Hello, peeps!

I finally finished the next part of the scholarship college match thing I was doing, and I'll know if I'm a finalist by the 19th. If I am, all I have to do is get all of the paper work done to officially apply to all of the colleges I ranked!

All. Twelve. Colleges.

By November 1st.

Plus, I might be able to visit Oberlin College (the college I really want to go to) for free for three days through the Multicultural Visit Program thing. It's one of the weekends of this month though, so while it's a really amazing opportunity, it also cuts down on the time I have to get my shit together if I'm able to go and if I'm a finalist.

Oh yeah, and I have to finish my homework by sometime next week for when I get back to school. Then I'll have a bunch more homework!

☺

🙂

😐

😓

😲+😭

Start researching for colleges at least in the summer before Senior year my younger peeps. Don't do what my dumbass did.

I still have more free time than I did when I was not on break though, and right now I'm torn between what I want to do. I really want to write, but I have no inspiration. I'm really hyped that the first episode of Supernatural season 13 aired tonight, but I'm still on season 3! 😭 Then, of course, I started watching Sherlock on Netflix, so I have to finish that at some point.

*sighs*

That moment when you regret not living life while you were a younger teen.

Then when you realize how sad your life really is because your version of "living life" is literally everyone else's version of not having a life.

Also, I might be getting a gender therapist soon, but I'm not trying to get my hopes up too much. We're struggling financially to cover the costs of everyone's therapy and other medical issues, and to be honest, everyone agrees my brother needs therapy and psychiatry appointments more when it comes to the psychological health department. I'd rather deal with dysphoria and anxiety more on my own than for my brother to not have one of his appointments when he needs it.

That got really depressing really quickly.

Anyway, yeah, I might be getting a gender therapist! I was surprised when my mom was the one who actually brought it up, but I think I had finally convinced her that what I was feeling was more than just wanting to wear men's clothing and feeling self conscious about my appearance in dresses and more feminine clothing which I don't understand how she thought that was the issue since I've been telling her since I was younger than 8 years old that I could care less about how I looked. Yeah, back then I was self conscious about my height and weight because I was always small and underweight, but I've finally gotten over that and am now at the lower end of healthy weight. (I have a really high metabolism rate. Also, this would be a perfect entrance into a rant about society's views on weight and beauty, but that could be for another time.) However, I have never really had an issue with the way I dressed, mostly because all I've ever worn were jeans and a T-shirt. Even when I wear more dressy feminine clothing for special occasions or something, I never really care about how I look. I only care about how comfortable I am in it, and if it's more of a masculine day, how people are going to read me based off of my chest size and style of clothing.

Anyway, before I rant too much about that, I guess I'll go find something to do. As soon as I get up tomorrow, I'll have to start writing my essay or something, so maybe if I stay up late again doing other things, I won't wake up until later and procrastinate through sleeping. lol

I hope you guys are having/have had a good day.

Peace out and stay awesome!