I should just hurt him now so he doesn't think about me once I'm dead... that would be better than giving him one last happy memory of me.

If I did, I think it'd probably hurt him even more once I'm gone.

I don't want my death to trouble anyone. When I die, I want to die alone and in silence. I want to be a nameless face nobody cares about.

That way, no one can be sad when I die.

Instead, I want them to be happy for me, because this is what I wanted. I decided myself that dying will bring me happiness, so any tears being shed for me is pointless.

I want them to celebrate that I've freed myself from this hell on Earth and passed on peacefully into the afterlife.

That's all I want now.

Maybe it's better if I don't go after all...

2

It was 9pm by the time I returned to my home.

Before that, I accompanied Haruno to his house, where his older sister thanked me for walking him home. She invited me inside for some tea, but I declined since I had other plans that evening.

That was at 7pm. I spent the two hours between then and now walking around the town centre by myself, checking out the mall, doing a bit of window shopping, just generally wasting my time so I wouldn't arrive home before that woman leaves for "work".

I also just... wanted to distract my brain from contemplating those thoughts I had in the morning, just so I could make it through to tomorrow to fulfil my promise with Haruno.

I unlocked the door of the apartment and stepped inside. I didn't even bother turning the lights on since it was unnecessary and electricity adds to the energy bill.

In the pitch black darkness, I started boiling some water and took out a dented cup of instant ramen from the cupboard. I've gotten used to working in the dark, but sometimes I need light, so I use one of those cheap fake candles as my torch.

Once the water finished boiling, I added it to the cup and waited five minutes for it to cook. Afterwards, I started eating my unimpressive dinner while standing in the kitchen unceremoniously, leaning against the counter.

I would've liked something more filling, but there wasn't much food around the house and even if there was, it would've been a waste on me anyways. I was going to die sooner or later, so... I might as well save it for that woman, who needs it more than me.

Besides... if I ate more than I usually did, I think I'd end up growing even bigger than I am right now. Despite not having much, I ended up growing to this size naturally. It made me think my father was some kind of giant, since that woman was so average.

Well, not like I'd know anyways. I don't know who my father is. He died before I was even born.

That woman often said I resemble him a lot... and I have to agree with her, after seeing pictures of him. Whether that's a good or bad thing... I don't know.

Afterwards, I take a brisk shower (again, water bills get pricey so I restrict myself to seven minutes at most) and wash my hair. We don't have a hair dryer, so I just wipe it dry with a towel instead, which usually takes an hour or so.

My tummy rumbles. I want food, but... there's no point. It isn't worth it. I just drink some of the lukewarm water leftover from boiling it to fill my stomach and go to bed.

I plug my phone into my frayed charger and see the screen light up with the time. 11pm, huh? Not bad... I'm actually going to sleep an hour earlier than usual.

I set the alarm for 7am, lie down on the broken mattress, put my head on the flat pillow, pull the thin duvet over me, curl up to conserve heat, and try to let my thoughts carry me away into dreamland.

However, I can't go to sleep. I just lie there, perpetually awake, either from the cold or the singular thought repeating itself in my head.

"You shouldn't be alive right now."

I grip the mattress sheet, nodding in agreement with it.

"I really shouldn't, should I...?"

I mutter to myself.

Then, I realise something.

How did Haruno know I was on the rooftop...?

3

Like usual, I woke up before the alarm went off.

It's probably because I didn't get much good sleep last night... I was just laying awake, resting my eyes, while the thoughts in my head ravaged my mind like a wild beast.

A wild beast is probably the best way to describe the ruckus going on inside my head. I might not have much to say outside, but on the inside, I'm constantly thinking, contemplating, judging, analysing, philosophising, reflecting, rationalising, reasoning, etc, etc...

The only way to drown out that subconscious stream of nothingness is to think decisively on the words that are spinning around in my head. In other words, I monologue to myself.

I monologue to myself in order to keep some semblance of sanity as I go about my day to day life.

It's been... a fine vice, I suppose. Not the best, but it works. Most of the time. Sometimes, it doesn't, and all I can do is just curl up or lay still, letting those absurd thoughts attack me in the dark - sometimes against my will, sometimes on purpose.

