So... I'm going to my mom's next week... haven't seen her in almost two weeks...

I was looking around and found 21 'Signs' of an Abusive Parent.....

1. Withholding or Making a Child "Earn" Basic Necessities

Parents who maliciously deprive their children of their basic needs or make their children feel guilty for receiving the things a parent is obligated to provide.

Yeah... my mom and dad do this....
My dad tells me I should be happy I have a roof over my head and food and that he doesn't beat me, my mom says the same.... just more damaging....

2. "Parentification" or Enmeshment

Parentification, Also known as "Covert Incest" or enmeshment, describes a "too close for comfort" relationship between a parent and child where boundaries are blurred and the child can end up feeling less like a child and more like a romantic partner.

I don't think my mom or dad have done this.....

3. Favoring One Child Over Another

According to Ellen Weber Lilly, Ph.D, author of "The Favorite Child," not all instances of child favoritism are abusive, but when it does become abusive, favorite children can grow up with a distorted, inflated view of themselves, while unfavored children can grow up with a distorted, negative view of themselves.

I'm not sure.... I have two step-brothers and an older half-sister..... my half-sister is almost 18, and I feel like my mom likes her more... my half-sister also agreed with my step-dad that I was being disrespectful to my mom when I told her that she was being mean and threatening me.....

That was only 2 weeks ago.....

4. Incessant Teasing/Humiliation

According to Karyl McBridge, Ph.D., L.M.F.T, a classic sign of childhood emotional abuse is the use of shame and humiliation. This can include harsh, incessant teasing or putting a child down in front of an audience.

I think so... my mom calls me Chubby Monkey, a bully, threatens to beat me in public if I don't cooperate.... would get annoyed and talk to me that I was being difficult when I wouldn't tell her why a dress was uncomfortable...

I remember I wore a black shirt and it revealed my chest SO MUCH... I cried and started to get emotional, my mom didn't give two sh*ts and said it looked fine...

YOUR DAUGHTER IS CRYING AND HER CHEST, ALMOST HER BREASTS ARE SHOWING!!!!

5. Not Giving a Child Privacy

Not allowing a child to have age-appropriate privacy may impact their ability to trust others, maintain their own boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. Reading a child's diary for example, is an example of Emotional Abuse

H-LL YES, MY MOM FITS THIS TO A TEE!!!
SHE WALKS IN WHEN I'M NAKED, DOESN'T GIVE TWO SH*TS IF I TELL HER TO GO AWAY, UNDRESSES ME, LIKES LOOKING AT MY A** WHEN I'M WEARING UNDERWEAR AND A SHIRT BECAUSE ALL MY PANTS ARE DIRTY, READS MY WATTPAD AND GETS ANGRY WHEN I LOG OUT!!!!!

IT'S BULLSH*T!!!!!

6. Threatening Physical Violence (Even If There Is No Intent to Actually Use Violence)

Threatening physical violence creates an unsafe environment for a child. Even if no physical harm is actually done, this kind of fear tactic is emotionally abusive, and may be just as damaging as actual physical abuse.

OH, H-LL YEAH, MY MOM FITS THIS MORE THAN LAST TIME!!!!
SHE'D THREATEN TO SLAP ME, BEAT ME, EVEN TOLD ME IF I DIDN'T HAVE A SENSORY DISORDER THAT SHE'D BEAT ME!!!!!

7. Making Siblings "Compete" for Love and Approval

Though similar to favoritism, this kind of emotional abuse isn't just about choosing one child over the other — it's about actively encouraging and "pitting" siblings against each other. It reinforces the lie that parental love should be "earned" instead of freely and unconditionally given.

I'm not really sure

8. Using Religion to Shame a Child

Religion can be a beautiful thing for many families, but in some cases can be twisted and used as an instrument of shame and condemnation. Using religion to shame a child (as opposed to lovingly pointing them to spiritual values) can be damaging because in many religions, God is a father figure. This implies that not only is the biological parent ashamed of you, but so is the ultimate father of the universe.

.....Why does this feel like it's true with my aunt and other cousins....?

9. Emotional Neglect or Being Absent

Sometimes abusive behavior is less about what a parent does to a child and more about what they don't do. Scary Mommy contributor Anna Redyns wrote, "The tricky thing about [childhood emotional neglect] is that it's not an active type of neglect. You can't see it the way you can a child's bruised cheek or hear their grumbly belly." This can be incredibly damaging to a child because they may not realize they were being abused, but still live with the emotional impact of neglect — often struggling with their mental health and self-esteem as a result.

