To not care if I die personally but care if I die because I know others would be hurt or wounded?

I know this may sound dark but i dont know if it is or not. just keep reading and I think you will understand what i am trying to say I dont know.

I think about dieing on a daily bases but I wouldnt call it suicide thinking?
More like what would life be like for others lives if I wasnt around. Would they be the same as they were before my dad died would my dad had even died if I wasnt there would they still have thier father?
All these crazy thoughts in my head runing around like a mad chicken. Yes there have been times ive thought about taking my own life ever since I was like 8 or 9 ive had these thought but I would NEVER actually do it bcs I know I would just be hurting myself and others. I think its mostly bcs of how bad my anxiety is but I know others have it WAY worst than me.  Wow I just really dark. and where the heck am I going with this?? Imma just drop that subject

Imma go into a theory type subject cuz that got dark quick. Theory: What if we all lived in different lives. What if we are just people that died and got reborn into this generation, Because that would explain why we have deja vu and remember things that are happening but remembering them like we have done it before. For example ( not an actual person I know of just making up a name) someone named Skyler Sven who died in like 1968 could be reborn as Bloom rose in 2018. Ok im nit making any sense Im sorry for wasting your time I apologize.
Im very out of it 😂😂

Byeee
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