...it all really depends on my mood.

Likewise, whether or not I visit Haruno's club today depends on that too. Yesterday, I said that I wouldn't go, but...

"Shiramichi-senpai!"

Running into him this morning during break time changed my mind, just a little.

"...Haruno-kun."

He ran up to me, waving his small hands slightly.

"I can't wait to see you after school today! It's gonna be great!"

Why does he keep smiling so much...? It looks like he's won the lottery or something, but all I'm doing is visiting his club...

"The other members don't know about this, so I'm thinking about surprising them with your appearance! What do you think?"

How would my appearance be surprising to anyone? I don't know anyone in Haruno's club. They'd probably see me, get scared, and ask what I'm doing here. I wouldn't fit in at all.

"...yeah, that's fine."

Despite all my complaining, I didn't feel like arguing against it, especially since I wasn't planning to go, so I falsely went along with his whims.

"Awesome! Oh, do you know where the club room is?"

"...no."

"It's upstairs, on the first floor. Yoneda-sensei's classroom, Class 1-D."

"...alright."

"Great, see you there!"

Haruno grinned, stretching his red cheeks. He waved goodbye at me and scurried off into the cafeteria. I wondered why he was in such a rush...

As usual, I went onto the fields and tucked myself away at the back of the school, in my little corner. I leaned against the muddy concrete, looked up to the bright sunlight filtering down the leaves of an overhanging tree, and sighed.

Don't make this harder than it has to be, Haruno...

4

When I returned to class after spending my break time alone, there was a heap of rubbish left on my desk.

Banana peels, balled up tinfoil, empty bottles, plastic wrapping, scrunched up paper, half-eaten food, plastic bags...

As I looked at it, I could hear faint snickering come from all sides surrounding me.

I sighed, grabbing a bin from the back of the class and sweeping what was left on my desk into it.

"Thanks, Garbageman Shiramichi!"

One boy crudely called out from behind me, chucking a can at my head.

I felt a slightly hot liquid run down the side of my hair. There was a bitter smell to it.

Picking up the crushed can from the floor, I read what it was. Canned black coffee.

I put the can in the bin and returned it to the back of the class.

Then, I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling the sticky drink gunk up my hands.

More laughs rose from the back of the class.

I sighed.

As I went to sit down, the chair was pulled from under me.

I landed on the floor, the bottom of my skirt and tights becoming wet.

Everyone laughed at me.

I looked down and saw there was a puddle of water deliberately left on the floor under my seat.

"Oops, sorry!"

The girl sitting behind me apologised while still holding onto the back of my seat.

I got up and went to take my chair back from her.

Instead, she flung it forward and it hit my stomach.

The laughter rose higher.

I bit the bottom of my lip.

At least I got my chair back, I suppose...

I sat down and buried my head in the table.

As I did, a screwed up ball of paper and was flung at my head.

It landed at my feet, in the puddle I was sitting in just moments earlier.

As the paper absorbed the water, it expanded out like a blooming lotus flower, revealing the message hidden inside.

I didn't bother picking it up. I could read it clearly from where I was sitting.

"Die, Shiramichi."

For once, I agreed with my awful classmates.

I really should just die already...

Even though I didn't want to, tears started bleeding from my eyes and into my sleeves.

5

Sorry, Haruno.

I have to hurt you here, or else you'll be in more pain afterwards.

I decided not to visit his club today.

Instead, I was going straight to school roof to kill myself.

Once everyone clears out and goes home for the day...

...I'll die.

I started climbing the mesh fleshing.

I'll curse this god forsaken place with my very soul.

I'll haunt this good-for-nothing high school with the hatred that I've kept hidden in my heart.

I don't have any will to live anymore.

My father's dead.

That woman is an alcoholic whore.

We're dirt poor.

She disowned me.

I have no friends.

My classmates bully me.

I hate my body.

I look like a man.

My voice is deep.

My body is big.

I'm scary.

I don't have a job.

I'm stupid.

I'm gloomy.

I'm useless.

I'm a burden on society.

