* this is kinda a short story / poem *

hi

i'm dalvie and I'm asian

that may not mean a lot to you, but it really means a lot to me 

from when i was a little kid, i knew that i wanted to be something in the entertainment business. either a singer or an actress or something like that.

i grew up in a world where people told me that "i could reach the stars" and "raise the bar"

and i believed them

when i was a kid, i could be anything

i could be an astronaut or a basketball player or an archeologist

basically anything i wanted

as i grew older, however, i learned the world didn't work that way

there's racism

there's sexism

there's a lot of bad things that really shouldn't be issues, but they are

as i grew older, i realised that i couldn't be anything i wanted

i was confined to a box of choices

good choices, no doubt, but still not my own choices

i've heard a lot of things about my career plans of becoming a director or an actress or a singer or possibly all three

"asians aren't meant for that"

"you're never going to make it"

"no one will want to watch a movie with an all asian cast"

"who wants to buy you? asians just aren't...like that"

"just because another minority gets a movie doesn't mean yours will"

and it hurts

it hurts a lot

i see these powerhouse minority actresses and actors who come from humble backgrounds to winning oscars

i see amazing singers who break the stereotypes and look flawless

and yet

they aren't me

what if i can never tell my story? what if society will always be this way?

what if i won't make it?

it's quite a high probability

i mean do you usually see asian women who aren't japanese or chinese schoolgirls? asian actors who don't do kung fu? asian filmmakers getting any recognition at all?

and also with latinos

and african americans

and honestly probably some caucasian people too (i mean we can't just leave them in the dust; they struggle also)

anyway, my point is

i want to break the barrier of asian stereotypes in hollywood

i want to but i don't know if i can

i do know that i will try my best

and sometimes, your best is better than enough

~

so this was kinda all over the place lmao

but anyways i rewatched black panther (WAKANDA FOREVER) and this new thought popped into my head and it hasn't left since

it mostly came up after i watched the movie and was talking to my dad about having an all asian superhero movie

and he said (this is sorta paraphrasing oh well), "dalvie that's great...but who will watch that? we aren't seen like that. it took so long for bruce lee to even make a small mark, and now, that's all we're ever seen as. kung fu, math, stuff like that. we aren't seen as singers or actors or comedians. it's just not right. and it's horrible - racism sucks. but it's the way it is." and then i started sort of crying in the restaurant so that was fun anyways

it really got me thinking 

people aren't going to watch that kind of movie

i mean, i would LOOOOOVE to be in a movie about silk (aka cindy moon) and i think that would be freaking amazing

but

who is going to watch that?

and yes yes i know most of you will be like YASSSS SILK WOOT WOOT but in the real world with real people who are kinda messed up because of social media and real critics who are super harsh

it won't sell

and that's horrible

( also if you saw my message board, you kinda already read this oops)

well

it's just so hard to be a minority woman in the entertainment business and i don't know if i can take it

what if this is just a fad and i'm investing too much into this weird actor / director thing?

like everyone has at least one phase where they want to be an actor idk

but yeah

anyways i cried a lot today because of this hollywood stuff

and like i was trying to think of what i would say to people like lupita nyong'o and wong fu and then i started crying a lot in the shower because of how much they have impacted me and also how i'm probably going to fail in hollywood so fun times

anyways lmao

QOTD: who is one person that has influenced you a lot?

ohmyhaylee kalopsiascity ororotchalla EarthsMightiestMoron teamsophie- MaddieThePurpleCat EchoAllison Hellcatpat radicaliz bowtruckIe tribecky tomsbella -varchies Iaufeyson achromous talkthepoc femineff- @ anyone else!

AOTD: a looooooooot of people have influenced me, but i'm just going to pick wong fu for right now. they are so amazing and love boba aaaaand are really funny but also serious at times. they've gone through all the racism and all the struggles, and they made a movie and argh i'm so proud of them

anywhosie sorry this was random today

i love FRIENDS ehehehe 

i don't have too many random pic today then the usual oops

^ OMG YES

^ I. AM. CRYING

^ AWWWW

^ "shut up chocolate"

^ oh how we hate umbridge

ok bye yall xoxo