Mark: C-c-c c'mon c-c-c- c'mon, go goC-c-c c'mon c-c-c- c'mon, go go

I'm waiting for my porno to loadMy brain is gonna freakin' explodeAnd now of course it's time to hit the roadWhich means I'll be uncomfortable all day

But that really isn't such a changeIf I'm not feeling weird or super strangeMy life would be in utter disarray'Cause freaking out is my okayGood morning time to start the day!

C-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'monGo goC-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'monGo go

Should I take a bus or walk instead?I feel my stomach filling up with dreadWhen I get nervous my whole face goes redTo weigh the options calmly and be still

A junior on the bus is killer weakBut if I walk when I arrive I'm gonna straight up reekAnd my boxers will be bunchy and my pits will leak

Ugh, God, I wish I had the skillTo just be fine and cool and chill

I don't wanna be a heroJust wanna stay in the lineI'll never be your Rob DeNiroFor me Joe Pesci is fineSo I follow my own rulesAnd I use them as my toolsTo stay aliveI don't wanna be special, no, noI just wanna survive

C-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'monGo goC-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'monGo go

Hannah: So Jenna Roland said Madeline told JakeI'll only have sex with you if you beat me at poolAnd then she lost at poolDeliberately

Wally: That is so awesome

Hannah: Brooke!

Wally: I mean slutty

Joey: And then Madeline was all like-

Hannah: I'M TELLING THE STORY JENNA!Oh my God, he's like totally getting off on thatUgh

Wally: Yo, don't touch me, tall ass!

Mark: Sorry, I was just trying to get to-

Wally: Jakey D!So what's the story with Madeline?

Bendy: Oh man, I shouldn't say

But it's a good thing I rock at pool

Nugget: I navigate the dangerous hallFocus on a poster there on the wallAvoiding any eye contact at allAnd trying hard to remain unseenThe poster's closer now, what does it say?It's a sign-up for the after-school play

It's a sign-up sheet for getting called gayAnd that's not what I need right nowEnd sceneI hang a left and there's

ChristineChristineChristineChristine CanigulaChristine

Nate: Did you say something?

Mark: Wh- Uh... hh-

Well, that was smoothYeah, that was super pimpMy mac daddy game couldn't be more limpNo time to wallowNo, instead, just clear your brain and move aheadAccept that you're one of those guysWho'll be a virgin 'til he dies

I don't wanna be a ballerJust want some skills to count onIf my nuts were any smallerThey would be totally goneIf I continue at this rateThe only thing I'll ever dateIs my MacBook Pro hard driveI don't wanna be Clooney, no, noI just wanna survive

Michael!

Nugget: Jeremy, my buddyHow's it hangingLunch is banging, had my sushiGot my slushie and more!

The roll was meki maki and I'm feeling kinda cocky'Cause that girl at Sev' Elev' gave me a generous pour

Mark: You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you?

Nugget: Oh, I'm listening to MarleyAnd the groove is sounding gnarlyAnd we're almost at the end of this songYeah, that was the end

Now tell me friendHow was class?You look like assWhat's wrong?

Mark: I wrote Christine a letter telling her how I feel

Nugget: That's progress!

Mark: Yeah I tore it up and flushed it

Nugget: Oh...

Mark: It's still progress!

Nugget: It's all goodI saw on discoveryThat humanity has stopped evolving!

Mark: That's... good?

Nugget: Evolution is survival of the fittest, right?But now, because of technology,You don't have to be strong to surviveWhich means theres never been a better time in History to be a loser!Ha! So own it!Why try to be cool when you could be...

Mark: Signing up for the play!

Nugget: I was gonna say getting stoned in my basement but-

Mark: No! I mean look who's signing up for the playChristineeeeeeChristineeeeeeChristineeeeeeChristineeee Conicula

Both: ChristineeeeeeChristineeeeeeChristineeeeeeChristineeeeeeChristine ConiculaChristineeeee Conicula

Mark: I feel my body moving through the airSee my converse walking over thereTake a shaky breath and I prepareWho cares if people think I'm lameChristine signed I'll do the sameI grab the pen I write my name

Everyone: GAYYYYYY HAHAHAHHAHA

Wally: I like gay people

Nugget: I'm never gonna be the cool guyI'm more the one who's left outOf all the characters at schoolI am not the one who the story's about

Whyyyy can't someone just help me outAnd teach me how to thriveHelp me to more than surviveeee

Na na na na na na na na naMore than surviveeeeeeeNa na na na na na na na naMore than survivveeeeeeeNa na na na na na na na na

If this was an apocalypseI would not need any tipsIn how to stay aliveBut since the zombie army's yet to descendAnd the period is going to endI'm just trying my best to pass the test andSurviveeeeeee

Cccccmon cccmon

Survivvveeeeeee

Cccmon cccmon go goGo go go go go go go go goooo GO