I don't add anything.

No one cares about me.

No one, except...

"SHIRAMICHI!"

I stop.

I'm nearly over the edge of the fencing.

It's a tight balancing act.

If I move forward even a little bit...

I'll fall to my death.

I look over my shoulder.

Through my bangs, I can see one boy tumbling onto the rooftop in desperation.

It's... Haruno.

"SHIRAMICHI! DON'T! DON'T DO IT!"

He kept screaming and screaming, until his face went red and tears started rolling down his cheeks.

"PLEASE, SHIRAMICHI! PLEASE, DON'T KILL YOURSELF!"

I stared at Haruno blankly.

I could barely register the words he was saying.

The only noise I could hear was the ruckus going on in my head, telling me to jump.

But I could see his figure, his prostrated stance, his continuous begging, the desperation in his usually sparkling eyes...

Right now, his eyes were hollow with despair.

He looked so happy this morning...

...but right now, he looks the unhappiest he's ever been.

"SHIRAMICHI!"

Why does he care about me so much anyways...?

We're not even friends.

I've done nothing for him... I add nothing to his life and our conversations are one-sided as hell.

I don't pay attention to what he says, I don't know what club he's part of, I don't care about his hobbies, I don't hang out with him outside of school...

I even broke my promise about visiting the club today...

Despite all that, all my selfish behaviour...

Haruno is trying to stop me from killing myself.

I don't understand why...

What does he gain from saving me...?

He gains nothing, doesn't he...?

Then, why is he...?

Why is Haruno...?

I sigh. Loudly.

I clamber down the mesh fencing and jump off.

Back onto the concrete.

Haruno, still crying and shaking, suddenly runs up to me and hugs me tightly.

"S-Shiramichi..."

"...h-hey."

Haruno looks up at me and smiles weakly.

"I'm... I'm so glad you're alive..."

He sobs into my chest, locking his arms tightly around me. I try pushing him away, but he was even clingier than he was yesterday.

I sigh.

"You know, someone threw coffee at me today... and I also sat in a puddle of water... are you sure you want to hug me this much...?"

Haruno nodded resolutely, clinging onto me somehow even tighter than before.

"Yes! Yes, I do! Because if I don't now..."

His face strained with a terrible frown.

"I might never be able to... again..."

I sigh.

"...how did you know I was here?"

Haruno stiffened, pulling away from me slightly.

"W-well..."

He bit his bottom lip.

"Actually, I... I knew for a long time, that... you were suicidal."

My eyes widened.

"...but, how?"

"I... I heard from my older sister, Yuka-nee. She also attends this school... as a 3rd Year."

So she's a year above me, huh...? I guess there's an elder Haruno and a younger Haruno.

"...and how does she know?"

"Um... do you remember sending in a letter to student wellbeing committee...?"

"...I do."

Back in the end of my first semester as a 2nd Year, I sent in an a letter explaining my mental state.

About how I wanted to kill myself.

However, despite pouring out all my feelings and going into great detail about the abuse I experienced, I never got a response back.

As such, I stopped trusting places like these, and kept the feelings all to myself.

If they didn't care, then it was pointless for me to go through such a cathartic experience.

I made myself vulnerable on purpose, only to be ignored in the end.

"She works there, and saw your letter... and um, she asked me to... keep an eye on you."

My eyes widened again.

So... it wasn't coincidence that I met Haruno?

His older sister set him up to all this...?

Was this her indirect way of helping me...?

I had no clue...

"I... I'm sorry, Shiramichi-senpai... for tricking you like this..."

"...it's okay."

I guess, in a weird roundabout way, the elder Haruno's plan worked.

The younger Haruno made me live a day longer than I had intended.

That doesn't mean the feeling of wanting to die has gone away, though...

"...so does that mean you were keeping an eye on me yesterday too?"

"Y-yeah... I saw you throw away your stuff, and, um..."

"...I see. I understand."

It was almost as if Haruno was my own guardian angel.

He kept trying to save me from death countless times again and again.

"S-Shiramichi-senpai."

"...what?"

"Um... do you still feel like... k-killing yourself?"

I nodded.