I'm not even sure....

10. Showing Love Conditionally

When parents show love unconditionally, children learn they are loved and wanted — even when they make mistakes. When parents give love conditionally, children are taught the opposite and may struggle with perfectionism and trying to "earn" love.

I'm not completely sure... I feel like it's true, but I'm just not sure.....

11. Using a Child to "Get Back" at the Other Parent

Putting a child in the middle of an argument between parents is emotionally abusive. This kind of behavior is frequently associated with parents who are divorcing, and an abusive parent may use children to get information about the other parent, "poison" the child against the other parent or make the child choose a side.

Yep, my mom..... she accuses my dad of being a sociopath (he isn't, because he feels love and emotions and isn't THAT bad...), accuses my step-mom for being jealous and that I shouldn't bring it up to her, and that I shouldn't see my father....

12. Accepting Nothing Short of Perfection

Expecting perfection from a child can teach children they will only be loved if they perform well. A study done in Singapore found that perfectionistic "helicopter parents" can make children excessively self-critical and undermine their confidence and self-belief.

......I'm not sure......

13. Constant "Guilt-Tripping"

Being "guilt-tripped" by an authority figure like a parent can cause real damage, often making it hard for a child to assert healthy boundaries in adulthood. It's abusive because it uses the power inequality between a parent and child in a way the child often doesn't realize is unfair and exploitive.

H-LL YEAH, MY MOM FITS THIS!!!!
GUILT TRIPS ME WITH HER PAST, GUILT TRIPS ME IN GENERAL, GUILT TRIPS ME EVERYDAY, ARGUMENT OR NO ARGUMENT.

14. Playing the Victim and Always Blaming the Child

This kind of behavior is emotionally abusive because it models a failure to take ownership for wrongdoing. It can create problems in adulthood if a child mimics the parent and also plays the victim constantly, or if the child has learned they are always at fault and perpetually blames him or herself.

This is probably true....

15. Never Allowing a Child to Communicate His/Her Own Needs

Curbing a child's ability to speak for him or herself when he/she is able can be abusive. Children should be made to feel safe expressing their needs and emotions — this is necessary for healthy communication in adulthood.

Probably true.....

16. Verbal Abuse or Ridicule as "Discipline"

Though as children we are taught the "sticks and stones" adage, the reality is, words do hurt — particularly when the person inflicting harmful words is a parent or adult in charge of protecting and providing for you. In a study examining whether childhood verbal abuse increased the risk for developing Personality Disorders (PDs), it was found that childhood verbal abuse may contribute to development of some kinds of PDs and other co-occuring psychiatric disorders.

....
This is my dad....

17. Telling a Child to "Stop Crying" or Calling Them "Too Sensitive"

A vital part of growing up is developing a separate identity from your parent, particularly when it comes to expressing emotions. It can be emotionally abusive to shame a child for experiencing "unfavorable" emotions, because emotions aren't "bad" or "good" — they just are.

My mom fits this.... she tells me to stop crying when I'm in PIECES....

18. Violating a Child's Age-Appropriate Boundaries, Saying It's a Parental "Right"

Not allowing a child to assert his/her own boundaries on the grounds of parental "right" can be abusive. For example, if a child gets to an age when they want to dress and undress privately and aren't allowed to because a parent says its their "right" to monitor a child at all times, this can teach a child they don't deserve to assert their needs, and their boundaries won't be respected if they try.

OH H-LL YEAH, THIS IS MY MOM

19. Constantly Invalidating a Child's Struggles

Invalidation is a prime example of emotional abuse — especially when it's used to justify poor parenting practices on the basis of "it could have been worse."

YES, MY MOM, MY MOM!!!!

20. Stealing or Taking the Money a Child Earned

Parents who feel entitled to the money their children makes because they supported and provided for their children can act abusively. It may teach the child they are not able to protect their own belongings, and that they perpetually "owe" their parents for raising them — an obligation a parent has to a child, not something the child should have to "pay back."

No

21. Making Your Child Who You Want Them to Be vs. Who They Want to Be

In an effort to see children "realize their potential," some parents try to mold their children into who they think they should be. This can be abusive because it often means a child is not allowed to express his or her true identity, and anything that deviates from the parent's ideal could be rejected — potentially leading to poor self-esteem and perfectionism.

I'm not sure...

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What should I do?