oh_heytherebud suggested that I write down what I'm feeling to help with what's been going on

And it did

I actually feel a lot better

I'd like to share what I wrote. Not for attention or anything, I swear. I'm just sharing because I thought you'd just like to know what exactly I'm feeling.

So

Yeah

Here. . .

What's the point anymore

I just want to sleep

Keep out of everyone's way

No ones been talking to me

I feel lonely

I feel useless

I feel like a burden

People don't answer back when I text them

Please answer

Was it something I said?

I bet they're tired of me

I bet they've become bored

I bet they've found other people to talk to

I bet they're better than me

Do people talk to me just because they feel bad?

Do they just take pity on me?

Are they even my friends?

Do they even like me?

Did they ever like me?

Or was I just annoying to them. . .

I can't tell my parents

They'll say I'm just overreacting

That I'm just going through a phase

Either that or they'll question me senseless

'What causing it?'

I don't know

'Why?'

I don't know

'Is it something at school?'

No

'Did your friends say something?'

No

'Did we?'

No

'What do you want to do about it?'

I don't know

Then later that night, when they're alone, but I know they'll say:

'She's just doing it for attention she's fine'

'Every kid her age is depressed, she's doing it to fit in'

I know they'll do that

I know it

I've been so tired lately

But what's the point

What's the point in anything

I don't know

Everything seems pointless

Nothing is okay

Nothing is the same

I can't watch a favorite movie

DRAWING

WRITING

READING

EVERYTHING SEEMS LIKE NOTHING

EVERYTHING THAT I USED TO BE PASSIONATE ABOUT

EVERYTHING THAT GAVE ME REASON TO LIVE IS NOTHING TO ME ANYMORE

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT

I DON'T WANT TO STAY LIKE THIS FOREVER

I WANT EVERYTHING TO GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS

I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN

I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE NOTHING ANYMORE

I WANT TO CONTINUE DOING WHAT I LOVE

I WAN TO KEEP GOING

I WANT TO ENJOY LIVING

I WANT MY LIFE BACK

But

I can't

Depression has chosen me

It chose me to inhabit and chose me to feel this way

And I can't do anything about it