"...there's nothing to live for."

Haruno frowned and hugged me tightly again.

"This is going to sound selfish, but..."

He looked away from me, his cheeks growing red.

"...please live for me."

I sighed.

"...do you genuinely want me to live? Or is it your sister intervening again?"

"I... I genuinely want you to live, Shiramichi-senpai."

"...but why?"

"Does there have to be a reason...?"

"Yes... I don't understand why someone like you would want someone like me to live. We're not even close, Haruno-kun."

Haruno frowned.

"Then... then I'll change that."

"...huh?"

"I... I'll make myself become close to you so you won't kill yourself. You said you had nothing to live for, right...?"

"...yeah."

"Then... then I'll give you something to live for."

I raised an eyebrow as Haruno stepped back wiped away the tears from his eyes.

"S... S-Shiramichi-senpai!"

A strong autumn breeze kicked up between us.

"I... I-I love you! P-please go out with me!"

In the distance, the sun had begun to set.

It disappeared behind a horizon of grey and blue buildings, sneaking faint rays of gold and orange past the holes in the mesh fencing.

My eyes narrowed reflexively, not at their luminescent brilliance, but at how brightly Haruno was shining in this moment.

Ah... I never noticed it before, but he was surprisingly cute.

I sighed.

"...so that's your last ditch attempt at saving me? Romance?"

"Y-yes..."

The last rays of sunlight trickled down unceremoniously, before being replaced with the soothing darkness of the cold night.

"...how cliche."

"B-but, the feelings I have for you are real, Shiramichi-senpai! I... I love you. I love you really, really much..."

Seeing him confess his feelings so earnestly towards me...

...it made me want to accept them, just a little.

But I felt that getting into a relationship with Haruno would be pointless.

I didn't have such strong feelings of love towards him... I barely even knew him...

And if I decided to kill myself, he'd be hurt the most from it.

He'd blame himself for not doing enough and be the only person suffering from my death.

And even if I decided to live, he'd be stuck with me as a girlfriend...

I'm barely fit to take care of myself. How could I take care of another person...?

I'd be an awful girlfriend... I might even end up like that woman, and...

Besides, I'm hated by my class. They already bully me mentally and physically and spread nasty rumours about me being easy.

I can't imagine what they'd do to poor Haruno if they found out about our relationship... they'd probably also bully him and spread rumours about him, just from associating with me.

I couldn't let that happen... not as his senpai. I had to protect him from at least that much.

"S... Shiramichi-senpai...?"

Haruno whispered, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes.

He'd been waiting patiently this entire time for my answer...

I sighed and closed my eyes.

Why was I such a cursed human being?

Everywhere I go, I bring bad luck with me...

And if I end up going out with Haruno, all I'll do is spread my bad luck to him...

I can't do that... I can't ruin his life like that...

Unlike me, he can smile and laugh...

He still has a wonderful life left to live, whereas I don't.

A wonderful life, huh...?

Ah. Damn it.

Knowing Haruno has all these complicated and deep feelings for a woman like me...

...if I really did kill myself, he'd be upset regardless. No matter if we were in a relationship or not.

"...I've decided."

I opened my eyes and looked at Haruno directly.

"I'll go out with you, Haruno-kun."

If my life is on the road to hell anyways...

...then the least I can do is sacrifice myself so Haruno's life can go on the road to heaven.

I'll be his lover, just for these remaining two years.

And when I graduate, I'll cut all ties and kill myself.

That's the best way to handle this situation.

"R... really?! You will?!"

Once again, he broke out into that wide innocent smile from yesterday evening.

The same dazzling smile that appeared when I said I'd come visit his club today.

"Yeah... I will."

I nodded.

"S-Shiramichi-senpai... I love yooooooooooou!"

Haruno once again hugged me, nuzzling my chest while simultaneously crying into it.

What a sensitive boy...

"Mm... I love you too, Haruno-kun."

Even though I managed to say the words, it didn't feel like I meant it.

Regardless, Haruno looked happy enough to hear that much from me.

This was how our twisted love story began.

Between a girl who wanted to die.

And a boy who wanted her to live.