Tokyo Ghoul: 

You're wrong. It's not the world that's messed up; it's those of us in it. Yes, some ghouls walk a path that leaves sorrow in their wake, but just like humans, we can choose a different path altogether. We have a lot to learn, both your kind and mine. We need to stop fighting, and start talking. Because when it comes to the state of the world, you can't point your finger at ghouls or humans. We're all to blame.  -Kaneki Ken

My Version:

You're wrong. It's not the world that's messed up; it's those of us in it. Yes, some people walk the path of eating chocolate while hating other sweets, but as fellow consumers, we can all eat cake together. We have a lot to learn, both your kind and mine. We need to stop hating, and start eating. Because when it comes to the state of cake, you can't just leave it there. It's meant to be eaten.

Fate/Stay Night:

People die when they are killed. -Emiya Shirou

My Version:

Cake was missing after MWP-sensei ate it.

Noragami:

You're human aren't you? You are allowed to make mistakes. -Bishamonten

My Version:

You're human aren't you? Allow yourself to indulge in the ultimate combination of soft, sweetness held by cake.

Gakkou Gurashi:

There are days when nothing goes right. There are days when you stumble and fall. There are days when you just want to cry. To cry a lot. To sleep a lot. Or even eat a lot. It's alright, as long as you pick yourself up again.  -Yuki Takeya

My Version:

There are days when you feel depressed. Days when you feel sick to the core. There are days when you want to give up. And eat cake. And eat cake. And nibble on a cookie. It should be fine if you go on a ten kilometer run afterwards.

Hai to Gensou no Grimgar:

I'm a man who makes precise choices about time, place, and people. People call me Master of Choices. I'm gonna be the King of the Choices! -Ranta 

My Version:

I'm a man who will nap at the right time, place, and situation. People call me Master of Procrastination! I'm going to be King of Laziness!

Koutetsujou no Kabaneri:

We humans are miserable creatures. We reject what we fear. We attack because we don' t understand. Human cowardice... breeds war. -Biba

My Version: 

We humans are greedy things. We consume millions of potato chips on a daily basis. We buy everything and nothing to sate our desire. I desire something too... cake.

Death Note:

Will you be eating that cake?...say what you want, but I will be taking the cake.  -L

My Version:

Is that your cake? ... Oh don't mind me, I'm just going on a date with your slice of cake since you weren't paying attention to it.