Well, here's the first truly depressing post of this book. I hoped that something like this would come along later, but...it's here now unfortunately.

I haven't been feeling myself this past year and a half, if I'm honest with myself. Between struggling to please my parents and stay a straight A student, to trying to keep my friends close irl and on here and trying to make new ones, to just overall life...

I don't know. I'm not leaving Wattpad, don't get me wrong. And I won't stop role playing and talking to my friends. But I just feel...

Empty inside. I don't know how to explain it, but that's the best way that I can. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Not hanging out with my friends, not doing the things I love, not a job well done. I cry a lot, but I'm not...sad. I don't feel dissapointed anymore when I forget to do something and my parents remind me. I just...accept it.

The only thing I seem to be able to feel is anger. And even that is slowly starting to leave me...though it's probably for the best if I'm honest. That, and just sheer exhaustion. Both mental and physical, and I don't know why.

To me, showing emotion just feels like going through the motions now. Oh, a friend is moving away? Got to pretend to feel bad. Mom shows me a funny video? Have to give a chuckle. I don't know why, but it's just...hard for me. I wasn't like this a few years ago. I used to be an innocent teen who found joy in a lot of things. I used to feel guilty when I did something wrong. I used to be angry at people for hurting the ones I love.

Now, I'm not asking you to try and comfort me or tell me why I feel this way. I don't expect you to try to understand, but if you do, you know how awful this feels. I want to be happy again, to be sad again. I just want you guys to listen to me is all...

I've tried to keep this facade on Wattpad for a while, that I was an innocent, always happy person to support others that needed someone to lean on. But I feel like some of you who've known me since the beginning have noticed a change. Or, you may have not. I don't know.